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EVER WONDER? - 1/13/2004 8:55:24 PM

xoxgritsxox

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: N. Georgia
Status: offline

Ever Wonder?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point
to their crotch when they
ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a
mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on..........

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks
his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address
in the first place?

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Post #: 1

RE: EVER WONDER? - 1/14/2004 12:49:41 PM

silksoul4u

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Cheyenne, WY
Status: offline

too funny!! lol

(in reply to xoxgritsxox)

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Post #: 2

RE: EVER WONDER? - 1/21/2004 4:31:30 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper.
Groceries are heavier . And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am . I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today ! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them .. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast , the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here !

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.

SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size,
because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!

(in reply to xoxgritsxox)

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RE: EVER WONDER? - 11/25/2005 9:11:41 AM

WildSpirit2001

Posts: 143
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Colorado
Status: offline

AMEN!!!!

Live, Love, Laugh
Paula

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

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Post #: 4

RE: EVER WONDER? - 11/28/2005 6:16:15 PM

RiotGirl