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Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 11:49:35 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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It seems everywhere I turn right now there is a woman pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I love babies to pieces..it's just very hard for me to deal with on a daily basis. I have tried to have a baby for years now and nothing yet. I am going to try treatments next year, so I have not given up hope.

I left a place I was at (there were tons of preg. ones there), just went to a new place this week and I'll be crapped there was a girl there who just found out. Not only are they preg, they are very young, and very immature. It just breaks my heart that I have tried so hard, and others can just open their legs and a baby pops out.

I guess what I am trying to figure out is how to deal with it. I want to be happy for them, honest, but instead I find myself very sad and very envious. This is not normally the way I am, I try to always find joy for others who have good fortune.

I can't walk near the baby aisles, hear them, see them, listen to someone whine about getting fat, or morning sickness. I just want to go up and smack them for not realizing how damn lucky they are to even be getting fat for that reason.

What is wrong with me? Am I horrible for having these thoughts? If anyone else has went through this, how did you cope and "get over it"? Adoption is never going to be an option, so if the treatments don't work...that's pretty much it. I used to always think I had plenty of time, but the older I get the more that seems to diminish. I used to talk about what the future and what it would be like, now when I catch myself my heart just sort of drops into my stomach. Am I just making things worse by talking like it will happen?

Please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself, I really don't. I just want to get through this the best way I can, in one piece, and sane.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

Post #: 1

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 12:18:20 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

It is certainly understandable that you feel this type of frustration. When you are trying to have a child, there is nothing that grates so much as seeing someone take it for granted, and never realize how lucky they are.

Have you ever checked into the RESOLVE support groups for people dealing with infertility issues? You will find many people who have been where you are, and you will find that these feelings don't make you bad, they just make you human. You will also find a lot of good suggestions for getting through this tough time. Here is the link, and my best wishes for your happiness is offered along with it.

http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 2

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 12:45:00 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Dear sleazybuttrfly,

>>>>>>HHHHUUUUUGGGGSSSS<<<<<<
I know how disheartening it is to feel something belongs in your path, that you feel you need to be complete and whole that eludes you & seems to not be obtainable at times.

All I can say is maybe you're trying too hard.

The statistics have shown many, many women who try to conceive don't do so till they stop trying.
It has something to do with stress, and negative associations with their body's ability to conceive.

I gave up a child for adoption to a couple who'd been trying even with fertility treatments and invetro fertilization to conceive for ten years.
After they adopted baby Jordan she conceived on her own naturally 4 months later.
Maybe counseling or hypnotism may help you to obtain your objective.
Eating very healthy and exercising also helps your bodies ability to conceive.

I say in the end the best advice I can give is for you to trust God.
If it's meant to be, God will give you the desires of your heart one day, and if not, maybe it was just not meant to be for you.
I wish I had a magic wand and could take the longing for, and the lack of a child away form you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
suzanne

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 3

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 12:52:18 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Have you tried a basal thermometer and ovulation chart? I'm sure it's very old school now, but it helped me conceive 23 years ago. It took 15 months of trying, but it was much easier when I was able to figure out when I was ovulating (I did not ovulate every month). You have to make the commitment to take your temperature every morning and keep the chart, but it can be helpful.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 4

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 2:38:23 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

nyrisa: Thank you for your kind wishes. I will check into that group, I had never heard of it. I wish I could get him to go with me, but I don't think he really understands the depth of my pain (he has kids).

onestandingstill: I wonder if I am trying too hard. I don't really think about it though, but I know that each time when I fall asleep, I hope it deep down inside. I keep thinking if it's going to happen, it will. I can't imagine wanting kids as much as I always have, then not being able to have them afterall. I do have a lot of faith, and I know that anything is possible..that is the one thing I can hold onto when it hurts so very bad. Thank you for your kind words.

KatyLied: I have thought about getting one of those kits and trying that way. The problem is my period is soooooo messed up I can't keep anything straight. I can have it every other day for a couple of weeks, then nothing for a month. Each time though it's a bit sad knowing it didn't work again. Thank you for the advice..it's appreciated.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 5

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 3:47:07 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

KatyLied: I have thought about getting one of those kits and trying that way. The problem is my period is soooooo messed up I can't keep anything straight. I can have it every other day for a couple of weeks, then nothing for a month. Each time though it's a bit sad knowing it didn't work again. Thank you for the advice..it's appreciated.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and realize how difficult it must be for you. What has your doctor said about your irregular periods? Before you have any fertility treatments, I hope you have a long sit down discussion with your ob/gyn and a thorough examination. My periods are also very irregular as a result of endometriosis. While mine did not inhibit my ability to conceive, endometriosis can severely impede the process.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 6

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 4:37:13 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

{{{{BIG BIG HUGS}}}}

Things happen for a reason, we may not always unerstand the 'why' we just see the results.

Try relaxing, sometimes stress makes getting pregnant harder. I had one girl friend who stopped trying after 5 years {and having seen specalists all over} and decided to adopt; the day they got the call that they had been 'choosen' by a girl in their area, they learned they were pregnant; now, they have 2 beautifull babies that are 6months apart, she nurses both of them and they can't be happier. The younger you are when you try to have a baby the better your chances are normally, same with yuor partner, his health and age among other things do factor into things; both of you need to see a doctor and go from there. Mostly, just relax.

