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How can I make this work? - 5/25/2005 8:23:03 PM

SignsOnTheWalls

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Joined: 5/25/2005
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I have never had a sexual relationship. I haven't even had a deep relationship, or a heartbreak. Everyone that I've dated, seen and tried have been nice, but not what I'm looking for.

I want to be a submissive. It's hard to really know if it's what I want when I haven't had experience, but the idea itself thrills me and I really want to give it a go.

Trouble is... whenever I think about having a master I can't help but fear that if we establish a safeword it won't be honored, if I'm uncomfortable s/he will not take their time with me, because I was the one looking for this, and umtimately, I find it hard to trust someone enough with the lock and key.

Do I have a chance at making this work? Does anyone thing that there's a way to get through this fear? Has anyone felt like that and tried it anyway?

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/25/2005 9:16:50 PM

gretchen

Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SignsOnTheWalls

I want to be a submissive. It's hard to really know if it's what I want when I haven't had experience, but the idea itself thrills me and I really want to give it a go.

I think you said something here that triggers everyone's starting points in the submissive role.

The first step is to feel the thrills, or be strongly interested. Learn would be the second step. Never try something that thrills you with out doing some research first (I would like to try bungee jumping, but I know that if I take a cotton rope and tell someone to hold the other end while I'm jumping to the river, I would probably regret not doing some research on safety concepts in the first place).

By making this step you will realize that your fears are not necessary. It's ok to fear when you are standing on the unknown. But, to get out of there and stand secure, you must learn first.

Read the message boards or other websites (like castlerealm.com) about "safeword", "hard limits", "D/s relationships", "etc"...Read about submission and other submissive's first experiences (It really helps to know what are the things you should not do).

I also recomend to read everything you can about how to be a Master, so you can know for sure how a Master must behave, act, and be, and what they should not do to you. This way you'll know who is taking you by a fool.

I'm sure there's more experienced people here that can help you more giving you some books or other things for you to make those fears go away.

Take care.

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/25/2005 9:25:46 PM

gretchen

Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

What are the signs/traits of a good Dom/me?

This thread might help.

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/26/2005 6:10:22 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I agree with what gretchen had to tell you. You can never learn to much about this lifestyle. Do a lot of talking with people who are in it, and go to websites about it. There are a lot of sites out there, so just take your time.
I was scared when I got into too, but I do believe that most Master's/Mistress's respect the safeword. I have never had to use mine, but I know if I ever did, my Master would respect it.
Good luck, and just keep asking.

perfection

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/26/2005 8:16:11 AM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

I hate to say this, cause I'm gonna sound like an old fart, which I'm not. But

You're 18. If you're anything like I was at that age, you feel like you're in a hurry, everything has to be now.

Resisting that feeling is the first thing you need to learn. The truth is, you're still very, very young, and you have plenty of time.

That doesn't mean you should waste time, mind you, but you definately need to get away from the feeling you're in a rush too.

Meet people, talk to people, not with the goal of finding someone, but just to have fun and learn things.

Let things take their natural course. Don't submit to a 'master' the moment you find one. Take the time to get to know each other, to develop trust, not just attraction. It will be worth it in the end.

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/26/2005 12:51:50 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Trouble is... whenever I think about having a master I can't help but fear that if we establish a safeword it won't be honored, if I'm uncomfortable s/he will not take their time with me, because I was the one looking for this, and umtimately, I find it hard to trust someone enough with the lock and key.

Do I have a chance at making this work? Does anyone thing that there's a way to get through this fear? Has anyone felt like that and tried it anyway?

I don't think anyone has hit on your questions yet. Do you have any idea why you cannot trust a man? Has there been some past instance?
You definately have a chance to make something work but you need to go slow. There is no law saying you have to submit to the first person you meet. You can go at your speed. A good dominant will go slow until you feel comfortable. However, I do urge you to be 100% honest and then some that you have these trust issues.
Someone who does not know...well it may not end up the way you'd like it to.
Honesty is a big factor in finding a mate in the lifestyle. Also, go slow you do have your entire life to find the right person. No rush right now. I think as someone said, educate yourself. I do realize that is only going to make your hormones go even faster.
So finding a munch group in your area might not be a bad idea either. Tell the hosts your desires and wishes. If they have a party there just might be an outlet for play....safe play that is.
You have to stay true to yourself, yet allow yourself to open up a bit to new experiences all the while staying safe as well.

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/26/2005 8:38:56 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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quote:

I have never had a sexual relationship. I haven't even had a deep relationship, or a heartbreak. Everyone that I've dated, seen and tried have been nice, but not what I'm looking for.

I'm eighteen. I've never had a sexual relationship. I've been in relationships. I wouldn't call them deep, but I definitely learned things from them. So on a lot of levels I can relate to you.

quote:

I want to be a submissive. It's hard to really know if it's what I want when I haven't had experience, but the idea itself thrills me and I really want to give it a go.

Then do give it a go. But remember to be patient. You have to do D/s in a way that works for you and your partner. Rushing or settling will not benefit you or your partner in the end.

quote:

Trouble is... whenever I think about having a master I can't help but fear that if we establish a safeword it won't be honored, if I'm uncomfortable s/he will not take their time with me, because I was the one looking for this, and umtimately, I find it hard to trust someone enough with the lock and key.

You shouldn't trust EVERY master, just the one that is right for you. At one time I believed I could never trust a guy in that capacity. Then I met one, who after two years of talking, gained my trust and convinced me otherwise. Two years is a long time to wait for some girl over the internet to finally feel comfortable meeting you.

quote:

Do I have a chance at making this work? Does anyone thing that there's a way to get through this fear? Has anyone felt like that and tried it anyway?

In one word: yes. I know you can, because I did and I'm a complete pansy.

Goodluck and my inbox is always opened if you wanna talk some time when I'm not heavily medicated lol. ♥

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RE: How can I make this work? - 5/27/2005 6:42:52 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

A lot of good advice here.

But basically, the rules are the same as they are for vanilla dating. How do you know some guy who asks you out won't end up attacking you before he drops you off home?

Get to know people. Get to know their friends. Find out what their interests are in areas other than being a master. Observe how they treat other people in their lives: are they generous or impatient with waitresses at restaurants?

Interaction with any other human being involves risks, but one can still take educated risks.

I'm not the best advice-giver on the forums, but as with others, my mailbox is open if you wish to discuss things further.

Oh, and nice hat.

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