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A question - 6/4/2005 10:23:05 AM

SweetDommes

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I'm sure that this has been talked to death a number of times, but I'm having some trouble reconciling a few things and I'm looking for any advice at all on how to deal with them.

I'm a Domme, I always have been, I always will be ... to most people. But there are a few (very very few) that bring out the submissive side of me until the Domme side is so overwhelmed that it can take days to get back to "normal." The issue at hand at the moment is that one of the people who makes me feel submissive is Holly. It's not really a problem, except that I have trouble switching back and forth and our boy lives with us ... so I'm either getting into trouble for mouthing off to Holly, or our boy doesn't feel dominated enough by me because I'm still in "sub-mode" ...

That's basically all at this point ... any thoughts out there that might help me out?

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RE: A question - 6/4/2005 8:52:56 PM

SweetDommes

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Hmm... I really didn't intend to kill the board, but it seems that I did ... sorry everyone.

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RE: A question - 6/5/2005 8:50:16 PM

MsSilvie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I'm sure that this has been talked to death a number of times, but I'm having some trouble reconciling a few things and I'm looking for any advice at all on how to deal with them.

I'm a Domme, I always have been, I always will be ... to most people. But there are a few (very very few) that bring out the submissive side of me until the Domme side is so overwhelmed that it can take days to get back to "normal." The issue at hand at the moment is that one of the people who makes me feel submissive is Holly. It's not really a problem, except that I have trouble switching back and forth and our boy lives with us ... so I'm either getting into trouble for mouthing off to Holly, or our boy doesn't feel dominated enough by me because I'm still in "sub-mode" ...

That's basically all at this point ... any thoughts out there that might help me out?

Personally, I don't equate mouthing off with either dominance or submission. I would also be a little concerned if I felt I needed to assume some kind of role with anyone who shares a part of my life. Role playing is one thing in a scene, but everyone goes back to being himself or herself, which is where the relationship is built. I'm not "the Domme" or "the sub" in any relationship, even in the casual friendships I've developed that have a bdsm foundation. I'm always just me.

I would start by talking with everyone involved and seeing what makes sense to do. You don't always have to be in one role or another. A part of any relationship is just being supportive of each other, even when the other person may be acting like a bit of a stinker.

< Message edited by MsSilvie -- 6/5/2005 8:55:30 PM >

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RE: A question - 6/8/2005 3:36:53 PM

Mia1978

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Sounds like there are certain things that set you off (enough to "mouth-off and feel less powerful). Am I right? If you find that you are "reacting" to a situation and you get riled-up about something, then you need to discipline your mind to not react, but instead to lead your mind elsewhere. For instance, my older brother always used to irritate the hell out of me by insisting that he could prove 1+1 did NOT equal 2, and that Hitler was the smartest man that ever lived. Oh my!!! I would get so upset and would turn into a fighter to prove he was wrong, and after it all was said and done, I was angry, exhuasted, and all that arguing didn't change anything about either of us.

I soon discovered that instead of letting him get the best of me, I would take the stance (in my mind) to "agree to disagree" and would leave the discussion with a smile because he has the right to think and feel whatever he wanted, and I didn't want to turn into a stressed out angry person.

I don't know what it is about Holly that turns you subby, but if you can focus in on it and control how you respond to those situations by leading your mind somewhere else, then you may conquer yourself and never turn into a sub again.

If you are Holly's sub, and Boy's Dom (oh my, what a perdicament!), then maybe some alone time after a session can help you meditate and re-focuss before having an encouter with the other. Taking 5 or 10 min for yourself can help you regroup, especially if you can find a specific thing to focuss on that allows you to re-center and get in touch with both sides of yourself). ;) hopefully

I hope I understood your post right. If I went down the wrong assumptions here, I do apologize and welcom clearification.

Mia

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RE: A question - 6/9/2005 9:59:14 AM

SweetDommes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mia1978

If you are Holly's sub, and Boy's Dom (oh my, what a perdicament!),

This is the situation, and I don't intend to change it so that I'm no longer sub to Holly ... I dont' want to (if I did, I wouldn't have put on the collar that she gave me).

The problem is that it's not just in an "scene" that I am submissive to her, and I often don't have any time between interactions with them because we all three live together.

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RE: A question - 6/9/2005 10:19:04 AM

sarbonn

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I don't really see a problem unless you let it be one. I was in the same kind of relationship once as the low level submissive. My Mistress was submissive to another Domme. She just sat me down one day and told me that she serves THAT woman, and that I am my Mistress's slave. There never ended up being a problem, and at one point, my Mistress's Mistress found no problem telling me what to do when my Mistress wasn't around, and it wasn't a problem. It was awkward at first, but with communication you get through it and sometimes it can end up being pretty cool.

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