RE: Psychology and hard limits

RE: Psychology and hard limits (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

aldompdx -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/25/2007 12:39:17 PM)
soultoshare... Thank you for sharing more. Upon further reflection, I would say that violating another's limits and boundaries, in the guise of discipline, is a form of REAL sadism (not just the BDSM role play variety). One who chooses and/or welcomes violation of themself is a TRUE masochist. Abuse does not require dismemberment, etc. Psychological manipulation is the most common form of abuse. It is often so insidious and unintentional, that neither person can recognize it. The intentional mind fuck is malicious. It all depends upon what kind of relationship the mind fucker wants to create -- a relationship based on fear or love? This is yet another instance of how america elects its politicians. Scared parents raise fearful children, who vote for the politician who plays into their insecurities, only to stab them in the back with even more trillions in debt, tripled gas prices, and runaway inflation by devaluation of the dollar. For those of you who assume that EVERYBODY out there is highly intelligent, both intellectually and emotionally, I say that you have not seen enough of the world or you are in denial. Look at the person YOUR society elected president. One who believes they know everything, suffers from the inability to learn more. Perhaps the greatest human imperfection is believing you are perfect, and having no tolerance for the imperfection and ignorance of others.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/25/2007 8:59:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jauntyone quote: melissa, I understand your thought process here...but really....would you allow someone to chop your leg off "cause he wants to?" yes, this is terribly extreme..but it's only to make a point I would be more inclined to say I place "few" limits on myself and I don't shy away from a SSC or RACK challenge. Some people are strange enough to want to do things that are waaayyy beyond even our comprehension in the "vein of control". Greetings If you understood the thought process then you would not need to ask such a horrid question. I leave it to you to decide whether or not I would allow my leg to be removed. I wish you well melissa Believe me, she would. We've been over this one a few times already. And don't even get Daddysprop started on her acceptance of death at her Owner's hands. ;) I believe it is only because most people are so certain that they have nothing to fear that they are able to say that they would accept whatever comes. I don't believe there are too many slaves who give over full ownership to someone that they know is willing and capable of killing them or amputating them for the hell of it. Then there are a few special slaves who really have no self preservation instinct when it comes to hypothetical master killing them situations and god love'em. Personally, I would lose all respect for a slave if he didn't try to run away when I attempt to maim and/or murder him. But that's just me. (when in doubt, refer back to my screen name)

DominaSmartass -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/25/2007 9:05:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl The reason I don't talk about things like that is I've never met a D-type who could refrain from poking around in sensitive areas after being told they were sensitive areas. Alerting someone to potential trouble is like giving them an instruction manual. I figure, there's no point in me showing them where they need to go if they want to see me come undone. Haha! So true. For me at least. "What? You mean you don't like canes? And you're petrified of needles? And you'd never, ever, ever, let someone use a single tail on you?" This is where my brain goes into overdrive to figure out how I can get them to agree to let me just try it cause I KNOW they'll like it in the end if they just give it a chance. And if they don't, then I still win cause I get to see some true pain.

shedreamz -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 5:20:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 You start fooling around with my physical limitations and you'll be the one serving while I'm healing. You accidentally hit a hot emotional button and it takes a while plus a whole lot of work before I can go anywhere near that area. You deliberately hit those emotional buttons knowing what that does to me and you've just proved yourself to be a liar who does not care about my best interests. I have one weird limit, duct tape gags. We were outside last week duct taping screens on top of windows to convince a robin with his nest nearby that his reflection in the window is not an intruder in his territory and he should stop pecking at the window every morning from 5:00AM onward. At some point when we finished the screening he duct taped my hands loosely together and then brought a piece of tape towards my mouth. I knew he was joking and wouldn't do it. And yet I still got panicky and nearly screamed to get him to stop it. And it took three days before I could ask for reassurance that he would not have done it. Three days during which I was constantly backing off from him and near tears until I realized that this joking had really upset me. If he had done it for real, knowing how just the mention of it causes panic I would have a hard time learning to trust him again. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I know it must be difficult but I think it really helps people understand what a hard limit should be -- I think the fundamental problem is that some people may be reading hard limit as something someone is a bit unsure about, or wants to do but is uncomfortable with, etc. I think you are so very right -- a hard limit is something that would shatter the slave potentially forever. And while I can see a Master working with a slave to even cross that because he truly believed in helping her overcome her fears, it would be my belief that this would not be "work" in the bedroom, while cocksucking, or to amuse or arouse him. This would be the kind of work where there might be therapy, but definitely lots and lots of talking between Master and slave. And I could even see where he might try just to test how hard is hard -- and that (as I am sure you are realizing) would require lots and a lots of talking and maybe even therapy to work through. Best of luck & lots of love.

SireKane -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 5:47:27 AM)
" my limits are Master's limits" Well said. Kane

puella -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 5:53:59 AM)
I would have to disagree with you. Your limits can not be someone else's limits...that statement in and of itself does not make sense. It is lovely and poetic and the right 'slaviest slave' comment, but it is not factual. Somewhere, deep in all of us we have limits of our own. If you are lucky enough that they are things which will never be touched upon by your partner or society... bravo.. then you never have to reach your limits. For others who have limits that are closer to reach... they are not less of anything for having them.. not less submissive by nature, not less of a a good slave or person... they just have more visible and accessable limits. This limit thing is another way of putting people in a caste system.. a judging system and I often find that the 'slaves' are the ones who need it most... to feel that in fact, there is a way for them to be the 'slaviest slave'. Not many will consciously recognize that, but once you have been there it is pretty obvious to notice in yourself and others.

bandit25 -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 6:00:04 AM)
I agree with you Puella, but some people have to think that way. Fine by me...as long as they don't try and impose their beliefs on me, I don't try and impose mine on them (not saying that you are, just saying how I am).

