Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in D/s? maybe poly can solve the problem?

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Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in D/s?... - 6/16/2007 9:05:18 PM

Renal

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

Post #: 1

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:07:32 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal

Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

mmmmmmm, yes you do have much to learn....

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:14:28 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal
Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

.....From what I can decipher (which is not much), you seem to be saying that D/s is a game because those in a D/s relationship crave more excitement than their relationship can ever produce or sustain and that a lifelong D/s relationship is very unrealistic. Hmmmmmm........yep, I definitely "oppose" that

. I don't really have the time or energy to explain it but, suffice to say, that is definitely not the case for all of us. FYI - it's not a game, I have more excitement than I've ever had and it shows no signs of diminishing, and we're definitely in this thing for life. If you think D/s isn't going to work, "going poly" REALLY isn't going to work. If you can't have a successful relationship with one person, what makes you think adding a few more is going to change anything? That would just create more of the same problems, wouldn't it? (That's a rhetorical question by the way and the answer is "yes, it certainly would")..........slave luci

****edited for punctuation****

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 6/16/2007 9:16:19 PM >

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(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:16:32 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal

Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

Whatever relationship someone finds themselves in wether D/s or vanilla..you are still dealing with human beings. There are long term relationships in D/s and vanilla and there are short term ones in both as well..the common denominator will always be YOU in that relationship. So hence if you seek long term and you work at it very hard in either vanilla or D/s then it will be up to you,and your partner, as to its longevity.And as KnightofMists stated..you seem to have much to learn..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:17:11 PM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

consider yourself "opposed"

and I echo what luci said.

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:39:04 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Yeah Have to say I totaly dissagree, why do people seem to think that people inot D/s are sooo different from others???
We arent a different breed of humen we just like different things like everyone els.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MamaDomme)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:49:28 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.

Our 39 yrs of marraige isn't yet a lifetime but it's working and still exciting because we continually explore new ideas.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 9:59:52 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal

Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

'
Unfortunately you can't tell that something is a lifetime committment until one of the two people are dead. But there are certainly several long term ds/ms couples on the boards (including myself and my owner).

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 10:15:04 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

To the OP: Do you know there is only about a 50% chance of a "typical" marriage making it?

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 10:23:10 PM

SensualPassion41

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

Being a submissive is not a game to me, it is my nature, it is who I am. I serve Master with all that I am and all that I will be. The relationship requires work, just as any other relationship does. Maybe you get bored in your relationships and they don't last because you approach them as a game.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/16/2007 11:39:14 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Your initial premise is wrong "people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything" therefore your conclussion " as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic." must also be flawed.

TWo flaws in the first premise D/s is about the mental craving for structure, It has little to nothing to do with the physical and it's not the stimulation but the structure that is at the center of the issue, and second flaw being "More than anything else" anything is a huge word, It's not hard to find a number of things people into M/s crave more than a M/s relationship hell the boards are full of failed relationships that prove there are things that outweigh M/s and D/s in many people's minds.

When you clarify what is craved "structure" then itbecomes obvious that D/s is entirely compatable with long term and even lifetime relationships.

(in reply to SensualPassion41)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 1:33:55 AM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Dang..so that's what i've been doing wrong! I've been playing a game for 30 years. Well, not a life time...but i'd say a relationship lasting almost 10 years would fall into a long term catagory. And no dear, it had nothing..ok, maybe some...but not all with stimulation. That can be fun depending on how ya get it.

Yup.....ya got lots to learn.

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 8:13:16 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal

Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.

quote bolded to make a point - says who ...you? how do you know this? where are your data to support this one-sided opinion from someone who does not have a Dom. Daddy and i don't treat our D/s relationship as a silly child's game. so if you feel BDSM is a merely the sexual kink of the month for you, that's your pov however for most us, we take it seriously. oh btw we'll be celebrating our 1st anniversary - so for all intents and purposes, we (and probably like many other lifetime committed couples) have defied your bias pov. our committed relationship does offer excitement, stimulation and romance that you unfortunately will not understand.

.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 11:26:09 AM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

There are so many things that I could say about this but, somethings are just too absurd to even bother with. This entire passage is, in my view, one of the most absurd I have ever read. If this is how you really feel (and, since you say that you haven't "had a Dom", I don't know how you came up with this) but, maybe it would be best for you to avoid getting involved in a D/s relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal

Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 4:42:02 PM

ProfJoe

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

I won't repeat what everyone else has basically said and that I agree with them rather than your notion that seems to be based on the ancient idea that "boys" (dominant in this case) "will be boys" and that "boys can't help themselves" and other crapola.

I do agree that we all want to be excited. Heck, who doesn't? But that's not what life, or even this life, is about soooo ....

I do suggest you begin to learn, and fast.

Sounds to me like you've found yourself one of those wannabe HNGs who is trying to convince you that to fulfill your submissive desires you have to put up with his tomcat BS.

Yes, there is "swapping" in the BDSM ... but that's because there are people who want to do it, not because it's BDSM. If you don't like that idea, I recommend two steps:

a) get rid of your idea that "all men are like that"
b) get rid of the man who is trying to feed you a line of hogwash.

BDSM is a way of expressing your SELF. If you can't do it with one person, find someone who speaks your language.

Respectfully, Prof. Joe

(in reply to NControlofU)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 5:35:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal
Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

What you describe here does indeed happen all the time. People want THE KINK so much that that's really all they care about. And relationships can't be sustained on kink alone, so they drift in and out- and often in a few years even burn out completely.

However, that doesn't mean everyone is like that, or that they are like that forever.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 6:27:20 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renal

Its more like a game even if its in a D/s relationship, people who are into D/s crave for stimulation(physically and mentally) more than anything, obviously a life time commitment relaitonship cant offer this kind of excitement, so its not uncommon to see D/s relationships fail in a couple of years or months while the fresh stimulation is no more existing.
Its sad to me, as Im a sub, and I do want a life time commitment in D/s, which seems very unrealistic.
maybe being poly can kind of solve the problem, when being in a bigger family, Doms always feel a lot better, and subs wont be replaced too quickly.
Im not sure if its the fact, Im new here, and I havent had a Dom. so feel free to oppose to me... hehe...

I'm not an infatuation junkie. I like the intensity of emotion that long term relationships bring. I love intensity in bed. SM supplies that. I love obedience. D/s allows me to be obedient to the nth degree. So, to me, I'd say you need to rethink this a bit.

juliet

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 6:44:17 PM

missbehaeven

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline

~waves~
Greetings everyone,
I'd like a committed relationship, and believe it no more likely to succeed or fail because of any single dynamic.
A D/s relationship is no different than any other type of relationship that will go through phases of high and low.
There are more issues that affect my responses and emotions at any given time in a relationship than physical stimulation and excitement(or lack thereof)... such as work fatigue, family issues, financial stresses, etc.
If my potential mate and I can deal with those we'll be stronger in all aspects, and likely to succeed, and not just on a physical/excitement level.
Have a safe Monday, all...miss

(in reply to Renal)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 7:12:33 PM

JerryInTampa

Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline

The OP seems trolling to me.

(in reply to missbehaeven)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it unrealistic to have a lifetime commitment in ... - 6/17/2007 7:23:06 PM

Hiskat

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

I disagree too . It is my humble opinion that relationships be it BDSM, vanilla, monogamous, or poly are based on a solid foundation which should involve an emense amount of trust and respect.

_____________________________

Releasal of fear = freedom of thought

~me~

(in reply to JerryInTampa)

Post #: 20

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