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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 1:52:35 PM

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My former Dom and I did alot of firsts together for both of us. I had absolutely no problem with being the one he learned on. Was there misakes made? yes, but that's life and I don't hold it against him. I made mistakes too.

We were discussing Fire Play and both agreed that we'd go to someone that was very knoweldeable in it and learn before ever trying it ourselves.

I think learning and growing together is a wonderful thing.

In looking for a Dominant, I don't want to see his resume hehe When i see a profile that states the Dominant is an "expert" in everything, that's when I get leary.

First and formost I want someone that i connect with and vice versa, Secondly someone that knows they are a Dominant and not still unsure of thier role. Everthing else can be learned through time. And what a better way to learn then together?

I met a Dom that had years of experience and really wanted me to be his or alteast play with him on a regular basis. My answer was a dead set no. I'm looking for a mate, a match and a partner, not a list of achievements.

< Message edited by akisha -- 6/14/2007 1:53:42 PM >

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 1:53:36 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Supernatural

How many slaves out here have or would be willing to give themselves to a master after finding out he had never owned a slave before? ... Why or why not ...

Yes and Yes. Why? Because experience isn't what was, but what is to come.

Peace

the.dark.

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 1:53:48 PM

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I have not had many subs serve me in my decades in the scene, and arguably only one slave, the one who has served me for the last nearly ten years, and still serves me today. I like to say I do a lot of repeat and referrel business.

I know Owners who have acquired and released one or two slaves a year in the last ten years or even more.

Crunch those numbers for me and tell me what they say about the Owner you prefer to serve? Are you sure a higher number of former slaves is the best indicator?

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 2:02:02 PM

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One of the Dominants that i currently serve is brand new to the lifestyle and is being mentored by the Other Dominant that i serve.

heartfelt

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 3:33:22 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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For me in trying to decide that re a new Mistress, it would depend on our chemistry, my gut feel, and my sense of Her commitment to the lifestyle and willingness and ability to learn and find Her own way with me i guess. i helped initiate a newbie years ago and it developed into a very successful Mistress/s relationship so.......

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 3:53:41 PM

slaverosebeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Supernatural
How many slaves out here have or would be willing to give themselves to a master after finding out he had never owned a slave before? ... Why or why not ...

Nope, not gonna happen.

If a master had NEVER owned or been with a slave that he wanted and loved enough to collar her, it would send up flags for me, especailly if he says he has experience. If he had been in a ltr or live-partner/slave, that would count. Being with someone 24/7/366 is a LOT of work, in a M/s dynamic it changes things and I don't want to be a guinie pig for anyone.

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 4:09:30 PM

sublimelysensual

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Everyone has to start somewhere..personally I always find it a bit ironic when an s-type says they won't be owned by someone who hasn't owned an s-type before..after all..what if no one had been willing to take a chance on them as a sub/slave? That being said...I would not want to be owned by someone with no lifestyle experience, but whether they had collared someone in the past would be irrelevant. I'm finicky, I've been out of the closet for two years and have yet to find the right partner, why would I ever judge a Dom who had the same mindset? Just my two cents...

-a

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 4:38:25 PM

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May I jump in here?

As a newbie Mistress... I am very thankful for those who are willing to accept a newbie. Being new doesn't have to mean being faulty if one is centered and focused on making sure they are all that they need to be. That would count whether someone is new or not. If anyone is neglectful in any manner it can hurt and not that nice kind of hurt we all seek to feel or give. I would never strike my submissive with anything I didn't know how to use properly and hadn't practiced with until I knew for sure I would not do harm, etc.... Same goes with the emotional aspects of things. I think it is a matter of character and life experience, etc... more than anything else. As a newbie I am going to proceed slowly and with caution. At this point I am not real life but very soon we are going real life. We are dealing with the compatibilty, the bonding, the emotions and some kink as only onliners at a distance can do... but oh the day.... lol when we can get into more... yes we look forward to it... but will we rush in and be stupid... not in this lifetime!

I have heard may dominants gush about those cherished moments of the newly submissive's expressions when they have discovered something new about themselves or experienced something new... on the same token... my submissive gets to see the look on my face... the light in my eye and the hunger in my everywhere... and gets the pleasure of knowing that he put it there.

So... thank you to all who are willing to wisely consider a newbie! {smile}
Lockit

(in reply to sublimelysensual)

RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 5:21:10 PM

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If the compatibility was perfect between myself and a slave or vice versa, then the fact that being the first has no bearing on the dynamic. A Master/slave relationship is always full of learning no matter if it's a "newbie Master or an experienced Master.

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 5:31:22 PM

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There isn't any thing wrong with a new master/mistress even if they are inexperienced,like someone said we are learnong some where with someone.I would see red flags if they were collaring and releasing slaves like changing shirts,WE have a slave friend that is now teaching her master,A new Dom should find a mentor to bring him/her along the way.WE have did this a number of times...as always just this ol' master opinion..bopunty

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 6:30:44 PM

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Wouldn't you rather be the first and only instead of one in an endless line?

