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How to top? - 5/23/2007 11:14:50 PM

CrazyC

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As many of you know, I associate as being submissive. I have been playing with a switch though of late, and he has now mentioned a couple times that he himself likes pain and wants to be topped. He has never required it and is content with many other things. Me being me though....I want to see if i can top which then would make him happy.

I know i am able to just order someone around seeing as i have done it once before, but we were both drunk. I am finding it hard to even figure it out how to top him. Where do i start to learn the skills of topping? I would like to explore and see if it is in me.

Please forgive me if i am completely wrong on something, and remember I am completely knew to the switch idea. Thank you.

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RE: How to top? - 5/24/2007 4:31:28 AM

earthycouple

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Well you started off right by suggesting you would be topping vs. dominating. And truly you have to find within you a voice to give orders or "do things" to him. What kind of topping interests you? Bedroom play, chores and houseboy work, toys and implements?

For dominants I know who are learning I give this advice...when all else fails and you can't think of "what to do next" put him on all fours in front of you, prop your feet up and read a book or watch tv....he'll never know you haven't a clue and he'll feel useful.....*S* damn gave away all my trade secrets. *S*

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RE: How to top? - 5/24/2007 7:31:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Start out slowly, go with what the moment brings. Start going to demo classes if you have ones nearby to learn the more basic physical things, but it's really hard to make an OTK spanking a high risk activity so go ahead and start there.

Don't think about "Is this topping?" so much as let yourself be in that place.

That helped me a lot starting out at least.

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RE: How to top? - 5/24/2007 8:08:28 AM

CrazyC

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LOL D- your secret is safe with me....though i can't say for the rest of the readers.

I will try to just let things happen. I have been racking my brain for days though. Yesterday, i did somehting to inflict pain, and he said that was wierd for him. Asked him how was that since he wanted it, and he laughed and said it just was. lol Hey at least i am trying.

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RE: How to top? - 5/24/2007 12:00:51 PM

Suleiman

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It is possible to remain submissive while topping (engaging in sensation play as a way of servicing your lover), which is a very different experience from being dominant. It can be surreal as all hell, and the sheer dichotomy of the situation can be very amusing. I don't know the particulars of your dynamic, but here's how it's gone down for me in the past:

Set the scene. Candles, music, incense, all that kind of stuff. Make yourself pretty for them. Set up the various pieces of equipment - ropes, cuffs, paddles, floggers, clamps, et cetra. Include the non-sm stuff too, like massage lotion, feathers, chocolate sauce, whatever works for the two of you. Hopefully you have some idea of what he likes.

Using best submissive manners, invite them in and ask if you may be allowed to please them. Tell them you have a special night planned, just for them. If this guy hasn't had his mustache liscense revoked by the manlyman's union, he should be sporting a cheezy grin on his face if you do this right. Ask him to undress. Offer him a backrub or something similar to start off with.

If you haven't told them what you're intending, the next part should come as a surprise. Pick up the rope (or some similar restaint), and ask them to hold out their hands. If you've any skill with seduction or coquetry, now is a good time to turn on the charm. Tie his hands in as slow and seductive a manner as you're able to (think of it as a reverse striptease). Best submissive manners during the whole process, of course. Trust me - the confused look on his face will be priceless.

Tie him in some relatively comfortable position (reclining, legs spread, hands behind neck usually works well), show him some toy, and begin working on him with it. Hopefully you know him well enough to be able to tell if he's having a good time. Start off slow, mix pleasant sensations in with the hurting stuff. Talking usually helps, but don't expect him to interact. When in doubt, talk about whatever it is you're using, and how it makes you feel when he does it to you. Talk about how you want him to enjoy is as much as you do, how all this is just one more way to serve him.

Any way, it's just one suggestion out of many. You might want to give it a try, or not, as the case may be. Hope this helps.

~S

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RE: How to top? - 5/24/2007 1:03:07 PM

Lashra

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Have him give you a scented bath complete with candles, then have him wash your hair. From there you can do a massage or a manicure/pedicure. Make sure you have your crop with you so you can whack him on the ass or balls every so often to get his attention. Just imagine what it takes to get you into that fuzzy sub feeling and try extending that onto him. You may wish to give him an OTK spanking once he is done to show him how pleased you are with his service. It may surprise you just how dominant you can be once you have this boy under your thumb.

I would also suggest reading some female domination books they could certainly give you some good pointers.

~Lashra

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RE: How to top? - 5/26/2007 3:10:32 PM

moki1984

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Have him give you a scented bath complete with candles, then have him wash your hair. From there you can do a massage or a manicure/pedicure. Make sure you have your crop with you so you can whack him on the ass or balls every so often to get his attention. Just imagine what it takes to get you into that fuzzy sub feeling and try extending that onto him. You may wish to give him an OTK spanking once he is done to show him how pleased you are with his service. It may surprise you just how dominant you can be once you have this boy under your thumb. I would also suggest reading some female domination books they could certainly give you some good pointers.

~Lashra

ohhh i like that idea lol

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RE: How to top? - 5/28/2007 10:20:59 AM

DominaSmartass

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
I would also suggest reading some female domination books they could certainly give you some good pointers.

~Lashra

There is one in particular that you can get from amazon.com or even your local Barnes and Noble if you live in a relatively good sized city, called "How to be a Dominant Diva." I've flipped through it and the ideas are a bit too tame for me, but it's sort of like domination "light" and could be really good for this situation to ease yourself into some not-so-heavy topping. The book is great in the fact that it details things very well and tells you what kind of props you'll need for each scenario and even how much it will cost, how to set it up, and so on.

Goodluck and most of all, have fun.

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RE: How to top? - 5/29/2007 9:47:31 PM

Elorin

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You say he likes pain and most of what I read here involves giving instruction and telling what to do, which might not work.

My suggestions are: spanking (as LuckyAlbatross mentioned it's hard to damage someone while doing that), pinching - you can pinch nipples, the skin under the bicep, the inner thigh, the cock and balls - scratching fingernails down parts of the body, and slapping - you can slap the ass, the back, the chest and nipples, the stomach, the thighs, and lightly the cock and balls. If you think he's into it you can try slapping the face.

All of which involves nothing more than your hands. If he likes that and you find you are handling it well, you can add a riding crop. To become proficient in using a riding crop, use your pillow. It should dent to show if you hit the pillow where you were aiming. You can hit almost any part of the body with a riding crop, although I'd avoid the eyes. Note: Don't aim all over the body if you can't make sure that ALL you are hitting with is the leather. If you are still accidentally hitting with the neck/solid piece of the crop, stick to the ass, thighs, stomach. Otherwise, you can have him lay spreadeagled, tease with the tip of the riding crop sliding along a body part, then flurries of stinging swats.

Once you can handle that, work your way through other toys. Good beginner toys include: wide plastic pancake flipper, wooden spoon, paddles of various sorts, clothespins.

Good luck!

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RE: How to top? - 6/4/2007 4:35:17 PM

aparootsa

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I'm not sure whether this would be acceptable to you both, but I've found it very useful to have a Dom/me involved when I'm topping a more dominant switch than myself. If you're into play parties, why not arrange to start him with another somone domming him and get invited in when it's started? Three at play can be a wonderful headspace, and having a strong Dom/me there will likely be a stabilizing factor if both of you are comfy (and of course, find someone right for the job).

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