RE: meeting at a munch? (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/8/2007 7:02:05 PM)

That can be tough Stefan.  One of the local munches here, the two times we've attended, we were the first ones there AND no one showed up until 10 minutes after the start time.  Thankfully, the group always reserved a back section of the restaurant and I've been to enough of these type things to know how to arrange tables and get things set up and went ahead to do so.

The second one, NONE of the group leaders/organizers showed up until an hour after start time when we were leaving!  They had been at another group function and just decided to hang out later rather than go to their own munch.  They seemed surprised that we were leaving.

Most good groups you can ask where specifically in the restaurant their group tends to be and some of them will have a sign or something (some use a rose or a link of chain) to denote their tables.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 2:03:52 AM)

Just because they do not officially allow it don't mean it happens.
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I see not attending a munch because you aren't ready to "out" yet as a valid reason. I would suggest assuring them that most munchs don't allow you to talk about other members outside of it.




FelinePersuasion -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 2:25:23 AM)

There's some people in the local groups here who're down right back stabbing two facers, who'd as soon stab you and spit on you when you can't see them coming.  I've had one so called person try to out me on a group I was on from info they got about me from the other group we were on. She has no respect for confidentiality laws of the group.I never attend any munches for those specific groups I know have those people, given that munch choices around here are really limited, to my knowledge two of them being groups I have issues with, I do not bother to attend munches. That and their clicky and boreing.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 4:24:07 AM)

Anytime I've met somebody it's been at some place like "Barnes & Noble", "Starbucks" or some place for a cup of coffee.  Some place public where there are other people around, yet be able to have one-on-one conversation.

I'm not an experienced Munch goer, but it sounds a lot like late night at Perkins Restruant.  Drinking coffee, Eating and Bullshitting with a regular social group of people for hours on end.   I don't know if I'd want to meet somebody for the first time or not with a whole group of people around, it might be a bit of a distraction for one-to-one conversation with the person I was meeting for the first time. 

If you meet one-on-one for coffee, if things don't seem to click well, you can cut things short.   With a Munch the person just might hang out there with you until the munch is over or you leave.

In either case, it's best to always meet in a public place where there are people.



bandit25 -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 4:27:35 AM)

I agree WS.  Meeting at a munch could make it very hard to talk one on one...to me, that's pretty much the purpose of a meeting.  B&N, Starbucks, anyplace like that is good.



thetammyjo -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 7:47:38 AM)

If there is a munch in your area, I think it is an ideal way to meet someone for all the reasons you stated, chellekitty. When we had local munches that is where I met most folks and that is where I met anyone who later became a slave -- in fact, I met them at the munch not online or anyway else first.



mistoferin -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 7:56:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
I don't know if I'd want to meet somebody for the first time or not with a whole group of people around, it might be a bit of a distraction for one-to-one conversation with the person I was meeting for the first time. 


quote:

  Meeting at a munch could make it very hard to talk one on one...to me, that's pretty much the purpose of a meeting.  B&N, Starbucks, anyplace like that is good.


While I am not trying to say that one on one meetings at coffee shops are inappropriate, I would like to say that the organizers of munches and most attendees generally understand that the munch is often times used for the purpose of meeting someone. People regularly move off from the group to have one on one coversations. I have never had a problem having a more private conversation at a munch.



watersiren -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 8:50:20 AM)

I want to back up what tawniesam has written, I have been a card carrying member of TGIF for seven years and have NEVER seen anything like what dusty rose described happened in our group.  Any time there is even a suggestion of inappropriate behavior, the group is quick to step in and protect all those involved.  While I don't get to attend the munches as often as I like, they are still like family and they take care of their own.
siren

quote:

ORIGINAL: tawniessam

Hi, all.
I am the #1 slave of the Mistress who established the fresno munch and our local group, The Group in Fresno.  As far as I know, we are the only munch in Fresno.

This slavesrosebeauty is living in a dream world.  In our nine years, we have only had one accusation like hers against an attendee.  We investigated that matter throroughly and the accused member is now an ex-member and is not welcome at our events.  We have an official, written procedure for handling such issues and have found it works well.

Not only has slaverosebeauty not made accusations against a male dom from out of town who occasionally attends our munches, I don't even recognize her.  I don't think she has ever attended our munch, or told anyone in our group that we have an unsafe player and stalker in our midst.

