24/7 Questions (Full Version)

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fourpeas -> 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 10:40:52 AM)

I am just curious to know what people who are involved in 24/7 long-term and monogamous relationships do/say/etc. when you are out in vanilla-illa-land.

I am just curious. Do you introduce one another as wife, girlfriend, etc.? Or is there something else you say? I'm just having all these DUMB questions and wanted to get some people's experiences.

"Remember: There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who ask questions."


hahaha, okay, if anyone feels like talking about this a little more I would be much grateful ;)



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 10:44:36 AM)

Full vanilla? Depends, we've never actually had to explain ourselves. Coming out is a big deal, you're outing not only yourself but your partner.

It depends on the context really. Family obviously is a very different thing than just being out at the theater which is a very different thing than being amongst vanilla friends whichi s a very different thing than being at a work party.

And it depends on your own comfort levels. It is a sad thing that we cannot simply say "this is my boyfriend, and this is my fuck toy and this is my Owner, and this is my long term partner" and have that be accepted as much as "this is my husband" but it is the world we live and we all have to decide what compromises and comfort levels work best for us.



fourpeas -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 10:51:53 AM)

Yeah I would never want to out anyone else... That's definitely not my place... my partner had an experience with that once when he was first getting involved in the scene,. etc and it actually ended a relationship. he just didn't feel it was someone else's place to know that, and I agree... I mean I don't have a problem introducing someone as my boyfriend if you know, we are together and monogamous or whatnot, I know I don't need to tell the "whole" truth, but still... i'm just wondering... thanks :)



darkinshadows -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 11:17:59 AM)

My parents and family have always viewed Demon and I as 'different'... so it makes no difference to them.

When I meet new people who aren't into wiitwd, it isn't mentioned blatently. But if I kneel or sit at his feet, or something is said or done that is concerned with wiitwd, then we would explain if asked. We wouldn't blatently do something in public that might make people uncomfortable - but if they look questioningly - or ask - then I will just say I am his. If they want to know more, they ask. Its not too complicated for us.

Peace and Love



BobcatsLilMinx -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 11:21:55 AM)

I know Master refers to me as "his girl" when he talks with others, and that works ok, as it's quite common terminology. I tend to refer to him as "my friend"... "partner" doesn't seem appropiate, because it implies an equality... he's certainly no boy, so "boyfriend" feels wrong. "My friend" or "my special friend". Of course if I'm among other D/s people, or people who are aware of my lifestyle choice, I call him "my Master", but the majority of the time, that's just not appropiate.

Minx



perverseangelic -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 11:34:19 AM)

My partner refers to me as "girl" or "the girl." Then again, I refer to him as "boy."

He tends to prefer terms that are not immediatly associated with BDSM. For example, he detests "master" and "dom" or "dominant." "Sir" is an infrequently used term, but sometimes crops up during play.

I use partner over other terms not because of the equality it implies, but because it is gender-neutral. I'm on a mini-crusade to introduce gender-neutral terms and pronouns into the language, so I figure I should be an example of that.

Mostly, he's "my partner" or "my best friend" or "my pseudo-fiance." Or "the boy." Mostly I'm just "the girl." (Though, our friends call me "girl" too. It's basically become my nickname.)

Online or in a bdsm context he is either "the partner" or "the owner" depending on my mood and the context.



temptingjewel -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 11:47:52 AM)

..



Mia1978 -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 12:57:15 PM)

I live in vanilla-land too. I haven't been in your situation, but I can imagine what it would be like around the people i know. And word has a quick way of getting around here, even when I meet and talk to people I don't know.

In a casual setting you could try an introduction like, "this is my hero, Mark" or, "this is Mark, isn't he handsome" or "he's my personal Casanova". In a professional situation you could try, "this is mark, we've been together for 3 yrs now" It offers more info than requested, but it changes the subject. Just a thought.

You could toy with them too, if they ask if you're going to get married soon, you can always dish out the generic: We're thinking about it.


I think you can say whatever you want to say. I don't think that there is a BDSM rule you have to follow to consider yourself living the BDSM lifestyle. What works for the two of you is the only important thing, unless you are trying to put out a becon for others in the same life. Then there may be ways of introducing yourselves that will tip others off. I don't know.

good luck!





subrob1967 -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 1:21:00 PM)

I am part of a poly household, and known as Holly's fiancee to her family. We're looking for another boy, so Miss Karen can also have a "significant other", even though Miss Karen and Miss Holly are the primary couple in the relationship.



fourpeas -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 2:09:14 PM)

is anyone who answered married to their master/dom?



darkinshadows -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/16/2005 2:13:22 PM)

*sticks up her hand*
[:)]



subrob1967 -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/17/2005 5:58:21 AM)

Thou we haven't set a date, I will be marrying Miss Holly in the near future.



Elegant -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/17/2005 4:10:10 PM)

Before i became Master's wife (which, in my opinion, is secondary to being his slave) I would refer to him as 'Sir' when speaking to him in vanilla public situations and introduce him as 'Archer'. I did not feel the need to offer any relationship explaination.

Now I introduce him as my husband if the need arises...but I still refer to him as 'Sir' when speaking to him.

Regards In Leather,
Elegant
~Slave to Master Archer
~Southeast Bootblack 2005



Tempestspet -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/17/2005 5:43:46 PM)

I haven't answered yet. But I'm married to Master, a week shy of 13 yrs now.

When introducing him, I either introduce him by his first name, or this is my husband ......

There are times when I will sit at his feet or something, over peoples houses, vanilla or not. I've never had anything other tan... "would you like to sit in a chair, ...there's room on the couch..." I simply reply that I'm comfortable, thank you very much for the offer though... and it moves smoothly from there.

If a big deal isn't made, then usually there's not a problem. I've personally never run into much trouble with public behaviors. We may walk through a store and he'll have his hand at the back of my neck resting / guiding me. I'm content looking, so no one ever says anything. If anyone looks, let them. It's not hurting anyone.

Tempest's pet
jennifer




BeautifulDoll -> RE: 24/7 Questions (5/19/2005 10:48:08 PM)

my Master introduces me as his girlfriend and i refer to him as Sir or by his first name, depending on where or who we are with.



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