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RE: Tribute - 4/7/2007 3:22:40 PM   
savannasub


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline 		Guys like getting sex for free (something for nothing). This is why vanilla guys looking to pick up women in bars and clubs for casual sex but don't want to have to buy her a drink or even ask her to dance, wait until the women are drunk before approaching them. My former housemates were experts at this technique. What's really sad is that so many of the vanilla women are playing what I call 'boyfriend roulette'. Although most of the pickups are one-nighters, sometimes they'll end up with a boyfriend in the morning. Rarely, very rarely, do those relationships last (they usually end up being f**ked and ch**ked). What is given freely or cheaply bought has little or no value.

Personally, I think vanilla guys should seek out and pay (either with cash or 'tribute' gifts') professionals or semi-pros for casual sex, as they used to have to do before the "sexual revolution". And if a man is looking for casual bdsm activity, he should also seek out an pay a professional or offer tribute gifts to a semi-pro.

But that's only my opinionated opinion. I don't engage in casual encounters of either the vanilla or the bdsm type. I learned that neither does anything for me, it just gets the guy's rocks off.

Phoenix
[and]

Throughout history, males of the species have offered tributes  to females of the species in order to gain their favors, their hand in marriage, or to give them pleasure. They've written poetry and songs, offered them the choicest tidbits from their trenchers, won them teddy bears at the carnival, and made jewelers very wealthy. We have holidays that are specifically for the purpose of men giving women gifts, such as Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day.

Asking for gifts or tribute is the same in any world-it's crass, greedy and materialistic. But that doesn't make the woman doing so a hooker . Any more than a woman giving gifts to the sub male in her life makes him a gigolo.


{and}

However, I don't think the poster is ready to take a good look at himself and realize in spite of his years of involvement in a prestigious BDSM organization and being real and true, that he's not the most desirable male-due to his bad attitude. That same bad attitude, bitterness, etc., that sets him up as the ideal target for a scam artist. Just as wounded prey is targeted by animal predators, emotionally wounded prey is targeted by human predators. They can scent the weak among the herd.

That same bad attitude is going to be very unattractive to those dommes who may be willing to court a sub and buy him dinner. The choice belongs to the Dominant Female. Not to a male who thinks he can pull the caveman act and sling her over his shoulder. That makes it sounds like he's the one doing the choosing, and it does not work that way. All the male can do is offer himself at her feet, and if she uses the power  of No, then it's too bad, so sad, keep trying. But her not wanting you does not make her a bad person, just someone who doesn't want you. _________


any chance you read this quoted thread, Does tribute equal being a hooker?

(in reply to CreativeOwner18)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Tribute - 4/7/2007 4:18:35 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: savannasub

... All the male can do is offer himself at her feet, and if she uses the power  of No, then it's too bad, so sad, keep trying...



I love it when somebody understands reality.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to savannasub)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 9:32:38 AM   
savannasub


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_215576/mpage_17/key_tribute%2Chooker/tm.htm at here is where

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 10:55:57 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DawnFire
A rich sub isn't necessarily a good sub.  If I was trying to weed out those that don't intend on taking any action on their words I would require some long essay or something from a sub, not money. 


I agree. In fact, I think a monetary tribute allows an entry to an otherwise insincere person.

Random thoughts:

Tribute is construed broadly. For my discussion below, by tribute I mean material items demanded (not willingly given as a gift) as a prerequisite for dialog or on an ongoing basis to sustain an otherwise non-professional relationship. Compensation for professional services and whatever is done as part of mutually sought financial domination lie outside the context I use here.

I think the demand for tribute is not as much a choice of necessity (as suggested by statements that there are so many insincere subs) as it is of convenience--it is convenient to receive money. I think sometimes such a justification--that the number of insincere subs necessitates tribute--is used to overcome cognitive dissonance created by internal and external forces.

I don't think this tendency to want such a tribute is specific to dommes and expect this tendency to have a similar distribution across population in general where an opportunity exists.

I think a position that does not allow that some subs might find the matter about tribute frustrating does not include all sides of the story. I recognize that all sides of the story include that the matter about tribute is also propagated by subs who rely on tribute to win interest or attention. While I do not agree with tribute as the answer, I recognize that included in all sides of the story is the enormous volume of contact that dommes receive, and that it may be necessary to devise strategies to weed out incompatible candidates. I think a task that requires some time (an essay) or a donation to charity are ideas that would fare better than demanding a tribute.

