One You Just Can't Handle (Full Version)

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AmazonLady -> One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:00:39 PM)

Last night with Daddy I had an experience where I had to ask Daddy to stop, as I just could not handle the pain. This hasn't happened to me before - ever.

I've been paddled with paddles, and floggers, hands, and broken wooden wands. Recently was whipped with a self made Tye Wrap Flogger, that flayed my ass and breasts.

I enjoy the pain, I like the feeling, the sting the burn, the slap..I am His little painslut.

The belt stopped me in my tracks last night. Belts have always reminded me of my biological father, and that is not a good headspace for this girl.

Belts do it to me everytime. The pain feels BAD. Wrong bad, hurts wrong.

Has this, or something like this happened to someone else.



MagiksSlave -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:05:36 PM)

Um hon if you know this about yourself then why not just make belts a no go?? Does you daddy not care so much that knowing a belt is emotionaly bad for you that he would chose to use it anyway.

I have similar triggers as you to abuse in my past and all I know is Master goes out of his way to avoid them, he expect, no demands that I tell him when we have hit one that neather of us may have know about befor so that he can avoid it in the future!!

he enjoys.... loves causing my body pain but he refuses to cause my heart and mind any and I love him so much for that

Magik's slave



Celeste43 -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:08:01 PM)

Something that brings up flashbacks of abuse are usually hard limited until and unless the sub feels ready to try to work through the problem. That means you deciding you don't want the belt to do that to you and you want to turn it into something with good associations and not bad. Should such a time occur, it is suggested he start by just leaving it out, asking you to kiss it, sliding it over you without any pain etc. Even just wrapping it around a bed post and asking you to hold onto it during sex could help to change the associations in your memory.

However he can't be the one to initiate this since the more he tries, the worse your fear will be. You have to decide you want to change it. And some things frankly aren't worth that much trouble. Especially since there are so many other things you can play with that don't require so much work.



AmazonLady -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:18:29 PM)

quote:

Um hon if you know this about yourself then why not just make belts a no go?? Does you daddy not care so much that knowing a belt is emotionaly bad for you that he would chose to use it anyway.


I've always known belts bothered me, but as one hadn't been used on my in this way before (I should add I am new to BDSM, is there levels? *chuckle* Make me a Novice) Daddy does care very much for and about me, this is why He stopped when I asked, and we worked through it and decided against the belt.

quote:

  Should such a time occur, it is suggested he start by just leaving it out, asking you to kiss it, sliding it over you without any pain etc. Even just wrapping it around a bed post and asking you to hold onto it during sex could help to change the associations in your memory.


Terrific idea! Just the thought of gripping and tugging against it brings me pleasure. I do wish to work through these emotions, ty.

I do also wonder if it is the 'kind' of pain the belt delivers - because I know I've been touched harder before.

Perhaps I prefer the thud, ripple of thinner impliments - to a slap of belt



slaveluci -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:24:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AmazonLady
The pain feels BAD. Wrong bad, hurts wrong.
Has this, or something like this happened to someone else
Well, something similar but nothing to do with pain.  i have a phobia about having my arms restrained straight down by my sides while i'm sitting or lying flat on my back.  Any other way, shape, or form is cool but because of a childhood trauma, sitting or being flat on my back with my arms tight at my sides freaks me out.  i start to panic big time.  Master is well aware of this and does not do this with me.  However, on a couple of occasions He has worked with me on this issue by tying my arms rather loosely by my sides and then having me sit, for instance, on the edge of the bed as He stands there, hand on my shoulder, talking me through it and reassuring me.  i know this may sound silly to some but to me it's a major issue that must be dealt with.  By making Him fully aware of how much trouble i had with this, i invited His help in overcoming it.  There is nothing shameful in having lingering effects from something that was done to you without your consent.  But, for me, i didn't want them to inhibit Master's use of me so i welcomed Him helping me overcome them.  It has led to some very beautiful moments and strengthened O/our bond and i'm happy to report it's becoming less and less of a problem[:)].........slave luci 



MagiksSlave -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:25:24 PM)

Ok, I know where you are comeing from like I said me and Master are still tripping over some mine feilds left behind by my past abuse and we have been together for about 9 months, I wasnt saying anything bad about your daddy but you didnt mention this was the first time and that he agreed not to use it any more and that to me makes a big difference. I know what you are going through and if you want advise or just need to talk about it feel free to give me a hollar on the other side, I have managed to come up with many things to get over a bunch of the flashbacks (Master can even touch and rubs my shoulders now without me freaking out that used to be a big trigger for me though he is the only one I still feak out when others touch me there) I dont want to get any more into it here on the public baords but Id be glad to talk with you if you drop me a message on the other side!!

