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What characteristics define a switch? - 6/10/2007 5:15:04 PM

addicted2it

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I am curious to know if there are any lines of demarcation that separate a switch from a Dom or Domme, submissive or slave.

It has been my experience that it is not uncommon in the world of BDSM and D/s for many of those who term themselves as switches and who experiment with different roles. Sometimes they find our nitch in life, but often they linger somewhere in between one designation or the other. If that place satisfies one's needs, the result is contentment; but if they are unhappy and unfulfilled, then it is quite another matter.

That said, there are also those who are self-proclaimed switches, but lean in one direction or another, until that find that special relationship or situation that can move them from the middle to one side to the other side.

I have a suspicion, which mostly comes from what other members of my community have shared with me, that switches are not taken seriously by the BDSM community. There will always be prejudice and bias in any community, simply because of ignorance and intolerance; but it has always baffled me when a subculture that has been discriminated against chooses to harbor the very same kind of prejudice that they have suffered at the hands of others.

Without getting into too many specifics about myself, I have been told by a kink-aware therapists that I am hard-wired as a switch, but I much prefer the submissive/slave role to that of a Dominant. Sure, I can successfully pull it off as Dom, but to me it is acting out, rather than coming from the heart soul of who I am. My XGF for five years was a sub, and although I loved her, there was always something missing.

I am convinced that everyone of us is different. We are wired differently, have different needs and expectations, have different goals in life, and in general have different views about who and what we are. But is there a consensus of opinion among switches about how they interact in order to find satisfying relationships, as opposed to Doms or Dommes, submissives or slaves?

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 6/10/2007 7:16:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Think about it being like a bisexual. Bisexual does not mean "wants to fuck everyone they meet" nor does it mean "feels the same way about every relationship they have" nor does it mean "feels the same way sexually about males as they do females."

Now, the same is also true for homosexuality and heterosexuality, but for some reason, people think bisexuals must have some completely weird chemistry orientation that throws them off the charts.

Same for a Ds switch- it doesn't mean they want to be in a Ds relationship with everyone, doesn't mean they want to dominate everyone or submit to everyone, it doesn't mean they want the same type of relationship with everyone they meet, or that they feel the same way about males or females.

The thing is a Ds switch IS a submissive, a Ds switch IS a dominant. It's not a switch as in one OR the other- just like bisexual doesn't mean you are attracted to either males OR females. It means you are attracted to BOTH orientations in relationships.

So really, there's no difference in how you work out relationships, except that you might have to learn things on both sides of the slash.

For me, what defines someone as a Ds switch is simple- they are oriented to be fulfilled in authority dynamic based relationships as the one with authority AND/OR the one without authority (usually OR).

That's really it. It doesn't mean they are IN a relationship, it doesn't mean they are in ONE relationship, it doesn't mean they are oriented towards one MOST of the time...just that they have both orientations within them.

From your own description, I'd say you were more a submissive top.

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 6/26/2007 5:23:08 PM

RoninTyger

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why limit ones self our experiencesare what shape us. i am a switch and i am proud of that fact. i ask you how can someone who has no idea what its like to submit be a dom? or what its like to truely submit if youve never been in control? weve got racism and sexism but obviously that is not enough so we in this community have created D/sism. men secure in their sexualityare not offended by homosexuals so are all these people who put down switchesscared of something? lets hear some replies

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 6/26/2007 5:31:43 PM

switchsecrets

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your description addicted2it fits me exactly too. and LuckyAlbatross describing you as a submissive top sounds about right. i think i'm the same way (or perhaps a Dominant bottom! lol)

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 6/29/2007 11:28:35 PM

dirtyfilthyedmg

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I guess this sort of discussion comes from trying to label every part of what you are?

Of course, I'm very new to all of this and having discussions with a sub friend of mine, I find that I've got feelings for both sides of it... Dominant and submissive. I'm only just starting to understand my feelings about it but I know that I get sexually aroused by a crying woman and I feel the innate need to control a woman's pleasure. Beyond that... I'm hoping to find out more. But I also have submissive feelings, moreso to men in general, but I know that I can feel comfortable in giving control over to someone. It's about power though, so I'm not restricted to sex. Anyone that I can get that feeling of Dominance from would be someone I'd have trouble resisting.

