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personalities - 6/2/2004 3:04:46 PM

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From: Washington
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I'm just curious, do you all think there is a correlation between certain personalities and submissive or dominant natures? For example are shy introverts more likely to be submissive? I've read a lot of profiles on Collarme and noticed dominants sometimes stating that they are shy , so just wondering what you think.

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RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:12:41 PM

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I think there is allot of personalities in the lifestyle. There are some very out going Dominates while some Dominates are reserve. I know some submissive you are very out spoken while some keep quite.

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RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:16:20 PM

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From: Tidewater, VA
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Midear Proud,

I find that , although 'shy' might be to strong a word, most of the dominants I meet are on the ...?Reserved? side, and that the more extroverted people in the scene seem to be submissives.

Of course, it's a broad brush, and YMMV, IMO, etc., but it seems to be a pretty good call (IMX).

I don't know if it's so much cause and effect, or if being 'domly' requires a certian level of reserve, but I do see it. I can think of one rather well known domiant locally who is so outgoing I keep thinking he's submissive.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:18:44 PM

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Hard to really say. While in college doing research. It seems most Dominats were in professional positions that were somewhat submissive. Where submissives were usually in positions of power.

I know this is the case with me. Also with my Dom. He runs a network for a living. While considered a senior member of the team he has to take a lot of shit from day to day.

Where I am in total control in my profession.

To me, coming home..being under his total control balances me out.

I am very much a group leader and have been all of my life. Some people choose to follow while others lead. As outgoing as you can get here.

I'm sure that is not the case for all. But it works for us.

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:23:22 PM

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Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
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Perhaps it's true then: Still waters run deep. Just in remembering the Doms i know, quiet introverts outnumber outgoing extroverts 5 to 2. i know 2 other subs pretty well and they are both outgoing and bubbly. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. i'm pretty quiet most of the time.... what does this mean?

I have a question of my own of the housekeeping variety: How do I add a quote to the end of my posts so that it automatically appears?

(in reply to topcat)

RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:27:01 PM

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From: Tidewater, VA
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midear Dixie-

on top of the forum page, look for 'my profile' and click on it- it lets you edit your message board profile, which is not the same as your 'Personals' profile.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

< Message edited by topcat -- 6/2/2004 6:27:49 PM >

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RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:32:01 PM

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quote:

To me, coming home..being under his total control balances me out.

Midear 4hire-

Back in the old internet days, on compuserve in '95 or so, we refered to this as the 'compensaion kink' theory. It's not at all uncommon, as you said.

I also suspect that being less 'on' during the day allows me to better plot-oops I mean plan my interactions, as well as leaving me a bit more energy to carry them out.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

< Message edited by topcat -- 6/2/2004 6:32:39 PM >

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RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:42:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

quote:

To me, coming home..being under his total control balances me out.

Midear 4hire-

Back in the old internet days, on compuserve in '95 or so, we refered to this as the 'compensaion kink' theory. It's not at all uncommon, as you said.

I also suspect that being less 'on' during the day allows me to better plot-oops I mean plan my interactions, as well as leaving me a bit more energy to carry them out.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

Topcat,
Do you know of any place where I could find this "compensation kink" theory? I learned of it in books at the time. Textbooks. Although, never had a name.
There are people who just don't fit though. So, I see it as pretty much working for the two parties involved.

(in reply to topcat)

RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 3:56:03 PM

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Very interesting question. I would agree with the others who state that a Dom usually comes off as more reserved and the subs seem to be more extroverted. But I guess exceptions are the rule.
I do think some Doms (male and female) suffer from taketheirselftooseriously disease. But maybe in normal circumstances they are a million laughs. Who knows?

(in reply to topcat)

RE: personalities - 6/2/2004 9:26:55 PM

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From: Sacramento, California
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I've seen it to be a pretty even mix myself.

~ShadeDiva

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RE: personalities - 6/3/2004 2:42:18 AM

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quote:

I do think some Doms (male and female) suffer from taketheirselftooseriously disease.

I am not sure I have ever been accused of taking myself to seriously.