Magik's slave



slaveish -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 3:59:27 PM)

I triggered one time and had a flashback, broke my restraints and hurled my (very surprised) Sir to the floor. Needless to say, that play was off-limits for awhile. Nothing says "hard limit" like a PTSD episode.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 4:14:33 PM)

Everybody has landmines...psychological triggers that set off negative emotions or experiences. You're being brave to step on them. If it's something that you want to get through, take it very slowly and do a LOT of internal work and communicating. Therapy might not be a bad idea, either.

Master Fire



slaveish -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 5:19:32 PM)

Agreed, Master Fire. The incident got me to professional therapy and now the world is a whole new (beautiful) place.



mp072004 -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 5:53:37 PM)

Sure, lots of people (too many, sadly) have triggers from unpleasant past experiences--PTSD of one sort or another. I have. You can try to desensitize yourself to them or you can avoid them. It's generally wise to decrease your sensitivity to a trigger if it's something you encounter frequently and if it would be difficult to avoid it. If you can avoid something without much difficulty, then it's a harder choice--I've usually opted to desensitize myself in those cases, but I can't tell you whether that would be the best choice for you.




AmazonLady -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 7:24:03 PM)

quote:

However, on a couple of occasions He has worked with me on this issue by tying my arms rather loosely by my sides and then having me sit, for instance, on the edge of the bed as He stands there, hand on my shoulder, talking me through it and reassuring me.  i know this may sound silly to some but to me it's a major issue that must be dealt with. 
slave luci

This is fantastic, I thank you for sharing it. It doesn't sound silly. I have heard many times in both my readings, and from Daddy, "If I do not know, you must tell me - what Master knows, He can deal with". It is so important to us, so it to is important to our owners that they are in tune with out bodies.

quote:

I know what you are going through and if you want advise or just need to talk about it feel free to give me a hollar on the other side
MagiksSlave

I am going to contact you off board. Thank you.

I have this irrational belief/fear that next time Daddy and I play with pain that I will slip back into this mindframe. I enjoy the pain, find such a relese.. even pride in it. That I can gift my Master with it, means a lot to me, to Him.
One will never know until next it happens - it both makes me nervous and angry at myself.

quote:

take it very slowly and do a LOT of internal work and communicating. Therapy might not be a bad idea, either.
Master Fire

Therapy is very important and I do go weekly as well. I will deffinatly bring this up - It's rather surprizing to me as the abuse I seek help for has nothing to do with my Father and him popping up freaks me out.

ty all for helping me explore this issue.



adoracat -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 8:45:27 PM)

i get triggered by belts also.  Sir knows this. 

i've had twice that i got triggered.....by tickling, and he made a VERY loud noise once, and terrified me both times.  Sir stopped what he was doing, drew back, made sure i was ok, then held me till i could stop shaking.

he knows i'm broken, and that i am going to continue to find hurt places...and has promised to be there for me.

kitten, who knows how damned lucky she is



spanklette -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/11/2007 9:11:34 PM)

I think we all have sore spots in one place or another. It's your choice whether this is something you would like to work through, or just leave it alone. We've worked through a couple of my issues, and there are some that I prefer to just leave alone. We've talked about these issues, and have agreed to leave them be for the time being.
 
Bottom line, communicate. As long as you're communicating your sore spots when you come across them, you're in a better place than a lot of people.



merrysbrat -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 4:14:49 AM)

I only read the first post (yeah I'm lazy) but I have had the same experience a couple times, It sound weird, but I hate getting hit on my lower thighs/legs. It brings back horrible memories and it'll make me cry, and not in a good way.



SimplyMichael -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 8:02:28 AM)

Consensual Sadomasochism by Bill Henkin and Sybil Holiday is the only book I know that speaks deeply to the subject of hidden emotional landminds and how to work through them as well as deal with the afteraffects of tripping over one.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 9:12:44 AM)

Expecting to react the same way to everything is a bit silly.  Do you love every single food cooked in every single variation in exactly the same way?



ownedgirlie -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 11:21:11 AM)

AmazonLady,

The belt was a trigger for me, also.  Having been beaten severely by belts throughout my upbringing, the the sight of a belt in my Master's hand had me trembling, and brought me back to the emotional place where as a youngster I used to tremble and beg while stepping backwards until I was cornered against the wall before grabbed, stripped and positioned for a whipping.  The thought of my Master using the same implement on me was horrifying.  Throughout my upbringing, receiving pain from someone (parental unit) meant he/she did not care about me.  So the first time Master really caused serious pain for me (with something other than a belt), I felt so wounded.  I looked up at him thinking, "Why would you do that to me?" as in my mind, this meant he no longer cared about me.

