Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to sensitive persons


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to sensitive persons Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to sensi... - 5/9/2007 9:00:27 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		i apologize in advance to any who are offended by this post. i am in no way racist, and am appalled by this.

Hi. i am a married slave. i am 22, He is 40. i thought i knew everything about Him...until tonight, talking with Him and a friend about culture and society. He asserted that He is by no means racist, but uses racist slurs for people who are idiots (i.e., the n word for blacks, w.b. for Hispanics...if you don't know the actual slurs, ask me if you need to know, and i'll tell you. i do not like writing them, let alone saying them). To me, this is highly offensive, and i asked Him why He does not just call them all fucking idiots, like they are. He said 'because those terms are there for those races for a reason'. Then, He asserted that His children will not be allowed to date anyone not white, because if they get married and have children, it would 'water down the bloodline.' His bloodline is German, descended from nobility and royalty, and He says He has 'racial pride,' and will not allow his bloodline to be watered down.

When i tried to talk to Him about this, asking Him if He would prefer His children date a) a stupid boy who is rude, ignorant, and an asshole, and happens to be white, or b) a well-educated, polite, and 'nice' boy, who happens to be black...He said "Neither. There are perfectly good white boys out there, that He knows there're out there. A little later, He was yelling at me about racial pride and that i don't understand or respect His ancestry, which isn't the case...i finally got up, and went to do something else, because i couldn't sit there and listen to His racist ideals. We don't have children now, and now i am very unsure if i -ever- want kids with Him, because i'm afraid He will teach them to be racist, too.

Part of me wants to run for the hills and never look back...i hate racist people, and i have lost a lot of respect for Him because He is racist, and there is a part of me that hates Him very much for His ignorant racism. But the rest of me says 'No, you love this man; He is your Master and your husband, and whether you agree with Him or not, you belong to Him and should tolerate it.'  But the hatred of people just because of the colour of their skin or because of their genes...that is not something i tolerate, nor is it something i ever learned was to be tolerated.

What should i do? i feel like i've failed, because i have this hatred of this part of Him, when i should love all of Him, and because i can no longer respect Him fully...advice, please??
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:08:55 PM   
needDomme


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		If you no longer respect him (which is understandable), the earlier you split up, the easier it will be. I don't mean to pass judgement on him, but this seems to be a very major issue in your relationship.

If one's Dom/me is not to be respected, there is no reason for the relationship. There are many fish in the sea.

Just my opinion.

need

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:11:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Don't be afraid that he will raise them racist. Know that he will, at least try, to raise them racist. Know that chances are they will have friends who aren't white and know there is a decent chance of them being romantically interested in someone who isn't white. Now ask yourself you want to have an UM in that situation and if you can happy not having UMs.

As for the other questions: I suspect we all have things that we don't like about our doms/masters/owners. Some have bigger faults then others. It's all a matter of if you can live with it. Now, I can't tell you if you should leave or not, but I can tell you what I would do. I would tell him that this is a hard limit for me and that if he wants to keep me, he needs to work on his racism. If he wouldn't, I would leave my collar and a note explaining that I won't live around such hatred nor will I risk bringing UMs into the world to be raised around it.

By the way, I don't why you think you've failed unless it's simply that you didn't notice this until now.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/9/2007 9:13:33 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:11:51 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I suppose getting a Black Dom on the side would totally piss him off?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:12:54 PM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		You have not failed. Just remember, you have not failed. You did not see this side of him. Now you have, and now you choose. 

(in reply to needDomme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:14:28 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Consent only is valid for each instant. It does not matter what you have consented to in any instant previous to this instant, what is consented to is only what is consented to now. That you belong to him dissolves the second that you tell him that you don't, verbal and written agreements don't change this. For this reason your question is unrelated to BDSM. You are asking a general relationship question, BDSM does not factor into it.

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:16:25 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		My suggestion would be to really talk this out. I can't believe this hadn't come up before you got married...but hind sight is 20/20, I suppose.
 
He needs to know how much this upsets you and affects your respect for him. Try to bring it up in a way that is as non-confrontational as possible. I'm not sure that there is anything that you can do to change his mind, but, at the very least, you can let him know how much this has affected your view of him and your relationship.
 
I don't know if you've discussed having children, but I would also bring up your doubts about that, as well.
 
Fighting about it won't open his mind...but maybe some time and communication can help him understand how important this issue is to you, as well.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:26:36 PM   
Cyrano1


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings damia:
  I was drawn to this post and would like to state that your Master does sound to have some very distinct cultural and dogmatist traits and views. I can as well grasp a large part of His reasoning but must say that it is quite antiquated and merit challenged but He is completly entitled to believe as He sees fit and you as His slave should have taken more time to delve into who He was and His standings before accepting His collar if these views are so problematic for you.
  I must say however that there is a high almost certain probability that if there are children that He will impart His views onto them you will need to take this as you can I n My opinion you both need to have some long in-depth discussions as soon as possible.

< Message edited by Cyrano1 -- 5/9/2007 9:28:56 PM >

_____________________________


Cyrano

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:37:23 PM   
Masque66


Posts: 185
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		*shakes head in wonder* No master is perfect, they all have flaws.  But there are two kinds of flaws, the ones that only affect the self and those that affect others.  Not only will this flaw affect your relationships, but they will affect those of your progeny as well.  If this isn't the man you want your children to look up to then perhaps it's time to end your slavery.

(in reply to Cyrano1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:37:25 PM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I suppose getting a Black Dom on the side would totally piss him off?


