It is good to know yourself so well :).
Good morning BeingChewsie :-)
Pasha did not come to this knowledge of herself without walking thru fire first. When she first discovered her submission, she called it a need. But this girl's spiritual path deeply rooted in the Tao, has taught her many things in regards to wants and needs, her experience with past Masters and Dominants, as well as her Mentor, Loki. The desire to surrender is so great, one could consider it a need, however...pasha knows that if she never is given the priviledge to be owned, she will still survive and still manage to find beauty in this world. This is how she classifies needs, wants and desires~
By being owned, I am ultimately serving myself. Doing what feels *right as rain* for me. Owned is right as rain, I need that. I could take a pass on being at his whim 24/7/365..all the time. It is why I remind myself so often "Think from your knees, girl". I know, revoke my slave membership, I'm a bad, bad seed. I absolutely understand when edana says "I need this but I don't want it ."
The most important "pearl" that pasha has found is that "slavery" is as unique as each slave and there is no one way or one definition to be a slave. Yes, there are many accepted/recognised basics but all slaves "dance" to the rhythym in their own hearts first before they weave that in to the Masters ...that is the real beauty of each individual slave and the reason a slave searches for the "right" Master. One who can reach in and tap that inner beauty and bring it to the surface in the form of exquisite service. Ofcourse you are not a bad seed, you are beautiful :-)
pasha would also say here, she knows she thinks and writes in a way some might think of as "romantisizing". she would like to explain this...all her life, pasha looked at the mundane and necessary with disdain - hurry and get the drudgery over with so the more pleasurable things could be enjoyed. She has totally changed this outlook to life and in "service". Any task in what ever realm is a priviledge to be able to do... so many are not able and she now appreciates such simple things. When she provides service for a Dominant, she strives to bring beauty to whatever task, whether an errand or task to the more enjoyable bath and massage. It is a "mindset" she constantly strives for - she does not argue that not all things can be done in this manner when talking "real life" but it is in the desire to give each act in the beauty of surrender and in the moment that she works towards. pasha does not expect to be understood here about this...again much of this comes from a Taoist influence and more recently, her training with Loki. she only mentions it because she would like it known that her feet are rooted in reality...even if her spirit believes in the impossible :-)
pasha does know herself, enough to know there is even more she does not know~
“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”