Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

Isn't it all backwards?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Isn't it all backwards? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 10:41:50 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
There are a lot of posts where doms and subs ask how to do something, when really they should be doing what their dominant or submissive lust/instinct/desires tell them, not what "everyone else does." Are there really that many people out there who just think this is like joining a club, and they want to make sure they do it the acceptable way? With femdoms, it seems increasingly that they ask what the proper way is to do something, instead of doing what feels natural to them, makes them feel confident and turns them on. Beyond getting some safety tips on something, why would you want to do something intimate the way everyone else is? When I have a desire to dominate, I know what it is I want to *do*, and for someone else to tell me how to do it is backwards.

It seems like a lot of people woke up one day and decided they wanted to be kinky. Hey, what a great way to meet lots of kinky people and maybe have lots of sex or meet friends or get attention. All of a sudden, there are "collarings" and "teach me I am a new femdom" and "how do I humiliate my partner?" (uh, it depends on your partner.) And, a struggle to acheive the most checkmarks on their "official Mistress" or "official Master" card so they can wave it around.

A poor example but one I will use is to compare this to the goth scene. Person A has enjoyed the style of music, the art, the style of dress, and then also got involved in the local groups and subgroups and expanded his/her network of friends. Person A would be listening to the same music and doing the same thing if they lived in the middle of nowhere where no "scene" existed, of if they were not even ONLINE.

Person B ran across the goth scene and thought, "hey, very hot. These people all dress real sexy and are cool, I want to be like them." They then go, "What music should I listen to?" and "Is this outfit acceptable? Oh, I want to be MORE goth than everyone else." and their main concern is their status and "gothiliness" among the group. They really don't care much about the other stuff, it's just what they have to do to get there. Then, they just get bored on day and move on. They don't listen to the music anymore, they never liked it anyway.

I'm not going to judge those people who do that in the BDSM sense, but it's a bigger deal than being a "poseur" when it comes to sexual lifestyles. I'm sure you've heard of a couple who got together and then a year or so down the road one partner decides they don't like BDSM anymore. Basically, they "grew out" of it. It's not their fad anymore. Or, once they get to taste it, they just want to look for the next cool thing to attach themselves to.

This has become a much bigger problem, I fear. I am glad I'm not looking for a permanent partner right now.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 10:58:08 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		People have been following people for as long as people have walked the earth.
Some people are leader's and some are follower's. Nothing is going to change that.

I think the reason why so many people ask for advice when really it is not up to any of us is because. When you search for someone. You have to wade through a lot of weeds to get to the flowers. What if you are attracted to a weed? They tell you that you will be strapped to the bed every night. No urinating when you need to. If there is a fire...oh well to bad. Some of the rules are just ludicrious. No common sense and no safety in mind.
So the weed tells you that you are to behave a certain way. You really want to please this weed. Yet, your own common sense is telling you something is wrong.
You then come and ask questions...hoping someone will say something that makes the weed a bit more desireable.

People want to be right. No matter how stupid the task or dangerous there is always going to be someone out there who agree's with you.
It's also a way of being validated.

There has never been any universal way of BDSM and there never will be. Because people are human and they are all different beings. If we were all clones then maybe. Still highly doubtful.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 10:58:31 AM   
SecretDomme


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's a reflection of the lack of communication between the people involved in the relationship. People are jumping into things before they really know the person, and then don't have a clue how to actually interact within the relationship. The basics of building a relationship have to be there, whether it's vanilla or D/s based, and I think that is what is being lost.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 11:00:42 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I'm just nosey and curious, but I like to know what other people are doing/thinking. I'm a people person and I think you can learn a lot from others.

Have you ever seen the movie SLC Punk? You should. Watching it made me think a lot of posers and being "real" whatever that is.

Call me fake, but when BDSM stops being an effective tool in my relationships, then I'll move on to something more useful(even though I doubt that's going to happen). It's not who I am, it's something I enjoy. So why do something when you no longer get any pleasure from it?

