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literature to introduce a woman to the world of submission - 5/10/2009 12:49:38 PM

goober

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i have a friend who is quite possibly the most submissive woman i know. i've watched her struggle with herself as to how she fits into the world. i'd like to help her understand herself by introducing her to the concept of submission / dominance, but not neccesarily bdsm. she wouldn't be able to talk about such things openly, so could anyone please recommend any literature they found particularly useful in understanding themselves, in either german or english.

thank you

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/10/2009 1:34:07 PM

Mercnbeth

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1984...George Orwell

a pragmatic guide to dominance/submission...sans erotica.

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/10/2009 2:24:48 PM

DarkSteven

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Why literature? Why not this forum?

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/10/2009 3:14:40 PM

dove967

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This is a quality site, and there is a ton of information here. My only concern would be that she might explore other things , some of which may be a little intense or strange for someone with no familiarity. I wonder if perhaps printing out an article written for those who are just curious would better serve the purpose without giving her the wrong impression of D/s or of you for that matter. How well do you know her?

dove

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/10/2009 4:12:56 PM

goober

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Thanks for the replies. I can't exactly imagine her face when I say, "Hey ...., I think it'd really help you if you looked at this site called 'collar me' where BD/SM people talk..."

It would be very intimidating for her, and not the best introduction.

I know her almost like a sister for around ten years. Her current bf is not a D, a jerk, and is taking advantage of her submissiveness, lying and using her for his needs. I want her to try and realise it doesn't have to be like this.

< Message edited by goober -- 5/10/2009 4:13:28 PM >

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Post #: 5

RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/12/2009 1:29:06 PM

DesFIP

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Suggest therapy.

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/12/2009 2:21:45 PM

ranja

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erotic literature:

The Passion by Jeanette Winterson (lesbian aspect)
Girl with the pearl earring by Tracy Chevalier (servant girl)
The red tent by Anita Diamant (women issues growing up in a desert, harim type)
Tipping the velvet by Sarah Waters (lesbian and D/s...i am straight but this was hot hot hot)
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (serving strong D/s aspects)
Notes on a scandal by Zoe Heller (fem teacher with male student and also lesbian aspect)
Delta of Venus, Erotica by Anais Nin (classic)
Cassanova's love stories by Jean Lafargue (haven't read it but i suppose lots of oldfashioned sex in it as he is supposed to be the bestest lover ever)
The Erotic silence of the American wife by Dalma Heyn (eye opener to cheating issues)
these are all mainstream and i very much enjoyed all of these

Screw the roses send me the thorns by Miller&Devon
and this is a very nice but very obvious bdsm handbook

Happy reading, there are movies of some of them but i preferred the books
watch the secretary though!!

< Message edited by ranja -- 5/12/2009 2:23:08 PM >

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/12/2009 3:11:53 PM

tc6907

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"The Secretary" is a movie that I have had vanilla friends borrow from my movie collection and return with positive reviews. It seems to allow a viewer to take it for whatever they want to.

tc

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Post #: 8

RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/12/2009 3:21:04 PM

kitastrophe33

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I found "Come Hither" (by Gloria Brame, I think) to be really useful when I was first introducing my boyfriend to BDSM. I knew right away he'd be great at it, but he had barely even heard of it (don't ask me how). "Come Hither" is definitely basic, but it does do a nice job of normalizing this stuff, so it's not threatening or overwhelming to a vanilla person or newbie.

For further down the road, I read another great book... it's half a collection of stories from the top, and half from the bottom. (Master on one side, and flip the book around for Slave). It's Master/Slave edited by N.T. Morely.... I'm really enjoying reading it with my boyfriend because we'll read a story together and then compare perspectives. It starts useful conversations about what it's like for the other person. Makes me a better sub to know how being a dom feels to him, and he's definitely better at pushing my buttons (the good ones) with a little better understanding of how my role feels to me.

Hope that helps...

(in reply to goober)

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/12/2009 6:08:18 PM

playfulotter

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I think the trilogy by Anne Rice written under the pseudonym A. N. Rouquelaure stands out to me (The Beauty Series)...even though it is a fantasy series the mechanics are there and things you might experience and emotions you might have...I read it even before I even knew there was such a thing as D/s relationships or BDSM for that matter (and I wasn't able to experience it till years later). I did experience like experiences from the books and it was just as good as the fantasy which can't be said for a lot of things. Another older book I liked was called "The Bottoming Book-Or, how to get terrible things done to you by wonderful people"...

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/12/2009 6:16:08 PM

darklight17

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Venus in Furs.

The author's name is where we get the term "masochist". You'll have to imagine the lead is a girl though, but it's the original classic for S/M.

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/13/2009 2:35:40 AM

ranja

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Also
Lolita by vladimir Nabokov (pervert and seductive young girl)
Frogs and Lovers by Judith Summers (cute with nice blindfold scene in it)
Cassandra's conflict by Frederica Alleyn (adult fiction bdsm)
The joy of sex by Alex comfort (a lovely book on how to enjoy sex plainly)

the story of O...haven't read it
and lots of books about Gor...not read either
Ann Rice was nice and I'll put Venus in furs on my list for my holiday, thanks

< Message edited by ranja -- 5/13/2009 2:40:59 AM >

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Post #: 12

RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/13/2009 6:26:16 PM

ExKat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Also
Lolita by vladimir Nabokov (pervert and seductive young girl)

...I don't consider pedophilia to be a part of the BDSM spectrum, and I don't think Humbert or Lolita really qualifies as submissive. Just sayin'...

Also, while Secretary does deal with kink, it also portrays two seriously screwed up characters. If this woman is scared of kink to begin with, then encouraging her via the crazy characters in Secretary may not be a great idea.

I don't know how close you are with this girl, but there is a lot of good, mostly-fluffy slightly-kinky erotica out there. I recently bought a book called "Master/slave" that was depressingly vanilla...but the light spanking that dominated all the stories would be a great introduction to kink without scaring anyone off.

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Post #: 13

RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/13/2009 6:34:50 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Haven't read it but Erotic Surrender by Claudia Varren seems to be the sort of thing you're looking for.

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/16/2009 12:48:31 AM

porcelaine

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i second come hither as well. it was my first read and it was very easy to understand and didn't dumb down topics either. before you thrust her into the bdsm element, you might want to demonstrate that this can exist outside of the lifestyle so to speak. she might feel comfortable perusing the taken in hand website as there are many who have a similar makeup that don't identify or fall under the kink umbrella.

porcelaine

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/16/2009 1:16:10 AM

Fadingthought

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I like the movie Secretary, it shows the good side of bdsm. How it can make people stronger, how it is more than just kinky sex. Movies are easier to pass off to vanilla friends than kinky bdsm books, imo.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 16

RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/16/2009 1:46:11 AM

Miwsi

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Joined: 2/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darklight17

Venus in Furs.

Ooh, your comment had me goin back through some of my Velvet Underground...

Ah, thank you.

(in reply to darklight17)

Post #: 17

RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/16/2009 10:16:47 AM

goober

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wow, i step away due to ill health, and come back to loads of fantastic suggestions. thank you all.

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RE: literature to introduce a woman to the world of sub... - 5/16/2009 5:36:05 PM

stella41b

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Maids, a stage play by Jean Genet.

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