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Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/27/2005 8:29:14 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
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all righty...

I am having some thoughts and I need some responses from people who might know what I'm talking about!!

If I had to identify myself with a set sexual orientation, I would identify as bisexual. Although I really hate that word for some reason. I don't really like labels.

MOVING ON...

I fell really hard for someone last year who was a woman, and we were in a relationship that was definitely more than friends, but I don't know exactly what we would call it. We did not have sex, but we were definitely intimate and I felt and feel very strongly for her.

Which brings me to the present day. When I first moved to this area, I figured I would try out relationships with women because I'm close to NYC and hell, because I can. So I tried it and it just didn't really work too well for me. I dated a girl who couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't a lesbian, and then I met a few people who just weren't my cup of tea. The girl I used to date came to NYC for two weeks, she was staying in my apartment for 2 weeks and I thought: "Hey! This is my big chance! We'll try some things sexually and it will be a blast..."

Well I couldn't do it. It would have been up to me to be the aggresor, to initiate the sexual activity and I just couldn't do it! I don't know why!

Which brings me to RIGHT NOW, which is the fact that I am very turned on by the idea of submitting to a man, I have been submissive (although not consciously) in the past with my relationships with men. And when I think about relating to a woman, I want to be the aggressive one. I am attracted to women that are even more femme than myself, never to butch types, and I am not turned on by the idea of submitting to a woman.

Most of what I like to go with girls is just that: girly. Most of the really fun times I've had have been limited to making out passionately and touching one another, nothing even too far. Just enough to have fun.

When I think about my long-term plans, I do want to get married, I want to have a family, and I don't see myself in a long-term relationship with a woman, but I do know that these feelings for women have been inside me for a while, and I don't see them going away anytime soon.

I also don't think that I want to be in a permanent poly situation because when I think about relating to another woman and also with my Dom, that doesn't turn me on, it makes me really jealous!! green with envy to be exact. I know it's not fair to ask my partner "hey can I make out with girls at parties, but ... um... can we not have girls in our (together) sex life... ?"

Okay I don't even know what's going on here. Maybe it's just a case of grass-is-greener. And yes, I am going to talk with my Dom about this openly and ask him what he thinks is going on, but right now he's out of town and away from cell phone service.

I'm especially interested in hearing from bisexual people who are Owned or monogamous but have these feelings... shout back at me! Tell me how you talk to your Doms about it, and more importantly, what do you *do* about it?

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/27/2005 8:55:38 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

Hi fourpeas

I am a bisexual submissive in a 24/7 relationship with my Dom. I hid my sexuality from everyone until I left my husband 3 years ago and decided now that I was free I was going to explore everything I'd been too afraid to before. I'm still new to having sex play with women (only 3 experiences so far) but that has only served to consolidate my feelings - yes I am sexually attracted to women (like you feminine ladies not butch types) and I know it has to be a part of my life even though I'm in a committed relationship with a male.

Luckily for me He is very open minded and is actively encouraging me on my quest to find female play friends. He doesn't want to be involved other than as friends to them - He wants me to be able to say "Ok I'm going out to meet so-and-so for coffee and playtime"

But if they are ok with Him being there that would be good too (I do know he would love to see me enjoying myself

) but His interaction would be limited to touching and maybe some oral, and if they are subs He wouldn't mind spanking them

I cannot see myself being in a relationship with a woman, I'm just not wired that way. I'd say I am 70% attracted to men, 30% to women. Master and I talk openly about this and actively perv together *grin* I'm submissive to men but not sure how I'd react with women, mostly I've let them take the lead so far but Master would love to see me be more dominating (lol don't know how that will work for me!)

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/27/2005 9:29:12 PM

LovePotionJezebl

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/5/2005
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I am bi-sexual and I am monogamous when in a relationship. I always make my orientation known but it has never beena problem anyway because I am the same as Rayne :) with the 70, 30 statement. I also do not have "relationships" with women either.
When I am sub it is only with men.. with women I am dom. (and of course some men to ) :-P..

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/27/2005 9:52:35 PM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas
I also don't think that I want to be in a permanent poly situation because when I think about relating to another woman and also with my Dom, that doesn't turn me on, it makes me really jealous!! green with envy to be exact. I know it's not fair to ask my partner "hey can I make out with girls at parties, but ... um... can we not have girls in our (together) sex life... ?"

Jealousy is often a symptom of insecurity. You might find at some point in the future you are more secure in your relationship and the thought doesn't bother you anymore.

But the main thing I wanted to say - why is that not fair? You can always ask. Some guys wouldn't be bothered by it at all.

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/28/2005 9:04:31 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Other than to say that your situation sounds pretty normal and common...not much.

You want to have a certain relationship that can involve random casual sex but no real outside commitments. Lots of people do this.

I'd suggest though more simply being who you are and seeing where life takes you, don't want to miss out on an opportunity just because it's not on your "life checklist."

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/28/2005 1:47:40 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
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My thoughts.....

Practice bisexuality and require your man to be monogamous?
Hypocrical

Practive besexuality and allow your man to play with both of you ...open relationship.