I do not respond to profiles that demand tribute. I consider myself sincere. I expect some other sincere subs might also be turned off by a demand for tribute. I wonder if the demand for tribute sends away sincere subs as much as it does insincere subs seeking a wank. Furthermore, fortunately my involvement in the BDSM scene allows me to fare well enough without succumbing to demands of tribute. If circumstances did compel me where I felt forced to have to give a tribute, I expect that I would not feel as loyal or sincere and perhaps would form expectations I otherwise would not hold (I would feel more like a consumer than a romantic or play partner). With these two points, I wonder if the tribute also creates forces that favor an effect opposite of that desired: it could lessen the number of sincere subs that approach, and it could lessen sincerity in a person who does give tribute out of compulsion.

For clarity, I allow that some sincere subs would be fine to tribute, and do not suggest that only insincere subs tribute.

I think the question of tribute allows an opportunity for each sex to understand an issue faced by the other. A man frustrated by a woman who appears to be focused (at least at the outset) on money he can provide can perhaps relate a bit to a woman frustrated by a man who appears to be focused on sex she can provide.

I think some people rely too much on a trait (money) in order to attract others and then fret when the other focuses on that trait.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/8/2007 11:41:29 AM >

(in reply to DawnFire)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 12:56:17 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

I do not respond to profiles that demand tribute. I consider myself sincere. I expect some other sincere subs might also be turned off by a demand for tribute. I wonder if the demand for tribute sends away sincere subs as much as it does insincere subs seeking a wank. ....... With these two points, I wonder if the tribute also creates forces that favor an effect opposite of that desired: it could lessen the number of sincere subs that approach, and it could lessen sincerity in a person who does give tribute out of compulsion.


I absolutely agree with these statements. I personally automatically skip and mark hidden or coldlist profiles which  state that they require tribute, that the domme seeks 'generous' submissives, and other stuff along those lines.

It's not because I'm not generous, don't want to pamper anyone or am not sincere that I skip over those profiles; it's because I AM all of those things that I do skip over those profiles.

I kind of relate it to vanilla dating, if I'm sitting with a woman at dinner and she asks me how much I make? That's pretty much time to ask for the check. You can guage a lot by a person by asking the right questions while not coming off like a jerk or whore.

I partially think that a lot of this comes from the fact that the internet allows some harmless anononymity, you can come of like a jerk without having to see the other person.

At no point have I spoken to a woman in a bar or book store or where ever else I work my mojo and have her ask me for tribute, or ask me how generous I am.

I read a profile this morning that made me laugh:

quote:


4/5 I've erased all retained emails. If you're truly interested in contacting Me, make sure you read My profile carefully. It's been beyond frustrating.
MAKE SURE YOU:
*are EDUCATED, SMART, and CREATIVE
*send a RECENT and CLEAR PHOTO
*ARE under 45 years of age
*HAVE A CAR and live CLOSEBY (within 2 hour drive)
*have a good job and make good money
*ARE truly into BDSM and aren't a social
outcast looking for a niche in life
*download AOL/AIM for chat.

you men complain and whine about not being able to meet a REAL Domme.. I seriously don't feel bad for one of you with how you behave on this site.. It's PATHETIC.




3/29 Feeling a bit better. Is there anyone on here that's for real? I seem to waste an awful lot of time going through emails that amount to nothing. And call Me a snob and spoiled brat (I am completely 100% unapologetic) but who ARE some of you people? Get a good job and interesting life outside of "the scene", and let Me know.


3/16 Just had surgery this morning. I look like someone choked me out with a phone cord. Any tributes would be appreciated during this time of recovery... Just ask for My info!

I CAN'T MAKE IT ANY CLEARER FOR YOU MORONS---- IF YOU DON'T SEND A PHOTO WITH YOUR LETTERS, I WILL NOT RESPOND. YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME AND YOURS!!!
--------------------------------------------

Spoil Me rotten..I'm a real 24/7 Domme. Not interested in games or bullshit. I'm honest and have photos. You should also. That means- YOU MUST SEND THEM TO ME IF YOU WISH FOR A RESPONSE.

Not interested in reading one liners OR super lengthy emails. Respect My time and be realistic...

IF you hope to ever meet Me, you MUST own a car (for you NYC boys and girls)

For chat- I don't use yahoo- only AOL.


Now I'm just going off what I know and have experienced, but what sincere and socially well adjusted person is going to want to be with this woman?

Obviously it's just a profile, and she could be the nicest person on the face of the planet, but as far as first impressions go, I don't see too much redeeming value out of this one.

