"Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise

"Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

valkyriesdaughte -> "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 8:41:39 PM)
First of all - yes, this is a RANT!!!!!! But if you make it through to the end, you just might learn a thing or two. Although a relative newcomer to this world, I have 17 years of a vanilla marriage to my credit; and some things are universal. It seems that many "subs/slaves" want to play one upmanship- "My Dom/me buys me this and this and this", or "How come Daddy doesn't get me all the toys I want". First and foremost- QUIT WHINING! "Stuff" is just that- stuff. No relationship that ever survived was built on stuff. Before worrying about what you don't have or want or what someone else has, consider all you do have: Are you fed, clothed, sheltered? Are provisions made for your health and safety? Those are basic needs, everything else can be worked around. Now on to the "stuff"- Wants and Needs are 2 very different things, maybe you would like new appliances/furniture/cars/clothes/etc, but do you need them? If what you have is adequately servicable, quit worrying about it. Like it or not, your Dom/me has to deal with the vanilla world, and STUFF costs money- cold hard cash. There may be a whole host of reasons your Dom/me doesn't buy you the same presents your little sub friends get, or everything you think you deserve. None of which are any of your business, unless your Dom/me chooses to share them. It wouldn't hurt you to think a little on your own though- pick up a newspaer. The economy sucks. Your Dom/me may work in a field that is insecure, and may wish to save for a possible rainy day, they may have had to change careers/jobs, and are still recovering from the financial setback. They may be paying child or spousal support from a previous relationship, or paying off the debt left after a divorce, etc. Medical bills, previous debt, student loans. The list goes on. Or they may simply be frugal, and forego immediate gratification for a long term goal- home ownership, retirement saving, childrens education, etc. It doesn't really matter. To top it off- housing, food, utilities, and transportation all have to be provided for on a regular basis. You have what you have, make the most of it. Look at yourself, and what you are doing to contribute to the relationship financially. Do you immediately spend your "allowance" on yourself, shop at the mall, and eat out frequently? Try downscaling. Even the most humble dwelling can be made into a home, a welcoming sanctuary for your Dom/me with a little effort and creativity on your part, for very little money. Try thrift stores, Dollar stores, garage sales, and clearance racks. Be patient- you may not find everything you want at once; and you may also find interesting touches you didn't think of. Be creative. A nice table cloth ( real cloth) and a couple of pretty towels will instantly brighten any kitchen, a matching bath and hand towel in the bathroom is a nice touch, everybody likes plants, real or fake, decorative candles; an afghan from the thrift store over the sofa is nice and homey. (I bought 4 new fake greenerys in planters- for $1.99 each off the clearance shelf in the back of Meijers last week, along with a nice collection of 3 candles, and a set of votive holders filled with those colored bead rocks from the aqauarium section- the whole collection was less than $12.00. Every pair of my dress slacks came from the thrift store for $2.99 apiece, the afghans were 5 bucks apiece from the thrift store, and I have the most perfect set of embroidered sheets- on clearance for less than $20.00. Years ago, I once made a baby dresser out of 2 cardboard boxes stacked, with a piece of cloth over the top and cut up the front. Functional, and better than using the plain boxes- we were REALLY poor at the time! Neccessity is the mother of invention, be creative). You could also learn to make your Dom/me tasty, yet inexpensive meals. There are many things that take only minmal cooking skills to make, and are quite good. Love is a wonderful seasoning. If you can't boil water- ask around, most people are happy to share their recipes and tips, along with shopping hints. Make friends with the stay at home Mom with several children- they are the queens of grocery sale shopping and cheap cooking. Instead of spending money on your manicures, and pedicures and such, buy the supplies at a discount store and do your own. Even kinky toys and clothes can be made or improvised with a little effort and very little, if any money.(The fabric/craft section at Walmart can be a treasure mine of useful things). Bottom lime- ask your self what your Dom/me will see you as in 5, 10, 20 years- merely a pretty playting past their prime; or a loyal servant and partner, who has brought happiness to them? Put a bit of effort into making their life and home pleasant, instead of focusing on yourself, and the answer will be clear.

