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first approch online - 5/28/2004 4:14:17 PM

kingrich3x

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/1/2004
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someone please help with with a question that I have...as a top how strong of language should I use when responding to someone personal/profile online?

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RE: first approch online - 5/28/2004 4:26:41 PM

Sinergy

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Hello,

I tend to be friendly and polite and neutral when I am first interacting with people, and to save the whole strength / top thing for when the relationship starts to become more involved.

I suspect there are some who enjoy being topped right at the beginning, and I hope they find the ones who will do that for them. There is always time down the road to establish the relationship hierarchy.

This is just me, of course, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
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"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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RE: first approch online - 5/28/2004 8:00:53 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

i'm very curious as to what you mean by "strong languge." i'm assuming you mean language of comand?

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RE: first approch online - 5/28/2004 9:35:53 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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kingrich, why not just be yourself?

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RE: first approch online - 5/28/2004 9:50:23 PM

GoddessMarissa

Posts: 247
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Las Vegas NV
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LMAO.....I swear your posts are short and to the point....and always make me laugh

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RE: first approch online - 5/28/2004 10:00:10 PM

GoddessMarissa

Posts: 247
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Las Vegas NV
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In my opinon if you are addressing someone new that you are interested in it is probably best not to come on like a stronge arm jerk by saying degrading things. This is there first impression of you, you dont have to show that your dominant by using demanding words. Just because someone has a dominant personality it doesn't mean you cant be respectfull or kind in your words. Like my grandfather used to say you will attract more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.

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RE: first approch online - 5/29/2004 1:14:05 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

why not just be yourself?

This is wonderful advice, but I suspect a lot of people are not all that aware of who they actually are...

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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RE: first approch online - 5/29/2004 6:20:28 AM

rain

Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
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i always appreciate a short yet polite first email.

Beyond the first one, or few, that's up to you and your potential partner to decide.

There are some fairly assertive subs, (

) who will say, please, in your future emails only refer to me as: slut, whore, bitch, cunt, etc etc etc.

If i received an email which said "bitch, get on your knees" as a FIRST email, i would probably laugh my ass off and hit delete.

Of course, this is my NSHO, (need help with abbreviations? that's covered too! check this out: http://www.collarme.com/forum/Common_Abbreviations_We_All_Use/m_9243/tm.htm )

Cheers,

~rain~

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RE: first approch online - 5/29/2004 11:54:57 AM

saddorie

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/17/2004
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Although I am new both to lifestyle and to this board, I will jump in with my opinion on this one.

I have received more than a few rude, suggestive emails here. Those receive no response from me. Those who inquire politely, and at least semi intelligently will always receive some sort of reply from me.

Emails telling me to "Get on your knees, and call me, bitch" tells me that the the person has no interest in getting to know me at all.

(in reply to kingrich3x)

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 1:25:21 AM

Typcynic

Posts: 27
Joined: 4/27/2004
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Hello All,

First post on this website and this topic looks the closest to my inquest. What's the friggin deal with people who delete e-mail without reading them? First you find an ad from someone who wants to communicate, to build a relationship. Then you spend 20 minutes or so writing and rewriting a message so that it isn't demanding, or insulting, or has typos, and is a little bit cute based on something in their ad, while trying not to write something that raises the big red geek flag on their mailbox, only to have them hit delete sight unseen. For all the time and effort, I'd prefer if they wrote back "F U LOSER", since I would then know a) they read my message, and b) that it had an effect. Not the desired effect, but an effect nevertheless. What's the old saying, it's better to be hated than ignored? Oh well, just had to vent and blow off some steam.

(in reply to kingrich3x)

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 2:31:27 AM

kirameaMW

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Typcynic

Hello All,

First post on this website and this topic looks the closest to my inquest. What's the friggin deal with people who delete e-mail without reading them? First you find an ad from someone who wants to communicate, to build a relationship. Then you spend 20 minutes or so writing and rewriting a message so that it isn't demanding, or insulting, or has typos, and is a little bit cute based on something in their ad, while trying not to write something that raises the big red geek flag on their mailbox, only to have them hit delete sight unseen. For all the time and effort, I'd prefer if they wrote back "F U LOSER", since I would then know a) they read my message, and b) that it had an effect. Not the desired effect, but an effect nevertheless. What's the old saying, it's better to be hated than ignored? Oh well, just had to vent and blow off some steam.

i can't say for the others, but my experience is when i reply to someone i have no interest in, i usually get a very rude email back. Most of those however appear to be obvious form letters, or they haven't read my profile. If the email shows that they have put some effort in it, i will email them back with a "thanks, but no thanks" reply. If it's the other..... oh well. If they can't put an effort in their emails, why should i put an effort in replying?

As for the OP's question..... if the first email i get is someone trying to top/Dom me, i will either tell them "thanks but no thanks" or hit the delete button. Until i give them consent to be my top/Dom, they do not have permission to treat me as Theirs. What i like in the first email is the person referencing something in my profile (other than "nice pics. have any more"). i want to get to know the person first..... to know what He's like other than just BDSM/sex. Tell me something about Your interests. Compatibility is very important to me. Will we be able to relate on a level outside the bedroom? If all Their interests are contrary to mine, i doubt we would be a good match. i would much rather know that in the beginning than form some kind of relationship and find out later down the line. Also, if all they can talk about is sex, tying me up and abusing me, i will lose interest very fast. Don't get me wrong, i like sex as much as anyone, but i'm much more than just that. i want to feel like they want to get to know me, and not just want me for a quick roll in the hay.