And don't just take it from me.  We now have over 200 card-carrying members of our group who will tell you about the steps we take to make sure that our group does all we can to encourage the safe practice of BDSM.



AquaticSub -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 3:58:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Flashbacks to trying to attend my first munch last month.

I showed up at the designated resturant at the designated time.  And, being new to town, I recognized no one.  I had hoped to spot a group at a table to try and meet some people.
Damn, there were five such groups there!
I considered going from table to table asking, "Got Rope?" but reconsidered.

In the mood I was in, I just HAD to order the "Black and Blue Salad" for dinner.

I think I figured out who the much table was by the end of dinner.  Next time, I'll email my picture to a couple of people on the mailing list where I found out about the munch and ask them to introduce me.

Stefan


Ouch. Could you have asked to meet someone in the group before it started so that they could introduce you?



AquaticSub -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 4:00:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

Just because they do not officially allow it don't mean it happens.
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I see not attending a munch because you aren't ready to "out" yet as a valid reason. I would suggest assuring them that most munchs don't allow you to talk about other members outside of it.




This is true, if you want to be that nervous. But life is full of risks and I don't think somebody is going to out you and risk getting kicked out of a group that they enjoy. Also, a lot of the people in groups have just as much to lose as you do and outing you would mean revealing that they were in the group as well.



AquaticSub -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 4:03:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

There's some people in the local groups here who're down right back stabbing two facers, who'd as soon stab you and spit on you when you can't see them coming.  I've had one so called person try to out me on a group I was on from info they got about me from the other group we were on. She has no respect for confidentiality laws of the group.I never attend any munches for those specific groups I know have those people, given that munch choices around here are really limited, to my knowledge two of them being groups I have issues with, I do not bother to attend munches. That and their clicky and boreing.


That is a horrible experience, but it's far the experience I've had with BDSM groups. It probably depends on the area you are in. Sorry to hear you went through that.



Duty2Please -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/9/2007 8:19:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
I don't know if I'd want to meet somebody for the first time or not with a whole group of people around, it might be a bit of a distraction for one-to-one conversation with the person I was meeting for the first time. 


quote:

  Meeting at a munch could make it very hard to talk one on one...to me, that's pretty much the purpose of a meeting.  B&N, Starbucks, anyplace like that is good.


While I am not trying to say that one on one meetings at coffee shops are inappropriate, I would like to say that the organizers of munches and most attendees generally understand that the munch is often times used for the purpose of meeting someone. People regularly move off from the group to have one on one coversations. I have never had a problem having a more private conversation at a munch.


EXACTAMENTE! I second that idea. Most munches are held when restaurants don't have much business anyway, so other tables are often free nearby. You get almost all the safety benefits of the munch and can keep your conversation one-on-one.



MaamJay -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/10/2007 1:55:09 AM)

If a munch is well-run, it shouldn't be somewhere to be "outed" - they are intended to be nonthreatening meetings where people wear normal clothes, behave appropriately for the venue which is usually a pub or cafe and chat about regular things! When we ran munches in Perth that was made very clear, and when a couple of people turned up in corsets, they were politely told that wasn't appropriate dress as it attracted too much attention to the group. They kept their coats on that evening and didn't repeat the indiscretion. And, as suggested, it shouldn't be a problem for those who wish to draw aside to a more private table. So you need to educate the people you are talking to about what a munch is and specifically what the ones you attend are like. I liked the description previously posted.

It also helps if you run a munch to (a) be on time and (b) have some form of identification for the table (we also used black balloons! It only backfired one day when THREE group tables happened to have black balloons LOL! But then we also told people to ask the staff for "The Internet Group" and that saved our bacon). Also, we offered to meet people outside (but made it clear they needed to be on time, we would only wait 10 minutes outside before going in), and also I would email a description so they had someone to look out for. Purple hair and nails can be handy! The only other problem could be the wait before a munch is on, which is why I am also willing to do a coffee meet in a public cafe. However, even as a Domme, I don't do those alone these days, I explain that Master takes His responsibility for the safety of His girl seriously and He will also attend to check out the potential sub before any arrangements might be made for play. That has caused a couple of sub boys to back out, but then I figured they weren't worth their salt if they weren't prepared to meet Master as well as Myself.

