RE: Overly defensive submission

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Copulo -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/29/2007 3:07:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam Copulo, Since I know of too many Doms who are nothing more than abusive jerks, and way too many Dommes who are just psychotics, I'm quite certain that the banner 'my submission is NOT a weakness' is meant to deter those kind of BDSM predators from communicating with the sub. But then, what do I know? TM I think your right and the same goes for the Dommes that say. Just because I like to dominate does not mean I want to dominate you. I think in places such as chat room the dominants often give the impression that, if your submissive your potential meat for anyone in the room and worse still a lot of the submissives in these chat rooms seem to be under the impression that if they don’t make themselves available in the most sluttish fashion then they are not ‘twue subs’!!! All those potential dominants who are viewing all this cyber crap are getting very much the wrong impression and will no doubt move on to make utter fools of themselves when trying to approach a fem! Moving away from the chat room domination/submission because in my opinion it is a whole heap of bollocks In my opinion a subs mind is the one thing that will capture mine. I want intelligent opinions and I want to see strength of mind and I want them to have a great deal of self respect, but I don’t want to hear them being defensive about why they are submissive. If I accept them for being who they are then I don’t need to hear them trying to prove themselves to me because they are somehow embarrassed of what they are about.

Calandra -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/29/2007 11:25:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam Copulo, Since I know of too many Doms who are nothing more than abusive jerks, and way too many Dommes who are just psychotics, I'm quite certain that the banner 'my submission is NOT a weakness' is meant to deter those kind of BDSM predators from communicating with the sub. But then, what do I know? TM I think you may be correct with this statement, however don't you think that by saying 'my submission is NOT a weakness' just telegraphs that the sub has been taken in before to new prospective abusive jerks and psychotics? It's like telling someone you are a mark and challenging them to find a new way to exploit it...

earthycouple -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/29/2007 4:36:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: planomaid I can't speak for the women, but I will add my $.02 here. I see nothing wrong with the statement "I'm not a doormat". To me it is implying that the male making that statement is saying he has a lot to offer, he has a brain, opinions, desires, needs, etc. The fact that he wants to submit (or needs to, depending on the person) is not coupled with the concept of a doormat. There are those submissives out there who want nothing more than to be an obedient vessel, doing nothing without a command from their dominant. And there are, of course, dominants out there who want doormats who desperately desire to function in such a way. I'm sorry I just have to note the irony here....he has a brain but uses the same old tired line "I'm not a doormat" is just too funny for me. I would much prefer he say the same thing a bit more eloquently...for example. "While I am submissive in nature I do find that I enjoy intellectual conversation and do not feel the need to be subserviant to everyone claiming to be a dominant." See what a pretty ring that has?! This was mostly in jest...mostly.

NoirUMC -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/29/2007 4:39:31 PM)
Boy, I hope so. After four years of learning to write in college I can say I learned one thing: longer isn't the same as better.

SadisticMan -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/29/2007 4:56:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: LadyIce Can anyone tell me what submissive males mean when they tell you, they are not a doormat? I have never cared for that expression either. It seems very defensive and is usually uncalled for. I have a different view on what a submissive male means when he says he's not a doormat than what some of the others have posted and would like to share it for consideration. [8\|] To me, a doormat, represents an object that has no thoughts of it's own; is walked on and used until is is no longer needed, and then is discarded. As a submissive male, I have thoughts of value to contribute to the relationship that I'd hope my Mistress would appreciate and give proper consideration to. I have no desire to be sucked dry of what I have to offer in service to never have my "tank" refilled, then discarded when used up and empty. I do not wished to be "walked on" or taken advantage of simply because I'm labeled as a submissive. I do not wished to be abused by a dominant and will not tolerate such abuse again. A power exchange is one thing, abuse is another. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] I wish to be valued as a person who has thoughts, feelings and ideas of my own and to have it recognized that I can use them to contribute to the relationship for the benefit of us both. I also want to be treated with respect for having the strength to give up the areas of control of my life that I have agreed to with my Mistress. Thus, I am *far more* than a doormat. That is my reason for using the analogy on the few times when I've felt the need to use it. [&:] - pixel well said pixel. Just like different ranks of Dominance, there is too with subs/slaves, doormat being near the bottom, love slave near the top of list...... Doormats just get all bunched up

pixelslave -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/29/2007 10:35:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple I'm sorry I just have to note the irony here....he has a brain but uses the same old tired line "I'm not a doormat" is just too funny for me. I would much prefer he say the same thing a bit more eloquently...for example. "While I am submissive in nature I do find that I enjoy intellectual conversation and do not feel the need to be subserviant to everyone claiming to be a dominant." See what a pretty ring that has?! This was mostly in jest...mostly. I see you appear to be "mostly" hedging your bets. [;)] I once told a woman who proclaimed to be a dominant and wanted all to kneel before her to worship, that yes I was a submissive, but I was not her submissive. That seemed to serve the same purpose you suggest and deliver the message that was needed at the time. - pixel

planomaid -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 12:10:51 AM)
Ah, pithiness. How I do not miss thee.

