RE: how long before meeting? (Full Version)

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Dnomyar -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 8:26:08 AM)

Trampler I demand that you be submissive. Do demands really work?  As far as meeting someone it depends on how your online relationship is progressing. If they are in your area meet with them as soon as possible. If they are out of your area it may take some work to finally get together.



toservez -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 8:35:31 AM)

Depends on the variables but overall as soon as possible is a good thing in my opinion.

If you live close by then I would think very quickly but if it involves plane fare or a long drive I can see where some length of communication should be done. Still I believe you should always meet before getting emotionally attached as the theory of a person can be quite different then the actual person.

In the end though both people have to be committed to moving forward at a reasonable pace and anyone, whether role or gender, stalling progression for what ever reason is probably a red flag, whether “fakes”, “cyber dreamers” or actual serious and legit people. This is of course easy to right but what is one’s view of steady progression compared to another’s can be quite different. I do know one thing, giving absolutes to strangers is a good way to get the kiss off.



MellowSir -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:10:31 AM)

Well, men, being more (or at least seemly so)sexually driven, we tend to want to meet sooner, unless one is a polygamist, in which case that basic need is already being met. Seems that submissives in the lifestyle are more voluntarily applying more thought to submission mentally than sexually, whereas a dominant male is more "hands on" with their approach. A week or two at the most if truly interested, after that it's just playing tag with no r/t enjoyment lol



Halley -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:15:03 AM)

I like to met someone as soon as possible. I like to meet in a safe neutral place. If I feel "good" about the person, no creepy vibes or anything to suggest they are anything other than they say they are we can continue the meeting in a more private place.



RythymMan -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:19:57 AM)

forever, or no time at all.

I usually met people face-to-face, and then start talking.
In the 'old days' this was the normal course of events.

But I have also talked to a small number of people for more than 20 years, and we will most likely never have a face-to-face meeting. 

If this is a person you count as a 'possible relationship" then
I am in the "as soon as possible" camp.  Much easier to actually
communicate, and to discover if you would both like to communicate on more than the verbal level.

Good luck,






MrDiscipline44 -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:22:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

Well, men, being more (or at least seemly so)sexually driven, we tend to want to meet sooner, unless one is a polygamist, in which case that basic need is already being met. Seems that submissives in the lifestyle are more voluntarily applying more thought to submission mentally than sexually, whereas a dominant male is more "hands on" with their approach. A week or two at the most if truly interested, after that it's just playing tag with no r/t enjoyment lol
When tossing out generalities, one should speak for themselves more then for others.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:26:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

This is a question for both Doms and subs because we may have different perspective; how long do you feel it is appropriate to talk with someone before the two of you meet face to face?



As long as it takes for you to feel comfortable meeting them in a public place. That differs from person to person.

Master Fire

BTW, great name. ;-)



katinkka -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:29:03 AM)

I met my Sir within a month.  We would have loved to have met much earlier but we decided to wait till he was in town.  The posters who commented on people having wild imaginations when it comes to filling in the blanks are so right and that has been my experience in the past however I was so right with my current Sir and he was exactly as I expected him to be.

I would recommend meeting as early as you possibly can assuming you're comfortable and secure that the person is a good candidate for being right for you!  In 6 yrs I have only found two people I was prepared to meet but my fussiness has paid off and I now have my perfect Sir.



UntamedStar -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:30:38 AM)

I definately do not feel comfortable with being told i cannot meet others until we meet... which is why im questioning his reasons. If we had met and he requested it then thats different as i yearn to be owned...but only by the right one. Maybe hes just testing my patience....lol oops[sm=crop.gif]



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:49:44 AM)

I say, if they're within a couple of hundred miles then no more then a week. If they're further then that then a month at the most



Stranger1 -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 9:59:57 AM)

About a year.

I'm in no hurry.[:)]

(you can all scream in outrage now.)



Celeste43 -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 10:34:41 AM)

I met him after a month. I'm not sure we exchanged landlines until then though. I didn't use a safe call nor take chaperones along. It would have been longer but I was in his area and so I screwed up my courage and met him.

I don't understand this safe call thing though. I'm old enough to remember meeting someone at a party and going home with him that night. Or giving my number out, having him call me the next day and giving him my address so he could pick me up for a date. Or do you folks insist on chaperones for dates you meet offline also?



yenlui -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 10:37:09 AM)

I am unable to see the need to meet so soon, for me it's important that we have more in common than the interest in D/s. I need to know that we're able to hold a conversation for several hours, that we can make each other laugh, that there's something there - I genereally don't bother to meet people "just to meet someone", I prefer to know quite a bit about someone before I include them in my "real life". Maybe it's just because I'm shy?



mystiquenz -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 10:48:19 AM)

Looks at the Stranger 1 [sm=bust.gif],

After reading your post, i gasped then i thought to myself well maybe IF she is the right one, or he is the right one, and maybe if you have already waited many months/years already, what is 365 days for a lifetime?





