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A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 6:27:21 AM

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Ok although I have only had one real time D/s relationship, (with a few aspects of BDSM added) this lasted three years. So in real time that is the only experience I have had, so since then I have only been able to learn of the variances with D/s and BDSM though on line in chat rooms or forums like this one and other material I have read or talking with others or talking and asking things from my Mentors who are both Dom’s, but there are times when I can not contact them sometimes.

Which means as you can see, my question stems from the narrow field of knowledge mentioned above. It seems to me that a lot of Dom’s like to train their sub/slave to cum on command and it seems very common, either that or wanabe’s are just shooting shit, I consider that I have a very healthy sex drive, and in any sexual relationship I have had I have never said no to sex no matter how often it was demanded, and I had no problem at all with this.

Why is it important to so many to have this cum on demand thing going, and quite often this also includes how many times I can get my sub to cum in five min or something like that, I am thinking to myself do these Dom’s think D/s and BDSM a marathon race or a lifestyle? Is it for ego reasons or is it just another aspect of control that you want to take over?

I am really having trouble as I fail to see why this is brought into the relationship, what ever sort it may be and why its bragged about like it’s a trophy? Is it to make a Dom feel like a man? Sorry but that is the impression I get and it’s not flattering and it does not incline me to respect a Dom that goes on about this.

Does anyone else think these things? I know I am making these comments from a point of view that is ignorance, but I am curious to know if there is any logical reason for this part of relationships I hear about.

Just curious

Beanie

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Never make someone your priority when you are only their option

If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 6:34:15 AM

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It would be the wrong impression for some.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 6:58:14 AM

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It’s a genuine question could you elaborate?

beanie

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Never make someone your priority when you are only their option

If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 7:29:02 AM

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Dominance has something to do with control. Training a sub to cum on command is a form of control. Sex is a strong drive, and to have orgasms and the denial of orgasms under the control of the dom is generally an indicator of broader control over the mental/emotional state, as well as the physical activities of, the sub. Orgasm is strongly mediated by the mental/emotional state of the sub, so successful control of this can be seen as an indicator of either willing submission or deep conditioning, or both. Control of orgasm also gives the dom a powerful reward/denial tool (in most cases) that can be used to promote submission in a wider context and deeper sense.

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 8:15:44 AM

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Dear ennaozzie, Ladies and Gentlemen;

There are several questions within the original post and I will attempt to address them in a manner as not to confuse.

In chat rooms and forums, I would take the information and not create it into gospel/law and or 'the real deal.' What happens successfully for one couple may not work for another. The real need on this concern about 'controlled sexual performance and or orgasm' is that such is not an overnight sensation/performance and or talent. It takes time to train the mind, emotions and body to trigger on a command. It is a learned thing but, its you that really controls the orgasm--its just triggered by word or gesture cue. It takes tons of patience to get to that point by all. Even so, some women can never achieve orgasm on command or orgasm obviously so. Every woman's body is different--and a Dominant should focus on all of you--not just sex.

In the question as to why a Master would want to 'control' orgasms; is self answering. It is about the ability to control. It is a flawed thought as word association and learned behavior gives results. Like the word "FIRE!" Will have predictable behavior; as you have learned it as second nature to stop all things, exit the building immediately. Drills in school, home and at work--You are trained to respond. As little tots though the response was slow, self awareness or gravity of the weight of what "FIRE" meant was absent. As an adult, you do not play at the word "FIRE!" --You save your life! But, it is a good example of reflex responses.

All people are different. All Dominants dominate differently. So, until you have a steady partner, without interruption--only then you can get to the point of learned reflex responses and often anticipation as the steps remain the same to achieve orgasm. It is predictable and your mind then 'trains' along with the physical. Most likely you have trained yourself in orgasm early as you became self aware of your body and sexual gratification. The secret really is, that the Dominant doesn't replace YOUR embedded triggers to achieve orgasm--they just use what is already there and both of you find triggers for what the Dominant can use to go through the series of which to create orgasm process. In other words, you have your remote control ..you just give a Dominant a remote control (per your mental, emotional and physical permission) to get to an orgasm. But, it is always best to work with what a slave already has seeded from childhood to adult sexual behavior as a Dominant. It is made to look easy--but, that is the secret to training. Training is repeating the behavior until its second nature and not questioned and it isn't misunderstood. No different in training the dog to sit, stay and lay down. At first its a mess but, consistancy and patience--rewards (in the beginning is allowing orgasms to come freely and uncontrolled and slowly gain control).
But, soon that pup will not need the training collar and leash. Then its just voice. More advanced training it is purely gestures. So, for Masters to point at the clitorus for example, if trained in advanced orgasm control--you would orgasm.