litleone8620 -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 8:54:06 PM)
Wow, what a way to start your stay here. quote: Before worrying about what you don't have or want or what someone else has, consider all you do have: Are you fed, clothed, sheltered? Are provisions made for your health and safety? Those are basic needs, everything else can be worked around. This is about the only thing i agree with. True you don't need extras to survive, but it is nice. quote: Look at yourself, and what you are doing to contribute to the relationship financially. Do you immediately spend your "allowance" on yourself, shop at the mall, and eat out frequently Isn't that what an "allowance" is for? quote: Instead of spending money on your manicures, and pedicures and such Maybe that's what your dominant wants you to spend money on. Is it so wrong for him/her to want their sub/slave to look pleasing? quote: Bottom lime- ask your self what your Dom/me will see you as in 5, 10, 20 years- merely a pretty playting past their prime; or a loyal servant and partner, who has brought happiness to them? Put a bit of effort into making their life and home pleasant, instead of focusing on yourself, and the answer will be clear. My dominant will see what he wants to see no matter what i brought to the relationship. Maybe the dominant just wanted a pretty play thing. Nothing wrong with that. I do what he wants me to do because it pleases him. That includes making him as comfortable as possible with what we have in and outside the home. If he gives me money to spend on myself, then i'm going to spend it on myself because that's what he wanted. End of story.

dawntreader -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 8:58:51 PM)
Welcome but WTF mate ?

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 8:59:26 PM)
Umm..ok..well nice rant, but am not sure where it came from. With that said, it seems you are coming from the perspective of a stay at home sub/slave?..Of course things can be bought cheaply, and economizing is also a desireable trait to a Dominant.And I love love love garage sales, and looking, shopping at the goodwill.Do I do all these things ...sure...all the time..no..I work..and sometimes, any creative and or economical solutions, I just do not feel up to..So it may mean I pay extra at the gas station for that soda because I do not feel like ,also, going to the dollar store. And after working 10-12 hours I may not feel like cooking either..so hence..fast, expensive, not so budgetary fast food here I come..I understand your frustration, for at times I too think we are living in a world of entitlement.But you can only change that which you can..yourself...Tempting

merrysbrat -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:06:58 PM)
OMG, two cardboard boxes! No one should ever have to do that, really. And all your pants are four dollar slacks! Maybe you wouldn't have such a bad opinion of people with expensive things (or even new things, for that matter) if you tried it yourself sometime. I mean, don't get me wrong, thrift stores and dollar stores can have some cute stuff sometimes, but you should never be limited to just that. My advice to you is this... head to your nearest Bloomingdale's and buy a nice fitting pair of Juicy Couture pants. If they're not your favorite pair EVER come talk to me.

valkyriesdaughte -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:16:00 PM)
Where it came from: From the Dom blog entrys, I gather than money and material objects seems to be a popular topic that subs bring up. There was also recently a trhead dealing with one slave having "nicer" stuff than another and why, etc. I'm not coming from the perspective of a stay at home anything- I work FT, and my have my own bank account, etc. And I'm still a tightwad! (but a tightwad with a 403b plan). As for the comment that there is nothing wrong with a sub looking pleasing- agreed. But you don't have to break the bank to do it. I always look presentable, my children are dressed appropriately, and my home is welcoming to both my family and friends.

juliaoceania -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:31:47 PM)
deleted because you answered my question

mistoferin -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:34:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte I gather than money and material objects seems to be a popular topic that subs bring up. Actually, it's not a topic I've often seen discussed. I have seen far more topics on here discussing how to stretch a dollar and live minimally.

viperess -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:38:17 PM)
Greetings, claps what a good thread. i have to agree if more would quit worrying about themselves and what they don't have or what they want then maybe their Masters/Doms/ms would be happier. But then this is just this old slaves opinion. Respectfully,

Evanesce -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:39:31 PM)
Gee, Mom... thanks for the lecture.

litleone8620 -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:41:44 PM)
quote: Where it came from: From the Dom blog entrys, I gather than money and material objects seems to be a popular topic that subs bring up. There was also recently a trhead dealing with one slave having "nicer" stuff than another and why, etc. It might be the norm on this blog site you talk about. But I have never seen two subs/slaves get into a competition about the material things they do or don't have. Why does it matter if one slave has nicer things than the next? quote: As for the comment that there is nothing wrong with a sub looking pleasing- agreed. But you don't have to break the bank to do it. I always look presentable, my children are dressed appropriately, and my home is welcoming to both my family and friends. Agreed. You don't have to break the bank to look nice. But if you have the extra money, then why not?

juliaoceania -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/15/2007 9:51:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte I'm not coming from the perspective of a stay at home anything- I work FT, and my have my own bank account, etc. And I'm still a tightwad! (but a tightwad with a 403b plan). As for the comment that there is nothing wrong with a sub looking pleasing- agreed. But you don't have to break the bank to do it. I always look presentable, my children are dressed appropriately, and my home is welcoming to both my family and friends. You are dealing with people that have various values and belief systems about money. This rant of yours says much more about your judgment of other people's value systems than it does about them. If people get off on a competing kink, that is their thing. If submissives vie to be the most pampered pet, who cares? There are more than a few doms that want a trophy sub to spoil for me to worry about it. I am not a materialistic person, but not everyone has my values, no skin off my nose. I will admit that I think about the life that my Daddy and I could make together with both of our incomes once I find a good job in his area... I dream about an oceanside craftsman home, I think about the Sky Saturn I am drooling over to own. I think about these things, but I could care less what other people have that is "more" than me... I fully expect to earn everything I get in this life... Not everyone is like you, and the world would be a boring place if everyone was the same

