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out of subspace - 4/25/2007 2:53:29 AM

ebonymuscleman

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Joined: 4/9/2004
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I was curious to find out if there are any other subs out there that cannot reach subspace with their Mistress and what did you do about it? The question comes from the fact my first Mistress of over a year had me in headspace everytime we played. However with my current Mistress I cannot reach subspace. I'm still trying to figure out why, other than our play styles are different between the two.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 5:39:38 AM

slaveish

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It sounds like you are basing the outcome of the experience on reaching subspace. Back off. Enjoy your Mistress and the time with her simply for what it is. You're putting too much pressure on her and on yourself and setting yourself up for failure.

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If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 7:31:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well said Slaveish. Plenty of slaves/bottoms NEVER reach subspace, or do so very rarely. It's just how it is. Subspace is nice, but it's hardly the be-all, end-all experience people make it out to be. I know plenty of doms who intentionally KEEP their bottoms from going into subspace during a scene.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 9:19:06 AM

zindyslave

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I can't reach subspace everytime we play. So, maybe with your new Mistress it is harder because of the differences in her play style.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 10:34:36 AM

Casie

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Don't put so much into trying to reach it. Simply, enjoy the experince and your mistress and let it come naturally. In trying to force it you will defintally fail. And maybe try to relax. Perhaps it will just take time since the play styles are differnt

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 11:15:22 AM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
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i have this same situation, and it seems to be a difference in style, for lack of a better way to term it.

Like the others have said, enjoy what you have. Personally, i enjoy the play i share with my Daddy/Master, even though it doesn't take me to subspace. Getting partially there is fun too, maybe it's different for a girl, but, it's kind of like sex when i don't cum (which has happened in the past on occasions in relationships)...Sure, the orgasm is great but the feeling on the way there makes it so well worth it that even if i don't cum it still felt good and knowing that my partner was pleased by using me makes it that much sweeter.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 11:46:01 AM

sunfleur

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i dont always reach subspace. in fact.. more often than not, i dont. it's not my goal to get there, rather to enjoy what's given and taken. reaching subspace is the cherry on top of the frosting on top of the cake. oh... great, now i have an urge for cake!

sunfleur

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 11:47:40 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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Yeah, like others said. I have totally different experiences with different partners. If I'm with someone who's a bit edgy with alot of energy, I'm more edgy and tend to stay more with it. Its hard for me to find a stereotypical submissive space with them.

If I'm with someone who's more even keel and relaxed, I ease into a different headspace much easier.

My energy is very much dependant on the other person's energy so it varies radically.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 12:01:43 PM

junecleaver

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Maybe your focus is too much on reaching subspace. If there were certain activities your former mistress did that sent you to subspace, perhaps trying those would help too.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 6:59:10 PM

SweetSarijane

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Sometimes I reach subspace but not all the time. It's all good. I enjoy the journey just as much as the culmination. 2 of the best sessions I've had to date, I didn't reach subspace, but oh man were they ever wild, energetic, full of sensations, laughter, fun and extreme intensity. Subspace is not the be all end all. I enjoy it when I hit it, but I have a great time just experiencing sensations and processing them and the energy flow between myself a the Top delivering the sensations.

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 9:36:05 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
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From: Toronto, Ontario
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For me there are many reasons I do or do not reach sub space. First off is the trust factor, if you have complete trust then it can happen however without trust i do not feel you can let yourself go. As well as others have mentioned different types of play, not being used to the new form of play.

For me it also depends on what else is happening in my life, the time of the month, my mood at the time. All unrelated to Master.

My suggestion is to speak to your Mistress and be open and honest with her. This is something the two of you can work on together.

All the best
Owned

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RE: out of subspace - 4/25/2007 10:56:13 PM

Sirandlittle1

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Joined: 12/22/2005
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We have recently been through a tough patch. When lifes curve balls come too thick n fast. During the height of all that angst. We began to go down. The moment we sloped downwardly, i stopped going into subspace. I saw that as a protective thing. I did not feel confident any longer, to let go that much. Which is a shame, as it probably would of been very soothing for us. To exchange power to that intensity. So although i knew i could go there, and wanted to desparately on some evenings, just to connect again. I could not. As our issues got dealt with. We climbed back up again. Our relationship reflected that. And i learnt that D/s relationships, are just like vanilla. They wax, they wain. The good one's can accomodate the flux. Now we are strong, he is strong, i am strong, i can let go again. Its only just gotten back that way, so its a new insight to me, that i only enter this place when im safe. My psyche has decided what safe is for me i guess. Im not sure if i can affect that. Or even if i should yet.
little1

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