People change. It's not "bad," it's just life. IMHO, it doesn't make them posers. It just makes them diverse. It's just one more thing that they have learned from. Moving on is okay. You don't have to the same thing over and over again, just because it's what you've always done.

Kink isn't for everyone all the time.

[rant]Sometimes I even think this attitude, since I have to listen to it ALL the time in the local music scene, is detrimental to subcultures in general. I can't count the many times I've seen someone new walk into a local band show and be called a poser without even opening their mouths.[/rant]


< Message edited by junecleaver -- 5/21/2005 11:02:59 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 11:35:14 AM   
AlienMaster


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		There is food for thought in this message, and the three responses it has obtained, and all may be summed in the following. "When you see a worthy person,Endeavor to Emulate them, When you see an unworthy person, then examine Your Inner Self".

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 12:20:54 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I never thought of it to be wrong to ask for an oppinion, advice, or for a new idea.

As you discribed person A and B I've also seen these types who end up becomming Pagan. but the fitting in topic is different than your BDSM questionare.

As for BDSM I do aggree that you follow your heart provided it dosen't put you in the slammer for 25 to life or the death penalty.
There are many right ways to do something as a dom or sub but there are also wrong ways to be on the side of safety and possible legality. It never hurts to ask thoughs who may have tried your ideas once or twice before to help make a decission to go through with it or not. If someone who has never seen or participated with electrical/fire play I would highly recomend that they do a little research first.

For ppl who get on the message boards asking How to be a Dom and such should re evaluate themselves asking if this is something they really want to do.


_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 12:32:00 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

I never thought of it to be wrong to ask for an oppinion, advice, or for a new idea.

As you discribed person A and B I've also seen these types who end up becomming Pagan. but the fitting in topic is different than your BDSM questionare.

As for BDSM I do aggree that you follow your heart provided it dosen't put you in the slammer for 25 to life or the death penalty.
There are many right ways to do something as a dom or sub but there are also wrong ways to be on the side of safety and possible legality. It never hurts to ask thoughs who may have tried your ideas once or twice before to help make a decission to go through with it or not. If someone who has never seen or participated with electrical/fire play I would highly recomend that they do a little research first.

For ppl who get on the message boards asking How to be a Dom and such should re evaluate themselves asking if this is something they really want to do.



There's nothing wrong with people asking questions, getting advice or trying to understand what it is they may be getting themselves into.

I'm talking about the people who "enter" the bdsm realm with no interest in sadomasochism really, and choosing dom/sub/switch is as arbitrary as picking good/bad/neutral in their latest video game character.

Then once they pick their orientation, they start finding out what it is they are supposed to be doing.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 12:51:24 PM   
darksparkle


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


There are a lot of posts where doms and subs ask how to do something, when really they should be doing what their dominant or submissive lust/instinct/desires tell them, not what "everyone else does." Are there really that many people out there who just think this is like joining a club, and they want to make sure they do it the acceptable way?


IMO, hearing the insight of like minded people broadens ones own perspectives. With that knowledge one can then make choices that best fit their own needs.

Not to forget the technique questions. Things like the many ways to use a flogger, hints on butt plug training, correct tying techniques, the list goes on & on.... In other words, educating ones self so as not to cause avoidable injury.

How many know it's very good practice to always keep a surgical scissors in arms reach when tying up their submissive, just in case? How many submissives have been made to kneel for excessive periods of time, thinking "Master knows all," causing avoidable nerve damage? Or the submissive that goes on a 1st meet thinking a ride to a secluded park is romantic, "I really know the guy well, we've been chatting and talking on the phone for weeks, he's sooooo sweet." Again, the list of unfortunate injuries because lack of knowledge/understanding goes on and on.

Then there's also the requested insight on techniques that deliver the utmost pleasure!

At times one asks questions to verify that their behavior is not insane. It's always a relief to discover that they're not alone in doing some of the things they find enjoyable.