I guess it all boils down to the perceived supply and demand when it comes to FemDoms v. malesubs. Sure there are a lot more Femdoms out there and they feel that the supply and demand curve favors them, but at the same time, most Femdom profiles I read, at least in my geographical area, seem to follow the same pattern of the one above. 'I'm a Domme and you better be generous and real and spoil me rotten or don't waste my time' then 'Don't you idiots get it? I'm a Domme and if you aren't real and generous don't waste my time' than 'You are all losers on this site who can't read, you think you can get a Domme like me blah blah blah.'

I'm a firm believer that you basically attract what you put out there. The woman in the profile above obviously has put out a lot of negativity and such, so she's probably not going to get what she wants, if what she wants is at all fullfilling in a non financial sense.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 5:41:41 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, Aneirin, what you need to do is ask for tribute when you're in Dom mode, and then pay tribute when you're in sub mode. 

That way you break even.

End of complaint.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Tribute/profiles/and spear chucking! - 4/8/2007 5:57:29 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

......Now I'm just going off what I know and have experienced, but what sincere and socially well adjusted person is going to want to be with this woman?

Obviously it's just a profile, and she could be the nicest person on the face of the planet, but as far as first impressions go, I don't see too much redeeming value out of this one.

I guess it all boils down to the perceived supply and demand when it comes to FemDoms v. malesubs. Sure there are a lot more Femdoms out there and they feel that the supply and demand curve favors them, but at the same time, most Femdom profiles I read, at least in my geographical area, seem to follow the same pattern of the one above. 'I'm a Domme and you better be generous and real and spoil me rotten or don't waste my time' then 'Don't you idiots get it? I'm a Domme and if you aren't real and generous don't waste my time' than 'You are all losers on this site who can't read, you think you can get a Domme like me blah blah blah.'

I'm a firm believer that you basically attract what you put out there. The woman in the profile above obviously has put out a lot of negativity and such, so she's probably not going to get what she wants, if what she wants is at all fullfilling in a non financial sense.


While the profile you mention is not Mine, My own profile is stricktly geared to keep married men away from Me; and so you'll find that I flame them pretty hard in my profile notes.  I'm sick and tired of being contacted by married men looking for 'discreet' booty calls here at CM.  So in a way I'm guilty of spear chucking innocent men in My profile, too, (even though it's about married men and not about tribute per se).

I think most of us women, Dommes and subs alike, could safely be said to ALL be sick and tired of married men looking for kinky booty calls; we're just as sick and tired of the recently divorced hng's looking for a birdsnest on the ground to land in for sanctuary and sustenance while they lick their wounds from divorce court. 

You know the type: the guy has no home, no furniture, his wife kept the best of two or more vehicles, he had to sell his boat/motorcycle/other big boy motorized toy, and all he has is his job, (if he was lucky enough not to get caught screwing the boss and manage to get fired on top of everything else, too).  ....So he has a job, and is hammered to the wall with alimony payments, child support payments, attorney's fees and can't even buy dinner.  They're here at CM by the bazillions, all jerking off to profiles and emailing anyone who will read their drivel about how Domly Manly they are or how sweetly submissive they are.

In response to the barrage of garbage, we collectively end up posting something out of frustration on a profile that, as Blutarsky has so eloquently observed, ends up scaring off a worthwhile potential partner.

Time I re-evaluated My own profile again. 

Thanks for tugging our coattails, Blut.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Tribute/profiles/and spear chucking! - 4/8/2007 6:06:17 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		Your profile and the profile I quoted are completely different. There's nothing to lead one to believe that you were in any way looking for tribute or for anything but an honest and loving relationship.

I honestly feel badly for what women have to go through on this site, so I'm fully understanding of trying to weed the crap out,  a monetary tibte simply isn't the most effective way if you are looking for the most sincere and potentially loving subs.


_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 6:12:10 PM   
MissDiscipline


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline 		Is a gift card considered tribute?

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 7:08:17 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, but by putting all that in her profile, she saves you a lot of time wondering if she is worth any time.....Really doing you a favor, isn't she?

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Tribute - 4/8/2007 7:58:05 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		Yes and no. I love meeting people and playing the strategic game of 'are they full of shit or not?'

In all seriousness though, a lot of people have kind of alluded to the fact that a lot of tims stuff is put in profiles to scare away certain types of people, maybe leading to the bite the nose to spite the face syndrome.  After I posted that I received two other emails, along with TexasMaam's post about their own profiles.