(in reply to Typcynic)

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 7:45:06 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

What's the friggin deal with people who delete e-mail without reading them?

I think that is very rude. However it could be that they get a lot of email, so they look at the profile from the sender and if not interested then they don't read the mail.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 9:30:12 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
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Hiya Kingrich! I'm going to go with Estring here with "just be yourself". When I respond to an email, or initiate the email to a submissive, I write just like I talk. If I respond to one with more than "Your email is appreciated, but...." then it is because they have submitted something that is well thought and speaks to their intelligence, which is very attractive to me.

"just be yourself" keeps it real from the very beginning.

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Lady Beckett

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"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 10:05:20 AM

Sundew02

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
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Typcynic, First welcome, nice to meet you. As to the subject, I respond well to an email that has more than 3 or 4 words in it. I think manners here are of great import. As I write emails with a salutation and a closing I expect it from others. So I respond according to their email to me. If it is a terse "want me?" Or some such, my response is terse, no, good luck in your search. If it is a thoughtful application, my response is. But I never make demands on first contact, except for manners, and a name, laughing, even if they make one up. Now to respond to Typcynic, I have responded to a few rude emails, with what I believed polite querry as to why they had sent it, to have my email deleted. Obviously if you are on this site you want your emails read. But if they deleted it, think of it as a blessing in disguise, think of all the time you didn't waste dealing with a rude game player. Good luck in your search. Tess

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 1:16:20 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
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I am always being told how "softspoken" and "normal" I am when I first talk on the phone or meet a slave in person. If a slave or sub is so new as to need or expect a harshly growled "get on your knees bitch" during the first few minutes of our conversation, then I find (at least for the stage of my life I am in now) she is usually not worth the hassles that invariable come with such a novice.

One of the things I learned from being an over 6', over 200 lbs man is that it sometimes take more strength to be gentle than it does to be rough. I always try to save my strength for when it matters.

I think Estring's suggestion to "be yourself" is spot on. If one of you is dom and one of you is sub, that will all work itself out. If there is no emotional or intellectual connection, or one of you is pretending to be something you are not, there is little hope anyway.

Yours,
Taggard

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 2:20:30 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

One of the things I learned from being an over 6', over 200 lbs man is that it sometimes take more strength to be gentle than it does to be rough. I always try to save my strength for when it matters.

The man I was a martial arts instructor for for 14 years was 5' and perhaps weighed 130 pounds. He is the strongest minded person as well as one of the most dangerous individuals I have ever known. I do not recall one time during the 21 years I studied with him where he was anything but courteous and polite and gentle to anybody he encountered in the world.

I dont believe it has anything to do with size. The most dangerous people I have ever known (and I run with a crowd who teach full-contact self defense, weapon fighting, body guards, bounty hunters, and safety consultants, etc.) have no reason to be rough or impolite, since they have learned (my opinion here) that their self-image is not tied up in what other people think of them and their abilities.

To me, strength lies not in what a person is capable of doing to another person, it lies in being able to make the choice to not abuse one's power and abilities.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 3:29:07 PM

dixiedumpling

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i don't know the ins and outs of everything here, but how does one know that the email wasn't read just deleted? That it never showed as read on your send list? i've sent a couple that (apparently) were never opened, but thought that they might not have checked their email. It didn't bother me. Bothers me more if they suddenly stop talking to me and i wonder what i did (or said) that rubbed them the wrong way. (have thought of changing my screen name to "sandpapr".

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 4:11:20 PM

January

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I just have to laugh about this subject of first online approaches...

During the five minutes I was in the collarme profile prey pit, before I realized I had to explicitly write "I'm not looking," I got quite a few messages.

Anyway, one of the Masters sent me a literate, detailed message addressing me in the Gorean fashion.

I was highly amused (I don't say much in my profile, but I do classify myself as a sub). I thought at the time he should have found out if I wanted to be regarded as property first, before he adressed me as such.

I did respond to him politely and say sorry, I was new and was trying to figure collarme out, hadn't completed my profile, and I wasn't looking.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 7:42:47 PM

DomRaymond

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Joined: 6/7/2004
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First replies should be thought out. Be polite and try to find out what the person is like and what experience they have if any. Some people shun Novices. They dont want to take the time to train and/or help the person along. That's a shame. You could be missing out on a good person. Take your time to smell the roses and enjoy the lifestyle.

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RE: first approch online - 6/14/2004 11:39:53 PM

Typcynic

Posts: 27
Joined: 4/27/2004
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Hi dixiedumpling (aka sandpapr),

When you click on "Read Messages" it will show you all of your sent and received messages. The sent ones will also show if and when the message was read or if it was deleted unread.

Hi Sundew02 et al too,

Yes, it's best not having to waste ones time responding to such flaky people but it still makes me wonder why they bother to post an ad in the first place. And thanks for the welcome.

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

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