Another point, some are new and unsure of certain behavior and ask for opinions to help make better decisions. Sadly it's all to true that there are some that prey on those that are just discovering this new facet of their life & take advantage of, with the worst of intentions...

Of course these are just some of the possibilities of why people are compelled to ask the why and how of it....

< Message edited by darksparkle -- 5/21/2005 11:11:17 PM >

_____________________________

He reaches down & his fingers caress my cheek. Lifting my chin, his intense gaze holds me as he tells me to dance in the way that we choose to live. "Dance for me, my little sparkle, dance to the beat of a different drummer."....

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 5:29:10 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Wow um... well i didnt take that well? For a few reasons.

One it sounds like you are calling the majority of ppl on here "fake" Or rather the ones that ask questions that arent related to safety but about how to do it "right"

Ever heard of proctol? Ever heard of Research? These are things that dont come from instinct.

And my MAIN reason for disliking the post was summed up in on sentence (by you)
quote:


Oh, I want to be MORE goth than everyone else.


Because thats the FEEL i got from you're whole post. Its the general theme i saw.

Example: "i dont have to ask questions or ask the right way, because i go by instinct and whats natural so that makes me more of a BDSMer and everyone else is a fake or just in it for the Fad or just to be Cool"

Thats pretty much what i got. Makes me wonder about people who point fingers.

Though i appreciae you sharing your view point.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 5:43:25 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'm talking about the people who "enter" the bdsm realm with no interest in sadomasochism really, and choosing dom/sub/switch is as arbitrary as picking good/bad/neutral in their latest video game character.

Then once they pick their orientation, they start finding out what it is they are supposed to be doing.

Akasha



There are many ways to get to our destination. As long as we are being truthful and respectful in our journey, I don't think it really matters how we get to our destination.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 6:55:38 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		You had to have started somewhere. When you first realized your intrigue
and wanting to explore WIITWD. Are you saying you flew by the seat of your
pants and it all came naturally.

I hope there were some welcoming wise people to help guide and teach you.

And how is it you know that the Lifestyle will be a devout interest of your's for the rest of
your life?

My jaw actually dropped while reading your post. Some who enter the "Goth" scene do so because their is an attraction, some may find after awhile they don't want to limit themselves that way, as I know a lot of Goth kids and they tend to grow out of it, just as I grew out of thinking Disco was everything for a few years, but that did
not make me a poser, I was into it body and soul(at the time).

I don't think many, literally Pose, I think some people are curious, there is an attraction, they want to learn more. Some stick around to find it is not they're thing, others
stay into WIITWD for a decade, then there are others who,
live it for the rest of their lives and then Yes, there are the Trolls!

What I do think that never changes though, is one's core personality which attracted them to the lifestyle in the first place. Whether they be a dominant, submissive, or a
combination of those personality traits. That does not mean however that they will choose to actively and conscoiously part take in Lifestyle activities.

It's like, I am a Lesbian and that will never change, but that dosen't mean I will be part of the "community" or that I will even be involved with a woman at any given moment. Hell, I might be Celebate (hahaha) for a time, but that doesn't make me any less of a Lesbian.
Nor did asking a lot of questions, when I became aware that
I could own and celebrate that part of myself.

I think I connect with some of the things like "collaring" I and my Domina didn't have to "ask" someone how to do it we did it the way we "wanted" to.
But you come off me like a "know it all" and "bored to tears" with the endlessly repeating of Newbie's questions and then to insult them more by calling them posers a giving a horrible example (Goth).

I am glad that you know Sooooo much AAkasha, most, you say self taught or natural instinct, well I don't know about that...I'm sure they were plenty of people who you read or that even showed you by example...I hope they were a little warmer to you.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 6:57:15 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

Call me fake, but when BDSM stops being an effective tool in my relationships, then I'll move on to something more useful(even though I doubt that's going to happen). It's not who I am, it's something I enjoy. So why do something when you no longer get any pleasure from it?

