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am I good enough??? - 5/25/2007 2:32:06 PM

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
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this is somethign bothering me with my master lately...he is a switch to start with. when we met it seemed to instantly fall into he was my dom..and that was it. i was his slave...simple enough. as time ahs progressed ive seen his switch side more and he definitely has a sub side to him...but it only really comes out at night........so at first i thought that was what he wanted. ..to be dominant for the most part in our relatioship but every once in awhile at night..when the lights are turned down and everything is calm he wants to be sub for a bit..no biggie right?

recently I discovered he speaks with MANY MANY dommes telling them how obedient he is...how he's this and that...etc..........and im not mentioned at all. this hurt me...i now feel like he really just wants to be a sub and he's only domming me to keep me around but its not what he wants. so alst night...we had a power struggle for a good 4 hours before we just both kidna stopped. i dont know how t otake this now. he tells me he is happy with me as his slave but if all he talks to is dommes..........he masturbates to the thought of dommes........he gets off much much harder with me when he's playing sub. i feel like im not good enough......like he has to run to these dommes online just to keep himself "good". any suggestions or thoughts?

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/25/2007 2:45:31 PM

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How long have you guys been in a relationship together? Knowing the time period will help me frame things right.

What are his past experiences in these sorts of relationships?

Naturally slipping into a sort of fantasy or getting turned on by one type of thing does NOT necessarily mean they aren't a great switch and can do lots of fun stuff together. But, time will tell on that count.

I'd be more concerned with going around and bragging to all these other doms and not mentioning you. Is he just an attention whore? Talk to him and ask him exactly what it is he gets out of these exchanges and why he does them so much.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to moki1984)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/25/2007 2:56:06 PM

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Hi Moki..... The fact he wants to be submissive could be a deal breaker if its not what you want. If you could both switch and find a compromise that would be good. If you dont think you can be Domme maybe you could think about an open relationship so he gets his fix. It is really all about what you want and what you can cope with.
I would be me worried that someone i trusted hadnt been telling me the truth. As LA points out its a concern he talks to others and doesnt mention you at all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/25/2007 2:57:52 PM

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Did the power struggle end with you dressing him up in the pink panties, pink skirt and purple spaghetti strap top to humiliate him?

I guess I am confused as to what you are wanting? Are you wanting to go back to being his slave? Are you wanting him to switch more? Are you finding that you are enjoying topping and humiliating him more? I'm just confused as to what you are asking....

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to moki1984)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/26/2007 2:19:35 PM

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As LA and the gentleman with the great coffee picture mentioned, the lack of outright honesty with the Dommes he speaks to raises suspicion. Have a deep discussion with him about what he wants, and what you do. From that, you'll know where things need to go for both of you to be happy. In my own experience, denying a feeling or ignoring a desire only leads to resentment and discontent.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/26/2007 3:07:24 PM

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Joined: 2/22/2007
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our relationship has been for a few months...i honestly would not mind being domme sometimes for him...i kinda have fun doing it lol. i wouldnt consider myself a switch because 95 percent of the time I am submissive minded...but I have my moments..but it seems when i get into those and attempt it...or even sometimes he will outright tell me before I arrive, "I am putting my panties on for you" he is always in female panties when im in that mood lol..........but everytime this happens or we start he always switches it back pretty much...he'll use physical strength against me and pin me pretty much and put me in painful positions until I give in...except for one time...one time he didnt swtich it back because he was hogtied and couldnt very well do a thing about it lol. I cant ALWAYS tie him up though..lol.

In his past relationships bdsm wise he was always the sub....he has played as the dom a few times but whe nit comes to a full out 24/7 relatinship he was never the dom. He tells me that it was because he never found a sub/slave that matched what he wanted in them...he always wanted someone that could take higher lvls of pain and was masochistic like myself, and I understand not all subs get into that so maybe but I still feel like Im not making him happy enough because of the dommes he talks to. I used to talk t oa lot of people on here...not to the extent of ever meeting or anything, just bullshiting basically but I handed him all of my passwords as he requested and he monitors whom I speak to..and has made me block a lot of people...and I honestly am fine with this , but if I do all of this for him why is he sending mesages like that to other dommes? His profile doesnt even reflect me at all...he has been telling me for a week he's changing it...the way we are together and how we talk..were not just a D/s relationship.were more than that, much deeper........so I just dont understand why he needs that too. Maybe im over worrying....i do tend to do that. I called him an internet whore once...i think i was right lol.

(in reply to ToysAndTies)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/26/2007 10:58:05 PM

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Two issues

1) Are you compatible? It's natural that since he's never been in a relationship as "the dom" that he isn't really going at it as much. However, in getting into the relationship with you, he was basically telling you that he WANTED to be "the dom" at least a large chunk of time and wanted to explore that.

Is this really true? Are those expectations being fulfilled? Are your actual compatabilities meeting up?

