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Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 9:04:53 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		There are so many posts from women asking how to do everything from humiliate a man in public, to degrade him via text only, to turn him into a "sissy maid" or to keep him in chastity for long periods of time.  I imagine on the other side of each of those relationships often is a horny, hopeful submissive who is waiting with anticipation that these acts will come to fruition.

While everyone can give dozens of tips on styles and execution of all these nasty femdom acts, there's one thing no one can tell you to do or show you how to do.  Sadly, it's probably THE one ingredient that you have to have in order to be a believable femdom.  Emphasis on the word believable (vs. the hated "true.").

You have to want to do it.  You have to not only want to do it, you have to, on some level, enjoy it.  Even better is if the desire to do the act is what brings you here; not "the desire to keep/attract/satisfy a man who happens to be a submissive."   Nothing kills a submissive's desire faster than a woman who is doing it just to please him; sure, he may thank you afterwards and even enjoy himself.  But deep down, something will be missing.  It might not come out the first few times, but eventually he will be left with that empty feeling.  He may say to you or himself that what is lacking is an "emotional connection" -- but there are LOTS of people playing casually and having a HELL of a time.  What's missing is YOU not getting off on it.  Or, you FAKING enjoying it.  Sub men can sense/sniff/smell a femdom "faking it" better than they can sense a woman faking orgasm.

If you are a new femdom, keep this in mind as you post your questions about style and technique.  Is the question really "How do I do toilet slavery with my partner?" or is it "How do I do this act and actually find something enjoyable for myself?" or the even more brave, "I can't get my head around the idea that fucking a man with a strap on is actually fun; what is missing for me?"

You may find that you will never enjoy a lot of the acts that submissive men want.  You may find that some really grow on you.  But the one thing you are sure to burn out on is the process of pretending to enjoy a series of acts as you go through the motions.  You can only hide it for so long.

At the core of every submissive fantasy is a woman who thrives on her dominance and enjoys seeing her man submit. Ask any submissive what he'd rather submit to - a series of kinky acts that match his fantasies ideally but are driven by a woman who is just going through the motions, or a smaller portion of his fantasies met but with a woman who LOVES it and you will get the same answer every time.

Akasha


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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 9:39:42 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would imagine there are two types of submissives at each end of the spectrum. One is the submissive who has a list of what turns him on, the other is the submissive that has his own turn ons but finds doing what his Mistress wants the biggest thrill of all. Then you have every possible viewpoint between the two extremes.
The second type will be just as happy whatever he is doing, as long as he is either in Her company or doing it for Her pleasure.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 10:37:45 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I don't care really.  It's just another tool in the repertoire of dominance, though it's a messy one that requires us to move to the bathtub or shower stall, so I am not hugely inclined to use it.   It could be hot in the right context, but since I don't want to get my other toys (bondage gear, floggers, etc) all pissy, it means I have to remove all the bondage and refrain from using any of my nice toys until after he's showered. 

Naah.  Not worth the trouble unless there's a really good reason.   It's on my list of "could be fun and enjoyable", but since it effectively interrupts everything else I could be doing during a scene, it's not usually something I get around to doing.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 11:29:26 AM   
Red82


Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Wow AAkasha, loved the post. i totally agree with you.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 11:49:27 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		AAkasha, yet another time you’ve come up with a really great post.  I resonate with it…but from a slightly different angle.  Right now, I have two men who would like me to Top them. 
 
One is a ‘spanko’ who tries very hard to get me to engage in his fantasy.  Hes sent pictures, cartoons, scenarios…all kinds of stuff about women spanking men.  He’s told me he makes spanking benches and might make one for me so I can put him over it, he’s written long scripts of what he’d like for me to tell him in a scolding tone before I spank him, he’s sent links to Domestic Discipline sites.  He really wants to get spanked…by hand, brush or cane…and scolded in no uncertain terms.
 
The other is a sweet guy who is mostly into kinky sex, I think.  He rather likes the idea of being ‘forced’ to suck a strap-on…and to be taken by it.  Perhaps some face-slapping and hair-pulling could be included; but mostly what he wants is to be anally taken with a strap-on. 
 
