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slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:34:19 PM

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I was told earlier today by a Domme on a different forum that I wasn't a slave, but that I was submissive. She told me that slaves never say no to anything and that they have no limits. She said I was to willful to be a slave. I was wondering what slaves and submissives think about what makes a slave a slave and a submissive a submissive.

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:35:19 PM

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I think you are, whatever you identify yourself as.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:38:10 PM

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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this slave thinks she can't take anymore slave/submissive threads for this week.

if you do a search, you are going to come up with literally hundreds of threads on this very same topic.

in short, a lot of people define slaves as having no limits beyond their owners, and retaining no ultimate control over their lives. a lot of people define submissives as having limits of their own, and retaining ultimate control over some areas of their lives. and a lot of people define it differently. the trick is finding someone to be with, with whose definition you can be comfortable. getting hung up on the label isn't going to do anybody any good.

for example: he refers to me as his submissive. i do not have limits beyond his, and i don't retain ultimate control over anything in my life. i self-identify as a slave. what should i list myself as?

the point i am trying to make is that finding one cut and dried definition for the term is impossible.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:39:43 PM

curiouslyseeking

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

I was told earlier today by a Domme on a different forum that I wasn't a slave, but that I was submissive. She told me that slaves never say no to anything and that they have no limits. She said I was to willful to be a slave. I was wondering what slaves and submissives think about what makes a slave a slave and a submissive a submissive.

zindy, I say this with the sincerest of hearts, I believe from reading this post and other posts you've written, you put too much emphasis on what other people think...

Be who you are! Don't allow others to define you.

Besides, your name says you are a slave!

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:41:35 PM

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There is no one cut and dried definition of a slave or sub. We find our own definition to suit who we believe we are. Simply, you are what you define yourself as.

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:43:14 PM

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I am no expert but this is what I was told a slave gives his or her self completly no questions asked where as a sub can ask questions and have an opinion not that it will be acknowledged but she is free to question things like I said not claiming to be all knowing just repeating what was told to me

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 8:45:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: countrygirl69

I am no expert but this is what I was told a slave gives his or her self completly no questions asked where as a sub can ask questions and have an opinion not that it will be acknowledged but she is free to question things like I said not claiming to be all knowing just repeating what was told to me

personally, and i am not saying this is not true for some people, but for us, he encourages me to share my opinion and my thoughts. sometimes he has to beat me into it, even, because i am not that comfortable with sharing my thoughts on things and asking questions. for him, it's information gathering. my sharing an opinion that might differ from his doesn't mean i get my way, but it gives him a better informed position from which to make the decisions, if that makes any sense.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to countrygirl69)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:02:58 PM

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It seems there are a lot of labels thrown around, and labels discredited when searching for that special someone. Sometimes it's someone displeased by a reaction you've given, sometimes it's just a difference of definition. Whatever the case, pick a label for yourself if you must, but take the time to know yourself and once you do, don't doubt what you know about yourself when told something else. When getting to know a prospective partner tell them what it is you consider yourself and why (your hard limits- if you have any, how you'd like to be treated, and what you expect of them) and then there are no surprises- at least not too many.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:14:31 PM

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quote:

anything and that they have no limits. She said I was to willful to be a slave. I was wondering what slaves and submissives think about what makes a slave a slave and a submissive a submissive.

People who find it important to be so rude to tell others who they "really are" have way too much time on their hands.

My own joke: You aren't a slave until you've been told you aren't a slave at least 5 times.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_586226/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#586267
Curious, sub v slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_515303/mpage_1/key_slave/tm.htm#515333
What is the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_308296/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#309867
sub or slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_342405/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#342794
~slave vs sub~

http://www.collarchat.com/m_410567/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#410982
slave or sub

http://www.collarchat.com/m_497775/mpage_1/key_submissive%252Cslave/tm.htm#497977
I'm new to this but...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366860/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#366893
Difference bet/submission and slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_365776/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#366767
slub question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_281198/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#281512
difference between slave and submissive

http://www.collarchat.com/m_251014/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#251062
definition of "slave"

What's the difference between slaves and submissives?

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_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:18:17 PM

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Well, curiouslyseeking I was asking this question because I respect this Domme very much she is on a forum I first went to to learn about BDSM and she had asked me why I called myself a slave, and I really had no idea why. I understand that everyone has a different opinion and idea of what each means I am really just wanting to know what the most common definition of slave is on this board. To see what most people would consider me. The only reason I care what she thinks is because she is a good woman and I respect what she says and I just wanted to see what other people thought. Thanks for all the replys.