Practrice bisexuallity and tell your man it is ok and he must be committed to only you.... Hypocritcal to say the laest.

How would you feel if you felt you were in a comitted relAtionship, monagamous, and he was ouy sexually with a man?

leave him right?

it is any persepctive you look down your nose on....

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/28/2005 6:04:33 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
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I'm confused slavedesires... I'm not trying to look down my nose at anything...

I haven't even talked to my Dom about it and I definitely haven't acted out or done anything since we have been involved with one another that I would
a) consider to be inappropriate, or b) do in front of him. So I'm just trying to work out how I feel about the whole thing. I have a feeling it is just a desire and maybe one that I shouldn't act upon. I was just confused about what you were trying to say...? maybe you can clarify a bit for me...?

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/28/2005 6:55:58 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Goodness you haven't talked to your dom about it? Why on earth not?

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/28/2005 7:39:41 PM

fourpeas

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I told him that I had feelings for women, but that I didn't see myself in a long-term relationship with one. What I meant when I said I hadn't talked to him about it was this latest little bout of drama brought on by the fact that my ex is coming to NYC to visit. he is out of town this weekend and away from all forms of communication. (pout) I don't even know that I will see her, and if I do, nothing will happen, but it was the learning that she is coming to NYC that brought on my little panic attack, much of which has subsided.

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/28/2005 7:40:57 PM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
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fourpeas....

i wasnt speaking to directly you dear ....those were my thoughts on the words "bsexuality and monogmany"

sworry you missunderstood

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 5/29/2005 10:53:10 AM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
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Update: I didn't think I would be able to talk to my Dom until Monday when he gets back home and back into civilization, but he called me last night, we spoke for about five hours, and HE brought up this subjecct like "hey, I think it would be totally sexy for me to watch you kiss a girl. I think it would be really powerful for me to share you with a woman and show her how proud I am of you, for me to put you through your paces."

I was like WHAT you are reading MY MIND, craziness. So we talked and I said that my ex-girlfriend was coming into town this weekend, that I was going to behave with integrity because I am committed. And he said, "If the urge strikes you I want you to act on it. That's an order. Women are beautiful and I don't blame you for wanting to experience them. Just know that I will need documentation." We also talked about a few other things about exhibitionism and the like... That's another thread... ;)

Craziness. It is so weird sometimes how we are on the same page. I am glad we got to talk about it and glad that he understands that it is such a little pleasure for me but not something I want to pursue in a relationship necessarily. So there was never any pressure in the first place. Weird weird weird. It's amazing what little things I will freak out about when, for example, my man is out of town! ;)

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 6/1/2005 12:37:13 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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LOL, I wrote my reply before reading your last post. I will go ahead and still share what I had to say..
..
I am not bisexual. I do not have problems having sexual contact with a woman, but I'd not seek a woman out for a sexual relationship. I do not truly understand your problem. I suspect your Dom won't have a problem with you having sex with another woman a few times IF HE GETS TO WATCH OR PARTICIPATE. Most men have the two women thing going and wouldn't pass up the opportunity to at least watch. Two women together seem to be sexiest thing going for some men...

I discussed "forced" bi play with my submissive. I told him that if we DID bring a third person into the relationship to have sexual contact with him, that person would also have sexual contact with me. While my sub is a bit bi curious, he is totally unwilling to have me with another man. Any time you open a monogamous relationship you risk trouble. If you and he both still feel it is worth it, you might want to use http://www.swinglifestyle.com/ to find a female seeking a couple.

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 6/29/2005 1:09:15 PM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
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Actually.....
Master is actively bi, while i am only bi-curious. He has gone out for the evening (and once had male company over) and i have not yet gone outside the relationship. There is the possiblity that it will happen one day, but there's no big rush for me. At the same time, i don't want to deny Him something i can't (physically) give Him. So long as there is no deception involved, and both parties are content, i see no problem with it.

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RE: Bisexuality and Monogamy... - 6/29/2005 2:22:50 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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I'm pansexual and my partner is straight. I also am pretty sure I'm polyamourous, while he's monogamous.

We've been experamenting with ways to make our relationship work. At first, we thought we wanted an open relationship, as in, we could both have partners outside without the other partner there/invovled. That didn't work for us.

Then we tried having semi-committed relationships with other people, both of us interacting withthem. That didn't work, either, because my partner felt like it was too much of "them" clashing with "us."

We've come to the conclution that while we enjoy casual play with other people, this relationsihp isn't wired to -seriously- include other people. For us, he likes me to get to play with other girls and boys, and I like him to get to play with other girls. However, we've both realized that we'd be too insecure if we did that alone. Too, we realized that we're too wrapped up in each other to actually include others in our relationship.

To that end, we've decided that we will play with other people, if the opportunity arrises, but only -together- and only if we're very clear that we aren't looking for any kind of commitment. (It sounds really cold, but at least we're clear about it and we've met some for whom that's excactly what they want.)

The point of this is basically to say that there are a whole lot o' configurations of relationships where more than the primary parties are invovled. I figure it's cool to try 'em on for size, as long as you don't hurt anybody. (we didn't quite manage that, but we patched up stuff, too)

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