People change. It's not "bad," it's just life. IMHO, it doesn't make them posers. It just makes them diverse. It's just one more thing that they have learned from. Moving on is okay. You don't have to the same thing over and over again, just because it's what you've always done.

Kink isn't for everyone all the time.

[


Well, there it is. june has stated it in a nutshell. And this is what makes it backwards, at least to a certain extent.
june says, quite honestly, "it's not who I am, it's something I enjoy".
What makes it difficult is, this is who I am. It is not just something I enjoy. Yes, I enjoy it, but it is also who I am. So I may grow and change, but I am never going to be happy without this. I want a partner who says submissiveness is "who he is". Not just something he enjoys for next few months.
"kink isn't for everyone all the time". I don't do kink 24/7. I do D/s 24/7 and the kink is the sexual side of things.
I don't think it is totally backwards. If someone is really submissive or Dominant, and then they discover there is a name for this, and a community that supports this, that is wonderful and being mentored or learning more about the lifestyle is grand. But, Akasha is right, I have been approached by many boys who say, "but it's supposed to be this way". Or "I'm supposed to be a blank slate". Or "I want you to force Me to serve you, take away my power!". yada, yada, yada.
I do it My way. There are many things I am not that others are. There many things I am that others are not. That doesn't make Me more or them less.
I agree, it is hard to find a lifetime partner these days and I wish I wasn't looking. I thought I had My boy in 1993. A couple of years later, I didn't. He didn't want to play the game anymore. It wasn't a game for Me, but it was for him. So I sent him home to his Mama.
june, I do have a question for you. And this is not meant as a challenge. I read your profile. you do say you have a full vanilla life and this (BDSM- D/s) is not who you are. Do you define who you are by your vanilla interactions? We all have to interact, but that doesn't mean W/we are not submissive or Dominant. you say you want to be owned, absolutely and totally. So if you meet your life partner, are you saying that being submissive might change in a few years? That if it isn't working for you anymore, if you are not enjoying this anymore, you will just move on down the road and toss aside your vow?
I am just wondering, because someone might fall in love with who you they think you are, and then be left behind because it isn't your thing anymore. This has been debated from the other side several times. Boys write about seeking satisfaction outside of their commited relationships because they are not getting what they need. They decide after so many years of marriage that they are actually submissive, or that they suppressed these needs their whole lives, and now they are requesting permission and support from internet strangers to break their vows.
Well, I guess it is the same as any vanilla marriage that doesn't work out...people grow apart. But putting yourself out there and stating you wish to be owned is a big commitment, to Me anyway. People do change, but not that drastically. Akasha drew an amazing parallel about the Goth culture. That's just a group you run with for awhile. A D/s committed relationship should not be just something you run with until you get bored, or it isn't working for you anymore. A particular relationship might not work, and that is ok. But it shouldn't change the fact that one would look for a new relationship based on the same lifestyle. If you are submissive today, shouldn't you still be submissive in 20 years?
JMO, I think that to make a commitment for an M/s relationship, it should be who you are. Not just what you enjoy.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 5/21/2005 7:01:26 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 7:21:53 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

Call me fake, but when BDSM stops being an effective tool in my relationships, then I'll move on to something more useful(even though I doubt that's going to happen). It's not who I am, it's something I enjoy. So why do something when you no longer get any pleasure from it?

People change. It's not "bad," it's just life. IMHO, it doesn't make them posers. It just makes them diverse. It's just one more thing that they have learned from. Moving on is okay. You don't have to the same thing over and over again, just because it's what you've always done.

Kink isn't for everyone all the time.

