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Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 10:54:36 AM   
bleedingangel


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Forgive the new screen name, but I know that Master reads my posts and wanted a bit of privacy.

I used to cut, but I hadn't in a really long time.  I had something happen today and before I knew it, I had dealt with it by cutting.  I had a razor blade and probably made over fifty cuts on my arm.  I hate that I do it there, but it's the only place where it seems to work for me.

I have no idea what to do now.  Has anyone else had a relapse of it?  How did you move on, or deal with others seeing it?  It would be almost impossible for me to hide it and I don't want anyone (Master) thinking I have lost my mind or something.

I am pissed at myself for even doing this again, I hate when I have something beat then I screw up.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 10:59:40 AM   
MistressDarling


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		I've been battling this problem for years, sweetie. When I was 16, I slit my arm in three places. The wounds required 27 stitches. 5 years later, the scars are still there. Nearly everyday i'm asked about them.

Talk to your Master about it. Perhaps he can help you. My Master helped me to quit.

If you want to chat further, please send me a private message. I know how hard it can be to talk about these problems publicly.

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 11:05:14 AM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I have cut myself before when I was younger but it was mostly because of my depression and not knowing how to deal with my emotional pain in a healthy way. I don't know the cause for you, but when you quit before did you learn healthier ways to deal with the things that cause you to want to cut yourself? I don't know what to say about someone seeing it because I never had that problem I always did it somewhere, where it wasn't seen. Just because you cut yourself again doesn't mean you have lost your mind at least In my opinion, it just means you have fallen back on old coping measures instead of using new ones. If you know your triggers try to avoid them if at all possible maybe talk to a therapist and see if they can provide you with anything that would help. I hope things get better for you.

_____________________________

http://www.myspace.com/zindygirl

Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 11:07:30 AM   
kingdom69


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/20/2004
Status: offline 		Be strong and talk to your master, that is a definite must. I would be very upset if my girl kept something like that from me. He will see it, he will ask questions. Remember, always be truthful to everyone, yourself included. I would much rather talk about it and discuss the problem to see if  I couldnt help. There maybe be the distinct possibility that there is nothing I can do other then listen. Sometimes that may simply be enough...

Kingdom

(in reply to MistressDarling)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 11:47:30 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I totally agree that keeping this from your master is the worst thing you can do.  If you absolutely don't think you can talk to him then find help elsewhere....chances are you will need help to stop this.  Good luck and take up the friendliness of others to chat and support you.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to kingdom69)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 12:21:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How did you stop before?  This is unfortunately the cycle of all compulsive behavior, tension-compulsion-release-guilt-rebuilding of the tension....

You've got to break the compulsion-release bond.  Replace it with a healthy compulsion, distract yourself, work on reducing tension overall, and forgiveness will all be invaluable to you.

And you must talk about this with your master and show him what is there.  He can help you a lot towards being focused and growing beyond this pattern.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 2:50:38 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		i struggle with it DAILY.  i dont cut, but i spent roughly 30 years delibertately scratching myself to the point of rawness, then scrubbing with scalding water, to punish myself for sexual abuse that began when i was a child.  every.  single.  day.

i didnt realize till a couple of months ago that that, too, is self-injury, just not so obvious as someone who cuts themselves.  Sir is working with me through this.  if he didnt care, he wouldnt.  and yes, i've relapsed a few times.  we've forgiven me those lapses, and i've begun again, with his help.

kitten, who really does understand.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/23/2007 5:15:36 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingangel

Forgive the new screen name, but I know that Master reads my posts and wanted a bit of privacy.

I used to cut, but I hadn't in a really long time.  I had something happen today and before I knew it, I had dealt with it by cutting.  I had a razor blade and probably made over fifty cuts on my arm.  I hate that I do it there, but it's the only place where it seems to work for me.

I have no idea what to do now.  Has anyone else had a relapse of it?  How did you move on, or deal with others seeing it?  It would be almost impossible for me to hide it and I don't want anyone (Master) thinking I have lost my mind or something.

I am pissed at myself for even doing this again, I hate when I have something beat then I screw up.


i had a relapse a couple months ago and i told my Dom about it. The next day we talked about what and why i felt i needed to cut again. But he also told me that if i ever cut again and he sees it than i will have the most difficult time sitting for a couple weeks. But when i have the urge, and i'm sure you've heard this many times before, but truly; writing everything that your feeling down in a sprial notebook will help. i have a notebook at work and a couple at home that i write in. Every now and than i will look back at them and smile, knowing that i didn't waste my energy cutting myself. Yes after i cut myself, i feel a sense of peace and relaxation. One of the ways people tell me is to snap a rubber band on my wrist everytime i think about cutting, but that can lead to more serious problems, of which i won't mention here. i have not had a cutting relapse since the talk with my Dom, thought about it?? Oh hell yea, but never did it. Hope this helps a little, and you can definitly do it.
  Best of luck

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 5:19:06 AM   
PrincessEllie


Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline 		Have a trusted friend take away all your sharp implements and instead of cutting, try snapping a rubberband on your wrist.

I use the two above things to quit cutting coldturkey when I was 15.


_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

http://www.cafepress.com/scenedayware
--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 6:57:29 PM   
Masque66


Posts: 185
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		Don't assume that because it came back you can't beat it again.  The people we trust are our best line of defense in trying times, and your master should be the star of that line.

