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What to do? - 5/25/2007 1:03:25 PM

Ayanaev717

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I have found a female submissive. We found each other through my job. She is currently in a lesbian relationship, and although that is very nice for her, I am simply interested in the power exchange of her submission. Lately over the past 7 months she has come to me for advice, suggestion, direction, guidance, and so forth. Through this time, I realize she has some dirty laundry (don't we all) and she is in treatment now. I have told her she needs to get herself in treatment on a weekly basis. She has been through hell- abuse and so forth.

Okay on to my question. We have spoken about her submission and she has a lot of triggers and so I am going slow with her. However, I always believed that a submissive needs to choose the one she is submitting, up until now, I figure she was already giving me her submission but she hasn't really out right said, "You are my Domina." I am at point I just want to do what I need and make her submit. But I also don't want to harm her. Maybe this is easier for some, but I am very strict about consent and safety. Plus I know she has issues, even though I trigger her from time to time and she seems fine with certain aspects os submittion...she isn't with all. What to do in this case?

Should I leave her alone and let her come to me with assurance? Or should I just go and get her myself- which I think she wants. Oy vey!

Any thoughts will do.

Sincerely,

Ayanaev

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RE: What to do? - 5/25/2007 1:10:46 PM

canupleaseme

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Maybe she is waiting for you to say something to her? Ive found with peopl I have met that mostly sub/slave wait to be asked but thats only in my experience. You should tell her that you are so happy she is making progress with things and when the tim felt right for her you would love to be her Domina. Just let her know how you feel and then she can make a decision for herself.

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RE: What to do? - 5/25/2007 1:15:31 PM

TigressFL

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I am a firm beleiver that submission must be a choice and in order for that person to make that choice he or she must be in a position to do so. That to me means that he or she should be a responsible adult alone and not *need* submission to get his or her shit together. Responsible adulthood is a *minimum* requirement for me. If I want a child I will have one. Many people are *submissive*, however, is it healthy for someone to take charge over someone that is not *able* to be in control and responsible for themselves in the first place? I think not, as it can be one more way for the person to "pass the buck" so to speak and not ever truly stand "on their own two feet". She or he must learn to be responsible for themselves first! Personally, I would not take the person on. I would be there as a friend.

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RE: What to do? - 5/25/2007 1:26:52 PM

thetammyjo

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Wow two things that I would never get involved with as a dominant though I would as a friend, friend only.

Someone who was starting out in therapy and working through their past.

Someone who is already in a relationship.

I personally consider both condition the equivalent of her not being in a position to either fully submit or to make a committment.

Have you ever talked to her partner? How do you know her seeing you is fine for that relationship if you haven't?

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RE: What to do? - 5/25/2007 3:09:10 PM

Ayanaev717

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Really really good points.

As for speaking to her partner, this is something, I have offered to do so. She is having problems with her relationship and from her side it is because both have some things to work out.

I am feeling very cautious about this however I admit is is intriguing to me. I am also thinking she could be possibly using me to deal with her own issues.

I am feeling stop signs all over the place.

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RE: What to do? - 5/25/2007 3:23:45 PM

thetammyjo

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When your gut or your "feelings" say stop, don't you think you should stop?

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: What to do? - 5/25/2007 3:34:24 PM

Ayanaev717

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Well, at this point, didn't think about stopping was trying to evaluate if I should. There's nothing like seeing something from another persons point of view and reflecting that this may not be such a good idea.

Believe me she has intrigued me enough. The perspectives of others has always helped at times.

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