{{{{more BIG HUGS}}}}

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 7

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 5:40:35 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

If you are having irregular periods you should get some advice from your doctor. There are different things that can cause that (endometriosis, hormone imbalance, among others). And that's a symptom that should not be ignored, for your health, in general.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 8

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 7:00:26 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I used to know a woman who worked for Jenny Craigs. She told me that the main reason female clients stopped coming was that they got pregnant. The moment they dropped a bit of weight, bingo! pregnant! whether they were trying or not. I don't know if this is relevant to you, but it might be worth a try...
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 9

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/14/2007 9:06:44 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly
What is wrong with me? Am I horrible for having these thoughts?

No, there's nothing wring with you..at least mentally. There are a ot of women who wnt children, but for one reason or another canot have them on their own. First thing you need to do is to stop trying so hard. Having children is about as anything else in this world......if you try to hard, there will be something to get in the way. Next, go see your doctor. You mentioned very abnormal periods. That right there may be the problem. Getting that fixed just might do the trick. Above all.....hold on to your faith. There may be a reason as to why your unable to concieve, just trust in the heavens for the reason to be shown. Now, might I ask a question....Why is adoption out of the question? Unless for financial reasons.

Good luck to you and may you eventually recieve the blessing your heart so deeply desires.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 10

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/15/2007 1:13:07 AM

calamitysandra

Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline

First of all, congratulations on your nuptials. May you be very, very happy together.

Of course it is not "wrong" to feel that way. I would venture to say it is natural to feel that way.
I can only mirror those who say you should seek medical help regarding your irregular periods.
However, taking your basal temperature every morning is not a good contraceptive when you are irregular, but it might well help you to figure out when you ovulate. All you need is a simple thermometer, some graph paper and a book or online resource who explains the how to.

I wish you the best.

< Message edited by calamitysandra -- 6/15/2007 1:16:16 AM >

_____________________________

"Whenever people are laughing, they are generally not killing one another"
Alan Alda

(in reply to HutchGarahl)

Post #: 11

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/15/2007 2:29:47 AM

bellaballanda

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline

*hugs* I just was remarking to someone about all the pregnant women I was seeing. I think it has something to do with people getting cold in the winter and cuddling up.......

_____________________________

~Shelly

The lifestyle comes to each differently... always remember that....

(in reply to calamitysandra)

Post #: 12

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/15/2007 5:13:07 AM

nearnyccouple

Posts: 70
Joined: 3/22/2007
Status: offline

sleazy,
i have been there. huggs. there is nothing worse than being unable to conceive, when its your hearts desire. i had one biological child and then was diagnosed with secondary infertility, with no known cause. after months of doctors appointments, thermometers, artificial insemination, etc. i had had enough. there is nothing worse than having family and friends ask "when are you going to have a baby."
we made the decision to adopt, and i now have three beautiful um's.
the first step is to seek medical help. things have changed so much in the years since i had this issue. empower yourself by learning everything you can. find a doctor with a great background and reputation. join Resolve..they are wonderful.
most of all, forgive yourself. you arent less of a woman, because you are having this issue. good luck and if you want an ear or a sounding board, please feel free to email me off board.

cassie

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 13

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/16/2007 3:48:19 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

LafayetteLady: I have wondered if I had that, but hadn't had health insurance in years, so was unable to check. I do think I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (my Dr mentioned that), but they wouldn't run anything because of cost. I now have insurance so I plan on getting a really good check-up before the end of the year.

slaverosebeauty: I also believe that things happen for a reason, that is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Maybe it was waiting for things to settle down and for me to be with M instead of someone else. I would love to adopt, but I know that won't happen. (can't say here why) I don't care if I give birth, I just have a lot of love to give to a child and can't imagine my life without one, or two. Perhaps just continuing to let things happen is the answer, I will just hope one time it takes and gives us a family.

KatyLied: Yep, I agree. It's been frustrating not being able to do anything about it. PP put me on bc, and it did work to give me periods in a regular way...but in turn that cut out getting pregnant at all. I am going to go to a specialist and hopefully they can do something. I now live in a bigger place where there are more options in that area.

LadyHeart: This has crossed my mind also. I am joining a gym before the end of the month, or right at the beginning of July. I know that I feel a lot better when I am in shape, maybe that will also help this process along more.