But then, I am also extremely extroverted (although I sometimes wish I wasnt) and get along really well with people (and often wish I didnt) and think to much (and would oftentimes prefer to not think at all.)

I have worked as both a system administrator where I have Godlike power over My Domain, and I have worked in user support where I am bombarded with people I have to be nice and deferential to. I am also frequently the one put in charge of people, projects, etc., etc., and I derive tremendous pleasure from coaching, training animals, teaching people, etc. And yet I self-identify as a Dominant.

Im not sure what it all means, but I gave up trying to figure myself out years ago.

Sinergy

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RE: personalities - 6/4/2004 4:07:53 AM

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To answer your question
proudsub, No I do not.

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RE: personalities - 6/4/2004 7:22:54 AM

rain

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Interesting question proudsub, but what about switches? Any personality MO's for them?

As for myself i am shy, (if you can believe that) at frst, but warm up quickly...and can be a total flirt.

~rain~

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(in reply to proudsub)

RE: personalities - 6/4/2004 8:31:47 AM

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From: Washington
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quote:

As for myself i am shy, (if you can believe that) at frst, but warm up quickly...and can be a total flirt.

Hey rain, you're describing me

Although i have always been shy and reserved (except on the internet LOL), somehow i always find myself in positions of leadership. I guess the conclusion is both sides of the flogger have mixed personalities.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 6/4/2004 9:30:23 PM >

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: personalities - 6/4/2004 2:33:23 PM

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quote:

Do you know of any place where I could find this "compensation kink" theory?

Midear Gloria-

I _think_ that it is covered in 'Different Loving' By Gloria Brame,etc., and that's why it was a strong theory on the boards- at that time Glory B. and Will were still active in Compuserves section 12b (which she founded).

Out side of that, I am not sure- I checked my copy, but it doesn't have an index.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: personalities - 6/4/2004 4:06:43 PM

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Thanks Topcap,
I actually have that book. I just don't put a lot of stock into the author. Professional ethics and all that type of stuff.
I'll check it out..flip through it and so on and so forth. See if I can't find something out.

(in reply to topcat)

RE: personalities - 6/4/2004 6:41:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub
I've read a lot of profiles on Collarme and noticed dominants sometimes stating that they are shy , so just wondering what you think.

Dominants are only shy when they need to ask the sub if they can move in with the sub.

Inyouagain

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RE: personalities - 6/5/2004 5:37:45 AM

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Dom(me) or sub, I known shy and outgoing in each category. Genuine and bullshitter, the same. Powerful and weak too.

I thought about this extremely interesting question and after really trying, I can't come up with one generalization that holds.

Inside myself, I embody the contradictions. I want loved, but in play I want harshness. I have discipline about myself but want to be subjected to it. I have great respect for those I know but want anything but that in play. I adore freedom but want to feel slavery. I am a realist trying to live a fantasy.

As fas as I can tell (which may not be much) everyone is specific and different. Maybe the old axiom is true:

There are no valid generalizations. (<---except that one)

< Message edited by yeehaw -- 6/5/2004 5:38:29 AM >

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RE: personalities - 6/5/2004 8:27:31 AM

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From: Washington
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quote:

I adore freedom but want to feel slavery.

Isn't that nice that we have the choice, and can actually do both?

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to yeehaw)

RE: personalities - 6/16/2004 11:20:31 PM

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I am in agreement that there definitely is an almost equal mix of reserved and outgoing on both sides of the slash. Myself I am an extrovert and am real time friends with many other Dommes that are also extroverts. But among those numbers are introverted Dommes, that rarely get involved with discussions and tend to be almost silent. I have been in the position of being the "boss" most of my adult life, as some have mentioned more by natural instinct than by design. I was on vacation once in a strange city, when a man walked passed vendors, shopowners etc straight to me to ask directions to wherever. It's a weird feeling in the vanilla world to be looked to for guidance because of the way you look? your stance? I have no idea. Polling along on this river, smile, I am a dominant in my vanilla as well as my D/s existence. Sundew

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(in reply to proudsub)

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