As a submissive, I am with a dominant who has never been in a D/s relationship before, neither had I. But we both stayed committed in vanilla relationships for many years until our partners did things that we each found unforgivable. I value him for being able to keep his word for as long as he did and for not abandoning his family and his self worth in order to chase dreams. He values my sacrifices made for my family more than he would value someone who would sacrifice others to chase sexual fantasies.

In actuality, the fact that we had to preclude this part of ourselves in order to look ourselves in the mirror with self respect makes us value this relationship so highly. Neither of us considers each other as sub or dom foremost, we value the friendship, the love, the compatibility and the fact that we enrich each other's lives while allowing this hitherto hidden part to flourish.

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 6:50:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

RE: OP -

Oh please.... Everyone has to start somewhere. Someone has to be the first or with luck first and only.

Pretty selfish for the slaves to only want Masters that have owned a cascade of slaves don't you think? Plus if someone has had lots of short term slaves I would see that as a bigger issue then someone that had none.

And yet this is the classics catch 22 that most new tops (doms or whatever) discover early on.

The person on the top side of the equation is expected to have experience even though realistically everyone must start out with zero experience and gain it as they go.

But to answer the OP, I think it is fair to expect that anyone calling themselves a master (or mistress) have experience as a top or a dominant first for some time. I thnk it is also fair to expect things to take time to build up to the level of becoming a master (or mistress) of someone. Lord knows it takes time for that to happen just for oneself.

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 7:04:01 PM

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Greetings everyone,
To me whether or not a potential Dom collared submissives before me would be far down the list of questions I'd have, though like some of the posters have mentioned if he'd had, say, 20 D/s relationships, and none had lasted more than a year, it would give me pause.

I'm a big believer in chemistry. If a Dom has all these glowing references and praises and experience, but he and I don't share that spark and it can't be cultivated even with shared interests and goals, his previous successes won't neccessarily apply to he and I.

Also, I'd look into the stability of his life. I'm in my lates 30's and the majority of men I'm drawn to, my age or older, have had marriages/UM's/past relationships, and I'd study how he interracts with them...Is it amicable and friendly, hostile and angry, drama filled?

I think that much as I'd consider several factors in a relationship with anyone, it would be the same with a Dom, not decided by experience, or lack thereof.

Have a wonderful weekend, all..miss

(in reply to Supernatural)

RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 8:38:27 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To the OP..as many others have stated..I look to the person first and then decide if lack of experience or not is an issue..Tempting

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 8:55:45 PM

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My Master and I met at a munch. Neither of us had ever played before, but both of us wanted to explore our kink. Because he didn't know much, he went to great lengths to learn and to experiment before we did anything for real, and he made it clear that there were only two priorities 1. It had to be as safe as we could reasonably make it and 2. that it had to be fun. We learned together and now we are married - and we are still both learning. It's all down to attitude. I would rather play with someone who is prepared to admit ignorance and look for learning than one who thinks he knows it all and is therefore a danger to everyone.

:))
LH

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 9:18:14 PM

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Since i am a slub, i cannot speak as a slave; however, i still have an opinion. Personally, i would not want someone that has not owned or been a Master previously. i would feel like i had to lead and i don't wanna. ;)

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 9:18:26 PM

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Hell, all I have to do is mention I had a relationship with a Domme! And the slave girlie girls seem to drop their barbie dolls and run away screaming for their life...

I've had a checkered past of D/D, D/s, M/s and vanilla with BDSM flavoring added... each being a bit different! I've not been what you would call a M/s relationship whore! Makes me wonder if I should have been though.... perhaps I should on confess to my one M/s relationship. OH CRAP.. what is the difference between M/s and D/s anyways... we are back to those Nasty labels again... what is D/s in one persons eyes is M/s in another... I'm so confused. I think I need to consult with my therapist in the morning to figure out how much actual M/s experience I have or not. You people all have drove me mad I tell you!! Mad!! LOL..... I can't properly master a slave until I've fully Mastered myself... Damn, Looks like I need to book Air Flight to Tibet and hang out with the monks in the mountains for several years, just so I can fully Master myself before being a Master in anybody's eyes. I can see it now by the time I'm 60, I'll come on collarme.com create an account called BuddaMaster. Announce I've finally Mastered myself and everything in life.

Then Geeeessh.. how many slaves is enough and how many is too much! Does only having one M/s relationship count or must I have trained 100 slaves? Quality vs. Quantity type of stuff. (Ummmm.. what's the magic number range that's acceptable to most). Hell, perhaps my one M/s relationship was only a D/s in somebody elses eyes?

Damn, I wish my parents had bought me a "Slave Barbie" so that I good proper head start experience! Oh crap... that's right I used to do twisted pretend BDSM like things any time I had my Hands on a Barbie Doll when I was kid! Does natural BDSM instinct and gravitation pull count for anything?