Why do Masters participate in 'orgasm' control and or sexual control? -- Because they are primal and want sex. As a Master, they want the dominant control over another--in M/s, D/s and or BDSM; it is usually consensual and negotiated as to how in the sexual context you will be in the entire scheme of things. But, as I identify as a Master-- I'm cut from a different cloth and a different time. Master/slave isn't all about sex. It is all about 'us' and about a joined journey in which both individuals grow together. It is going past 'sexual' and 'physical' realms and goes into spiritual and self awareness and honoring how unique and special you are--not just a sexual holder of sperm deposits, a whipping post, free labor or a focus of lust on physical focus. Its honoring the hidden internal treasures within on the mental, emotional, physical and or spiritual reaches. It is where a Master does not need to convince you how much treasure lays within a slave. The slave knows, feels, touches and experiences what they've had all along. It isn't all about a Master's sexual gratification--its about your sexual power realized and mastering the control as to permit the Master to control your power within-- for most times; giggles and grins. Anybody can have sex. Anybody can have 'trained reflex sexual responses. But, it is a special Master who has the ability to teach you how to harness your sexual power, sexual magic and master them, as to allow another to control them, by empowering them.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 8:47:03 AM

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Cuz for most it really is about sex, it is something fun and a cool parlor trick to show off and give everyone a quick buzz of energy.

Don't sweat it, I know it can SEEM like everyone and their brother is doing it and showing it off- but trust me, plenty of chicks in the scene do not orgasm on command, don't orgasm much at ALL even, and have owners who are perfectly content to be happy with what they have.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 9:30:12 AM

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"It seems to me that a lot of Dom’s like to train their sub/slave to cum on command and it seems very common, either that or wanabe’s are just shooting shit,"

Is it possible ? Perhaps. Probably in rare instances. I had a dom demonstrate his power to make his sub come on command. It was laughable at best. I'm not convinced. In my opinion this is an online urban myth.

Kane

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 10:21:39 AM

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It is mostly for show and much is faked, It's an ego thing. LA is right, it might seem like everyone is doing it, but more girls are not doing the parlor trick.

What bothers me the most is the ego doms put so much pressure on the newbie or their owned girls to preform on damand that they are sometime forced to fake it in order to please or to not feel like they have failed their new doms.

Can it be done, yes but it takes MONTHS of intense training.. it is not something that can be done cold start from ground zero trained in a matter of weeks. but these doms who know nothing of mental health, psy, mental training, think they can teach a girl to do a cold srart cum on voice command only in only a few weeks or a month or two of occassional contact.

(in reply to SireKane)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 10:23:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ennaozzie

Why is it important to so many to have this cum on demand thing going, and quite often this also includes how many times I can get my sub to cum in five min or something like that, I am thinking to myself do these Dom’s think D/s and BDSM a marathon race or a lifestyle? Is it for ego reasons or is it just another aspect of control that you want to take over?

According to Valyraen...

"Cause it's fun."

Is there a better reason?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 10:30:29 AM

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No, it's not for show, and no, it's not an ego thing.

Oh, and it's not faked, either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

It is mostly for show and much is faked, It's an ego thing.

(in reply to goodpet)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 10:45:23 AM

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It's for control and fun. Ego? Maybe it feeds his own private ego, although I've never asked. He doesn't prance me around to do this - in fact we have never gone to public BDSM outing, so for him it has nothing to do with parading me around.

As for faking it, well I suppose some do, yes. I suppose some fake orgasms in general.

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 11:01:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

It is mostly for show and much is faked, It's an ego thing. LA is right, it might seem like everyone is doing it, but more girls are not doing the parlor trick.

What bothers me the most is the ego doms put so much pressure on the newbie or their owned girls to preform on damand that they are sometime forced to fake it in order to please or to not feel like they have failed their new doms.

Can it be done, yes but it takes MONTHS of intense training.. it is not something that can be done cold start from ground zero trained in a matter of weeks. but these doms who know nothing of mental health, psy, mental training, think they can teach a girl to do a cold srart cum on voice command only in only a few weeks or a month or two of occassional contact.

I agree. I think 99% of the people that go on and on about this are full of crap. Here's the rub.....Dom's can prattle on as much as they'd like about how real it is, but the reality is that there's only one person that can tell you if that orgasm is real: the person having it. I think many submissives fake it because they cannot do it and they feel like theyve disappointed their Doms if they can't. I know two that confided that after their relationships had ended.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to goodpet)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 11:08:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I agree. I think 99% of the people that go on and on about this are full of crap. Here's the rub.....Dom's can prattle on as much as they'd like about how real it is, but the reality is that there's only one person that can tell you if that orgasm is real: the person having it. I think many submissives fake it because they cannot do it and they feel like they've disappointed their Doms if they can't. I know two that confided that after their relationships had ended.

That last line, to me, says something very sad. To me, if the subs can't trust their Dom enough to let them know that they are not able do comply with instant orgasms, there isn't enough trust to be in a BDSM relationship at all.
From personal experience, I've been known to orgasm in response to certain sounds, including one actor's voice. An ex of mine could mimic the voice perfectly and took unfair advantage of that ability.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 11:15:08 AM

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orgasm on command without some type of physical stimulation is one of those when-I-see-it-I'll-believe-it, things for me. And even then I'd still doubt it.

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marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to ennaozzie)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 11:33:58 AM

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It's so glad to read this thread and see that I am far from the only Doubting Thomas. The whole orgasm on demand thing has been a curiousity for me for a really long time. I have had partners who tried, read all the books, experimented with all the techniques...not for days, weeks or months....but YEARS. Maybe I'm just not slavely enough...lol.

