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why? - 5/23/2005 8:25:15 AM   
MstRwc


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		I am a mother and have 3 children... Why is it this becomes a problem for Masters.. I have times with out my kids. Andi belive i can serve a Master even with my kids around just not in a sexual way except in the bed room. i can still do as he askes and give him the respect he should have. What is diffrent of that then taking care of a husband and his needs. Please help me to understand this.
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RE: why? - 5/23/2005 8:38:22 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Why is the fact that I have brown hair a turn off for some men?

We all get to decide what priorities are important to us and what will not work for us.

Be grateful to the ones who are being honest in letting you know what will and will not work for them rather than stringing you along.

Everyone can find a relationship that works perfectly for them.

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RE: why? - 5/23/2005 4:13:10 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Well, I think you need to think of it in terms of men period. How many men are willing to enter a relationship with a woman encumbered by even one child, let alone three? I have a friend with three children, aged 8 to 18. She is a sub, and while she can get a Dom for playtime, when it comes to relationship, they never stick around more than a few months.

The bottom line is that you are encumbered with a trio of people who come before anyone else in the world for you. The big difference between a relationship and a husband is that your husband would also revolve around the children and family. An outside man probably has no wish to do so.

Good luck in finding your Dom.

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*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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RE: why? - 5/23/2005 4:41:36 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		In most situations Men view single mothers as people looking for a committed relationship that they are not ready to do. Not to many men are out looking for a Hubby Hunter.

Majority wise, other than commiting to you, they also find themselves having to like and be liked by your kids. In most cases, when kids are involved it means that there is an X of yours that will always be in the picture.

As far as the Master issue, well perhaps they don't want to scene or act so dominating towards you infront of the kids.

My best suggestion is to be patient for your right Dom to come along. Perhaps they will have kids as well. Or they will be someone who feels ready to take on extra responsibility or have enough common sense to see that the two of you can date a few times first and see if it becomes more serious or not without worrying about you being heart broken and disapointed.

One more point of advice is not to take the first Dom that comes your way. Be patient and stick you your standards.

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RE: why? - 5/23/2005 5:57:28 PM   
MstRwc


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		Ok maybe i should also ask are there couples out there that live the lifestyle and have kids.. Is this posiable... i am not at this time looking for anything just wondering where i went wrong and if i should even look again knowing i have kids..

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RE: why? - 5/23/2005 6:27:51 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

You shouldn't give up, but you should take a longer term view of things. Rather than search for a Dom, join a munch group and make some friends. Over time, you may find someone you click with. If not, you at least have some outlet for your BDSM needs.

As to people who manage to have children and be active in BDSM, I have several friends who do so. Three of those are divorced (two Domme, one sub) and only engage in play outside the home. Only one pair I know is married and plays at home. Their child is under a year old, and they've been slowly divesting themselves of some very interesting furniture they'd not feel comfortable explaining to the child. They've also slowly been moving their play to a local dungeon, so soon I'll not know anyone who has children and plays at home.

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 5/23/2005 6:28:34 PM >

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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RE: why? - 5/23/2005 7:24:27 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		MstRwc, I have no words of wisdom for you. Empathy yes, I've been there, am there. As for Fang's reply, it may be true that they see us as *hunters*. Maybe *we* are just too difficult because of our baggage. I've heard that Dom's out number Sub's and Slaves by quite a margin. It's their loss if they cant see our worth, as Mom's we've learned to serve selflessly, and God knows we'd not be the misfit's we've been branded if we didn't like sex.
BeachMystress's suggestion of finding a Munch might be a good fix, I've considered that a number of times myself but I don't care for the idea of public play. That leaves us with the Cyber Doms of the Net that seem to work for some, but lacking that essence of Human that only leaves you aching for what's tangible. We need what we need, then that neon glow attracts the HNG's like a porch light. Follow your Heart, Take your Time, eventually the right one will appear.
((@))((@)) hugs........
Q

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RE: why? - 5/24/2005 1:52:39 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		quiver munches are not public play, Munches are held usualy in a restarant in public and is a meet and greet and maybe eat, They're not playtimes.