Perhaps an alternative for the OP, if someone won't come to a munch (and maybe they have a valid reason for doing so), ask someone you know from a munch you attend to come as your friend to a coffee meet. So there's 2 of you together to assess this person and to feel somewhat more safe. And if you're keen on the person, it can be good to have someone who's not potentially emotionally involved to more dispassionately weigh up what they are saying!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]



Forprey -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 12:57:33 AM)

I've been active with TGIF for about 8 yrs, and go to most of the functions.  This situation and slaverosebeauty are unknown to me, our last munch had 60+ people attend and it was great.  I couldn't think of a safer place to attend.  The Mistress knows hundreds of people based on her position in the community. You get together, eat some food, and plot/plan new events.
Much of what we do is based on reputation, the higher you get in the community the more you pay attention to keeping it pristine.  Now there will always be those who disagree and see a situation through different eyes, which they are entitled to. 
So if you have a greivance about somebody  ... that is what the grievance committee deals with (which BTW the Head Mistress is not a part of)... they hear both sides and see if it holds up, and they vote on a resolution, and if someone is unsafe (depending on the transgretion) then they are warned or asked to leave the group... doesn't matter if they are friends with our Lead Mistress or not.  It's not a personal decision.
A munch isn't a place for people to "gang" up on each other or to take sides... that's not what it's for, it's not to sling mud but to collaborate with friends.  Once I went to the first one, I was so relieved, the people were nice and informative and not pushy, I've gone as much as I can since.




chellekitty -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 1:46:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

Perhaps an alternative for the OP, if someone won't come to a munch (and maybe they have a valid reason for doing so), ask someone you know from a munch you attend to come as your friend to a coffee meet. So there's 2 of you together to assess this person and to feel somewhat more safe. And if you're keen on the person, it can be good to have someone who's not potentially emotionally involved to more dispassionately weigh up what they are saying!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]


Thanks for the advice, the head of my leather family would be glad to accompany me while meeting someone new, in fact i believe, he's offered it a time or two...the times i had asked someone to meet me at a munch if they wanted to meet happened to occur the week before the munch...so i thought it was a good idea...



NoirUMC -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 3:52:16 PM)

To be quite perfectly honest, there were times when I was embarrassed to be seen at dinner with my own fencing club. Why? They're kinda the same sort of crowd--lots of black clothing and some off-the-wall makeup. My God, if it came down to a choice between meeting a nice girl who sat at a table with black balloons and sitting at home watching a bad action movie? I'd probably pick the bad action movie.

Yes, I guess I do just wanna be that nervous. :)

But seriously, black balloons?! Ouch.



juliaoceania -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 4:04:46 PM)

Well black balloons make sense for a BDSM get-together...lol. This way one does not wander into the first birthday party being housed in the same restaurant... great tip there![:D]



RCdc -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 4:07:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirUMC

To be quite perfectly honest, there were times when I was embarrassed to be seen at dinner with my own fencing club. Why? They're kinda the same sort of crowd--lots of black clothing and some off-the-wall makeup. My God, if it came down to a choice between meeting a nice girl who sat at a table with black balloons and sitting at home watching a bad action movie? I'd probably pick the bad action movie.

Yes, I guess I do just wanna be that nervous. :)

But seriously, black balloons?! Ouch.


On our table, we used to have a sheep called Baabaaraa and a Korn Doll... they were very 'close' - but anything else was a rumour.
No balloons....[;)]
 
Peace
the.dark.



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 4:13:04 PM)

gf and i are going to start attending munches again



TheDiva -> RE: meeting at a munch? (6/12/2007 4:15:18 PM)

I was hesitant about attending a munch because of privacy reasons for quite some time. Then I broke down and went to one. I stopped going for a few reasons; among them:

1. I don't think the "computer group" line is fooling anyone. I feel sorry for any diehard Mac or PC users who ever decide to meet every month at a restaurant.
2. Tired of getting hit on (not literally) by fat married men. It was like they had it down to a science. Approach, kneel, write down number.
3. I'm not big on groups/crowds. If I'd gone to kindergarten, "plays well with others" would NOT have been checked on my report card.

I think meeting at a restaurant is completely appropriate, but a lot of people will be more comfortable with a one-on-one dynamic for a first meeting. Better for talking privately, and of course no knowing winks when you do the old "go to the restroom and return pantyless" trick. Of course, if you're really worried that the Dom might do something inappropriate, you could finagle a table that's situated so that in case of emergency you could excuse yourelf to go to the restroom--and keep on going, right on out the door. Good luck in your search, btw.

**Edited because I'm anal and forgot an apostrophe or something**



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