[


Well, there it is. june has stated it in a nutshell. And this is what makes it backwards, at least to a certain extent.
june says, quite honestly, "it's not who I am, it's something I enjoy".
What makes it difficult is, this is who I am. It is not just something I enjoy. Yes, I enjoy it, but it is also who I am. So I may grow and change, but I am never going to be happy without this. I want a partner who says submissiveness is "who he is". Not just something he enjoys for next few months.
"kink isn't for everyone all the time". I don't do kink 24/7. I do D/s 24/7 and the kink is the sexual side of things.
I don't think it is totally backwards. If someone is really submissive or Dominant, and then they discover there is a name for this, and a community that supports this, that is wonderful and being mentored or learning more about the lifestyle is grand. But, Akasha is right, I have been approached by many boys who say, "but it's supposed to be this way". Or "I'm supposed to be a blank slate". Or "I want you to force Me to serve you, take away my power!". yada, yada, yada.
I do it My way. There are many things I am not that others are. There many things I am that others are not. That doesn't make Me more or them less.
I agree, it is hard to find a lifetime partner these days and I wish I wasn't looking. I thought I had My boy in 1993. A couple of years later, I didn't. He didn't want to play the game anymore. It wasn't a game for Me, but it was for him. So I sent him home to his Mama.
june, I do have a question for you. And this is not meant as a challenge. I read your profile. you do say you have a full vanilla life and this (BDSM- D/s) is not who you are. Do you define who you are by your vanilla interactions? We all have to interact, but that doesn't mean W/we are not submissive or Dominant. you say you want to be owned, absolutely and totally. So if you meet your life partner, are you saying that being submissive might change in a few years? That if it isn't working for you anymore, if you are not enjoying this anymore, you will just move on down the road and toss aside your vow?
I am just wondering, because someone might fall in love with who you they think you are, and then be left behind because it isn't your thing anymore. This has been debated from the other side several times. Boys write about seeking satisfaction outside of their commited relationships because they are not getting what they need. They decide after so many years of marriage that they are actually submissive, or that they suppressed these needs their whole lives, and now they are requesting permission and support from internet strangers to break their vows.
Well, I guess it is the same as any vanilla marriage that doesn't work out...people grow apart. But putting yourself out there and stating you wish to be owned is a big commitment, to Me anyway. People do change, but not that drastically. Akasha drew an amazing parallel about the Goth culture. That's just a group you run with for awhile. A D/s committed relationship should not be just something you run with until you get bored, or it isn't working for you anymore. A particular relationship might not work, and that is ok. But it shouldn't change the fact that one would look for a new relationship based on the same lifestyle. If you are submissive today, shouldn't you still be submissive in 20 years?
JMO, I think that to make a commitment for an M/s relationship, it should be who you are. Not just what you enjoy.


I think GoddessDustyGold has done a better job clarifying what I was trying to say than I could. And, I also want to clarify I was not "pointing fingers" at collarme posters (who by large seem to be not in this group) but more the overall feel I get from a variety of net-based kink communities.

When I talk about being into BDSM, I know it is not something I am going to grow out of. But because I am into it 100% to the core (ie, it's not going away) does not mean I am 100% hardcore, 24/7 either. My desire to dominate will not go away; yet, it does not run my life either. I do not have a core group of friends that are kinky, I have been to less kinky parties in 10 years than I have been to vanilla parties in 1 month. My femdom side does not "define" my life per se, but it is something I experience, in my mind or in my actions, at least one time per day. Sometimes, quite a lot. The thing I have in common with someone who is a lifestyle player, really involved in the community and who considers their bdsm community friends their core friends is one thing --- we'll both still be doing some sort of bdsm until we're too incapacitated to do so (and yes, I've thought about that, and what kind of outlet I'm going to have to figure out!).

There still are a lot of people that get into bdsm for other reasons. Because they think it means people are sexually loose (hey, it's swingers but with sexy clothes). They think it's taboo, and they've always wanted to be taboo. They are lonely, and also sexually in need, and think a bdsm-community sounds like it will satisfy both needs.

As I said in my previous post, they just need to decide if they are dom, sub or switch. And it's just "a decision" they make.