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 12/21/2008 10:12:05 AM

boytoyinatlanta

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i don't fuck with lifestyle folks but i do have sex with vanilla people...i am not submissive around vanilla people

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 12/21/2008 10:46:52 AM

Lynnxz

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Heh, way to be in the entirely wrong area of the internets boy... hehe

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/11/2009 8:27:17 AM

sensura

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I am a switch and proud of it. I think we all have a dom and a sub side whether it be in sex, business, family, general life. Some feel that if your a sub you are a sub in every aspect of your life. I am a dominant in general but sub in my sexual life. I also find that domming a female brings me so much more pleasure and satisfaction then domming a male. I have a Master and I love being his sub, I love the dominance of a man. I can domme a male but it is less satisfying to my needs. So when looking at characteristics be sure to look at what part of your life fit those characteristics. Most men or women are shocked that I am a sub as well because in general I have an air of dominance about me. So they assume I am that way 100%. If your both be proud and do it only if it comes from your heart. Some like to play the domme or sub and that usually ends up with no satisfaction for either party. Playing a part and feeling it are two different things.

kind regards

Sensura

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/11/2009 10:54:16 PM

jim64

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Still new to the life, I am happy as a sub/masochist. Yet, I know that topping is something I desire to do. I know that I am a switch, even if I have not actually become that yet. It is totally natural for both sides to exist in a person. It seems that some people will always think that it is greedy, undecided, or confused, but that is just their problem. Live your life as you see fit.

jim the wanna be switch

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/13/2009 9:41:59 AM

Andalusite

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I don't think there are any characteristics that universally define switches, other than that they enjoy some combination of topping or domination and bottoming or submission. Midori uses "submissive sadists" do describe people who submit, but enjoy topping only, and "masochistic dominants" to describe Dom/mes who enjoy bottoming once in a while.

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/13/2009 11:15:21 PM

TwilightsKitten

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Think of it like this. There are 2 scales, one for dominance, and one for submissiveness. A sub is somewhere from 1 to 100 on the submissive scale, and 0 on the dominant scale. A Dom is somewhere from 1 to 100 on the dominant scale, and 0 on the submissive scale. And finally, a switch, is somewhere from 1 to 100 on both. All a switch really means is a person who is capable of being both. Now, the degree of this can vary. Someone can be submissive in life, and totally dominant in the bedroom, or vice versa. Or, a switch could be able to be a Dom, or a sub entirely, based upon who they meet. For me personally, my inclination to one side or the other is dependent on who I meet. For example, if I meet a sub that is what I am looking for in a pet, my dominant side will come out. For me, I like to be one or the other, dependant on who I am with. Not all switches are alike, so there is no true way to define one without excluding others. If you aren't just a dom, or just a sub, you might be a switch. Just my humble opinion on the matter. Mew!

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/19/2009 3:29:09 PM

strapddwn

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i would always read about this 'switch' person, ya know... and what popped in there was that my aunt would tell us as kids to go pull up a switch from the yard so she could beat out legs ;) but somehow i knew that's not really what yáll meant. so i finally read a bit more from these message boards (very informative, they are) and, while not totally answered, i have a better idea...

does this fit... tell me plse... dyin'to know...

so most (85%) of my fantasy life in my head is filled with me being a servant and sub/ painslut (though wish could be a better one) to one Master who actually knew what he was doing... like for all time... and do it with exquisite grace, charm, and complete surrender... all of me...

then there's this other part...

...i fantasize and sometimes cum so fucking hard at the thought of finding a woman who is the sub type, who has soft skin and soft kisses, is a perfect pain slut... and likes it... i dream of really intense sex scenes, or if she has done something wrong punishing her... really punishing her... like in bad ways... bound, gagged, tortured, fisted, raped, beaten... then i would love to so gently take her into the shower and wash her so gently and carefully and dress her and prepare her a wonderful dinner and enjoy a bottle of wine with her...

the fantasies i have with her are the same fantasies i would have to be done to myself... is that crazy...

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/20/2009 6:38:17 PM

kiyari

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Not a Switch: Role rigidity.

Edited to Elaborate ~

Domlie/Master:
I may do x to you, but will NEVER tolerate your doing x or even x-like to me, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER.

subbie/slavely:
i will accept (litany of bragging rights)
but if You would ever ask (litany of 'Topping' activities) of me,
or tolerate (litany of 'misbehaviours') from me (sans consequent funishment/punishment),
then You are NOT TWUE.

Oh, and *I* do not self-identify as a D/s Switch.

I am pure Switch.

< Message edited by kiyari -- 2/20/2009 6:50:51 PM >

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RE: What characteristics define a switch? - 2/22/2009 7:08:31 AM

TwilightsKitten

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Trying to universally define a switch is, in my opinion, impossible. Its like if someone said "Hey, look at that thing". Did they mean the car, the bike, the odd critter on the ground, the object in the sky, etc etc.... Switch can mean a multitude of things depending on who it describes. And sadly, thats why some people have no tolerance for switches. A Dom/Domme is a dominant, there isn't any guesswork. And a sub is submissive, yet again, no guesswork. But a switch, they vary. All that can be said of a switch really, is they have the desire and ability to function as both to some extent and degree. But, this is just my take on it. Some people think that makes us indecisive or that we don't really know what we want, which is often untrue. As to wanting to do to someone what you want done to yourself....the kind of pet I'd want, is the same kind I am, and the kind of Mistress I'd want, is the same kind of Master I am. So, I wouldn't say its unheard of.

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