RE: training your top. no flames

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RE: training your top. no flames - 5/20/2007 9:25:51 AM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I think that the training period is training for both Dom and sub, its called training the sub I think because well Doms dont want to admit they need the training to but the fact is they are going through the training together and the Dom is really beeing trained as much as the sub is!!

Magik's slave

hmm....damn us dominants for being so egotistical that we can't admit to having learned a thing or two.

For the purpose of the rest of this discussion...assume I am NOT talking about casual play partners or tops and bottoms. Also I am not speaking about "new dominants" who are still clueless.

Every single day I learn something new. I crave learning and thrive on change. There is a difference between skills and learning your "new" sub or slave. Once you have a skill, you have it. You may learn a new technique for doing it or a way to improve it somehow....but once I know how to throw a single tail that's it. I know it. I will not change what I know that based on who's at the end of it.

A skill a sub aquires, for example, eye contact restrictions, may have to relearned for another dominant. There are many dominants who require a slave to not make eye contact. If my slave was trained in this he will have to relearn because I demand eye contact. I personally believe seeing one's eyes tells a story that no other body part or sound can.

A sub or slave has to learn the particulars of what an owner wants in basics. For example Robert has to learn how to keep my multiple toy bags neat and organized for MY wants. Not how he wants or what he may learned from a different dominant.

I have to learn how to properly train him to carry out this request. What sort of a learner is he? Can I simply tell him and he's got it? Do I need to stand over him and watch him do it because he learns by doing? I also need to know if he has preconceived notions about how toys should be arranged. That could be a block for him doing this to my specifications.

So while people speak of training a sub, yes...the dominant is learning as well...he is learning the intricacies of his new ward.

Of course if the dominant is 18 and never held a singletail, a length of rope or a flogger...we have a whole different story.

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RE: training your top. no flames - 5/20/2007 9:34:18 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Its not so much training with a Dominant. Training is commands and teaching directly. Dominants have a definate learning curve, but it isnt one that the sub or slave has to instruct. It is usualy one that the Dom picks up through observation and experimentation, whereas the sub or slave is actually commanded.

DV

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RE: training your top. no flames - 5/20/2007 11:14:28 AM

Masque66

Posts: 185
Joined: 5/4/2007
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Though my experience has been limited so far, I can assure you that I've found no better teacher so far than my subs. Of course I can't really tell them that. But each session teaches me a bit more and allows me to go into the next one with more confidence in my abilities.

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Post #: 23

RE: training your top. no flames - 5/20/2007 3:03:53 PM

earthycouple

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Masque66

Though my experience has been limited so far, I can assure you that I've found no better teacher so far than my subs. Of course I can't really tell them that.

You can't? Why not?

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Post #: 24

RE: training your top. no flames - 5/21/2007 2:59:16 AM

HeavansKeeper

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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<QR>

Training a top is more subtle. It sheers the dynamic between top and bottom when the bottom makes rules and requests during play. Aftercare and before play are acceptable times to make finite rules (hard limits, health care needs, even desires). During a scene, a top must be attuned enough to gather what his/her pet needs and wants. My Pet needs permission to cum, but she wouldn't ask for it. She knows that I will pick up on her signs. She once told me she liked a bit a choking, but I had already learned that from how she squealed. If a couple (or more, whatever really) lack the ability to read eachother, they should try some exercises until one can read some of the other's thoughts.

If the dynamic needs to be protected, perhaps a code can be worked out. A scale of how well the slave is liking things. Certain phrases can be reworked. In play, "No Master! Please! Anything but there!" could mean "It's my favorite" (if you're into force play).

The point is, the only rules that exist are the ones you play with.

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RE: training your top. no flames - 5/21/2007 3:00:51 AM

ready4srvce4all

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I suppose, even as a novice, I am providing some training for Mistress, despite that She has many years of experience and Her skills are keen. She is learning what I can handle, what comes easily to me, what areas are more difficult for me to grasp. Learning to me is synomynous with training. Even something as discussing limits, there is training taking place.

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RE: training your top. no flames - 5/21/2007 3:41:15 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
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Master and i have looked at all the finest Domly schools but there just SO expensive ! He decided to home school LOL...seriously though...He and i are learning together....We are each others 1st....

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Post #: 27

RE: training your top. no flames - 5/22/2007 10:15:03 AM

michelleryder

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Joined: 5/18/2007
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Although both my master and myself both had previous experience he uses the expression that we've "grown" together. Isn't that the same thing just phrased differently?

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Post #: 28