Screwed up?  Oh yes.

I told him all about my belt experiences, and that I really wanted to overcome them.  I didn't want any emotional barriers.  Together we worked through this.

He put me through some visualization exercises.  Using imagery, I put myself in a situation where he was belting me, and I was successfully receiving it trauma-free. I wrote about every detail of how I felt while going through this process, leaving nothing out.  I did this several times over the course of a few months, identifying every fear along the way and what triggered it, and visually working through it.

When I felt ready to face it, I asked him for it.  And then one day he had me kneel before him, naked.  He asked me if I was prepared to receive whatever he gave me; I was.  He stepped away and returned with a big thick leather belt in his hand.  I was very nervous, and he caressed my face with it...told me to kiss it and befriend it.  I kissed it and he continued to caress me with it, then ordered me to bend over the bed. 

He draped it over my back, letting it slide along my skin from my shoulders to my hips and then down my bottom to my thighs.  And then he brought it around to my face and had me nuzzle it and kiss it again. 

The first strike was not a hard strike at all, but brought up all that past fear of mine, and then the second strike came down a little harder, and I had this image of my father whipping me and started to panic.  But my visualizations returned to me, and I knew instantly - - this is not my father, but my Master, and I am safe with him.  No one here wants to hurt me (emotionally) today.  The transfer of this ordeal, from my dad to my Master, gave me great relief.  I still do not like the belt though!  I do not like the pain it creates, but I no longer relate it to my father (or mother, for that matter).

Master is safe. Unlike my parental units, he is not about harming me.  For me, I had to come to the emotional realization that my Master is in control of my pain, whereas my parents where not.  I am safe with my  Master, whereas I was not safe with my parents.  And my Master cares deeply for me, whereas my parents did not know how to do that.  It was time to lift myself out of my childhood and all its skewed teachings, and put myself at my Master's feet where I belonged.

The last time he belted me, just a week or so ago, I was on my hands and knees facing him, looking up at him as he brought the belt down over my body to land on my bottom-side. I watched his face as he struck me, and at times our eyes met and locked and this amazing energy transferred between us.  I barely flinched from the belt as I was locked into place by the amazing feelings I felt for him.  It was quite a connection - no fear, no cutting pain that flattened me, no scary or negative thoughts.  Just an intense connection between Master and slave, which had me begging for more when he set the belt down.

Not sure if any of this helps, but here it is, in case it does...



AmazonLady -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 12:18:33 PM)

ty so much ownedgirlie - that was amazing. I will be showing your post to my Daddy. I think it will help us greatly.



ownedgirlie -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 12:27:07 PM)

Thank you, AmazonLady, I do wish you well through this.  He has me kiss and befriend the belt every time he uses it on me.  It is a ritual we go through now - I kiss the belt before it strikes me, and I kiss his hand when he is finished.  The old frightened feelings are replaced by feelings of love and connection.

I do wish you well in overcoming.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: One You Just Can't Handle (5/12/2007 5:26:58 PM)

Oh you are so right!
I once had my Sir trigger me. Took some serious discussion to sort that little pickle out, and a few months for the scar id inflicted with a whip to heal on him.
The nightmare of standing with a whip in your hand, a bleeding Sir, what i thought was my beloved relationship shattered by my pavlovian response to physical assault. But we talked, and learned from our mistakes. The care and attention we both put in into this helped enormously. I was new to submssion at the time. Its never happened again.

Im a survivor, i had thought all this a thing of the past. But he lashed out on me physically when cross. That's physical abuse. It got a very NEVER again response from me. Which in no way excuses my reaction, to meet violence with violence, but clearly highlights why i reacted in the first place. Another evoked a similar response in me. He was a potential sex attacker. Whilst walking home from work in the dark, i was waiting down on a dark jetty for a ferry. He was waiting for a potential victim and sexually assaulted me. I left him broken, bloodied, and to drown in the sea. I scoured the newspapers the next few weeks, to see if id killed him. He took what my father should of. I disgust myself sometimes.

I have a button that gets pressed by pegs on my labia. I dont know why, but it just sends me over the top. Ive never experienced anything of that sort of abuse in the past, its a new thing. We work on this, im ready to try again. he however isnt, he doesnt get a lot of enjoyment form a sub in hysterics. Other areas he will gently guide me to not repsond to so intensely. Like the belt on the bed to hang on to technique.

little1





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