Trampler -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 10:59:09 AM)

UntamedStar Go with your instinct, definately talk to him about it, if you don't care for what he says, tell him to go away. Sorry everyone, didn't mean to hijack the thread



Stranger1 -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 11:04:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

Looks at the Stranger 1 [sm=bust.gif],

After reading your post, i gasped then i thought to myself well maybe IF she is the right one, or he is the right one, and maybe if you have already waited many months/years already, what is 365 days for a lifetime?





I have found that rushing often leads to the very worst things-for the very worst of reasons. I was out in local bdsm community for around a decade-then I got burned out on the musical chairs aspect of it all.............The people were definitely more interested in sating thier need for hedonism-not so much thier need for a partner-except for reason 1.

I tired of this after a long string of girlfriends.............and stopped going "out". It was time to take a break and think on what I NEEDED-rather than merely WANTED.

And I decided I'd wait for a good old home cooked meal-the kind that takes time and care to prepare.

My WANT for a MacDonald's style flings sort of disspeared after that-along with most of the bitterness over things I finally figured out I did not NEED. If you can learn to be happy alone-you'll also learn to be a lot happier with the right one-and actually be able to see who that IS-rather than who you are deperately HOPING they will be.[;)]



mystiquenz -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 11:38:04 AM)

this is a fast reply as i have to go and have a shower and wash my hair and get my butt to work:

But thank you for your post, and I can relate EXTREMELY well to your comments in your reply.  For many of us, we tire of the games that people play.  I too have played similar musical chairs, and it's not satisifying.  If I want to bottom at a local play party, there is One that I will play with, but that is pure play, no dynamic, and it leaves a girl yearning for something deeper and more intense.  Given that the Men i have met, who are anywhere near interesting are married or involved in other relationships, that dynamic does not suit me.  Been there, done that, got the tea shirt and moved on. 

From my perspective, though, you can spend a lot of time "talking", and "waiting", and how do you really know that the person that you are talking to, is the right person when you havent met.  You have to trust your instincts I suppose.  There is nothing nicer, than taking the time of preparing a dinner for someone special.  There is nothing nicer, to sit by the fire with a glass of wine, and good company.  There is nothing nicer to have someone special to share that dynamic with, instead of playing casually for a quick fill. 

You have to be comfortable with your own skin, otherwise, how on earth can you be comfortable with another.  We are all not perfect, in fact, far from it, but over the last four months, I have felt that I have a reason to come home, rather than, not wanting to come home.  I have enjoyed coming home to what previously had been a big empty house, and i saw all the shadows, and heard all the creeks. 

I long to create a nice ambience for the Dominant that I am speaking with, and prepare a nice meal for His enjoyment.  I don't think MacDonalds would suit me either, nor pizza.  I'm sure he has a credit card and could press the number for a home delivery ... lol ... but that would defeat the purpose. 

Enjoy your day :) thank you for posting, occasionally, it is really good to read a post that one reasonates to. 






shylyseductive -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 12:20:19 PM)

All relationships take  work, trust and lots of communication. I  have found it varies with each person and with  the actual distance. Communication is a big factor   and all types are necesssary, to personal information, history, expectations and   sexual  desires. All should be shared at some point,  via e-mail, messages,  phone, the good and the bad. Longer distances  make things more complicated  but if the desire and the connection  is truely there, it  can  and will occur. Hopefully it will be everything you  had hoped  for. My  first  Dom I had met online, we did messages, phone calls, he made my  knees shake but we  waited over  a year to finally meet. At that time many doubts  had started to cross my mind and when the actually  time  came, I  really had no desire to meet him, the trust was gone. The wonderful "what if" kept popping up tho'. It  didn't go well and I feel that was too long of time to wait. The bottom line is it is "difficult  to judge." It  does depend on your  comfort  level and  one should always remain safe. I would give it a few months depending on the distance and perhaps sooner if the person lived  closer. I have   found  many players out there, as we all have. It's can   be a lonely  world out there without a partner. Here's to  everyone finding  what they are seeking and making it work.[:)]



slaveish -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 12:24:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

he doesnt email me at all really, just comes on line briefly to msn a few times a week, although we have spoke on the phone. Maybe im being naieve? Hes already told me i cannot meet with anyone else, or have sex, and that i am his.... is this wrong?[8|]


~chuckle~ You already know the answer to this one. If you think it's wrong, it is. If you don't, it's not. I think it's a bogus load of stale bullshit ... but I'm not you so take it for what's it worth.



MrRodgers -> RE: how long before meeting? (4/18/2007 2:29:06 PM)

I agree with the idea that it is in your chat and getting on the phone that will tell you when it is the time to meet. Early propositions in minutes and in a few days...are to be rebuffed as you more than likely...not ready. It is often in one's personality that determines their approach to meeting.

Once you are on the subject of meeting and with this great headstart on the net you can go over all of your needs...precautions plus all that stuff that could very likely have one or both feeling very excited in anticipation of meeting. Once face to face...we should all know if it was too soon...OR...not soon enough...hey ?



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