RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated.

RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (Full Version)

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MzMia -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/7/2007 10:07:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirata Basically, it sounds like you think your friend has a better deal. Her Master's sensitivity to her happiness seems to have touched you. Her material advantages obviously surprised you. And, you noted the greater freedom her Master allows her. So let's see, that comes to "more", "more", and "more". Wow! But how well do you know these people? I mean really. Suppose she is playing her Master as if he was a stringed instrument, manipulating from him what she wants by flattering him, and being "unhappy" when he denies her? Oops. That's "less", "less", and "less". K. I love reading threads, I often wonder "Is this a game?" LOL Right now, I am thinking more of "Keeping up with the Joneses" That submissive got a new truck! I need a new truck! I love this place.

bottomwildchild -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 8:17:15 AM)
well..i drummed up the courage to speak to Master about my feelings last night. and naturally i was scared. however, envy is the key word, and i did mistake that for jealously. He simply put, that the grass is not always greener on the other side. He added that we are not living in the dark ages, we live simple, and comfortable, and for us that means just being happy with what we have. i did express to Him, how odd it was that she was so liberal, and free. but, He did point out to me, that it only appears that way, and He is sure that she still has rules, and guidelines she must follow on a daily basis, and that He is comfortable with how His girl runs the show, so to speak, her freedom, does not mean there are not restrictions. Master said it's ok to want, and desire, it's a natural part of everyday life, He added that at times He has the same feelings. but, He did point out, that material items, doesn't equal happiness.

AquaticSub -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 9:12:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bottomwildchild He did point out to me, that it only appears that way, and He is sure that she still has rules, and guidelines she must follow on a daily basis, and that He is comfortable with how His girl runs the show, so to speak, her freedom, does not mean there are not restrictions. Exactly. I live in a situation relatively similar to this girl. I don't ask for permission to get out of bed (he actually scoffed at the notion), I highly doubt Valyraen would ever chain me during my sleep and I would certainly never be told to sleep on the floor unless being punished for some gross transgression. But I have rules and chores. I do the laundry and if he doesn't have clean clothes I'm in trouble. I have housework and homework to do, martial arts to practice and all of these are part of my duties to him. I make sure he has all the foods he likes, make sure we have plenty of toliet paper, cleaners, cat litter - all the stuff that makes a house run. I have things I'm not allowed to do and things I am allowed to do. He just finds I'm able to serve better when I have a looser rein.

SirDominic -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 10:17:33 AM)
I agee with the others. If someone has the financial means and wishes to do so, there is nothing wrong with showering a slave with gifts. But I did notice something, which no one yet seems to have caught. This phrase: quote: her words were as follows, "i may be his slave, but i am also his love, and if i am not happy. Master will not be happy." Now, coupled with the OP's comment that this slave apparently seems to have very few rules she had to follow, I would wonder who is actually the dominant one in this relationship. Sounds to me like this "Master" gets to keep his lovely slave only as long as he spends the dough to keep her in the style she desires. The implication is if the money stops flowing, she is outa there. So maybe your uncomfortableness around her was not just about envy after all. Namaste, Sir Dominic

AquaticSub -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 10:54:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic I agee with the others. If someone has the financial means and wishes to do so, there is nothing wrong with showering a slave with gifts. But I did notice something, which no one yet seems to have caught. This phrase: quote: her words were as follows, "i may be his slave, but i am also his love, and if i am not happy. Master will not be happy." Now, coupled with the OP's comment that this slave apparently seems to have very few rules she had to follow, I would wonder who is actually the dominant one in this relationship. Sounds to me like this "Master" gets to keep his lovely slave only as long as he spends the dough to keep her in the style she desires. The implication is if the money stops flowing, she is outa there. So maybe your uncomfortableness around her was not just about envy after all. Namaste, Sir Dominic Maybe. But I don't know if we have enough to draw that conclusion. Valyraen also loves me and he isn't happy when I'm not happy. That doesn't mean I get my way - he just doesn't like it when I'm not happy. Also, simply staying there for one night doesn't imply to me that the OP has a good understanding of all the rules that this slave may have in place. She may just know them so well that there was never a need to comment on them in the presence of the OP.