(in reply to gringuita)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:21:01 PM

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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you state in your profile that your master refers to you as his slave. his opinion, imho, should be what's most important...and hey, if that's what he thinks, that's good enough for me.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:28:56 PM

curiouslyseeking

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

Well, curiouslyseeking I was asking this question because I respect this Domme very much she is on a forum I first went to to learn about BDSM and she had asked me why I called myself a slave, and I really had no idea why. To see what most people would consider me. The only reason I care what she thinks is because she is a good woman and I respect what she says and I just wanted to see what other people thought. Thanks for all the replys.

The best place to look for answers is within..

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:31:07 PM

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my experience is this, I claim in profiles to be submissive, that is my nature, however when I found my Master, it was absolutely clear to me that I was His slave, I would not have it any other way, nor would He :-) before coming to Him though I never thought I had more than tendancies toward being a slave.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:35:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

I was told earlier today by a Domme on a different forum that I wasn't a slave, but that I was submissive. She told me that slaves never say no to anything and that they have no limits. She said I was to willful to be a slave. I was wondering what slaves and submissives think about what makes a slave a slave and a submissive a submissive.

Does it really matter what she thinks? What do you regard yourself as? What does he regard as you?

More importantly: Is she part of your relationship? If the answer is no, then that should have been the answer to the first question.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:39:41 PM

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It matters to me what she thinks because she is someone I respect she has been involved in the lifestyle a long time, and therefore has more experience than me. I regard myself as a slave but I have limits and I have control of my life so maybe I am not, I don't really know. My Master refers to me as his slave but all the terms out there and no clear definition make it difficult to label who or what I am. It just gave me something to think about and I really am new to this whole thing so it is hard to think about it when you have no idea what you should be thinking about.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:44:56 PM

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Zindy- it's good that she's asking you and giving you her opinion. If you engaged in this discussion as a dialogue then it can be a great way to really look at yourself and what you want. But most times these things tend to be just someone spewing their "one true way" without really caring what you think or your side of it all.

In the end- you have to decide what will work best for you. Other people can be great in giving you their perspective, but you'll have to siphon out all of their biases and issues that go along with it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:45:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

It matters to me what she thinks because she is someone I respect she has been involved in the lifestyle a long time, and therefore has more experience than me. I regard myself as a slave but I have limits and I have control of my life so maybe I am not, I don't really know. My Master refers to me as his slave but all the terms out there and no clear definition make it difficult to label who or what I am. It just gave me something to think about and I really am new to this whole thing so it is hard to think about it when you have no idea what you should be thinking about.

I respect my Grandmother. She's a great person, she's accomplished a lot and knows a great deal. However she still thinks black people are inferior because the generation she grew up in.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Just because you respect someone doesn't make their every opinion valid. You can consider it, but for me... I would never reconsider my title just because someone told me I don't "act subbly" enough. For one thing, her opinion is spotty (in my opinion of course!

). There are plenty of slaves here who have limits and plenty of subs who are in TPE with no-limits. It's all a mindset and what you feel. She can't tell you what you feel and she isn't a part of your relationship. She may give great advice about rope bondage but the bottom line is that she can't tell you what you are. Only you can.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/25/2007 9:46:44 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 9:55:16 PM

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Ok, I see your point. It was just something I wanted to think about and see what others see the definitions are, since the definitions are so varied. I just wanted to see if anyone thought the way I did. Most of my submission to my Master happens in the bedroom, I do other things during the day to show it but I am not submissive in everything we do, that is one reason why I ask what the difference is. I don't know it just confuses me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 10:00:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

Ok, I see your point. It was just something I wanted to think about and see what others see the definitions are, since the definitions are so varied. I just wanted to see if anyone thought the way I did. Most of my submission to my Master happens in the bedroom, I do other things during the day to show it but I am not submissive in everything we do, that is one reason why I ask what the difference is. I don't know it just confuses me.

Here is a better question for you: Does he want you to be submissive in everything you do?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: slave or submissive? - 3/25/2007 10:04:38 PM

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I think he would like it if I was but as of now I am not mentally ready for that. I hope that as time goes on I take more and more responsibilities I do more than I used to before we discovered the lifestyle, so I know I am working on it and hopefully will be able to be soon.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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