2) What level of commitment do you have together and are you both happy with that level? You've been hankering for him to change his profile. He's been putting it off. What does this mean to you both? Why does he choose to not do it? Are you both really sharing the same level and/or happy with where the other person is?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to moki1984)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 8:47:36 AM

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we are definitely compatible..at least from my perspctive we are. in the beginning of our relationship it was very evident he wished to dom......and he maintains certain things ie during the day/work hours he is always the dom.basically he is the dom all day and is ultimately in charge and will "let me domme" when i want to..thats hwo he puts it.

our commitment lvl is very strong...for example, i am going with him monday to his family's picnic and he told me he has already had extensive conversations about me ith his mother etc....ie im going their with them having the mentality I am his woman and its my first time meeting them. (talk about pressure..lol) i got rather drunk last night and i do not remember this but he said i sat him down and said, "if you need a domme to make you happy i will allow you to have that othe rperson" i asked him what his response was to me and he said, "if i wanted a domme i would have one. i have who I want"

He changed his profile finally but it doesnt claim me..it just says no tlooking anymore and I told him I was hoping it would claim me as mine very clearly does him. Is that me being too needy?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 11:30:33 AM

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It's hard to say. COnsidering you're married to someone else and planning to move away with him in the not too distant future, I can see why he wouldn't wish to make things so public or solid at this time.

What really matters is whether you both AGREE that what you want is reasonable.

You both seem to be very unstable right now. A few days ago you made posts talking about how confused and worried you were about the switching and what he wanted...now it's as if those posts never happened for you and that's not an issue at all.

Get your heads together and reach a place of agreement- what exactly you agree on isn't important as long as you both are secure and fulfilled.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to moki1984)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 11:37:12 AM

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Joined: 2/22/2007
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that post you speak of is this one? hehe. just because he's talking to dommes and that botehrs me doesnt mean im not worried abou the switching still....its new to me.

we have agreed on a lot of things....and it just seems sometimes like im keeping my end of the deal so to say....and yes i know my situation might make him hesitant but he has known how it is since day one. oh well, ill figure it out

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 11:43:12 AM

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Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
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I don't know if it's true in this case, but I've found that more often than not, someone who starts as a submissive and keeps wanting to play submissively, will not make a good overall dominant and will always retain more of the submissive side. I would start thinking along the lines of, "can I live long-term being mostly or always the dominant partner?" This relationship may really benefit from taking more time before fully committing, to see how his personality pans out over a longer period of time. At least that's my take on it

(in reply to moki1984)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 1:56:30 PM

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Joined: 2/22/2007
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i agree. i think we both rushed in many ways and its causing a bit of chaos right now. it will work out in the end

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 5:46:33 PM

asubmissiveheart

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Joined: 11/20/2006
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It sounds like you are good enough, the question is:
Is he good enough for you?

(in reply to moki1984)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 6:05:45 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Well at this point I think I'm going to have to repeat to you the advice I gave back on May 7th when you were having the crisis over falling in love with this man:

You have to decide what's right for you. Frankly I don't think you're really in love with your master, I think you're swept up in newbie frenzy still and love the IDEA of all this.

And to add:
Life is now facing you with all those steps you skipped and forcing your lust haze back from the harsh light of reality. Ask yourself how you would deal with these issues with your husband and you will find the answers.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 7:15:44 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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i know i'm not good enough or else i would have a Mistress by now.

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/27/2007 9:31:01 PM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

i know i'm not good enough or else i would have a Mistress by now.

Pfffffffffff! You're good enough - you're just in the wrong location at the wrong time

. Don't sulk, it's unbecoming.

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

RE: am I good enough??? - 5/29/2007 9:53:26 PM

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Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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~using fast reply~
What I'm reading reeks of balance to me. He is a switch, you knew that from the beginning. You fill, primarily, his need to dominate. When you were caught up in the new relationship energy, that was enough. But now he is feeling his need to sub as well. He is getting that need filled with the people he is talking to, not through his relationship with you. If you talk to him about it, perhaps you can work out an arrangement where he can get that need filled through you, and you can fill both sides of his need. But if you continue to be primarily his slave he just may need to get that balance elsewhere.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to Mikal)

RE: am I good enough??? - 6/15/2007 1:25:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: moki1984

we are definitely compatible..at least from my perspctive we are. in the beginning of our relationship it was very evident he wished to dom......and he maintains certain things ie during the day/work hours he is always the dom.basically he is the dom all day and is ultimately in charge and will "let me domme" when i want to..thats hwo he puts it.
How does that equate to how you see things? is it the same? if not, which bits are different?

our commitment lvl is very strong...for example, Its been 3 months. Your right at the beginning. i am going with him monday to his family's picnic and he told me he has already had extensive conversations about me ith his mother oh god, pullease! his mother? etc....ie im going their with them having the mentality I am his woman and its my first time meeting them. (talk about pressure..lol) i got rather drunk last night red flag 1and i do not remember this reg flag 2but he said i sat him down and said, "if you need a domme to make you happy i will allow you to have that othe rperson" what did you say that for? that appears to be the opposite of how your feeling, surely you'd want to thoroughly discuss this with him, before committing to such a momentous development.i asked him what his response was to me now your just out and out game playing, pack it in.and he said, "if i wanted a domme i would have one. i have who I want" what a convoluted way of communicating you two share. Remarkable.

He changed his profile finally but it doesnt claim me.Its my belief, that actions speak louder than words. My suspicion would be that he doesn't claim you. Simple. That is your dream. And if you are moving away, a temporary one at that..it just says no tlooking anymore and I told him I was hoping it would claim me as mine very clearly does him. Is that me being too needy?Yes.

For some, this is coquettish behaviour. To me, its nauseating. ;Im too old for all this crap!
kitchendisco

(in reply to moki1984)

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