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Suppose to feel this way? - 5/9/2005 11:39:33 PM   
BeautifulDoll


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		i am a newly collared sub as well as pretty new to the lifestyle. Since being introduced to it by my Master, i have been played with as well as punished. i find myself wanting to play a lot, is that normal? i feel like i am not suppose to want it, i am ashamed of having that desire. Is that wrong? i mean i know it is not about me but about what my Master desires, but i still find myself dealing with this desire within myself. I would appreciate all the advice




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< Message edited by BeautifulDoll -- 5/9/2005 11:41:10 PM >

_____________________________

Shannon
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RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/10/2005 1:15:03 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
It is normal to want to do something you enjoy. Think about anytime you've gotten a new toy or game.. you want to use it/play it a lot at first, don't you? You're experiencing that with BDSM. And your wondering if it is bad to like it or if there is something wrong with you for wanting those things done to you is also normal. You're dealing with accepting parts of yourself that you'd probably not discuss with your family. Most every new sub I've dealt with has asked me "What is WRONG with me." It is a bit of an adjustment. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not sick. You're not disgusting. You're wired a different way than some other people. It can be hard because we don't see positive role models of BDSM on TV or living openly in the community. Over time you will come to understand yourself and accept your likes. Put it in perspective of foods.. some people like Mexican, some Italian and some Chinese. Do we consider those who like Chinese food to be sick or perverse? It is just a matter of what your taste buds find pleasurable.

You also seem like you may be suffering from the old time vanilla thinking that woman shouldn't enjoy sex and sexuality. As long as playing makes you feel good, satisfies some need in you and lets you express many facets of yourself, it is a good thing.

Now.. as to the it isn't about you.. In my worldview, it is about both people. I am in a relationship with my submissive. While sometimes we may do things that he isn't thrilled about or things that are just because I want to do them, for the most part I consider his desires. Submissive have rights, needs, desires and wishes. At times, they put those aside to fulfil the needs of the Dominant. That doesn't mean those things go away. They just get dealt with another time.

Since you are newer to BDSM, I'm going to share a few links with you:
http://www.sscn.org/abuse.html
http://www.wizdomme.com/infopack/
http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/aftercare.htm
http://www.subnation.org/
http://latches.webslaves.com/

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to BeautifulDoll)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/10/2005 5:52:25 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Most people call it "sub frenzy"

Just about everyone goes through it, if you're lucky, you come out the other side not terribly burned.

Try and keep your wits about you as best you can.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/10/2005 10:23:34 AM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		ditto what BeachMistress and Emerald said. you will get a better handle on it eventually. but, in my experience, you should not feel bad for wanting to play.

the urge to play, the pleasure you are getting, may be because you love pleasing your Master. i understand the feeling that you are supposed to moderate yourself, but in fact, should that not be up to your Master? if you express to Him that you are constantly driven to play, because it feels so good, and ask Him if that's ok, then you should be alright. if you are constantly trying to instigate play when He has said not to, then you would not be doing it for His pleasure.

i have had to relearn some things with my Master, that He likes me to touch Him as much as i can. Yay!

anyway, see what He wants, if it is pleasing to Him to have you as eager as you feel, great! if He wants you to pace yourself, then enjoy pleasing Him by controlling your urges.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to BeautifulDoll)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/10/2005 3:18:19 PM   
BeautifulDoll


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		i talked to my Master about my concern and he pretty much said the same thing as everyone else on here. Of course i talked to him before posting my question but i really like hearing other peoples point of views as well, since i am so new to everything. But i am happy, today my Master played with me. i was very excited and happy that he decided to do so with me. i also thank you for the links. i am going to check them out asap.

(in reply to sanita)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/10/2005 3:41:24 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		It is not wrong you are a sub but you are still a person with needs and desires. I have benn collared for a while and i always want to play wioth Master but that is just me. Congrats on you collering.

JL's K

(in reply to BeautifulDoll)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/10/2005 9:08:39 PM   
BeautifulDoll


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		Does it bother your Master that you want to play all the time?

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/11/2005 7:50:45 AM   
sadiststouch


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		Being sub, does not mean you forego being human, and all humans have desires. Being a slave also does not mean all is about your master. A relationship, any relationship, is about both of you. While it is up to your master to choose whether or not to fullfill that desire, it is not wrong for you to have it, nor is it it wrong for you to express it to your master. If the relationship is not on some level fullfilling to both, then it is not worth having.


(in reply to BeautifulDoll)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Suppose to feel this way? - 5/11/2005 11:20:04 AM   
BeautifulDoll


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		That is a great point. It has to be fulfilling for both somehow. I recently started reading some books and they are starting to put a things into a little bit more perspective for me. Also, by opening myself and being able to talk to my Master more and more is definitely helping me a lot.

(in reply to sadiststouch)
Profile   Post #: 9
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