But, for each guy that’s it; nothing more.  No floggers, no whips, no clamps, no CBT, no water sports, no bondage, no D/s, no Power Exchange, no wax, no hoods, no knives, no needles, foot worship, no sadism…  none of the things I LIKE!  Oh, I imagine I could get laid…perhaps that would be nice, I dunno.  I’ve only met one of them…I like them both…but….I just cannot bring myself to engage with them.  I’m just not interested in all the limits on me.  Each man seems to think that because I like to Top…I should have a good time topping them.  But…it’s more than that, isn’t it? 
 
What I think is happening here is almost a polar opposite of what you are discussing.  Were I to accommodate them, I’d have such a miserable time I just cannot do it.  What is being offered feels like it’s had all the air sucked out of it, to me.  I would feel the lack of enthusiasm.  I would sense the lack of interest.  I would know I was ONLY doing it to please them…and while I value each man’s friendship in an almost vanilla kinda way, I just can’t bring myself to do something I know will leave me feeling hollow.
 
You make a good point.  It’s gotta be win/win!
 
Beverly

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 11:57:20 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		WEG    As far as peeing on a boy; I love it.  And I don’t much care to do it in a cold, sterile bathroom.  Sometimes I’ve peed over his head in the kitchen…and then made him mop up the puddle.  Most of the time, I pee on him in my well-covered bed; sometimes while I lay my body on top of his, sometimes straddling his hips, sometimes while his face is between my legs (I don’t really care if he swallows or not).  Because my bed is protected with a plastic-lined table-cloth and big ol’ towels…all he has to do is pull it all off the bed when we're finished and put it all into the washing machine for a hot-wash.  Piece o’cake!  J   
 
I find this kind of play very intimate…and only sometimes dominant.  Either pushes my hot-button.   I like curious, exploratory, submissive men!
 
B

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 12:05:53 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am possibly going off at a tangent here, and if so i apologise. While a Mistress may entertain the idea of doing something she does not like,either to please Her submissive or test Her own limits. If that particular kink becomes the be all and end all of a session, because the submissive enjoys it, then surely the submissive is the one in control.
To me if a submissive just wants to do one particular act then he isnt a submissive, just a guy who likes kinky sex.

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 12:30:21 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		 

 
BINGO!


...of course, that would NOT be a bad thing; just not something I was looking for.  Yanno?

B





< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 5/8/2007 1:01:37 PM >

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 12:58:11 PM   
needDomme


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		You sure hit the nail right on the head!!!  Very well articulated.  Than k you.

need

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 1:31:08 PM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		I would suggest that a Domme who does not want to do something should not do it. Is that not why we list or experiences and what we enjoy, so we can find someone compatible with us?

I would not even consider sending a memo to a Domme who liked something I could not stand or who did not like something I really enjoyed, seems doomed to failure in my book. Then again, that may be why I am single, lol.

(in reply to needDomme)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 2:55:03 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Absolutely--unless you can figure out what's in it for you, you're probably not going to want to do it. Whatever "it" is. And if it's most important to your partner that you're doing what *you* want irrespective of his desires, then if you're communicating that you're doing "it" because *he* wants it, it's not going to work very well.

However, if you're spanking your partner, or binding your partner, or pissing on your partner because your partner wants it, and you find something about this fulfilling, congratulations! You have the makings of an awesome service top or submissive sadist!

Monica

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 3:11:54 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Red82

Wow AAkasha, loved the post. i totally agree with you.



Ditto and AMEN!

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Red82)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 4:27:04 PM   
DrPleasure


Posts: 74
Joined: 9/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There are so many posts from women asking how to do everything from humiliate a man in public, to degrade him via text only, to turn him into a "sissy maid" or to keep him in chastity for long periods of time.  I imagine on the other side of each of those relationships often is a horny, hopeful submissive who is waiting with anticipation that these acts will come to fruition.

While everyone can give dozens of tips on styles and execution of all these nasty femdom acts, there's one thing no one can tell you to do or show you how to do.  Sadly, it's probably THE one ingredient that you have to have in order to be a believable femdom.  Emphasis on the word believable (vs. the hated "true.").

You have to want to do it.  You have to not only want to do it, you have to, on some level, enjoy it.  Even better is if the desire to do the act is what brings you here; not "the desire to keep/attract/satisfy a man who happens to be a submissive."   Nothing kills a submissive's desire faster than a woman who is doing it just to please him; sure, he may thank you afterwards and even enjoy himself.  But deep down, something will be missing.  It might not come out the first few times, but eventually he will be left with that empty feeling.  He may say to you or himself that what is lacking is an "emotional connection" -- but there are LOTS of people playing casually and having a HELL of a time.  What's missing is YOU not getting off on it.  Or, you FAKING enjoying it.  Sub men can sense/sniff/smell a femdom "faking it" better than they can sense a woman faking orgasm.

