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Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 12:48:16 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

OK, so lately I've been seeing these sorts of posts crop up a lot and I wanted to take a moment to provide simple answers to newcomers who are tempted to ask these questions. As the regulars know, I faced a lot of these same questions myself. So here's my lessons learned...

Do I belong here? Yes. If you found this site and are intrigued enough even to ask this question, then clearly you're finding commonality wth some of what you're reading. That means that some others will find interest in what you write. I see it as a given that if you're here to start with, you probably belong.

Is it normal that...? Yes. Or, more precisely, it's normal to be abnormal. People aren't normal in general. It's not just kinksters, it's all of us. There are SOME parts of my relationship which are common with SOME parts of other people's here. That's about the bet you're going to get. And insofar as "normal" in the broader sense... go ahead and try to crisply define that for yourself and you'll see how tenuous that concept is.

Will I find someone who likes...? Yes. Trust me on this. Us humans have been having sex for a long time. Whatever it is, you didn't invent it. Whatever it is, there are others who like it too. And if there were anywhere on the internet that'd such people would gravitate to, this is a pretty good guess.

How do I post without offending...?For starters, you can't. There are hundreds, if not thousands of posters here. Any given day, a few of them will be having a bad hair day. Don't let it get to you. It also helps a lot if you post from your personal viewpoint. Nobody can argue with statements that you make about yourself nor do such statements impose on others. I try to answer questions in the form of, "Well, Carol and I...." You can too. You're experience is just as valid as anyone elses. It goes wonky for the most part when a poster starts talking about what others should do.

Yeah, you belong here. Relax and wade in.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

Post #: 1

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 1:02:27 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

I was about to say,

NO MR. LEADERSHIP YOU ARE NOT NORMAL AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE.. FREAK.

But this is in jest for I am far freakier than thou.

Welcome to the boards. Remember to use the search button. Please for the love of whatever you believe in... use the Search button.
If it does not come up....

go ahead and ask.

I will be sure to be sarcastic/give my opinion.

<more jesting... mmotter does it better>

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 1:03:56 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Beautifully said Jeff

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 1:47:40 PM

VanityFix

Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline

Do I belong here? depends on how pretty you are really,

Is it normal that...? yes, very normal, other people around here are way more fucked, you might wanna spice it up to get some attention

Will I find someone who likes...? nah i doubt it, most folks are doomed to die alone

How do I post without offending...? i fail to see how this would be a good thing.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 1:49:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yeah, I can't get into that last one either. If I don't tick off or offend at least one person a day, people think there is something wrong with Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VanityFix)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 1:49:51 PM

LordDarkPleasure

Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

Also, I'd like to add that you can have lighter kinks without necessarily want the the whole lifestyle and still belong just as much as the extreme edge player and the TPE 24/7 people.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 1:55:05 PM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

It is quite normal. Everyone on this site is normal in their own way but what is normal differs from person to person
Kevin

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 3:00:56 PM

happylittlepet

Posts: 289
Status: offline

Thank you for this post Leadership

.

As one of the newer/st people here, overcoming point 4 is the hardest for me. But as my motto is that in overcoming myself I am stronger than in overtaking a city (paraphrase on an Old Testament verse), I am set to get over it. Kinda like iron sharpens iron.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 3:12:14 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Normal is boring.

BDSM is the new black.

_____________________________

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(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 3:13:14 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I was about to reply...
if you're normal go elsewhere...
then I thought better of it....

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 3:34:01 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

If you think you are abnormal, then you belong here, unless its normal to be abnormal, in which case you don't belong here , but that would mean you are abnormally abnormal which would be a double negative which would be a positive which would be ..................... uh ................................ oh forget it. If you can type you can stay here. *leaves to soak aching head*

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 3:52:09 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

If you think you are abnormal, then you belong here, unless its normal to be abnormal, in which case you don't belong here , but that would mean you are abnormally abnormal which would be a double negative which would be a positive which would be ..................... uh ................................ oh forget it. If you can type you can stay here. *leaves to soak aching head*

If you can hype you can stay here???
*leaves to take of rubber gloves*

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 3:53:48 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Uh yeah... what kiwi said... I think... or not...

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 4:47:55 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~ JEFF!! NO WAY!!! YOURE AN ABBERATION!!!!

*snort*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 4:54:21 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

*laughs* Yeah GT, but I'm Carol's abberation and she finds me adorable for reasons known only to herself.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 5:32:16 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

Well said leadership.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 6:23:41 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If it's consensual and you're both able to understand and give consent, that's all you need.

Although I find that people ask "is this normal" when they really mean "is this something that the average person likes". And that's a totally different thing. Average just refers to numbers as in if 75% of 100 people like it, then it is enjoyed by the average person. But there is nothing wrong with being the outlier. Both far ends of the bell curve are normal, but not average.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 6:26:07 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

Just make damned sure you Google the daylights out your question before bringing it here.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 6:55:45 PM

udaboss

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately.

I feel quite certain it is normal. I didn't think that ten years ago (I thought it could be, but I wasn't sure). The internet has proven that there are just WAY too many people into this stuff for it to be categorized as abnormal.

And really, the most romantic stories in the world have always been about:
pursuit and capture
resistance and surrender
and a million other synonyms for dominance and submission.

Now I know a lot of D/s stuff is purely sexual and romance doesn't really enter into the picture. But even then, what you have are two people trying to merge into a single transcendent being. I mean really, when somebody becomes somebody else's slave, essentially that person becomes an extension of the dominant's will, like part of the dominant partner's body. They exist as a single person, essentially, and that is as beautiful as life gets.

There are, unfortunately, some real lunatics in the scene, but frankly, it's a tiny minority.

I just wish it could've been like this when I was younger. People used to look at this stuff as sick. I mean almost everybody, including many of the people who fantasized about it...and even did it. Of course, some still thing it's sick, but I think probably half of society not only accepts it, but is starting to view it as eccentric fun. Especially younger people who aren't set in their ways and have had the internet as they were growing up to explore their sexuality.

< Message edited by udaboss -- 8/22/2009 6:57:28 PM >

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it normal? Do I belong here? - 8/22/2009 8:19:47 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Do I belong here? Are you insane man??? Of course I don't belong here. My place is at my partner's feet doing unspeakable things with him. What's wrong with you?

Is it normal that... Nope. I am the only freak in the fridge so go find your own icebox to chill out in.

Will I find someone who likes... Hell, no, because it's sick, perverted, and unnatural. I should be ashamed of myself.

How do I post without offending? Be as sweet and nice as me! No seriously, that was a goal???? Now it all makes sense......

lovingpet

who probably needs to lay off the percocet LOL

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 20

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