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how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 12:56:51 PM   
batty24546


Posts: 43
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		I'm been in many relations where I as a sub was never or very seldom allowed to get off, for a number of diffrent reasons, left at the descresion of the dom, of course. It wasn't by my choice. The problem is now, that I am in a serious long term relationship with my gf. We've been living together for over a year now, (this is by no means a d/s relation. Strictly "love', We're both into the life style, to diffrent degrees, and for many reasons she isn't willing or can't dominate me out side of just bedroom play.) Since i've been out of my past relations, I have not been able to orgasim, under any sircumstance. not through my gf or masturbation. I've come to the conclusion that it is because I was trained no to. dose any one have any advice as to how to deal with this problem as it is becoming very stressfull.
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 2:42:09 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Well it is probably much more psychological then physical. If you've tried a multititude of stimuli and still cannot break the conditioning, then you might want to look at getting some professional help.

I did have a vanilla lover once who could not orgasm. At first I thought "oh what fun!" as it was truly a nice experience to have the chance to have a dozen or so orgasms before he came. But with time I realised that not seeing him get off kind of put a downer on things. He was uncomfortable talking about it so I did some research and this site I found helpful. It is from the Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in Hamilton, NJ's Medical Encyclopedia. They have a strict copyright about republishing the content so let me send you to the link directly: Retarded Ejaculation.

Good luck.

- LA



_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 2:47:09 PM   
MistressJoanna


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		First thing is that you should check out that there is no underlying physical cause.

However, difficulty in achieving orgasms after years of certain play is not all that uncommon. If fact, we had a discussion about it at home earlier today. A friend of ours can’t seem to ‘get off’ unless she’s wearing nipple clamps! Years ago, I joked to a BF that I didn’t think he could have an orgasm unless he was tied up!

I don’t know the solution, but I wish you luck in finding it! Maybe a psychologist or sex therapist. There may be some mental exercises that might help you to ‘relearn’ how to have an orgasm.

Joanna

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 3:09:50 PM   
JustaDom


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If your inability to orgasm is due to orgasm restriction training, and there is that possibility, I can think of a couple of different approaches. The good news is that what

Consult a professional: A professional psychologist or sex therapist may help you make more progress faster than on your own.

Retraining: You can try having your girlfriend help retrain you. See if she’ll assume a more dominant role sexually and have her give you permission to orgasm. Once you are able to orgasm again, she can work towards giving you encouragement to have permission to orgasm on your own. Keep in mind that retraining you to orgasm on your own may take a good amount of time and effort.

Medication: Many commonly prescribed medications, such as antidepressants, can inhibit or stop the ability to orgasm and/or the desire to have sex. If you are on any medications, I would look at the potential side effects and consult your doctor if any of the literature on them has sexual side effects listed.

Having another dominant retrain you: Sometimes the best way to retrain a response is to go back to the person who trained the response in the first place to reverse it. You may want to at least give your former dominant(s) a phone call and talk this problem over.

Vary sexual technique: Perhaps a very different sexual technique would be something that could circumvent your previous training. Relax and enjoy it, don’t focus on having an orgasm. Try focusing on sensuality and becoming aroused or perhaps on your girlfriend’s pleasure. Maybe if you make sure that she is pleased first you will have an easier time allowing yourself to orgasm.

Self Retraining: If either of the above ideas will not work for you, you may have to work towards retraining yourself. It can be done. The women in my former relationships were able to retrain themselves successfully within a few weeks and a large part of that was accepting that power back and giving themselves permission again. I don’t know if this had anything to do with how I specifically trained them or if that I was the first person to require them to have permission to orgasm. I also didn’t specifically limit their orgasms much, mainly I just required them to have permission.

Good luck,

Joe

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 4:57:17 PM   
batty24546


Posts: 43
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		thanks for your replys.

I've been to many doctors and there is nothing physicaly wrong with me, I've talked to a therapist and she can't seem to find any reason for it either. I'm not on any medications and I never been on anything that might cause problems.

As for my girl friend she is willing to try and take a more dominate roll, and take the time to possibly help me through this, and though she is very unsure of her self, and dosen't really know what to do either. So it should be a learning experience for both of us.

As for contacting and the dom, Thats out of the question, due to the reasons I left him in the first place. Although if I were to find another one who could help, that would be another good idea to try.

