Aylee
Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fluffypet61
Broken cookies have zero calories.
1. Calories are heat units; therefore frozen foods do not count. Like ice-cream, popsicles, and pies.
2. If the cookie is broken the calories fell out.
3. If no one sees you eat it, it does not count.
4. If it is the last piece of something, it does not count because it needed to be et'-up and so you are really just doing the food a favor.
5. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
6. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
7. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
8. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.
9. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.
11. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
12. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
13. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Example: milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls
14. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
15. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.
16. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
17. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.
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