(in reply to PrincessEllie)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 7:18:13 PM   
bleedingangel


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much for your support and words that encourage me.  I suppose there wasn't anything to worry about, he didn't even notice them.  I know that he doesn't want to deal with it at all.  He told me that he has been through "drama" with his ex and doesn't want to have to face it again(I really don't mean to cause that).  I can either get help, or shut up about it.  Maybe he is right, I know that no one can fix this, I don't want them to.  I have been able to beat it before and I am sure I will again.  I just feel so alone with the demons sometimes I just don't know what to do.  I get so afraid to bring it up with him, afraid he will think bad of me. 

I feel like that each time something is bothering me, I will get compared to her.  I am not like her at all, I do get help when I need it and I don't use it as an excuse to not do things or to not live life.  For the cutting I am a bit scared to go and see someone.  The last time I did, it was horrible and just made things worse.

I don't know why I am babbling so, I apologize.  It's just that by talking here, I feel like I am talking to people I have come to know.

Thank you again for your advice and your caring, it's appreciated more than you can possibly know.



(in reply to Masque66)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 7:29:01 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I dont cut, I chew.  Due to abuse when I as younger, I have almost no feeling in my ingers. I chew on the cuticles and skin on my fingers until they bled, but since I cant feel it, I dont stop. I have had people think I as insane, but if you find a good psychologist they can help you find better ways to deal. Mine heped, when I was seeing them.  Now, I try and control it myself. I relapse when I am stressed.  It looks aweful, but I cant help it sometimes.
If youve beatn it once, you will do so again.  If you cant do it for yourself, do it for Master.  You need ot be the best for him you can, and all marked up, you wont be.
Sometimes, thinking of someone else gives you the motivation that thinking strictly of yourself cant. Works for me, I stop when i see how people look at my hands.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 7:31:56 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe this is just me but how did he not notice? I know with my Master that if I did anything to change anything on my body he would notice...I don't know, alot of what you said about him doesn't seem right to me.

< Message edited by zindyslave -- 5/24/2007 7:33:14 PM >

_____________________________

http://www.myspace.com/zindygirl

Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 8:17:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah that's tough when they have baggage.  It's OK for him to feel suddenly back into the place he used to be.  However, he needs to be big and aware enough to realize you aren't the same as her and that you both together can make new choices and go down a different path.

Simply saying "No, we're not doing/going anywhere near anything that was like that relationship" either means that he's not ready for a relationship yet, or that it's going to lead to a very huge and bad explosion down the line.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to zindyslave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 8:21:13 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingangel

Thank you all very much for your support and words that encourage me.  I suppose there wasn't anything to worry about, he didn't even notice them.  I know that he doesn't want to deal with it at all.  He told me that he has been through "drama" with his ex and doesn't want to have to face it again(I really don't mean to cause that).  I can either get help, or shut up about it.  Maybe he is right, I know that no one can fix this, I don't want them to.  I have been able to beat it before and I am sure I will again.  I just feel so alone with the demons sometimes I just don't know what to do.  I get so afraid to bring it up with him, afraid he will think bad of me. 

I feel like that each time something is bothering me, I will get compared to her.  I am not like her at all, I do get help when I need it and I don't use it as an excuse to not do things or to not live life.  For the cutting I am a bit scared to go and see someone.  The last time I did, it was horrible and just made things worse.

I don't know why I am babbling so, I apologize.  It's just that by talking here, I feel like I am talking to people I have come to know.

Thank you again for your advice and your caring, it's appreciated more than you can possibly know.





wait if he doesn't care and doesn't want to deal with the drama....I don't know that he's the best dominant for you....Please, I implore you....get real help NOW

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 9:21:59 PM   
Masque66


Posts: 185
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingangel

Thank you all very much for your support and words that encourage me.  I suppose there wasn't anything to worry about, he didn't even notice them.  I know that he doesn't want to deal with it at all.  He told me that he has been through "drama" with his ex and doesn't want to have to face it again(I really don't mean to cause that).  I can either get help, or shut up about it.  Maybe he is right, I know that no one can fix this, I don't want them to.  I have been able to beat it before and I am sure I will again.  I just feel so alone with the demons sometimes I just don't know what to do.  I get so afraid to bring it up with him, afraid he will think bad of me. 

I feel like that each time something is bothering me, I will get compared to her.  I am not like her at all, I do get help when I need it and I don't use it as an excuse to not do things or to not live life.  For the cutting I am a bit scared to go and see someone.  The last time I did, it was horrible and just made things worse.

I don't know why I am babbling so, I apologize.  It's just that by talking here, I feel like I am talking to people I have come to know.

Thank you again for your advice and your caring, it's appreciated more than you can possibly know.





This does not sound healthy at all.  I second that, you should get some help.  I'm shocked that your master would simply brush something off like that.

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Cutting relapse - 5/24/2007 10:50:37 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline 		i agree with the last two posters.  i am sorry if you have an issue He doesn't want to deal with then is He the right person for you.  NO.  This issue is extremely important. Most important part of it is based on your need to do it and why you needed to do this recently.  There is obviously something going on that needs to be dealt with.  Ignoring it won't solve the problem.  i hope you have learned to examine your feelings and have some understanding why you felt you had to do this.  If not, go to a professional.  Call a help line.  Please do something.  You are doing this because you are hurting and need to learn a better way to deal with it.  the Master not dealing with it is no help whatsoever and is basically showing no concern for  what He owns or you.  you deserve better!!!

minnetar

(in reply to bleedingangel)
Profile   Post #: 17
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