Also what vanilla experience does one have that actually compliments a BDSM M/s relationship as well? Such as raising children, Management position or any situation where you had power over another human being? MMMmmmm... just more things to think about when considering Whole Life experience compared to the number of slaves one as owned..

Please excuse my smart ass rant here.. but come 'on here. Let's explore things such as natural BDSM instincts or tendancies, related vanilla experiences, as well as BDSM lifestyle experiences.

How about IQ's? would you let somebody with a low IQ perform sadist acts upon you or not? Would you be rather concern that they might hurt you out of pure simply ignorance? Then there are those that are so smart they are Dumb, BDSM nerds per se! Whopppss hopes nobody takes insult to that on either! How about a score in creativity Department as well? Boring Sex, Boring BDSM scenes or not? Do you often find yourself tossing a glass of water in your slaves face to wake 'em up? Perhaps they are falling asleep because frankly they are just so Damn bored... Is this a some form of Torture? Bore your slave to death fetish going on or what?

Please excuse my rants... I have to do something will all this sexual tension and energy I have tonight! Actually I'm in the mood for flogging/spanking some ass. Oh wait, I'm taking my frustrations out in a message board post, O Crap... is Budda gonna spank me for expressing and having passion in life? However, if Mod11 ever wants to spank me I'll simply take it like a man...instead of act like a whinny cry baby... or better yet.. Get all pissed off and throw a tizzy fit! LOL.. Mod11 is simply put Godess, Queen protector and ruler of the message boards.

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 9:20:57 PM

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I had never formaly owned a slave until I collared Angel this past September. I had worked with many, and I had been close with them. However, I never had one I found important enough to own. So, if someone held the fact that I never OWNED against me, that would be their loss.

DV

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/14/2007 11:00:03 PM

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When i met Master, He had more real time experience than i did as a sub, although He had never lived 24/7 with one before. i knew one girl had died of cancer, and He told me of His great sadness at burying her collar. He spoke freely of 2 subs with whom He was still in contact as friends, one of whom had UMs with special needs that really made it impossible for her to carry on any kind of relationship, let alone a D/s one. My Domme side was moderately experienced, and to a point, it was Jay who "vetted" Him in terms of potential Master status! When all that He said and did resonated well with what I knew as a Domme and what i wanted as a sub ... then i felt free to allow the relationship to flourish. i feel wonderful knowing that i am the first one He has chosen to live with, even more so when initially it meant that He was the One who moved interstate to do so. There are many things W/we have learned together and it's been great!

As a Domme, I am grateful that someone was willing to take Me on when I was new! But I did make it very clear that I was approaching this from a position of learn, learn, learn ... and therefore a lot of research! I certainly didn't bullshit and pretend to have more experience than I had. And I am very grateful to Master Johnny (aka RealDom69 - trust Him to pick that nick LOL) and His wife for opening their Dungeon in Perth at a time when it was perfect for Me to step out, with a bit of experience, absolutely ripe and ready to learn and experience lots more!

As many have said ... a whole lot of relationships would be more of a red flag to me than none!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: "Survey says" .. How many slaves .. - 6/15/2007 12:20:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
....
As a Domme, I am grateful that someone was willing to take Me on when I was new! But I did make it very clear that I was approaching this from a position of learn, learn, learn ... and therefore a lot of research! I certainly didn't bullshit and pretend to have more experience than I had. And I am very grateful to Master Johnny (aka RealDom69 - trust Him to pick that nick LOL) and His wife for opening their Dungeon in Perth at a time when it was perfect for Me to step out, with a bit of experience, absolutely ripe and ready to learn and experience lots more!

As many have said ... a whole lot of relationships would be more of a red flag to me than none!

Learn, Learn, Learn... I've found this is one thing that has been useful for me.. always a learning and figure it out process involved. It's not just learning about BDSM it's learning your partner and how the concepts are applied. The experiences and what worked well in one relationship may not work well in another. Any relationship involves learning about the other person. Each relationship is a challenge in itself. Sure it's nice to have some general concepts to follow. I hear people screaming against micromanagement at times, sure well you might not need it. However, somebody else might need it. It's the super glue that holds them together. Another thing! Cages! some people would piss themselves at the thought of being caged for an hour even! However, Amazing some find a cage as a safe place and they feel protected being in one? Amazing what a little insight into this can bring.

Back before I started using this message board, I would have never dreamed or thought about using cages in the manner some people do! Wow! Anyways, I've learned to look at cages a little bit differently from my interactions with people here on this site.

It's all about learn, learn, learn! While I may be subless, slaveless or Dommeless, at the moment. I am still learning. This message board and the people I've met online, IM with, talk with on the phone even, have allowed me to grow. There are still areas of interest I have yet to explore, I don't know it all. I'm taking things as they come to me, one day at a time. Always something here and there.

Is all this helping me to become better? you betcha it is. Here's a few Motto's to think about...

"Master is never perfect, but works damn hard at being the best Master he can be"
"Daddy is never perfect, but works damn at being the best Master he can be"
Well you get the picture.

(in reply to MaamJay)

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