We have tryed all your typical cures for females who can't orgasm, that doctors tell you, things you read about and all that other stuff. None of it seemed to help at all. I was told by one doctor that if untill you can get your self off, you wont have the capability to have some one eles bring you to orgasm. Which could very well be the problem also. Because I can't do it either.

(in reply to JustaDom)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 5:12:39 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I was told by one doctor that if untill you can get your self off, you wont have the capability to have some one eles bring you to orgasm. Which could very well be the problem also. Because I can't do it either.


Unless this doctor was a doctor of psychology or psychiatry, then I would be weary of taking her/his advice. And even if they were a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would take that comment with a grain of salt. That is not something you can make an absolute statement about.

Have you ever thought of hypnotherapy? I can't be hypnotised because I resist too much but I do know of someone who claims to have overcome a severe aversion to food (I think there used to be 10 types of food he would eat) via hypnotherapy. I'm not endorsing it. I'm simply suggesting you might want to look into it.

In the case of my ex-partner, for him it was not a case of absolutely never, but more of a huge rarity. We did however get to a point where I had him having regular orgasms. What I did was tap into his deepest fantasies and did my best to make some of them happen. That and a little technique I like to call "the vice grip".

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/21/2005 10:18:11 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hmm I masturbated every day from the time I was 10 and except for two orgasms while dreaming (which let me know my issues were emotional and not physical) I did not orgasm until my boyfriend at 18 went down on me.

Since then I'm able to get myself off fairly easily, but with someone else its very rare.

You were physically able to orgasm before (assuming from what you've said), and nothing physical has likely changed, so it is an emotional block. Perhaps simply giving yourself permission to enjoy. Part of what helps me get off with some partners is telling myself that they aren't going to stop fucking me UNTIL I get off, turning it into a forced orgasm and allowing myself to get into the flow, without worrying that it's going to stop before I get off (thus leading to frustration and further reinforcing that I WONT get off).

And of course communicate with your partner, endlessly! Let them know how you feel about this, let them experiment on you, have fun with it. Don't let the orgasm be the goal, but if you feel it, go with it.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/22/2005 5:15:22 PM   
FakeWantsMoney


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have a hard time having orgasm with an ugly partner.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/22/2005 5:45:57 PM   
batty24546


Posts: 43
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		I can see why some people would have a hard time to get off with and ugly partner, but that isn't my problem

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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/22/2005 5:50:01 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Since you were trained to orgasm only on permission, why not have your new gf be the one to give you permission now? You have become accustomed to doing it this way, so continue in this manner with her.

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/24/2005 4:30:19 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

We have tryed all your typical cures for females who can't orgasm, that doctors tell you


batty - I just wanted to apologize because for some reason, I was under the impression you were male. I usually check the gender of new posters before addressing them and in your case, I thought I did. Everything I have mentioned to you is not lost info but obviously doesn't help you out a lot!

I'm glad Vishant made a second thread in Ask A Mistress to discuss these issues. The one piece of info that I did give you that still holds true is:

Unless this doctor was a doctor of psychology or psychiatry, then I would be weary of taking her/his advice. And even if they were a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would take that comment with a grain of salt. That is not something you can make an absolute statement about.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 5/25/2005 10:21:03 PM   
batty24546


Posts: 43
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		LadyAngelika, there is no need apologize, its a reasonable mistake, one that is made more often then not, well at least thats how it use to be. I did how ever take some of your advice anyways, regardless of what gender it was intended for. Thank you for your kind words.

_batty

_____________________________

You can only die once, so live twice.

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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 6/7/2005 3:06:58 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		r e l a x!
too much effort causes too much self made stress worrying...try to let go and relax...especially being male...that old performance anxiety attack!

asissy

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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 6/8/2005 5:58:06 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		ooops... I will post this info elsewhere... I re-read the original post & I had the genders mixed... going to Health forum now.

MP

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 6/8/2005 6:00:04 PM >

(in reply to batty24546)
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RE: how to reverse orgasim restriction - 6/8/2005 9:40:21 PM   
Lepidoptera


Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		Okay, this sounds silly, but this is how I got over my own orgasm problems.

1. Concentrate on every sensation on your cock. Try to ignore EVERYTHING else. Just focus on it.
2. Think to yourself, "oh this feels so good", "I'm gonna come" and other variations of these two lines of thought, over and over again.

It really helps, I swear.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 15
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