Of the three profiles, none of them were close to what I quoted, but I guess I hit a nerve. I think that women who legitmately are looking for something while trying to weed out others can do so productively, without scaring off the real sincere and motivated population here. TexasMaam's profile being a perfect example.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 8:00:37 AM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		As in any other free market society, people have a choice.
Find a non-professional Domina or pay/tribute a Professional Domina.
It is not really that hard folks.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 7:09:28 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce
As in any other free market society, people have a choice.
Find a non-professional Domina or pay/tribute a Professional Domina.
It is not really that hard folks.


I have a positive view about authentic professional domination and agree that people who do not wish to seek professional services can instead seek personal ones. However, a good portion of the discussion here refers to tribute not in professional relationships but in personal relationships.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 7:32:53 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe I am missing something here, but in what personal relationships do men pay a "tribute"?
What sort of relationship are these?
Men have a choice, pay a Professional Domina a tribute, see a non-professional Domina and this new
category--pay a Nonprofessional Domina a tribute!
LMAO

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 7:39:10 PM   
lockedaway


Posts: 1720
Joined: 3/15/2007
Status: offline 		Ummmmm paying a tribute to a non-professional?  That would make the non-professional a professional.  Either a Dom/me is looking for fun or a relationship or they are looking for a client.  i can't imagine finding myself in, hopefully, a long term relationship with a Domme and paying her a "tribute".

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 7:41:47 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, don't look at me, read the post above mine!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to lockedaway)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 7:56:25 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
Maybe I am missing something here, but in what personal relationships do men pay a "tribute"?
What sort of relationship are these?
Men have a choice, pay a Professional Domina a tribute, see a non-professional Domina and this new
category--pay a Nonprofessional Domina a tribute!
LMAO


You might enjoy doing a search as if you are a male sub ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lockedaway
Ummmmm paying a tribute to a non-professional?  That would make the non-professional a professional. 


I don't think simply asking for a tribute qualifies one to be called a professional domme. I think the threshhold for a professional domme is much greater.

A tribute is not simply a fee for a session of domination, as the word is sometimes used in professional domination. A tribute can be a demand for gifts off a wish list, or a monetary amount different than what is done for professional domination.

I once had a first time meeting over lunch with a domme towards a personal relationship. She asked me to bring a card to lunch, which I saw to be a test for following instructions. She did not open the card at the time. She afterwards wrote me an email saying I had disrespected her by not including money in the envelope with the card, which was to be a tribute. That is an example of a what seemed to be a personal relationship (from her point of view) where there was an expectation for a tribute.

The profile that SlaveBlutarsky quotes just a few posts above is another example.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/9/2007 8:32:19 PM >

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Tribute - 4/9/2007 7:59:02 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		hummmmmmm okay!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Tribute - 4/10/2007 12:04:57 PM   
MuscleyandCute


Posts: 82
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

(in reply to undergroundsea)

I don't think simply asking for a tribute qualifies one to be called a professional domme. I think the threshhold for a professional domme is much greater.

I once had a first time meeting over lunch with a domme towards a personal relationship. She asked me to bring a card to lunch, which I saw to be a test for following instructions. She did not open the card at the time. She afterwards wrote me an email saying I had disrespected her by not including money in the envelope with the card, which was to be a tribute. That is an example of a what seemed to be a personal relationship (from her point of view) where there was an expectation for a tribute.




I think in your 1st paragraph you are speaking in terms of quality ie proffesionalism.  The definition of Proffesion could just be someone who does something for financial gain hence a proffession by that more broad defenition. 

Once I managed to stop laughing, I believe the example you talk of in your 2nd paragraph is an instance where that Domme seems pretty much not interested in a personal relationship.  Im sorry if that might offend some but the key word here is "personal".  I imagine she would kick and scream to argue that that is part of a personal relationship and what it is supposed to be but she would be in an extremely small minority (when asking the world all and sundry).  There are a number of Dommes out there who use this technique as a clever marketing ploy in order to make the relationship ambiguos to mask the fact shes really pretty much after cash or whatever she can get from it.  It works because it attracts male submissives who are looking for their soulmate and it plays on that fact to get their money.  If she had been upfront as a Pro then her whole range of potential "Victims" "Clients" whatever you want to call them would have been quite different!

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Tribute - 4/10/2007 12:08:25 PM   
MuscleyandCute


Posts: 82
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Maybe I am missing something here, but in what personal relationships do men pay a "tribute"?
What sort of relationship are these?
Men have a choice, pay a Professional Domina a tribute, see a non-professional Domina and this new
category--pay a Nonprofessional Domina a tribute!
LMAO



Yes stange but true, its a marketing technique whereby the Domme sells herself on being a non-Pro thus appealing to submissives looking for a connection.  Then asking for money.  Like a Pro falsely advertizing you could say. 

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 80
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