can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic

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can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/15/2007 10:42:39 PM

alivingdoll

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Joined: 2/21/2007
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I'd like to know what others think of this situation ?
   his situation (the Dom)- lost his submissive of 16 yrs to an unexpected illness just 7 months ago never married
   Her situation (the sub ) was living in home months before his sub became ill childhood best friends with his sub known the Dom for yrs  and helped with household but not connected to their dynamics at all.They helped her out of a bad choice and helped her begin to rebuild her life .
   Since the death both are leaning on one another but still platonic if anything they are vanilla (been told they behave like an old married couple ) seperate bedrooms and no sex ) there is Um's in this as well one is his the other was her's but the above mentioned sub is the appointed legal guardian (the um will be 18 in a few months so it's not a long guardianship but the um is autistic (high functioning )
I'm interested to know if somehow the d/s dynamic will change things make it better or worse . stay friends or ?
                  thanks -~~~~Doll

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/15/2007 11:15:25 PM

teleri

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Joined: 5/15/2007
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I lived for several months with a dom who was like my younger brother. This was when I was first "coming out of the toy closet", and we had many long discussions on the subject. Sleeping together was not an option either of us would ever have explored, although he was attractive. But so is my brother...

In your situation, I don't think it would be advisable. I once had a vanilla relationship with a dominant man with whom I was close friends (this was before I admitted to myself that I was a sub). It ruined our friendship. I 'd hate to see that happen to you.

I hope this helps. Really you can only follow your own heart. If it feels right, then you two need to discuss the implications of the change in your relationship.

Respect,
Teleri

(in reply to alivingdoll)

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/16/2007 4:20:40 AM

MstrssPassion

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the subject of this thread doesn't seem to match the post

Is this more about should they remain platonic rather than can they?

Can they: sure, they are adults & they can define their relationship as friends/roommates/whatever.

Should they: well that is something only they can define. Seeing that they are already living under one roof, it could get tacky if they try & fail.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 5/16/2007 4:21:10 AM >

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/16/2007 7:40:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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They seem to be functioning just fine as it is. If the energy pushed them to change, it would be good to be open to it, but otherwise, what's the prob?

I do find it distasteful when people hink ALL relationships MUST be based on some authority transfer dynamic, or that it somehow can make it all good and shiny again.

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/18/2007 10:54:43 AM

WhiplashSmile

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

They seem to be functioning just fine as it is. If the energy pushed them to change, it would be good to be open to it, but otherwise, what's the prob?

I do find it distasteful when people hink ALL relationships MUST be based on some authority transfer dynamic, or that it somehow can make it all good and shiny again.

I have to agree with LA on this one. That people should not feel that ALL relationship must have authority tranfer dynamic or a high level of D/s involved. I personaly had an excellent relationship once with a D/D dyanamic going on. If anything there was a mutal level of PPE that involved Deferment instead of submission. This did not make me any less of the person I am, I did not make me any less Dom. The thing is why try to mess with the dynamics of an established working relationship to begin with, and what is to be gained or lost in doing so?

Too many people place a great emphasis on D/s relationship dynamics as the defining living proof to their domly or submissive personalities. There are Dom Couples and Hell even submissive couples. I myself don't fully understand the dyanamics of submissive couples, however I have to acknowledge that such relationships exist. I know more about D/D with PPE defermenet, D/s with PPE (partial power exchanges) involving submission. I had one relationship that was M/s with submission TPE. I have even had vanilla based relationships with BDSM kink that were fuzzy regarding power exchange too...

I've had good mix between long term and short term relationships. So based on my own experiences, I have to totally side with LA's comment "I do find it distasteful when people hink ALL relationships MUST be based on some authority transfer dynamic, or that it somehow can make it all good and shiny again."

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 5/18/2007 10:56:37 AM >

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/18/2007 11:22:54 AM

NakedGirlScout

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I've lived with a dominant man as platonic friends before, and it was perfectly fine. I'm not sure what you're worried about. Just because someone is a dom and someone else is a sub, does not automatically mean that they will feel dom or sub to one another. That would be analagous to saying that if two people are straight and of the opposite gender, then they must be romantically attracted to each other.

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/18/2007 11:53:44 AM

earthycouple

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um, why not? People can live platonically in all types of "lifestyles".

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RE: can a sub and a dom not involved live platonic - 5/18/2007 12:08:19 PM

CreativeDominant

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There does not have to be a D/s dynamic to everything. The relationship between my ums and me is the power structure of a father and his female ums. As they have gotten older, it changes...sometimes more power coming from me and sometimes very little. When I first got divorced, I had a female roommate who was a friend...though I was fairly new to D/s and anxious to see MY submissive, the relationship between this female friend and I was purely vanilla with no D/s tones though she was aware of...and understanding of...my interests.

I say that if wondering about "what is actually going on here" gets to be too much for one or the other or both that they should sit down and discuss things. After all...whether or not he is dominant with her or she submissive with him, shouldn't there be honest communication on both their parts, not only given their self-identification BUT the fact that they are living together under the same roof?

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