And, once they get started, they may even think they like it -- hey, it's a neat flavor for awhile. They may do some BDSM with a partner from the community and think "cool!". They may like the sexual twist. They may think it's cool to have protocol and rules and lingo. They absorb it all like a sponge. But it's just all about fitting in, and really the kink is secondary. And as soon as they get bored with the kink, they're done.

Akasha




_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 7:45:29 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:


june, I do have a question for you. And this is not meant as a challenge. I read your profile. you do say you have a full vanilla life and this (BDSM- D/s) is not who you are. Do you define who you are by your vanilla interactions? We all have to interact, but that doesn't mean W/we are not submissive or Dominant. you say you want to be owned, absolutely and totally. So if you meet your life partner, are you saying that being submissive might change in a few years? That if it isn't working for you anymore, if you are not enjoying this anymore, you will just move on down the road and toss aside your vow?


How do I put this....lol

Submissive is an adjective to describe me. It's a way that I act. It's a mindset I try to place myself in. It is the s in D/s and part of the relationship dynamic I think is best for me. But it isn't me.

When I meet my life partner, when we marry and promise each other forever, I'm not changing my mind. That's why I am so cautious and picky now. The right person for me will inspire submission and enable me to grow further into that role. I'm not marrying anyone until I am positive that he is the right person and we are in the right places/roles/etc etc.



(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 7:47:53 PM   
BeautifulDoll


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		i think a lot of Doms/subs ask how to do something because they want to make sure they are doing right and to see what other peoples experiences or words of advice are. It is very much like joining a club but at the same time it is not because not everyone on here is serious about the lifestyle.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/21/2005 10:58:30 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


The thing I have in common with someone who is a lifestyle player, really involved in the community and who considers their bdsm community friends their core friends is one thing --- we'll both still be doing some sort of bdsm until we're too incapacitated to do so (and yes, I've thought about that, and what kind of outlet I'm going to have to figure out!).

Akasha


*Sigh* Ya just had to remind Me, didn't ya? Now I am off to bed to ponder getting old!


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/22/2005 4:03:54 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		In this case AAkasha let's remember that many ppl like to try out different and new things.

Weither it's the BDSM life style, relgion/demonination, car make, diet, soda beverage, etc... Most ppl making this transaction will go head strong all the way at first. If they continue to adapt and like it they will most likely stick with it. If not then they slowly drift away and try something else.

In any case it's never wrong for ppl to try new things. Throughout life many are still in search of who they are or what they really like. Even in this lifestyle we fine many who find themselves to be something different than what they where when they started.

I myself tend not to judge ppl who just enter. Sonner or later they will find themselves and end up not disapointing you.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Isn't it all backwards? - 5/23/2005 6:05:45 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Fangs, it honestly doesn't bother Me if people are entering the lifestyle to try some new things out. Maybe satisfy a few fantasies or see where and, even, if they fit. What I object to is so many who claim to be this or that, and apply to be a live-in slave or want to dedicate themselves to Me. So I begin. And then they can't or won't answer questions, or it gets too hard, or they get whiney, or it isn't happening according to their fantasy. I am not even talking about personal info questions. I am talking, lifestyle questions. Well, I am pretty clear about what I am looking for, so I have to wonder, why did the boy (boys, I should say) write to Me in the first place?
They can play their games all they want. They can learn all they want. They can go to events in their local area. They can attend dungeon parties, or cyber their lives away. I don't care.
And I am always open to and interested in local boys who may wish to explore the entire realm of BDSM - D/s... as a live-out. If it doesn't work out? No harm, no foul. But I certainly don't want a boy to relocate when he is just experimenting with WIITWD. I am just asking boys not to try to figure out a way to experiment on My time. At least, not online. It is the preponderance of this attitude of "I am the exception", or "she really wants to chat and cyber, so I will just shoot off a quick email", or "I am the one who will get her to change her mind. I will get what I want. And if I don't, then there are thousands of others on here I can send the same email to," that makes Us tired.
I hate to sound so jaded, but...maybe I am.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 5/23/2005 6:07:20 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Isn't it all backwards? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.418