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what triggers the switch? - 6/16/2007 4:04:50 PM

Phin

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Recently I was asked what triggers me to switch from top to bottom or vice versa. I could not come up with a quick answer and gave the subject some thought. For me, switching is as easy as flipping on a light switch. It can be something someones says or the lyrics to a song.

If I am in a particularly submissive mood and have been asked to top someone in a scene, I will take practice swings with a flogger or pop in the right CD. Opiate from Tool usualy throws me streight into top mode. For those that are not Tool fans the song starts, "Choices have always been a problem for you, what you need is someone strong to guide you, like me." Often I will warm up a sub to that song and follow it by Closer by Nine Inch Nails to establish a good rythm.

There are songs that have the exact oppisate effect. There is a local band here named Nephilym, one songs starts out "She broke the silence with fingernails down new skin." I shuddered the first time I heard that.

Does anyone else switch as easily as I do? What are some of your triggers if you need help with the switch?

Thanks,
Phin

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/16/2007 5:31:32 PM

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I'm not a switch, but curiously enough the two D/s relationship I've really established have been with switches. Both of them said that they usually play off the energy that the person they are with puts forward. I don't know how common this is. Since I very naturally put forward a submissive vibe around *anyone* - kinky or not - those who have any inclination to be dominant in a relationship will pick up on that when we are pursuing a relationship together.

(in reply to Phin)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/17/2007 12:24:19 AM

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For me it is easy. I am sexually submissive to my Master/husband, so he triggers the switch. Towards others I am Domme.
:))
LH

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/17/2007 7:11:22 AM

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iT'S A GUT FEELING!!... FOR ME ATLEAST.

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/18/2007 2:25:15 AM

Dini

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This is some food for thought… I cant give any definite answer.. it depends on the person I am with.. As a general rule I am as someone ells put is “Queen Bitch” and my general catch phrase is “I’m a Bitch ..deal with it” but … and it is a big but… given the right time and place, and a Dom/me with the right “chemistry” it is not very difficult to find my triggers and drop me right down into subspace.
The important thing is the Dom/mes original approach and there attitude… I am very strong willed, and they need to respect me as a Domme before I would even consider submitting… I find that I respond very well to someone who can not only Dominate me on a physical, but win me over on a intellectual level.

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/18/2007 11:27:44 AM

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Thanks for posting this! It's not only interesting but I've actually been having difficulty switching out of being dominant of late and was wondering how to switch back... and it used to be very easy for me... Having a quick think about it though and came up with a few things...

* music - anything with a hard core feel and beat gets me in a dominant mood
* my mood
* my partner's mood / energy / way she looks at me
* what my day has been like - eg have I been responsible all day and just want to give it up
* going out on the scene usually makes me go all subby
* clothes - sometimes the clothes I wear can have a big impact, especially if there's a bit of thought and ritual going into it and especially if I start getting told what to wear... I guess it sets the scene...
* playing things over in my head - I mean if I've been thinking / reading / talking a lot about things which place me in a particular role I stay in that role for a while
* doing something that makes me feel powerful - eg driving fast, having a really successful moment whatever it is
* being in a position that makes me feel powerless - eg having no money, things going pear shaped at work
* having a really lovey dovey night / few days makes me feel subby

Probably think of more but that'll do for now...

(in reply to Dini)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/19/2007 7:42:54 AM

daxsrubrfckdoll

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when it comes to switching it's like a lotto for me... i will never know how i am going to feel until i wake up....

as for triggers
- people do it for me.. if i interact with certain people they bring out my dom or submissive side and i get into which ever role
- music is a huge influence... when you mentioned tool, i smiled to myself.. maynard does things to people hahaha his new project puscifer and the song: rev 22 20 gets me all in the dom mood

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/20/2007 2:17:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilacs

I'm not a switch, but curiously enough the two D/s relationship I've really established have been with switches. Both of them said that they usually play off the energy that the person they are with puts forward. I don't know how common this is. Since I very naturally put forward a submissive vibe around *anyone* - kinky or not - those who have any inclination to be dominant in a relationship will pick up on that when we are pursuing a relationship together.

I think this is a fairly adequate description of what determines which way the wind blows. However, I'd want to add one important word to it. "Relative" A person may seem outwardly assertive or dominant in a crowd, but I don't automatically switch to bottom mode; the person has to be naturally dominant or submissive relative to me to trigger a response. There are just some people that, no matter how much they shout and stomp, don't strike me as dominant people. In addition, I suppose, I don't often encounter people that seem relatively dominant to me, so my sub side is almost always switched Off.

(in reply to lilacs)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/20/2007 10:11:24 PM

YesMistressIrish

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Phin,

Thanks for the great topic! I am very curious about this phenomenon for male subs/slaves. So, I'm pulling up a comfy chair and am going to sit back and listen to everyone...

Miss Irish

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/21/2007 6:49:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

Phin,

Thanks for the great topic! I am very curious about this phenomenon for male subs/slaves. So, I'm pulling up a comfy chair and am going to sit back and listen to everyone...

Miss Irish

From this submissive switch's POV, there are many factors which "trigger" if I I'll submit or dominant.
Instinctual feeling regarding my play partner,
How I am feeling at the time, emotionally, physically and menatlly,
If my play partner is a top, naturally I will switch to submissiness and vice versa.
In certain types of play, I automatically want to switch to being submissive.
My own headspace and what I want and/or need at the time.
And yes, music will have an influence on my mindset and can trigger whether I will be dominant or submissive or a combo of both.