HutchGarahl: Yes, I think getting those fixed is the key..it's just convincing the Dr to not put me on bc again so that I can't get preg. in the first place. I do think I will get what my heart desires. I prayed about it on the way to work yesterday and I have felt more peace since then. I walked by the baby aisle and although my heart did ache a bit, I don't think it was quite as bad. Everyday things will get easier, it's just having faith and putting my trust in Him.

calamitysandra: I will try the temp thing and see how that goes. I don't want it to become like the scale though where I drive myself nuts everyday watching numbers. A graph is a good idea though, I will look into that this weekend.

bellaballanda: I agree, I don't think I have seen this many in a long time. I have noticed that a lot of them are young kids though..fighting with boyfriends, not having enough money to live, let alone a baby..thinking it's just some fun thing they can have (cause everyone else does)...and so much more. (I only know that stuff because I work with them and hear all about the drama in their lives)

nearnycouple: I am very happy for you in being able to adopt. There are so many kids out there that need loving families. I know that some only think of carrying one, that's the only way there is. I know from taking care of my brothers um's that raising a child, spending time with them, it just makes you think of them in the same way.
I do feel like less of a woman sometimes..I mean, you have these kids popping them out like candy, and I can't get things to work right. I know that M wants a son so very bad, I wish I could give him that. I feel like he is stuck with someone that will, or will not be able to grant him that. If after a time things don't work, I will give him the option of finding someone that can. I hate to be the cause of him not having all he wants in life.
I will check into Resolve and see what I can find out, and I am starting the quest for a Dr in the area this next week.

Everyone: Thank you again for all of your well wishes and thoughts. I appreciate you taking the time to share your stories and your advice. It means a lot to me that people care like they do. That's probably the reason I call this place a community and not just a message board.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 14

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/16/2007 8:54:35 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I don't want it to become like the scale though where I drive myself nuts everyday watching numbers.

I think it depends on how obsessive your personality is. It was like a religion to me, and I am highly obsessive, I took the temp, charted, watched my periods, did everything post-coital to give the swimmers the best chance. It was a 15 month mission that truly ruled my life.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 15

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/16/2007 8:51:09 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Sleazy....while having yourself checked for all possibilities...you and M may want to be absolutely sure and have M checked as well. There is the possibility it might be M who is having the problem of reproduction.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 16

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/18/2007 3:18:17 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Katy: I think it could be said I become a bit obsessive about things..drive myself nuts obsessive actually. When my ex and I went through this with her being the one trying, I took care of all of the numbers, pills, other meds, dates...blah, blah..it was all I could think about. I suppose that's why I dread having to do it, though I know it will be totally worth it.

HutchGarahl: I think they do a count on the male also after they try the female. We can always buy sperm though, so I am not really too worried about this part. It's a lot harder and more expensive to have to buy the female eggs and get them implanted. I am praying it never comes to that.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to HutchGarahl)

Post #: 17

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/18/2007 5:31:08 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

i've had 4 miscarriages. i have 2 anklebiters (although is a 24 yr old an anklebiter anymore? anyhow.) and every summer, i think of the ones that werent born. i wasnt able to give wolf the 2 kids we had agreed on....when i was pregnant, the doctors told us quite seriously that i probably would not survive another pregnancy. so we took permanent steps.

the imp is 14 in a few more days, and he was probably 9 or 10 before those baby-aches *really* went away. so yes, even women *with* spawn running about can get those "how come everyone ELSE isnt having problems!" heartaches.

kitten, who offers gentle hugs

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 18

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/18/2007 6:22:52 AM

acissej

Posts: 2370
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Ugh. I'm sorry, sleazybutterfly. I sympathize with you a lot. Pregnant women seem to be popping up all around me, too. It seems like every day I get another email or phone call from someone telling me they're expecting. I'm happy for them, but envious and sad, too. My husband and I have also had fertility problems, and finally came to the decision to adopt about six months ago, but it still grates to see others having their babies in nine months, when my wait is akin to the gestational period of an elephant.

There are a few things that have been helping me cope with my frustration. I have a great support network. I have a close friend who is pursuing IVF, and she's great to vent to. I have other friends who are helpful, but I don't think anyone can fully understand all the emotions involved in infertility unless they've gone through it. It might be worth checking out the yahoo groups on infertility and trying to conceive.

I also try to remember that not everyone who's pregnant is having an easy time of it. Sometimes it even seems like difficult pregnancies, complications or miscarriages are more common than not. But because (in)fertility is such a personal thing, I don't think you hear about the problems nearly as much as you hear about the successes. Women often feel like they're a failure when they can't conceive, and that there's something to be ashamed or guilty about. It takes time to work through that and all the grief, and I think a lot of people try to suffer through it in silence.

I don't know if it helps or not to keep on talking about it like it's definitely going to happen one day. For me, it helps to know I'm being proactive about changing my situation. Maybe you'll feel better once you come closer to starting treatments?

I've probably gone on too long, but what I really wanted to say is you're not a horrible person for feeling the way you do. And you're not alone in what you're going through.

-Jessica

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 19

RE: Must be something in the water.... - 6/18/2007 6:48:45 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

While I can't personally identify with your pain or issues with conception, I have a very good friend that has been thru this very thing. She tried for 7 years to conceive with no success. Her periods were irregular just as yours are. Her gyn put her on birthcontrol pills to regulate her period and told her every month when she was on the placebo part to have sex like an animal, anytime and everytime she had the opportunity or feeling, then take a pregnancy test before she started the real pills again. After 6 months of this, she got pregnant and had twins. I don't know if it was a psyche thing or what....but that was 15 years ago.

Good Luck on your endeavours.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to acissej)

Post #: 20

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