LOL

_____________________________

owned by painarranger

I am His loyal slave

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:40:48 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		you guys seem to have a new problem every month, first it was his uncontrollable anger, then it was organization, then it was something else now this.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:42:40 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		In my mind, it is not a simple matter of ending the relationship...we are married. i have promised to love, honour, and obey Him until death do us part, and i do not believe in divorce except under extreme circumstances.

i love Him very much, and i know we are very good for each other, but....this really bothers me. He said we need to talk tomorrow, and i'm pretty sure it's about me walking away while He was talking, and i will be bringing up my problem with His racism then. It really bothers me...is there some way that i can help Him be less racist, or not racially tolerant altogether? i grew up very tolerant, personally.

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:46:33 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

In my mind, it is not a simple matter of ending the relationship...we are married. i have promised to love, honour, and obey Him until death do us part, and i do not believe in divorce except under extreme circumstances.

i love Him very much, and i know we are very good for each other, but....this really bothers me. He said we need to talk tomorrow, and i'm pretty sure it's about me walking away while He was talking, and i will be bringing up my problem with His racism then. It really bothers me...is there some way that i can help Him be less racist, or not racially tolerant altogether? i grew up very tolerant, personally.



You can only help him if he decides that he wants help. Other then that, you will simply be banging your head against a brick wall.

Frankly, if the both of you want children, I would consider this to be an extreme circumstance if he won't consider amending his viewpoint because that kind of hatred is not an enviroment I would ever consider bringing children. This is going to affect not only him, not only you, but your children, your children's spouses (who may have mixed families), your children's friends, your grandchildren, etc. It is the sort of thing that could cause your children to simply cut their father (and possibly you) out of their lives completely once grown.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:52:19 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		It is really odd that you didnt notice that prior to marrying him.  May I ask how long you knew him before you married?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

In my mind, it is not a simple matter of ending the relationship...we are married. i have promised to love, honour, and obey Him until death do us part, and i do not believe in divorce except under extreme circumstances.

i love Him very much, and i know we are very good for each other, but....this really bothers me. He said we need to talk tomorrow, and i'm pretty sure it's about me walking away while He was talking, and i will be bringing up my problem with His racism then. It really bothers me...is there some way that i can help Him be less racist, or not racially tolerant altogether? i grew up very tolerant, personally.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:57:34 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't go into the conversation looking to change him. You'll surely be disappointed. Racism is rarely a logical thing, so typically you'll end up in a circular argument without any meaningful debate.
 
I would go into the conversation letting him know how much this upsets you, and that you feel blind-sided by this part of his personality. Don't question or devalue his views, as wrong as they appear to be. You'll just be in for an argument that goes nowhere. Try to get your feelings across and maybe he will be more open-minded to your views and feelings on the subject, rather than trying to make him more open-minded, as a whole.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 9:57:41 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		We knew each other almost a year before getting married. We have been married 3 months.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 10:08:50 PM   
MissDiscipline


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline 		Explain to him that you are the Queen of England and do not appriciate his "royalty " dellusions of grandeur- and if he continues with that nonsense you will only serve him cake. Or you can just let him know you  are leaving him for  the   mixed black and  hispanic  20 y/o who works at the Mcdonalds down the street - who hates white  men but loves their women-

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 10:18:03 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I think that it's important in the early stages of a relationship to find out your partner's feelings on something as important as racism. It would appear that this relationship has been moving rather quickly, according to your previous posts....and especially in light of some of the issues that you have shared. A post from only 6 months ago reveals that you were not living together at that time nor had any impending marriage plans....and only 6 short months later you are married 3 months. A post from only 5 months ago talks of serious issues with uncontrollable anger.

Today, those facts are really pretty irrelevant to your current dilemma. You are married to a racist. You really have only two choices here damia. You can choose to stay and raise any children you may have with a racist....or you can choose to leave. One thing that is NOT an option is turning him into someone that is not a racist.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 10:21:37 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		I agree that trying to change his views may surely be futile. It's been done, though very rarely. This really comes down to a serious compatability issue in my opinion. As you have said, you love this man, and hate him for his racism. If I may offer something I learned from my grandmother, who was a "survivor". When speaking to him about how strongly you feel about this and how you feel about him, remember, Hatred is it's own fuel.

< Message edited by szobras -- 5/9/2007 10:23:11 PM >

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to s... - 5/9/2007 10:31:34 PM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		Your husband sounds like he is embracing a white nationalist/white supremacist perspective. I see this as a serious problem for you in the future as it could color a lot of the day to day life you inhabit with him. I don't like to generalize as a rule but people who think like you've described he does are normally quite rigid and narrow minded; this kind of thinking extends to other ideals as well.

I think it's a given that he'll attempt to pass these beliefs onto your children. If you desire children you would have to live with this kind of ignorance being imposed on them or have incessant power struggles and argument over the topic. These beliefs are normally ingrained deep from childhood and are difficult to change, even if one desires to change them.

You also mention that he was yelling at you about racial pride etc. (sounds like ranting to me). I do hope you don't have an abusive personality on your hands, damia, but you certainly have a narrow minded bigot on them. You're in a fix for sure and I don't see this as having a happy ending unless you cave in and give up your own ethics and integrity. I don't see this as optional in any relationship in my life but you have your own choices to make.

I do agree with some of the others that having children doesn't seem like a wise move in the near future, at least certainly not until you get to know this man much much better. Racially prejudiced people that talk about keeping the bloodline pure are usually (for lack of a better phrase) "crazy," in my opinion. Please be careful, damia.

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Racist...warning, this may be highly offensive to sensitive persons Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078