MzMia -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 11:04:46 AM)
Great minds think alike SirDominic, I would love to see a thread started on who really has the power? Often around here, it appears it is NOT the person that claims to have it, nor is it often the Dominant person. Things that make me go hummmmmmm.

BoiJen -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 11:52:05 AM)
What's wrong with sleeping on the floor or being chained to the bed? Why is this notion of D/s wrapped up in romantic ideas of cuddling? No it doesn't mean I can't get up and make her breakfast without her permission it's expected that I rub her feet first so...why would being chained to the bed limit me from doing that? Ritualistic practices likie sleeping on the floor is a sign of humility and "submission." In my opinion (for all the change it's worth) it's just a clear sign of who's in charge. Yes the D/s who's in charge question is a great and confusing round about. You can't dominate without my submission yadda yadda...there's equal give and take there. Does that mean there aren't days in which I need a smack down to my place? Nope in fact it means I have may and it's part of the D/s dynamic. This will happen because this is our relationship. She says to me often that her job in this is to help me develop into the best person I can be..if that means in the end I don't serve her then so be it. It's her job. My job is to make sure she's happy while she does it and to make that as simple and easy as possible through means of communication and dedication to the work at hand. We have fun and play tons because it does work that way. This is D/s. It's not a "power exchange" in the sense a lot of people put it. I don't like that term to begin with. I'm not exchanging something for something else. It's a "structured power dynamic" between us. That's how it works. I made one choice and one choice alone and that was to say hey...you wanna be in charge...you know..of me? She said yeah I REALLY do...(with a grin that shoulda made me pee myself but hey I never said I was the brightest one around). she's in charge...all the time. Just because she can say hey I expect this to be clean when I get home....doesn't mean she's telling me exactly how to clean it. My happiness rests on hers. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. She sets clear expectations and my job is to meet them so she's happy. Period. S-types in charge...whoever came up with that silly idea. If it were that much give and take quid pro quo then we wouldn't be calling this D/s...we'd be calling it something else. The Boi

MagiksSlave -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 12:40:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave Just wanted to add something I left out... If what she has isnt something you wanted you wouldnt be jelouse, and if it is something you want then it seems the relationship you have with your Master isnt exactly what you want. Magik's slave That's not necessarily true. I've been jealous of things my partner does with others, or things other people have or do. Things I wouldn't have ever thought of before I saw/heard about them. But I recognize what it is, deal with it, and move on. It doesn't interfere with my happiness or fulfillment. OK You cant want something you dont know exists but when you know it exixts and you want it then comes jelousy as well, if you DONT want something you wont be jelouse others have it. Like I know many slaves here are toilet slaves. I dont want to be a toilet slave so there for I am not jelouse of those people!!! However if I did want to be a toilet slave and Master wasnt useing me as one I may become jelouse. Magik's slave

AquaticSub -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 12:50:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BoiJen S-types in charge...whoever came up with that silly idea. If it were that much give and take quid pro quo then we wouldn't be calling this D/s...we'd be calling it something else. The Boi Not sure why this was directed at me. All I said was I don't think there is enough to say that the slave is in charge. Edited to add: I don't even think there is enough to say she is spoiled. She has a nice collar so what. We don't know what this owner makes, perhaps the cost didn't affect him. Hell Valyraen plans to spend a good amount of money on my future collar because he doesn't feel like buying anything of a jewelry variety that isn't nice. Maybe she's the sort of woman who is happy to have less but of a higher quality. We don't really know anything.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 12:55:15 PM)
Everyone has a different way of doing things and what works for them It doesn't make it wrong , just everyone is different. There is nothing written in stone that a slave has to be treated one certain way.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 1:02:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW Everyone has a different way of doing things and what works for them It doesn't make it wrong , just everyone is different. There is nothing written in stone that a slave has to be treated one certain way. Exactly, heck even when slaves where legal Masters/Mistresses treated them differently, some where kind slave owners who treated them well takeing care of their property and others where mean and didnt care some even killed them if they didnt care about loseing the slave or where easily able to replace them. So yeah there is no governing thing that says all slaves must be treated like so n so Magik's slave

