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RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 6:08:10 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		aileen, I've always thought a lot of you. Both in terms of what you are, and also the degree to which you gave 100% of yourself.

You're asking the wrong question. You're asking "Will I be able to get healthy again ever, and how?"

The right question is "How long will it take me to get back, and to what degree will I heal?"

The answer is - I don't know. Nobody does. You're doing the right things - learning to live single again. Getting rid of the things that carry memories. Making new things, new memories. Slowly getting better.

But each person is individual. Each one takes different time to heal. And some heal more imperfectly than others.

I will say that I envy the lucky bastard who gets you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 6:17:02 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot

And I do realize how pathetic I am. A few years ago I would be rolling my eyes and thinking what an idiot if I read this from someone else.

See, you're beating yourself up. That's neither fair, nor accurate. This isn't pathetic. It's grief. It's a demonstration of how deeply your feelings ran, how much of self had been given into and for him.
This is the price we sometimes pay for love.
It sucks. It's awful.

But don't use this as a weapon against you.
You're an awesome lady who's been badly fucked over, but, other than committing the major crime of hoping/loving/caring/trusting, you did nothing wrong-let yourself off the hook a bit.
You ain't pathetic. You're human, which means we're vulnerable, that we can hurt, love, rise, fail, rise again, transcend. You hurt, and that means you risked and loved. Which makes you a 100% winner in my book-waaaaaaay too many people are to scared to do even that, and that includes more than a few bitter angry souls that kick round this neck o the woods.

ETA:
quote:

I will say that I envy the lucky bastard who gets you.

This. One billion times this. It sounds so trite. So cliche. but this case, this gal, OMG is this an accurate statement.


< Message edited by Kana -- 7/7/2013 6:18:29 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 6:44:36 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		IN the midst of a crisis, it is so hard to see any light. We can become so very depressed, that we repeat things in our mind, that keep us in that state. One can feel so exhausted, it is just too much effort to start saying the good things to ourselves. In fact, we want to repeat the things that are making us sad in our mind and hearts because its part of the grieving process, and your just at that point of feeling some true pain, terrible pain. I lived most of my life with no patience, and if something did not come quickly, I gave up and said well that doesn't work!!! It was very stupid. You are not an idiot but someone who had the courage to give completely, totally, and sometimes we pay a price for that, the other person hurts us. Don't let it make you bitter or sad anymore. Be joyful that you are that kind of incredible human being who can give like that!!! Not everyone can is in a position to do that. Having a heart as you have, good things are on your horizon, believe it wholeheartedly, and I promise you it will happen. But remember, it might not happen quickly, and the positive things you say to yourself at first may feel like they are not working, but keep saying them. Start right now. Take the good things people on the forum are saying to you and try to feel it. YOu have some supporters who think you are a beautiful person.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 6:49:08 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		It all depends on where you lost your Optimism. Was it in a shop, in a shopping centre or in a train? All of such places - and police offices as well - usually have a lost & found department. Simply report there what you have lost and there is a slight chance that they may undo your loss.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 7:36:53 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		Thanks for the positive, realistic words. I'm gonna go spend this gorgeous day with my two favorite little girlies.

_____________________________


(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 7:48:17 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I know how you feel. I don't know how long you were with him exactly, but I was with mine on and off for over 10 years.

No one can really say anything perfect to help you feel better; I relate to all your feelings.

The only thing that helps me is that I am finally moving into a place (somewhat) of being apathetic towards my memories of him. I still get angry, but other serious life things are happening to me and thoughts of him are moved to another place.

As everyone says, distractions and doing fun things help. One thing some may disagree with, but I don't think you should even try to date until you feel totally apathetic to him. I did, and I found fault in everyone. So now, I just stopped until whatever happens, happens.

If I never meet anyone again, I will still be happier knowing that I am not with someone who hurt me.

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:04:51 AM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot

I've become so jaded this last year and a half. I realized how bad it's become when I see my responses to threads.
I was always one of those 100% positive people. I was always happy.
How do I get that back?
How do I get to the point where I can believe what a man tells me?
How do I get to the point where I even want to meet a man?
I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being sad.
I've tried all of the basics to move on, but I still find myself stuck in my own personal hell.
I'm moving in a few months so hopefully that will help.... a new place with no ties to old memories.

I'm just tired of the person I've become. I don't like her at all.



This I can help with. You need a new perspective.

You already have a goal. Become positive again.

Now. . . we need to set you some short term goals.

Today, you need to move some furniture. A chair across the room. A new angle for your couch. Move your pictures. Whatever. Make your living space look different.

Tomorrow's goal. . . smile and wave at people that you pass.

Tuesday's goal. . . take a walk and look around you. You can still smile and wave at those you go past.

Wednesday: Scrub your bathroom.

Thursday: Go through your junk/linen/whatever you call it cupboard/space and throw out things you no longer need or use.

Friday: Go to the grocery store and pick out a food you have not tried before.

Saturday: Go buy yourself a flower.

These are small goals, and some are a bit silly. But every accomplishment will make you feel better and more positive. It is a long road, but celebrating the small steps is what we all need to remember to do.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:05:57 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Off topic I know, but sexy... have you seen your profile lately? You may need to go take a look.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:09:15 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Rawni, what do you mean? As a matter of fact, for some reason today, I cannot log into the other side. I can obviously log in here, but when I try to log into they ask for my password and it says it is incorrect. I keep sending forgot password but am receiving no answer. I did not change anything about my profile so not sure what is going on.

I cannot even go to support because it won't let me log in.

Can you do me a favor and ask VAA or someone what is going on? I was fine to log in yesterday and as I said, I have not changed anything.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:10:20 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Darlin, you have been hacked.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:10:57 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, so what do I do about this?

Like I said, if I cannot log in how can I speak to admin?

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/7/2013 8:11:48 AM >

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:11:39 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Her account appears to have been hacked...

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:12:18 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Guys, I am freaking out here, what do I do?

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:14:12 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Guys, I am freaking out here, what do I do?



I sent two messages for you.

Make a new, "temporary" account and look at this one and see if you can figure out who it might be

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:14:48 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks, DS.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:21:34 AM   
VideoAdminChi


Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Your password has been changed and the new one sent to you via the email you used to create the account.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:25:34 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		VideoAdminChi, no, I have not received any email with a new password and I created a temp account to view the one that was hacked. How can we fix this?

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:28:40 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Is it possible that whoever hacked her account has also changed the email in the profile? If that has happened anything you send her is really going to the hacker.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:29:33 AM   
VideoAdminChi


Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		We have a fix that I can't discuss here - please CMail me from your new account.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I've Lost my Optimism... - 7/7/2013 8:30:33 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I don't understand the hacking situation but I have not received any emails for the past hour and a half from Support on how to delete the hacked profile. I created a new temporary one with a new email and wrote VideoAdminChi asking for help on that one.

Someone help, this is really disgusting that some disgruntled maniac would do such a thing.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 40
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