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/21/2007 4:21:41 PM

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I dont have switchy feelings to someone. i either get the top or bottom vibe, but so far, not experienced a relationship where ive got both vibes at differing times.
Wouldnt that be fantastic though! lol

(in reply to beargonewild)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/21/2007 4:42:47 PM

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wow, i can really relate to yrstocollar's list of triggers.although, i've been leaning more on the submissive side lately and wanting to switch back to being more Dom. I sing alot and now realize how the types/subjects of songs can make me feel one way or the other. I get into the character of the original singer. Also, how you dress makes a difference on how you feel. But, if in contact with a person, it's the vibes that i feel from them.

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/21/2007 11:53:15 PM

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For M/me, it has nothing to do with extrinsic factors and everything to do with intrinsic ones. It's about what I know about the people and what they mean to me. But then I don't switch as such, now my sub side has found a Master she loves and loves to serve, that's reserved entirely for Him. To others I am Domme. Should I end up with a sub/slave 24/7 then I shall happily live as a duality, always both sub to Master and Domme to My boy/girl. That's how I will be most satisfied, most fulfilled.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/23/2007 2:40:26 AM

Dini

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
Should I end up with a sub/slave 24/7 then I shall happily live as a duality, always both sub to Master and Domme to My boy/girl. That's how I will be most satisfied, most fulfilled.

I can fully relate... I tried switching to one partner for a while and in the beginning it was amazing but in the long run it did lead to frustrations on both sides since we were both very Dominant personalities. I have now made the conscious decision to keep the One I submit to and my boy separate …

(in reply to MaamJay)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/24/2007 1:57:10 AM

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as a newbie, this topic is great! thanks! I usually just find that I have different moods, and they change like nothing as well. One minute i can be verbally humilating someone, the next, i'm getting verbally humilated... lol.

My usual triggers are whatever my Mentors want me to do that day.... lol. Nonetheless, I do have triggers that bring about thoughts of wanting to do more than the other like music, erotica stories, and my short attention span... lol

< Message edited by switchdidi -- 6/24/2007 1:58:05 AM >

(in reply to Dini)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/24/2007 6:59:26 AM

ExquisiteFeline

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HI *waves* I am a newbe on this site also. I am yet to introduce myself in the intro forum. But I am still finding my way.

For me, some of the Triggers I am aware of: (not in any order)

sub; Response *I*
respect, admire, have fondness, love, have desire to please, trust, have devotion, lust, serve, have duty, have responsibilty, have loyalty, am virtuous, nurture...

Dom; Action *I am*
Leadership, Nurturing, Morality, Self respecting, Believing, Protecting, Defending, Authority, Duty, Responsibilty, Dignity, Righteousness, Justice, Ambitious, Taking stance, Firm Kindness...

(Slave; Reaction *I am clutched by*
confusion, fear, addiction, self disrespect, need, yearning, immoral, control, abuse, desire, lust, envy, jealousy, confinement, deception, self hate, self harm... )

And there are likely to be many many more definitions of these. Some of the same terms are acceptable in different roles but if you apply the right tone it makes sense.
As you can see I would not like to consider myself a slave, and I dislike it when if I do slip into behaviors. to me slavery is negative.

Great discussion!!! Thanks for bringing it up!

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RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/25/2007 9:26:37 AM

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At this time I only feel submissive towards my current partner.
That makes me Dominant to all other males at this time.
I can only be submissive with men that I have known a long time, love and trust.
So it is easy for me to switch.

(in reply to Phin)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 6/25/2007 9:29:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dini

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
Should I end up with a sub/slave 24/7 then I shall happily live as a duality, always both sub to Master and Domme to My boy/girl. That's how I will be most satisfied, most fulfilled.

I can fully relate... I tried switching to one partner for a while and in the beginning it was amazing but in the long run it did lead to frustrations on both sides since we were both very Dominant personalities. I have now made the conscious decision to keep the One I submit to and my boy separate …

Dini, this is how I feel.
It is not easy for me to switch on and off like a light bulb.
I prefer to keep the one I submit to separate than anyone I want to dominate.

(in reply to Dini)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 7/2/2007 3:24:26 PM

dirtyfilthyedmg

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I've wondered this about myself... what are these things in myself that trigger a change from Dominant to submissive? I have a feeling that it comes from the interaction between the other person and what vibe they're giving off but it's been so long since I've had that kind of interaction that I don't know anymore. With a man, it's easier for me to just be submissive but with a woman, her style often defines how Dominant or submissive I feel. Generally, I have these feelings within a vanilla relationship and have to suppress them.

(in reply to RaynaSub)

RE: what triggers the switch? - 7/2/2007 7:18:10 PM

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triggers for the switch? Usualy the people who I am around the most in my life rub off on me and bring out my dom or sub side. Music can also affect my mood and put me into either dom or sub space. I listen to metal most of the time. I find it empowering and quite often helps to bring me in to dom-space faster when sceneing. Other melower forms of music(ie. Down Tempo, Ambient, New Wave ect.) help me drift in to sub-space. Sometimes I just wake up in either a dominate or submissive mood for the day.

< Message edited by Sklaveneinheit -- 7/2/2007 7:19:17 PM >

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