If you are a new femdom, keep this in mind as you post your questions about style and technique.  Is the question really "How do I do toilet slavery with my partner?" or is it "How do I do this act and actually find something enjoyable for myself?" or the even more brave, "I can't get my head around the idea that fucking a man with a strap on is actually fun; what is missing for me?"

You may find that you will never enjoy a lot of the acts that submissive men want.  You may find that some really grow on you.  But the one thing you are sure to burn out on is the process of pretending to enjoy a series of acts as you go through the motions.  You can only hide it for so long.

At the core of every submissive fantasy is a woman who thrives on her dominance and enjoys seeing her man submit. Ask any submissive what he'd rather submit to - a series of kinky acts that match his fantasies ideally but are driven by a woman who is just going through the motions, or a smaller portion of his fantasies met but with a woman who LOVES it and you will get the same answer every time.

Akasha




Paragraph 3 is so on point.  A femdom cannot supplicate to the submissives desire.  It kills the power exchange.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 4:31:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		AAkasha, it was indeed a wonderful post.  I think I'm seeing it differently than some others, as I'm taking the title more in a figurative sense, rather than a literal one.  I don't really think the core of the subject is water sports.
 
If that is the case, I completely agree.  No matter what activity is being done between a Domme and a submissive, there is a key element missing if the Domme is not enjoying what they are partaking in.  It seems to Me that, for example, if the Domme doesn't really enjoy using a flogger on Her boy, but is only doing it for the submissive's pleasure, it almost equates to faking an orgasm, just for his benefit.  It makes the situation less 'real' (also avoiding the word true here) and sooner or later, the performance is found out.  There is a huge difference between actually enjoying something and 'playing the part'.
 
Going further on this line of thinking, I don't want to be misinterpreted as saying that no one should ever try anything new, just because it is a desire of the submissive and the Domme has yet to participate in it.  That's not the case.  In each new dynamic, there is almost always going to be one thing or another that one party is going to have more experience in.  If you are trying something new, and it isn't especially a thrill, the submissive is going to know at some point.  What might be a turn on as a fantasy, might turn out to be not so great once done r/t.  I'm not saying don't try, but if the experiment is a failure, but up front and honest about it.  That's why We used to have periods of consideration.  A get to know each other time to see how well W/we fit on different levels.
 
Anyone can 'fake' being a Domme for a period of time, but if it's not in your blood, it's going to unravel.  There has to be something in the core of you that wants to be a Dominant.

Edited for a grammer mistake.  I'm sure there are more of them.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/8/2007 4:34:02 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 4:35:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Red82

Wow AAkasha, loved the post. i totally agree with you.



Just a side note, red82.  You look much different without the beard.

(in reply to Red82)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 4:41:39 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Wow....!!!!! That's probably the most insightful post of yours I've ever read.... And yours are always very good. You know your subs well and what makes em tick....

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 4:53:13 PM   
GuidingLite


Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline 		mine learned that golden showers can be a very intimitate act and one that makes her feel so submissive.  even when she ejaculated.  i always  made her squirt/gush/flood, usually very heavily and it was obvious sometimes the fluid she  gushed was sometimes orgasm piss.

(in reply to stockingluvr54)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 5:11:44 PM   
Red82


Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Just a side note, red82.  You look much different without the beard.


Tell me about it. My philosophy professor did not even recoginize me yesterday. When the class was recieving back our posistion papers and i asked for mine, she was quite suprised. Said she was wondering who the guy in the back was.


(in reply to GuidingLite)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 5:38:19 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		AAkasha:

You have outdone yourself with this post.
This is where I am.  I can do strap ons, and I can do toilet training; however, I feel like I am doing it for him and not for me.  I am missing out on the pshycological kink.
I am going to work on it.  Thanks.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? - 5/8/2007 8:01:25 PM   
needDomme


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		You are all so correct in that the Domme must enjoy the activity, or there is no point. A Domme must be a Domme at heart. That's why a vanilla spouse could never make it work, no matter how hard she tried.

need

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 20
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