SireKane -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 6:01:29 AM)
"as from day one of discovering the D/s lifestyle i knew that i needed to be a slave, and i knew that as a slave i'd have no limits of my own. however there are obviously still many things that would cause me a great deal of harm, esp. mentally/emotionally, if my Master were to subject me to them, and over time he has learned most of these things. He may still choose to subject me to them if that is his whim at the moment, but it is with a full understanding and awareness of the likely fallout. and despite the fact that i may be subjected to what otherwise would be a "hard limit", it's the fact that i am suffering for HIM, and that he will be pleased that makes it worthwhile. " What a beautiful mind set. It's good to hear from a slave who truly understands servitude. Kane

bandit25 -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 6:03:18 AM)
She understands her dynamic. Let's not get into the "true" slave stuff. It works for her and that's wonderful. Doesn't work for everyone...slave or Master.

lateralist1 -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 6:48:45 AM)
If you trust someone completely. And they have never let you down badly. Then their limits can be yours. For example I refuse to put a sub in chastity. If he wants to be faithful to me he will. If he doesn't as long as he asks my permission then I'm ok with him having sex with someone else. Same with orgasm control.etc. D/s relationships rely on honesty not faithfulness or absolute submission especially in the early stages of a relationship. I don't want a slave because I don't have the knowledge to handle one. I would be abusive. However if someone is submissive to me I can gradually take them into slavery. I would prefer to call it total power exchange. Only stupid people offer TPE to someone they don't know. Unfortunately there are lots of stupid people in the lifestyle as well as in vanilla life. We all know that. TPE takes time to develop and it will only happen if both parties seek it and if they are right for one another. I once knew a couple who married 6 days after they met. They both knew it hadn't got much of a chance of being the right relationship for them. It takes time to find out.

mistoferin -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 7:07:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl The reason I don't talk about things like that is I've never met a D-type who could refrain from poking around in sensitive areas after being told they were sensitive areas. Alerting someone to potential trouble is like giving them an instruction manual. I figure, there's no point in me showing them where they need to go if they want to see me come undone. Haha! So true. For me at least. "What? You mean you don't like canes? And you're petrified of needles? And you'd never, ever, ever, let someone use a single tail on you?" This is where my brain goes into overdrive to figure out how I can get them to agree to let me just try it cause I KNOW they'll like it in the end if they just give it a chance. And if they don't, then I still win cause I get to see some true pain. Forgive me if I am misunderstanding what you are saying here. Are you saying that when someone expresses a limit it motivates you all the more to cross it? Nothing really to lose because if they end up actually liking it cool...and if they don't you got to satisfy a selfish need to see pain? If that is what you are saying I'd like to ask you why you would jeopardize not only their mental health, their developed trust in you...but also the very relationship you are in? I don't state limits lightly. Limits are something that I will not do, not today, not tomorrow, not for you, not for someone I've yet to meet...not EVER. If I have clearly communicated a limit and a Dominant tries to cross that limit, they will never get the chance to do it again because I would no longer be available to them. Done deal, contract null and void.

Jasmyn -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 8:32:20 AM)
quote: Forgive me if I am misunderstanding what you are saying here. Are you saying that when someone expresses a limit it motivates you all the more to cross it? Nothing really to lose because if they end up actually liking it cool...and if they don't you got to satisfy a selfish need to see pain? Works for me DominaSmartass I like how you think

slaveluci -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 8:46:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: puella I would have to disagree with you. Your limits can not be someone else's limits...that statement in and of itself does not make sense. It is lovely and poetic and the right 'slaviest slave' comment, but it is not factual. Somewhere, deep in all of us we have limits of our own. If you are lucky enough that they are things which will never be touched upon by your partner or society... bravo.. then you never have to reach your limits. For others who have limits that are closer to reach... they are not less of anything for having them.. not less submissive by nature, not less of a a good slave or person... they just have more visible and accessable limits. This limit thing is another way of putting people in a caste system.. a judging system and I often find that the 'slaves' are the ones who need it most... to feel that in fact, there is a way for them to be the 'slaviest slave'. Not many will consciously recognize that, but once you have been there it is pretty obvious to notice in yourself and others. i absolutely and totally 110% agree. Beautifully stated...........slave luci

slaveluci -> RE: Psychology and hard limits (5/26/2007 9:01:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SireKane What a beautiful mind set. It's good to hear from a slave who truly understands servitude. Kane i have to totally agree with bandit25 that daddysprop understands what servitude means to her and her master and that works for her. This does not in anyway mean that other slaves and masters don't "truly understand servitude" just because they don't do things like she and her master do or like any other couple for that matter. As offensive and distasteful as it seems to be to some, not every D/s or M/s relationship has to fit into the same neat, tidy mold. Through debate in these forums, it has become very obvious that daddysprop and i have very, very different relationships and concepts of what being a "good" or "proper" slave or master is. This doesn't mean that either way is better - just simply very different. i assure you that i "truly understand servitude" as it applies to serving my Master. No, i don't do it like daddysprop says she does or like many others here say they do, but you know what? i do it like MASTER wants and that's all that matters[;)]. To try to emulate others' ways and thereby fail to meet His desires would be a real failing on my part..........slave luci

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 4 [5]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125