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Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 4:14:27 PM

cybersport

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Is there a dignified, polite way of hinting to a female (vanilla) friend that I enjoy being tied up? I'm trying to come up with a way of letting someone know and having her get the idea without coming across as crass, rude, or patronizing... or having her think I want to be physically or emotionally abused.

Most of the women I come across aren't at munches and such; I tend to encounter them in the vanilla world.

Thank you all..

PS I'm near Philly and approaching 50, som I'm thinking women in late 30s and up, if that matters

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 4:38:17 PM

Evilfx

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I'm not a mistress,..lol,.. and I've never been one to "hint" around,.. but I say just be honest and strait forward and ask her,.. if thats what you want and shes not into it then will you really be happy staying with her anyway? I say just go for it,. ya never know maybe she'll like it too.. start off with something simple and slow to get her used to it and work your way up to whatever level your really into. It's better to get it out and into the open at the start then to wait and not be happy/satisfied with the relationship. If it were you tieing up her then it might be more of a issue,. I dont know her personality,.. but her tieing up you probably isnt going to be that much of a shocker I am willing to bet.

(in reply to cybersport)

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 4:45:56 PM

mstrjx

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I should think that the women you are asking would not be strangers. Someone you are interested in romantically.

If this is the case, then speaking openly, relationship communication and all should do the trick.

Having to hide your desires is SO 20th Century, don't you think?

Jeff

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 5:00:05 PM

cybersport

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Unfortuanately it does sem to be an issue for a lot of women

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 5:03:24 PM

Evilfx

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Then yer talkin to the wrong women ,. lol,. sorry couldnt resist.

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 5:38:30 PM

thetammyjo

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Straight forward language is the one of the few things that can help us overcome our fears of human sexuality. I urge everyone to just speak honestly and openly and not use vague terms or hint around.

It may be uncomfortable the first few times you try it but after a while I think you will discover it is very freeing and that you increase your chances of finding a compatible partner by being so direct.

Being direct is NOT the same as being crass or rude or crude. You can say "I enjoy the feeling of being restrained during sex. What do you enjoy?" thus hopefully getting a conversation of statements, questions, and answers going.

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 5:49:45 PM

cybersport

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Hi Tammy Joe, nice to hear from you again.

I took a similar approach with a friend.. we both know that a romantic relationship is out between the two of us, but I did ask her if she knew of anyone that would be okay with tying me

She seemed very open to helping me out by looking around for me and promised to get back to me, but so far I haven't heard back from her..

(sigh)

Maybe she thought better of getting involved

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 8:31:17 PM

Aimtoplease101

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Introduce the topic with humor, and gauge her reaction. If she plays along, that's a good sign. If you can watch a movie that has some evocative scene it, mention that it made you all hot and bothered, and ask "is it just me?"

I've introduced a number of women into the scene. For those that have no experience, it's usually easy to introduce them to it by tying her up first, and then being very sensual with her. If she responds well, ask her if she'd like to tie you up. The woman with the natural instinct for dominance seem to find their way from there.

Good luck.
ATP

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/16/2007 9:11:27 PM

HeavansKeeper

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In my vanilla flavored experiences I found that your ability to dance around subjects is a selling point. Excuse my chauvenism. Women whoare not openminded about sex find the ability to be sublte very attractive. They probably feel you better understand their needs, which you do. If you're too blunt with a delicate flower, she'll think you want nothing more than sex. Who knows, luck might favor the bold on this one. I would bring it up during sex. Grab her wrists in your hand as a form of being tied up. It involes no toys and is great contact.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/17/2007 5:06:46 AM

stella40

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I notice you mentioned that it's you getting her to do something which you enjoy.

I got no problem with that. You're a man, you're into pleasure, you like to give pleasure and you like to receive pleasure. This is how you think. But most women don't think that way and I think no matter which way you try to get her to do something which you (and I guess you think also she) will enjoy is bound to fail. She's may feel manipulated, exploited, perhaps even objectified for your gratification.

Women are much more into sharing experiences. What's in it for her? What is she going to get out of it? I'd start there. If you discover something that she would enjoy (which of course would require you to be tied up) and you perhaps discuss that with her.. as in "What do you think of ....?" and make the tying you up a means of her getting what she wants I think you'll have more chances of success.

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/17/2007 5:07:45 AM

Lashra

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I would be open and honest about it. I mean why beat around the bush and waste your time and her's? Be tactful but don't be a afraid to ask. If you know this person fairly well and have some intimacy with her, you could say in a light way "So, how do you feel about tying a man up?" or something of that nature and see where it goes.

~Lashra

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/17/2007 7:46:22 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cybersport

Hi Tammy Joe, nice to hear from you again.

I took a similar approach with a friend.. we both know that a romantic relationship is out between the two of us, but I did ask her if she knew of anyone that would be okay with tying me

She seemed very open to helping me out by looking around for me and promised to get back to me, but so far I haven't heard back from her..

(sigh)

Maybe she thought better of getting involved

Ok, well your question to her wasn't really about being open about things you'd like to do with her, was it?

It was asking her to help you find a partner.

I think that can be interpreted as rude by some people. It also places pressure and a burden on her that isn't really part of just being a friend (at least not in my opinion).

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to cybersport)

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RE: Dropping a Hint - 5/17/2007 7:48:05 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

In my vanilla flavored experiences I found that your ability to dance around subjects is a selling point. Excuse my chauvenism. Women whoare not openminded about sex find the ability to be sublte very attractive. They probably feel you better understand their needs, which you do. If you're too blunt with a delicate flower, she'll think you want nothing more than sex. Who knows, luck might favor the bold on this one. I would bring it up during sex. Grab her wrists in your hand as a form of being tied up. It involes no toys and is great contact.

Unfortunately this above example could very well send the message that he wants to tie her up -- not that he wants to be tied up.

Instead he could say "It would be so hot right now if you pinned my hands above my head" and see if she does.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

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Post #: 13