Wildfleurs -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 1:11:29 PM)
Using fast reply that I'm not sure makes sense in my head cold coughing state... I also noticted the same quote as Dominic, "i may be his slave, but i am also his love, and if i am not happy. Master will not be happy." To me that sounds somewhat agressive and threatening, which seems a bit strange (to me) to hear from a slave. I tend to consider myself spoiled, in the sense that I am given privileges that I'm sure not other slaves (by what I personally consider slave) get, but I'm sure some of them do. Most of the privilieges I had to earn over time (while I naturally just get into bed whenever I'm feeling tired and get close to him, there was a time where I couldn't just automatically did that and would sleep on the floor or not as... close to him). But regardless, because of those privileges I would say I'm somewhat spoiled, but I try to remember that they are privileges that can be revoked by him when he wants. C~

Lordandmaster -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 1:16:44 PM)
I'll say one thing: this part sounds kinda bitchy. Sounds like she thinks she knows how to manipulate him. quote: ORIGINAL: bottomwildchild her words were as follows, "i may be his slave, but i am also his love, and if i am not happy. Master will not be happy."

AquaticSub -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 1:21:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs Using fast reply that I'm not sure makes sense in my head cold coughing state... I also noticted the same quote as Dominic, "i may be his slave, but i am also his love, and if i am not happy. Master will not be happy." To me that sounds somewhat agressive and threatening, which seems a bit strange (to me) to hear from a slave. I tend to consider myself spoiled, in the sense that I am given privileges that I'm sure not other slaves (by what I personally consider slave) get, but I'm sure some of them do. Most of the privilieges I had to earn over time (while I naturally just get into bed whenever I'm feeling tired and get close to him, there was a time where I couldn't just automatically did that and would sleep on the floor or not as... close to him). But regardless, because of those privileges I would say I'm somewhat spoiled, but I try to remember that they are privileges that can be revoked by him when he wants. C~ Just to play devil's advocate: I wonder how much thought she put into that question before answering it. Perhaps it was flippant in response to the OP since she does consider the other to be spoiled. That may well have shown.

kyraofMists -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 1:57:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists In our house I am required to ask for permission for things that I want. If I see something that I want, to not ask for it is to be disobedient. The reason for this is because it is not me who gets to decide whether I have it or not; it is him. If I don't ask for what I want, then I will not get it. However, in not asking for it, I decided that I would not get it, not him. In essence, I exercised my authority to make the decision that I would not have something by not asking permission. I took authority away from him by not asking. In asking questions, I am actively transfering authority to him. When the question is asked he gets to exercise his authority and make the decision. Knight's kyra Color me confused here, but if you are at the store, and see something that you want, but before you have the opportunity to ask, decide you don't want it, why would you ask for it? You are still taking away his authority by deciding that you no longer want it. If you were to now ask for something that you don't want, that would just be silly. Perhaps you could explain this a little further? I must be missing something. I think you may be confusing my requirement to have his permission to fulfill my wants with having permission to want something. I am not required to get permission to decide to want something or not. I am required to get permission to fulfill those wants or not. I am given the freedom to determine my own desires, thoughts, feelings and motivations. He determines how, when, where and if those things will be fulfilled, expressed or demonstrated. As for the question of if I see something I want and then change my mind “why would I ask for it”, that really depends on what changed my mind. If I changed my mind because I made an initial snap judgment and further information shows that it is not going to do what I wanted it to do, then I am not required to ask. However, this type of behavior will not please him at all. If I make the decision that I want something I am to have a clear explanation of why and have done my homework about what I want. He won’t tolerate flip-flopping and making uninformed decisions. On the other hand, if I changed my mind because I think it costs too much or I don’t have the money for it, then I am required to bring it to his attention. He makes the decisions on how money is spent and I don’t have the authority to decide that something is too expensive or doesn’t fit in the budget. It may not be phrased as a question, but I will present him with all the information and my thoughts. So it really depends on whether I truly don’t want whatever it is or if other factors make me think having what I want would be too high of a cost and not necessarily a monetary cost either. Knight's kyra

