Insecruties (Full Version)

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RiotGirl -> Insecruties (5/12/2005 4:05:27 PM)

i thought this might be good for the group as a whole, as well as myself.

How does one deal with insecurities and ultimately get rid of them?



mnottertail -> RE: Insecruties (5/12/2005 4:47:43 PM)

For me, relationally.............explore them, usually with play...........process them and get on to the next thing..............

Ron



FangsNfeet -> RE: Insecruties (5/12/2005 4:55:51 PM)

It depends on what the insecurity is. Is it about confindence and courage or are you in a different situation all together.

Either way what's the worse that can happen when you ask or do it.
Just remember there is no try.




RiotGirl -> RE: Insecruties (5/12/2005 5:12:53 PM)

quote:

Just remember there is no try.


i kno i kno i kno. Master reminds me ALL the time that when you try, you've already failed. there is no trying.

i was basically hijacking the idea from my other thread.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Insecruties (5/12/2005 6:06:33 PM)

I believe the first key to losing insecurities is to learn to trust that the person you are with is not going to to betray you at some point in time. Ok, easier said then done, but then comes the really hard part.... you have to let go of them, you have to learn to trust yourself enough that even if it does come back to haunt you, you will be ready to deal with it.

Jewel



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Insecruties (5/12/2005 6:09:45 PM)

I think you have to become aware of them, you have to become aware of your own behavioral patterns towards them.

Then you have to stop yourself when you are in those patterns. When we are scared, or upset, we regress. We lose our heads and our logic. To overcome insecurities we have to retrain ourselves to react differently.

You have to stop beating yourself up over it, too. You have to allow yourself to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.

I don't think anyone really loses their insecurities. I'm in an open poly relationship, and I have tons of insecurities, despite a deeply loving family, a deeply devoted boyfriend, a fabulous education, a fairly hot body, a wide skills et that is useful for me and hell just tons of great things.

I don't erase my insecurities, I just don't allow them to overtake me (98% of the time anyway).



RiotGirl -> RE: Insecruties (5/12/2005 9:31:51 PM)

All good advice.

i've gotten so far that you need to realise them and when they start to rear their ugly heads, not let them overtake you. Talk to yourself, realise again its just an insecurity and trust.



sinnah -> RE: Insecruties (5/13/2005 2:57:30 AM)

Sometimes you have to realise that insecurity (at any level) is a part of life.

Remember the bit about fear and bravery. Brave people are not necessarily un-afraid. They just stand up to the situation even when they feel like pissing in their pants.

If you are insecure about something, anything, ranging from what people will think of the new zit on your chin, to whether your dom is truly someone who cares about you, remember that you have the power to control your life, your mind and your body.

It's always useful to remember that you are actually strong even at your weakest moments.

And once you learn to deal with an insecurity (or fear) once, the next time it gets easier.



Kiaban -> RE: Insecruties (5/13/2005 7:06:08 AM)

Remember all that possitive reinforcement self talk thing that went by the wayside?
Well there was actually alot of truth in it , it simply got to be the snake oil to cure everything.
You can't stop negative thoughts from entering your mind but you can decide which thoughts you nuture and allow to grow. As someone said "you can't stop a bird from flying over you head but you can keep him from making a nest in your hair".
I hope my pre coffee rambling made some sort of sense.
cheers,
Kiaban



Youtalkingtome -> RE: Insecruties (5/14/2005 7:31:42 AM)

RiotGirl,
You really answered your own question in your last post in your other thread.
You said you run and don't deal with anything.
When you or anyone won't deal with problems from the past they always come back to ruin the present and future.
Knowing yourself is the first part and Communication with your partner second.
Men handle stress different then women.
I assume your problem is much bigger than dealing with your Master.It must be in all parts of your life.Maybe I am wrong?
If I am correct then I will share with you and everyone that reads this a piece of my life and when I was married and the difference of men and women and how we deal with this.



DesertRat -> RE: Insecruties (5/14/2005 12:25:18 PM)

Admit the insecurity and face it squarely and honestly. Learn to trust. Look for all the good, positive things in the realtionship...the things the indicate there is really nothing to feel insecure about. Having found those things, let those guide your behavior rather than the unfounded fears.

I have yet to put all my insecurities behind me, but have experienced a lot of growth in that area. I have had some really good help in doing that.

Bob



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