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Jealousy - 5/10/2007 11:54:26 PM

MadameStar

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/25/2007
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Hi im a switch and have came across a little problem,i just wondered if anyone else has had this problem and how you dealt with it.I dont see my Dom very often as he works away alot and i have a sub, it turns out that my sub is very jealous of my Dom even though the two have never met or ever will meet .I have alot of feelings for both of them espcially my Dom hes my sons father so we will always have that special tie and ive no idea how to deal with the situation.Any ideas?

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RE: Jealousy - 5/11/2007 6:20:09 AM

Eldritchdancer

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What is your sub jealous of? The time you spend with your Dom, when he is home? The affection and devotion you give to him?

Once you know the root cause, you can work on a solution. And I'd explain to the sub that your Dom will -always- have a special place in your regard because of the child. If your sub can't deal with that, well.....

And why will the two of them never meet? If your sub were to meet your Dom, she might like him as a person and not be jealous anymore.

Master Darkmoon

(in reply to MadameStar)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/11/2007 8:02:55 AM

MadameStar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eldritchdancer

What is your sub jealous of? The time you spend with your Dom, when he is home? The affection and devotion you give to him?
You are spot on with this
Once you know the root cause, you can work on a solution. And I'd explain to the sub that your Dom will -always- have a special place in your regard because of the child. If your sub can't deal with that, well.....
I made it very clear from the start about my Dom
And why will the two of them never meet? If your sub were to meet your Dom, she might like him as a person and not be jealous anymore.
Both are male and do not wish to meet each other
Master Darkmoon

(in reply to Eldritchdancer)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/11/2007 5:20:44 PM

hawkwolf7

Posts: 85
Joined: 10/24/2004
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I don't know if this fits your situation, but since it is a possibility, I thought I would share.

My very first D/s relationship was with a woman who was a Fem Dom, but for whatever reasons, she desired to be submissive to me. So, while she is technically a switch, there are very few people she would consider being submissive to. In other words, she was effectively a Fem Dom. Anyway, she had several submissives of her own, and their relationships preceeded ours. Our relationship caused a lot of discomfort for one of her submissives. She would have to walk away whenever we played.

After several months, all three of us working to build relationships together, as human beings instead of BDSM roles, we discovered the problem. My submissive's submissive was uncomfortable because she had placed her Mistress on a pedestal. And one of the strongest pillars of this pedestal was that her Fem Dom was the meanest, toughest bitch around, (which she really was), and seeing her submit to my will, (or anyone for that matter) knocked that pillar away, and sent the pedestal crashing down.

In other words, part of the "stroke" she got from being submissive to her Mistress was the knowledge that not many could or would be able to take on her role. And that she was a favorite of one of the communities feared and respected edge players. So, she felt a loss when her Fem Dom would submit to anyone. It just didn't match her "image" of her Mistress.

Fortunately, the three of us became good friends, and upon occasion, the submissive would serve me as well as her Mistress. For my part, I tried to be sensitive to her needs, and would limit our D/s play to the times she wasn't there.

So, MStar, I have no idea if your submissive shares any of this dynamic. If so, then I hope that my story will be helpful to you.

But, if it is as simple as your submissive being unwilling or unable to share your attention, it has been my experience that a relationship structure like yours (linear poly) simply cannot support feelings of jealousy by any of its members. Well, that's not quite true, but the person who will take the most damage from the jealousy is you.

Sincerely,
HawkWolf

< Message edited by hawkwolf7 -- 5/11/2007 5:26:28 PM >

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RE: Jealousy - 5/12/2007 11:38:22 AM

RoninTyger

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Joined: 12/12/2006
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just beat him till hes happy! then tell him everytime he gets jealous he wont get beat for three days . sort of reverse dog training but it might work. if that doesnt work lock him in the closet for a while, three weeks should do the trick.
SINcerly Michael

(in reply to hawkwolf7)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/12/2007 12:28:55 PM

MadameStar

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found out the reason was he cant handle the fact ive a emotional involvement with Dom so have called it a day with sub as he said he would never accept it and basically gave me a choice him or my sons father (even tho hes my ex lol) as far as im concerened i wont ever hurt my son from having no contact with his dad so there was one choice to be made and thats bye bye sub

(in reply to hawkwolf7)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/12/2007 4:15:58 PM

hawkwolf7

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MS,

I'm sorry to hear that. But, I applaud you for making the hard decision. Well done!

HW

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p.s. Everything I write is simply one person's opinion: mine. Feel free to take what is useful and blow off the rest.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.

(in reply to MadameStar)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/13/2007 7:48:06 PM

Lynae78

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Joined: 8/15/2006
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that was pretty low of him, to put an ultimatum on you like that. sounds like a dumb ass, and you are well rid of him :)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/14/2007 3:52:28 AM

HeavansKeeper

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I would make patience and dealing with the fact that you have a Dom a part of your sub's training. I don't know the three of you, but I will assume your Dom was around first. That means he was a part of your life before the sub showed up.

In a vanilla situation, it's like dating a person who has children. If you get into that relationship, the children still exist.

(in reply to Lynae78)

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RE: Jealousy - 5/19/2007 2:55:25 PM

ready4srvce4all

Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
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MadameStar, I would discuss the issue with Your sub, as others have already mentioned, and attempt to find the root of the jealousy.

My Mistress is married, and on occaisions sees old play partners. That is who She is, and was very upfront about this with me. What's important for me is that I am Her slave. I have a special relationship just between the two of us that none of the others can come between, as I can't come between theirs. Your sub should embrace the special position held, because it is totally different from the other relationship You have.

You, as well as my Mistress, have needs that one person doesn't or can't fulfill. Your sub can only fulfill one part, and if You can talk with Your sub and let he or she know that they hold a special place that no one else occupies, then that might help alleviate the jealousy.

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