sublimelysensual -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 1:58:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave Just wanted to add something I left out... If what she has isnt something you wanted you wouldnt be jelouse, and if it is something you want then it seems the relationship you have with your Master isnt exactly what you want. Magik's slave That's not necessarily true. I've been jealous of things my partner does with others, or things other people have or do. Things I wouldn't have ever thought of before I saw/heard about them. But I recognize what it is, deal with it, and move on. It doesn't interfere with my happiness or fulfillment. OK You cant want something you dont know exists but when you know it exixts and you want it then comes jelousy as well, if you DONT want something you wont be jelouse others have it. Like I know many slaves here are toilet slaves. I dont want to be a toilet slave so there for I am not jelouse of those people!!! However if I did want to be a toilet slave and Master wasnt useing me as one I may become jelouse. Magik's slave There's a big difference between jealousy and envy, as has been pointed out previously.. I see jealousy as a more destructive emotion..ie, you're upset because you don't have what someone else has, whereas I see envy more as.. I like what she has, but that doesn't mean I want it, or it would be right for me. I think what the OP was feeling ran more toward envy, though I could be wrong. But even considering that..there are tons of things I want (the old saying..want in one hand and s*it in the other and see which stacks up faster), but that does not mean I'm jealous of everyone who has whatever it may be. Prime example..I'd love to have a Master..I don't.. that doesn't make me jealous of any of my friends who are owned, or anyone who posts on CM that's owned. Do I envy them? Yes, somewhat..but I'm definitely not jealous of them. Jealousy is not an automatic emotion to someone having something you may think you want.. just my two cents... -a

slaveluci -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 4:07:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs I also noticted the same quote as Dominic, "i may be his slave, but i am also his love, and if i am not happy. Master will not be happy." To me that sounds somewhat agressive and threatening, which seems a bit strange (to me) to hear from a slave. I've said pretty much the same statement and there was no aggression or threat involved. It is stating facts. I am Master's slave and I am His one true love (His words). Master cherishes me and He wants me to be happy. If/when I am less than happy, it concerns Him and we talk about it and work it out. How could that be aggressive or threatening? I guess if she said it like (adopting a snooty tone[;)]....."If I'm not happy, you're not gonna be either, Master"), then it would seem like a threat...lol....I'm assuming that's how you were reading it? Yeah, I see now how it could be read two very different ways. Kinda like that song "If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy"......BDSM version "If slave Ain't Happy, Ain't No Way Master's Gonna Be Happy"[:D].....Whoa, I'm giddy from all these sinus pills...I need a nap...........luci

SirDominic -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 4:18:09 PM)
Hey there Aquatic, Admittedly, I was making an assumption on little evidence, and I freely admit that I could be wrong. It was just the combination of what was said about her along with that snarky comment "if I'm not happy, Master will not be happy", which just sounds very fishy to me. These are not the words of any submissive I have ever known. MzMia, I agree, it is endlessly fascinating to observe power dynamics, both in vanilla relationships and especially in BDSM ones. As you say, the supposed Dominant is not always the one who is really in control. I find it particularly interesting to watch when the Dominant "thinks" they are. lol. Wildfleurs, your comments are on the money. They are privileges that can, and possibly should, be revoked if the submissive steps out of line. Namaste, Sir Dominic

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 4:23:02 PM)
On the other hand, the person relating this quote to us is someone who was confused and caught up in a mini-jealousy fit. I'm not sure we can take what she passes onto us as anything clear cut. Self-selection and skewed perspective is all over the place here. It might be just a simple state of fact- the master prefers her happy (perhaps even spoiled) and enjoy giving things to her. It can actually take a fair bit of bravery to admit that KNOWING how a lot of people might perceive that to be a sign that she's the one in control.

AquaticSub -> RE: Differences between slaves and how they are treated. (6/8/2007 5:11:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It might be just a simple state of fact- the master prefers her happy (perhaps even spoiled) and enjoy giving things to her. It can actually take a fair bit of bravery to admit that KNOWING how a lot of people might perceive that to be a sign that she's the one in control. This is very true.

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