meticulousgirl -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 11:49:14 AM)
I think alot of women are on the defense so much because we are emailed constantly with stupidity. I got two emails for instance from the same Dom this past week the last one being this morning saying "I use to live in Atlanta" ok woopty do......I am genuine, and I know exactly what it is that I'm looking for and until I find it, I have what will get me by for now which is a play partner that I am 100% devoted to, he's more than a play partner but it's not a relationship so I cant call it that. I think the majority of Doms on these sites are not legit. I think the majority are just looking for someone to do their housework for them and someone to have a little bit of kinky sex with them. They dont look at it like a slave or submissive does and until they live it they will never know the emotions, the hurt, the stress, and the critical over analizing that we do in order to please the one's that we serve. Being submissive and being slave is alot harder than most Dom's imagine even if the situation is not complicated. They dont realize the work involved to make sure our Dom not only stays interested but is pleased with us. So in all honesty we shouldn't be looked at as weak and i can completely understand why other subs have the need to express those rants as the majority of us can vouch for the fact that we often feel unappreciated because so much about the lives that we lead goes unnoticed.

Wickad -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 12:01:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadisticMan well said pixel. Just like different ranks of Dominance, there is too with subs/slaves, doormat being near the bottom, love slave near the top of list...... Doormats just get all bunched up Interesting way of ranking ....myself, I'd have put 'love slave' at the bottom. Wickad

lateralist1 -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 12:27:28 PM)
Ranking depends on an individual Dom/mes preferred type of service. I can get a cleaner for minimum wage. Now a good alround submissive is worth their weight in gold. Especially one that has skills that I haven't got. I agree meticulous girl a Dom/me has to be worth serving. It's not about one partner taking from the other. It's about each one satisfying a need in themselves and their partner.

Politesub53 -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 3:12:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyIce Can anyone tell me what submissive males mean when they tell you, they are not a doormat? I have never cared for that expression either. It seems very defensive and is usually uncalled for. Maam, the other guys here have made some valid points, and i will add mine in a moment. One reason though that has been overlooked is because of Dommes profiles. There are many which simply state " I have no use for a doormat " so its understandable that some guys say this. my own opinion is that men are expected to be strong, many do the manly thing, are not submissive to all, yet prefer to be submissive to that one special woman or women in general. Yet outside of the lifestyle are indeed equal with other men. i also think its way harder for a man to admit he is submissive openly as its not the norm. [;)]

pixelslave -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 3:59:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 i also think its way harder for a man to admit he is submissive openly as its not the norm. [;)] I think that's very true! It takes a great deal of self esteem and security in one's position in the world to publicly acknowledge that you are submissive to the woman in your life. It can open a man to a great deal of riducule from others who do not understand. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] - pixel

amayos -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 7:13:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Copulo If I had a tear for every female sub I have heard utter the words ‘my submission is not a weakness’ I would have me a river. If I had a tear for every sub guy I heard say these words I would a half filled test tube. What I am interested to know is why it seems to come far more from female subs than it does from male subs? I personally feel submission is an expression of weakness—and a glorious one at that. The essence of "submit" is to yield to the superior will or force of another. Perhaps when one is not submitting to a superior force, the idea of weakness in submission does become a problem. Perhaps women make this an issue of contention for many reasons—be it the history of a woman's supposed secondary status throughout history, the opportunist predation of men, or the fact that deep in their hearts, they are not really submitting to much of anything at all, save themselves. I cling to an apparently idiotic belief that those who truly submit experience little strife with terms such as "weak" or "doormat" being tossed their way. What does it matter, really? For those living the reality of servitude, it is enough they are allowed to place themselves at the feet of their adored ones. While there is indeed a certain strength inherent in submission, it is not the type of flavor so many leashed girls with sawed off shotguns under their skirts are talking about; it is instead the strength of being ok with inferiority, of actualization and of quiet selflessness, the virtue of grace in subjugation and the purest will to please. It is the strength of a very bright circle of unremitting love, no matter the pain; all the things abhorred by a woman's modern programming, consequently. Perhaps men see submission to a woman as an extension of a status they feel and know already in their hearts, and are only roused the more when being reminded. Perhaps women fight it because it is ultimately against the nature of their clever egos, despite the outward images they portray.

undergroundsea -> RE: Overly defensive submission (5/30/2007 7:58:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 Now a good alround submissive is worth their weight in gold. And if that sub is hard on the weighing scale, all the better! ;-) Cheers, Sea

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