KnightofMists
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Joined: 7/29/2005
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…. I saw a lot of people in that thread saying that self-mutilative cutting has nothing to do with BDSM. My take on this is that for many cutters, BDSM is intrinsically related to their cutting, and vice-versa. Although self-mutilation and S&M can very well be, and often are, in no way related, they also can be, and often are, intertwined.
Just because they could be intertwined for a specific individual doesn’t make any specific behavior acceptable or unacceptable. So the fact they often intertwined is a rather moot point of no value. It proves nothing and means nothing for in each case it must be considered on the individual circumstances
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Not everyone who ventures into this lifestyle does so from an emotionally healthy, safe, sane, consensual standpoint. Some people enjoy BDSM because it *is* their coping technique. A lot of people only gave up cutting because it was replaced with flogging, or spanking, or whipping. Some people who engage in this play do so because it helps them achieve a psychological balance they can't find anywhere else except through pain. Some submissives/slaves are so because their co-dependency didn't mesh in the vanilla world. Some Dominants find refuge here when their Narcisism didn't work out with a vanilla spouse. We have schitzoaffectives who are perfectly suited for LARP, and abuse victims who found an outlet for their pain in bondage, and rape survivors who kill the demons through role-play, and personality disorders who find solice in protocol.
If a person is motivated to taking up flogging, spanking or whipping to maintain psychological balance, is in fact taking a forum of dependency that is no different than a person taking up alcohol or drugs. Ones motivations for taking on the specific BDSM behavior is critical in assessing if one is doing in a healthy way. Motivated to Cope or to achieve psychological balance is a dependency issue that is doomed to fail since the person is not actually dealing with the underlying issues but suppressing them. Stating that a one takes up flogging, spanking or whipping to achieve psychological balance is also stating that if one does not do these activities they will lack psychological balance. Personally, I think it would be much healthier for everyone concerned if one is already psychological balanced before engaging in BDSM activities. The reality is that some are not and many get hurt because of it.
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I don't think it's appropriate to inherently seperate "mental illness" and BDSM as an "either/or" thing. For many people, BDSM has been the saving grace in life when therapy, pills, support groups, and counseling have failed. Many people have taken unsafe behaviors (such as cutting), and through BDSM have learned to vent or release or cope, by setting healthy parimeters, sharing with others, and implementing less dangerous ways of expressing their emotions, even if it is still through self-mutilation and physical pain. I just can't fathom any benefits in trying to set a line between "I do this because I enjoy it." and "I do this because it makes the pain go away." It's the same behavior, and often with the same intentions, just to different degrees and manifested in what some perceive as a "mentally healthier" manner. BDSM has provided for many, a less detrimental method of obtaining the exact same goal. I don't feel it's our place to judge why someone engages in this lifestyle or to insinuate that someone isn't really a part of this community because they are a self-mutilator, or to assume that self-injury and BDSM aren't related.
I think it is entirely appropriate to separate “Mental Illness” and BDSM. It is important to understand that therapy, pill, support groups and counseling for mental illness are also separate from mental illness. These different avenues are just strategies that can be used to heal oneself from the mental illnesses that plague them. However, when a person uses these techniques to only cope and suppress the underlying issues of the mental issues. BDSM or any other technique is doomed to fail. One must confront and deal with the issues that are attributed to the mental illness. Anything less is just sugar coating the problem so it is not so bitter to swallow.
Just because the behavior is perceived the same doesn’t make it have the same value. The motivations are critical in understanding similar perceived behaviors. No the intentions of one that is mental ill as compared to a person that psychological healthy and stable will have significant differences of motivation to engage in BDSM activities. The mentally ill that is motivated to achieve it to achieve psychological balance. The healthy individual already has psychological balance and seeks BDSM activities for a general increase in their happy lives. The latter is healthy with out it, the former is not and just a time waiting to happen.
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I come from a perspective that "mental illness" is an ever changing concept anyway. "Homosexuality" used to be called a mental illness. 20 years from now "codependency" might be wiped from the books because people will realize that some people are just happier being the pleaser in a relationship. 20 years from that, we might discover that cutters are simply a people who express their emotions better through physical pain than cushy little sofa talk sessions. Geographically mental illness is defined based on the constructs of society. What is considered a "disorder" and "self-mutilation" here, is praised and revered in some tribal societies. Over time and space the definitions of "being in one's right mind" are extremely flexible.
It is true that psychological illnesses have been changing, but so to have physiological illnesses as well. However, comparing Homosexuality and Co-Dependency is like comparing a tree to a dog. The mental illness classification of Homosexuality was routed in prejudice and not creditable science. Co-dependency is not routed in such a history. Also, your thoughts that Co-dependency will be eliminated from the books because some people are just happier being pleasers in a relationship reflects strongly that you have a very limited understanding of what Co-Dependency is.
It is true that some activities that are considered a disorder and self-mutilation are also praised and revered in some tribal societies. However, once again you fail to understanding the underlying motivations for the behaviors in the first place.
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We are first individuals. We take the BDSM lifestyle and mold it around our way of living. We're not BDSMers who form our way of living around the lifestyle. In that sense, cutters, codependants, self-mutilators, etc... are very much related to this lifestyle, if they so choose. They have chosen to outlet their self-mutilation via BDSM (or replace it with BDSM to get the same feelings). There sometimes is no distinguing line between intricate scarification scenes at the dungeon, and burning one's leg with a cigarette in the bedroom in private. Both activities are for the same reason for some people. They've just learned to reach the same goal in different (and sometimes safer) manners.
There is a huge distinction between the motivations of the mentally balanced individual engaged in BDSM activities compared to one that is unstable. Just because the distinction is not so readily apparent to the casual observer doesn’t make it any less real or even acceptable.
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Forming this dichotomy between being in the lifestyle for "healthy" reasons and "unhealthy" reasons is just something I can't get my head around. When I hear people say that SIs are in no way related to BDSM, my first thought is "No? Who told you they aren't related?" Because for a lot of cutters (codependants, Narcisists, etc...) in the lifestyle, one is very much a manifestation of the other.
No they are not manifestations of the other. As long as you continue to blind yourself to the motivations differences between the healthy and unhealthy, you will continue to see similar behaviors as equals.
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Knight of Mists
An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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The dichotomy between mental health & the lifestyle - 
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