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ServeYou -> 10 rules for dominants! (Author unknown) (6/8/2007 1:14:24 AM)
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I thought this was interesting. This was recently posted on the OriginalLoveDommes group on Yahoo. Any comments -- agree, disagree, etc.?
[ORIGINALLoveDommes] 10 rules for dominants! (Author unknown)
I like this basic list but have made edits/comments within brackets.
1. Be patient! Until you enter into a contract with a submissive
you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone
else. Give your sub/slave time to get to know you and what you
like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance.
Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity
and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is
likely to be repeated in the playroom.
2. Be humble. [Goddess' note: perhaps instead of "humble", a better
word would be "very cognizant of your real skills, experience and
current abilities to train, nurture and mold".] You may be the
God's/Godesses gift to the [BDSM] world but no one needs to hear it
or wants to hear it. [I'm not sure about this one. Can you tell a
male dominant probably wrote this list?] You will have ample
opportunities to show how good you are - and plenty of opportunities
to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real
you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for
failure by developing expectations that you know you can [or might]
never reach.
3. Be open. Although the top is classically considered the teacher
in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how
inexperienced. [!!!] Be willing to learn from other dominants who
may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to
approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and
discovery. Be aware that everyone has his or her own personal style.
4. Communicate! You are responsible to find out basic, essential
information about the person you play with, such as experience,
limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM
without this information is like playing Russian roulette. Talk
about your head-space and your view of SM with your bottom, so that
any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing.
Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and contracts. Do not take
for granted that your bottom instictively knows the ground rules.
5. Be honest. If you lack experience in an area your bottom would
like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a
right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your
submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in
control of the situation. [Or if you decide to stretch limits, do it
only with consent and SLOWLY!] Safety should always be the first
concern, taking priority over how hot a scene is.
6. Be sensitive. There is a very fine line between a sensitive,
caring dominant and a self righteous, insensitive overbearing clod.
Your scene should be a creative synthesis of your needs and
fantasies and your bottom's needs and fantasies. Although, on the
surface, your submissive is serving you, in actuality you and your
submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your
submissive and never violate or threaten to violate that trust. His
or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
7. Be realistic. End a scene with your bottom wanting more, not
wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and
sensitivity are the keys, not just the intensity of the situation.
Be clear about what is fantasy and has little to do with what works
in practice. Your favorite pornos, pictures or books may be
stimulating in themselves, but don't try to imitate them to the last
detail.
8. Be really dominant! Submissives are looking for someone to take
over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people
are wanted, not just cardboard images from cigarette ads and macho
stereotypes. [This REALLY shows a male touch, doesn't it?] Your
dominance enhances your whole existence. It does not cover up or
substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Make your
submissive fall in love with you, and expect him or her to give
him/herself up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect
obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don't
shirk your responsibitity to your sub/slave or to your sister/fellow
tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to
take the dominant role - now take it!
9. Be healthy. Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its
participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors,
including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, and your acohol
and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a
scene. Don't attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional
energy is low [or when you are high on ANYTHING]. As a dominant you
have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on
top of a scene. An attitude of "drugs and alcohol don't affect me
that much...I can do it anyway" violates your submissive's trust in
you and can be dangerous. If you don't want to accept the
responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!
10. Have fun! After all, sex is about having a good time. You
have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures
which come from responsible, creative SM play.
[Be creative! If nothing else, try role play. "Schoolteacher and
naughty student", "female cop and recalcitrant criminal", "boss and
insubordinate employee" are just a few. If you have your favorites,
please continue this thread and list them.]
[Don't forget "after care"! It is delicious to massage cool cream
onto a hot backside after a long scene. If a sub/slave can be viewed
as "melting" it is during aftercare".]
Goddess
[Mod Note: huge block of code removed]
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