DarkDreams123 -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 1:29:24 AM)
Greetings ValkyriesDaughter, Welcome to the boards. I can appreciate much of what you have to say about the so-called "green-eyed monster". I think that there is entirely too much of this attitude of comparing oneself to another in order to feel better about one's self. Too bad that this appears to be a minority opinion. Try not to take all of the negative responses personally. -DarkDreams

susie -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 2:10:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte First of all - yes, this is a RANT!!!!!! But if you make it through to the end, you just might learn a thing or two. Although a relative newcomer to this world, I have 17 years of a vanilla marriage to my credit; and some things are universal. From this you are suggesting that what comes next applies to all. quote: ORIGINAL:valkyriesdaughte Like it or not, your Dom/me has to deal with the vanilla world, We ALL have to deal with the vanilla world, Dom and sub. quote: ORIGINAL:valkyriesdaughte Look at yourself, and what you are doing to contribute to the relationship financially. I, as do many other submissives here, work for a living. In my case I am the main breadwinner. Master runs a business which is in a start up phase and it is only now starting to break even. His business was in fact funded by MY money. As I am a Finance Director it is me that controls the money in our relationship even though I am the submissive. I even control the finance of his business. It does not make him any less Dominant in the relationship but he recognises that I am the best person to do that given my understanding of Finance. quote: ORIGINAL:valkyriesdaughte Instead of spending money on your manicures, and pedicures and such, buy the supplies at a discount store and do your own. Even kinky toys and clothes can be made or improvised with a little effort and very little, if any money.(The fabric/craft section at Walmart can be a treasure mine of useful things). Bottom lime- ask your self what your Dom/me will see you as in 5, 10, 20 years- merely a pretty playting past their prime; or a loyal servant and partner, who has brought happiness to them? Put a bit of effort into making their life and home pleasant, instead of focusing on yourself, and the answer will be clear. So are you suggesting that those of us that spend the time to get our hair and nails done are not loyal partners? Money or the lack of it has nothing to do with how you serve as a submissive. I know that I have brought my Master happiness and that I am a good submissive as far as he is concerned but it has nothing to do with the amount of money we have or don't have. It is all about attitude and how you show him your submission. It seems that you have an issue regarding money and seem to be focusing on this rather than the relationship behind it.

Rayne58 -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 3:55:13 AM)
LOL....Master has to order me to spend money on myself [:D] I tend to be very frugal with money. My ex husband didn't like me spending "his" money (we ran a business together) on myself and over 20 years of this is a hard habit to break. I don't need flash clothes or lots of shoes. Most of my wardrobe is bought on sale and yes I do go to thrift shops. I have a nice pair of boots I got for $15. Ebay is another place I haunt, lots of bargains there. I have no desire to "keep up with the Joneses". So many of the expensive things I see in magazines are ugly and tacky anyway [:'(] Two days ago He "spoiled" me by paying for my newest tattoo ($AU200 worth). He also bought me flowers yesterday. I feel so special and extremely happy [:D]

sleazybutterfly -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 3:58:59 AM)
I work every bit as hard as my M does, so if I earn a little extra here and there, I will treat myself. I fully treat him also though, with things I know he enjoys, from a nice meal, to a little gift. We are not rich by any means, but we aren't totally poor either. I do like having nice things, but that doesn't mean they have to be expensive. I like my nails done, hair..all of that, but I go to a local beauty school instead (I love the pedicures). M knows I won't spend beyond our means, and I am the one that keeps track of bills and the accounts. I don't really notice others comparing things like you talk about. I am sure there are gold-diggers in bdsm, but there are outside of it also. Being in this won't change the core type of person you are in the vanilla world. My M has clean clothes, food in his belly, cigs to smoke, and nice house to come home to everyday..not to mention a kick-ass slave to love, or beat the crap out of at his whim [;)]. I don't think that is a bad way to live at all, and if a little pampering here and there makes things even better, I don't think it's anyones place to judge that.

