Aswad
Posts: 6915
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: online
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Hi, mons.
Just because we do not reply soon after you have posted does not mean that we are ignoring your post. We are not always on CollarMe, and for myself, there is a very big difference between what the time is where I live and what the time is where you live (about 8 hours, I think), so when I read your post here, it may be the next day for you already.
You need to get your fear under control, which includes therapy, maybe also medication.
It could also be helpful to do things that give you a feeling of control over your life and your emotions. The emotions need to be carefully confronted in the situations where they occur without there being a reason for them to occur, so that your mind will see that your fears do not need to be there. Ask your therapist if he/she is familiar with something that is called "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy". If not, ask if there is another therapist that can help with that part of things.
Your therapist and your doctor should also work together to find out if it would be a good idea for you to use medication to get these fears a bit more under control, so that it will be easier for you to deal with them.
A good Master or Dom for you would be one that knows about your past and understands how to deal with it. But you don't need to be in a hurry; there is no reason why you should need to seek out a relationship until you have healed. When you have healed, you will find the right person for you.
This conversation is moving off the topic of the thread, so feel free to move it to another thread, or to take it over private messages.
_____________________________
"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.
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RE: Breaking in the kajiri - 
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