I can't speak for Master's about why no kids thing, But for me personally when I am looing to get involved kids get in the way. There will laways be someone in your life who comes first or has to have consideration given to the most and like someone else said there's the matter of the kids likeing me or me them, and it's not fair to the kids to subject them to someone they don't like. When you have kids you have to plan your life and your lifestyle around them. Like don't do this or that or be gone here or there certain hours of the day because of kids. And if you kids sick and you had plans bye bye plans.

and If I am going to submit to someone Or them to me I want them to be totaly focused.. I don't want to be second priority to them.


I think people with kids should be very very carefull just who they introduce to their kids, and should take long long time * see several months* before introducing so and so to the kids. Kids grow attached very quickly when they like someone and try mending or explaining to a broken heart why so and so had to go bye bye and will never come back.


It's a lot of responcibility to take on, which most don't want.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 5/24/2005 2:13:31 AM >

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RE: why? - 5/24/2005 4:48:04 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well Duh ........ Thanks FelinePersuasion for Clearning up my confusion with the definations. I cant agree with your more about *who* and when children get introduced to others, some of it is age approiate. But no matter how old they are they will always be your children, so when seen in that light it appears your saying that it's possible that by having children we wont ever belong in the lifestyle. ........... once again, Misfit.


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RE: why? - 5/25/2005 3:49:10 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Munches are held usualy in a restarant in public and is a meet and greet and maybe eat,


Wow. So that's the diffiniton of a munch. They way it's always talked about I figured it to be a meeting of any type for those in the life style.
Who makes of all these definitions for the BDSM community? I've been tieing, spanking, mannipulating, and loving ppl for years now but it would be nice if the website had a BDSM dictionary or glossery to read.

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RE: why? - 5/25/2005 8:04:56 PM   
SeekingMyOrchid


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Having been in more then one relationship with submissives and women who have little people it can be taxing at times. Until a relationship is built with the child the older the child the harder it is. The older children being the Dominant force the younger child will usually act in kind.

Not know you or your little people and there ages it is hard to actually say why. May I suggest that you take more time building the relationship before you submit or play with and individual? Stop sleeping and playing with strangers get to know your potential owner. As the old folks you to say "Why Buy The Cow When You Get The Milk Free"

I would be happy to discuss this with you privately if you wish

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RE: why? - 5/25/2005 11:15:08 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Quiver I didn't say anybody w/ith kids don't belong in the lifestyle, I said it's one of my idea's on why I wouldn't want a partner with kids. And why some other might not.


Yes fang that's what most munches definations are. It don't have to be restarants but they're most easily held at a restarant or club, and people definatly are meeting and greeting lol. are, like for instance SacramentoDominant women's munches are held at carrow's every other monday I think it is.

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RE: why? - 5/26/2005 10:12:32 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		your children are most important, that is all I can say. your Master will have to recognize and accept that. Perhaps He feels uncomfortable dominating you around them. I would not per se, but I can understand how some people would be.

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RE: why? - 5/28/2005 1:07:41 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstRwc

Ok maybe i should also ask are there couples out there that live the lifestyle and have kids.. Is this posiable... i am not at this time looking for anything just wondering where i went wrong and if i should even look again knowing i have kids..


there is one gal in Il W/we have contact to join U/us, and we would possibly love the child as our own grand child...so you see it goes both ways.... contacting the right man is vital and i know for a fact...it takes a long while and very patience search.

good luck and pateince...all good things come to those who wait ...

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RE: why? - 5/30/2005 7:40:23 AM   
iamMasters


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		My Husband has recently become my Master. W/we have two kids and are trying to find ways around the M/s relationship with two young kids around, one a very smart cookie who picks up on everything and the other pre school. There are still ways that i can be submissive to him in front of the kids without them noticing and the play takes place once they are in bed or at school and nursey.

It is easier for U/us are W/we are married and they are His kids, but W/we are also new to the M/s status and are working it all out anyway.

Good luck in finding Someone special enough to understand your realtionship with your kids as well as the potential realtionship you can have with Him.

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