MissyRane -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 4:01:52 AM)
...no wonder it ended up in divorce[:D][:D][:D] ahemouch

Areflectionofyou -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 4:03:38 AM)
i spoil my Master any way i can, because he treats me so well.

sleazybutterfly -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 4:04:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rayne58 LOL....Master has to order me to spend money on myself [:D] I tend to be very frugal with money. I read this and thought of myself. I hated buying myself things at first, or treating myself. M would have to make me go and do it, or sit and convince me that I deserved it and it was okay. As you can see, I am a bit better about it now, but I know that I work very hard at every single thing I do, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying my life sometimes also. (it took a bit to convince me of that, poor M) They don't have to be expensive things, it's more just doing something you enjoy (like the pedicures). I am sure when I feel good, it does make me a better slave and more pleasant to be with. I feel more sexy, more sensual, that in turn makes me a hory li'l slut, which in the end makes a very happy M.[;)]

BeingChewsie -> RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise (6/16/2007 4:46:41 AM)
This should go back to compatibility. quote: ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte First of all - yes, this is a RANT!!!!!! But if you make it through to the end, you just might learn a thing or two. Although a relative newcomer to this world, I have 17 years of a vanilla marriage to my credit; and some things are universal. It seems that many "subs/slaves" want to play one upmanship- "My Dom/me buys me this and this and this", or "How come Daddy doesn't get me all the toys I want". First and foremost- QUIT WHINING! "Stuff" is just that- stuff. No relationship that ever survived was built on stuff. Before worrying about what you don't have or want or what someone else has, consider all you do have: Are you fed, clothed, sheltered? Are provisions made for your health and safety? Those are basic needs, everything else can be worked around. Now on to the "stuff"- Wants and Needs are 2 very different things, maybe you would like new appliances/furniture/cars/clothes/etc, but do you need them? If what you have is adequately servicable, quit worrying about it. Like it or not, your Dom/me has to deal with the vanilla world, and STUFF costs money- cold hard cash. There may be a whole host of reasons your Dom/me doesn't buy you the same presents your little sub friends get, or everything you think you deserve. None of which are any of your business, unless your Dom/me chooses to share them. It wouldn't hurt you to think a little on your own though- pick up a newspaer. The economy sucks. Your Dom/me may work in a field that is insecure, and may wish to save for a possible rainy day, they may have had to change careers/jobs, and are still recovering from the financial setback. They may be paying child or spousal support from a previous relationship, or paying off the debt left after a divorce, etc. Medical bills, previous debt, student loans. The list goes on. Or they may simply be frugal, and forego immediate gratification for a long term goal- home ownership, retirement saving, childrens education, etc. It doesn't really matter. To top it off- housing, food, utilities, and transportation all have to be provided for on a regular basis. You have what you have, make the most of it. Look at yourself, and what you are doing to contribute to the relationship financially. Do you immediately spend your "allowance" on yourself, shop at the mall, and eat out frequently? Try downscaling. Even the most humble dwelling can be made into a home, a welcoming sanctuary for your Dom/me with a little effort and creativity on your part, for very little money. Try thrift stores, Dollar stores, garage sales, and clearance racks. Be patient- you may not find everything you want at once; and you may also find interesting touches you didn't think of. Be creative. A nice table cloth ( real cloth) and a couple of pretty towels will instantly brighten any kitchen, a matching bath and hand towel in the bathroom is a nice touch, everybody likes plants, real or fake, decorative candles; an afghan from the thrift store over the sofa is nice and homey. (I bought 4 new fake greenerys in planters- for $1.99 each off the clearance shelf in the back of Meijers last week, along with a nice collection of 3 candles, and a set of votive holders filled with those colored bead rocks from the aqauarium section- the whole collection was less than $12.00. Every pair of my dress slacks came from the thrift store for $2.99 apiece, the afghans were 5 bucks apiece from the thrift store, and I have the most perfect set of embroidered sheets- on clearance for less than $20.00. Years ago, I once made a baby dresser out of 2 cardboard boxes stacked, with a piece of cloth over the top and cut up the front. Functional, and better than using the plain boxes- we were REALLY poor at the time! Neccessity is the mother of invention, be creative). You could also learn to make your Dom/me tasty, yet inexpensive meals. There are many things that take only minmal cooking skills to make, and are quite good. Love is a wonderful seasoning. If you can't boil water- ask around, most people are happy to share their recipes and tips, along with shopping hints. Make friends with the stay at home Mom with several children- they are the queens of grocery sale shopping and cheap cooking. Instead of spending money on your manicures, and pedicures and such, buy the supplies at a discount store and do your own. Even kinky toys and clothes can be made or improvised with a little effort and very little, if any money.(The fabric/craft section at Walmart can be a treasure mine of useful things). Bottom lime- ask your self what your Dom/me will see you as in 5, 10, 20 years- merely a pretty playting past their prime; or a loyal servant and partner, who has brought happiness to them? Put a bit of effort into making their life and home pleasant, instead of focusing on yourself, and the answer will be clear.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

6.640625E-02