I doubt that is the issue though as I've talked to many sub/slaves over the years about it. Some of them have sworn insistently that their Master's have this awesome power over them and can evoke such a response with no stimuli other than their voice. Those same sub/slaves have gone on to admit (once that relationship is over of course) that they were indeed faking it to stroke the ego of their Dominant or appear to be "obedient" and utterly "dominated". Leads me to believe that if not impossible it's most likely a LOT less common than Dominants think it is.

edited to add that I have even had several opportunities to witness such a supposed event first hand. Each time it has looked a lot like something out of a really bad porn movie.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/26/2007 11:36:42 AM >

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~erin~

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"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 12:14:25 PM

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Well I certainly think it's possible for a person to be built up and then orgasm without any direct physical stimulation, I feel it's possible for a person to use the friction between their legs and orgasm very easily, almost immediately, I feel it might even be possible for a person in the middle of a housefire, with their legs completely spread apart and no physical stimulation whatsoever to be able to orgasm.

However, the ones who crow about it, who show it off at parties, who act like they are the most awesome supreme guy ever, or act like they are the most slaveliest ever, are doing it for the ego and more likely to be called into question on what's really going on.

The reality is that there ar ea lot of women who are insecure about their lack of ability to be able to orgasm easily, and a heck of a lot men who make the orgasm into a symbol of their prowess and those combined to make a heck of a lot of issues with adults which could so easily be eliminated.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 1:41:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

"It seems to me that a lot of Dom’s like to train their sub/slave to cum on command and it seems very common, either that or wanabe’s are just shooting shit,"

Is it possible ? Perhaps. Probably in rare instances. I had a dom demonstrate his power to make his sub come on command. It was laughable at best. I'm not convinced. In my opinion this is an online urban myth.

Kane

with enough persistance, and knowledge of what youre doing, its totaly possible. its basically the same thing as pavlov's dog(for those of you who dont know, hes the guy who made the dog salvate at the sound of a bell). its actually not very rare at all, and the main reason it would fail is because the persons involved had little knowledge about how to go about doing it.

its classical conditioning. i'll break it down for you;
-the unconditioned stimulus is the finger/toys/tongue or what ever it is that is being used to bring the sub to orgasm

-the unconditioned response is the orgasm, which to most people comes naturally from stimulus to the genitals(i say most, because no one's body is the same and some find it harder to reach orgasm than others from the same amount of stimulus)

-now this is where it gets hairy. the conditioned stimulus would eventually become the Dominants voice, or verbal command. this will take time, and patients, but if timed right the sub will eventually begin to assossiate the word or voice to orgasm, thus bringing us to;

-the conditioned response, which is to orgasm at the command or sound of the Dominants voice.

for some people this may never happen. we're going to assume, that, as submissives who are used to giving up complete control to their Dominants, this process will easier and they will be less resistant to the technique. if anyone is going to try this, they would have to do it daily(remember, doing it only during one time of day will possibly make it so that it will only work during that time of day. better to spread it out, instead of say, just doing it at night), and be consistant with the command/tone of voice that they would like to use as the trigger. this will never work, even if you say the same thing every night, if the tone is completely different each time.

id hate to compare it to diciplining children, or your parents...but picture it as the "mommy's angry voice"; the one where you just KNEW she was mad about something.

(in reply to SireKane)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 2:21:26 PM

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It is all about control and the total power exchange

For a Dom to have that much power and control over a sub is hawt!
It makes for more intense orgasms

(in reply to JackM1)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 3:21:10 PM

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Well a few ideas there, thanks everyone, i have cum once without
any stimulation just from imagination while walking down the street of all things, it was not my intention of doing it but i was thinking about some of the things my Master does to me (when i was with him) and i was on the way home from work, and it just happend.

My first thought was looking about me to make sure no one was near by, hoping to god my reaction was not noticed. have made sure i have never done it again, it totaly suprised me.

That should give ya a giggle, but i am still a doubter as to on comand thing though.

Maybe i might experence that one day, but i am thinking do i realy want to? I am still trying to get it into my head that it is something i would want to do, and to be honist i have no interest in wanting to do it.

beanie

_____________________________

Never make someone your priority when you are only their option

If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

(in reply to TopinPa)

RE: A question for Dom's - 5/26/2007 3:24:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JackM1

with enough persistance, and knowledge of what youre doing, its totaly possible. its basically the same thing as pavlov's dog(for those of you who dont know, hes the guy who made the dog salvate at the sound of a bell). its actually not very rare at all, and the main reason it would fail is because the persons involved had little knowledge about how to go about doing it.

I would disagree. The statistics show that fewer than 50% of all women experience orgasms from sex. It would lead, that women that have difficulty acheiving orgasm with physical stimulation, would have minimal chances of having one with no physical stimulation.

The main reason it would fail it because every womans' body is different. Even if the Dom did know what they were doing, the chances are more than 50% that he'd fail simply based on the biology and psyche of the woman.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JackM1)

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