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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 9:44:59 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
;) i'll protect you!!!!!   Seriously, luci it was a very valid point... one i personally appreciated.  Although i am almost always one of the one's that jumps on the cheating is never good bandwagon, i truly appreciated that what you said is true.  It is ok to damn a cheater, but heaven forbid we damn someone who has openly admitted to being deemed mentally incompetent. 

Thanks for the offer of protection.  I don't think that'll be necessary because I'm sure people will see the intent I have in making this post.  I'm not saying cheating is good.  Anytime deception is involved, that is never a positive thing.  My whole point is why is cheating so unacceptable and damnable, as you say, when nothing else ever is?  As for the mentally incompetent situation.....it's not the person who is mentally incompetent that I would feel deserving of any damnation.  But someone who would take advantage of or abuse such a person certainly is in my book.  I'm sure there would be those who would totally disagree and that's fine.  But some of those same people would probably hang this cheating dom that this thread is about or the sub who got involved with him.  Thus my question about why is infidelity considered so very much worse than anything else people talk about around here and can never be questioned about?............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 9:47:26 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe it is because 'we' (generic use here) hold trust and honesty as a very important part of WIITWD.  Just my thoughts on it.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 9:53:11 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Isn't it obvious?  It's because they've been cheated on.

That was exactly my first thought but.........I have been cheated on as well and I don't have these same feelings.  That doesn't explain everyone's motivations. 

quote:

Also, you have to remember that something between two consenting adults is between two consenting adults, but cheating is between two consenting adults and some other adult who doesn't know what's going on.  It's not comparable

Again, a thought I've already had.  That partially explains it but, as I said, we don't know the "nonconsenting" party in these posts when a cheating situation is mentioned.  I could see if someone cheated on my sister or my best friend - I'd damn well be indignant for her sake.  But to get so worked up over a total stranger in the same situation?  It doesn't seem to happen when we discuss innocent third parties in other situations.  Therefore, I was just really curious why it is that cheating specifically gets such a reaction.

quote:

Look, I'm also turned off by all the self-righteous condemnation; it's human nature at its worst.  But you can at least understood why people feel the way they do

Yes, I do understand and agree with what you've said above.  It's not like those thoughts didn't occur to me.  I still just don't think it explains all the rage toward cheaters.  From a community of people who pride themselves on never batting an eye at another person's kinks and lifestyle choices, I just find it very out of the ordinary that something as common as infidelity garners such anger and outrage.  Thanks for your reply............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 9:54:20 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		if i was going to drive 5 hours for anyone, i would absolutely want to know that the guy is both untrustworthy, and duplicitous. five hours in a car is a long time.

if i was going to swear my life to any one, and bear his children, i would absolutely want/need to know that my partner, is not only untrustworthy, not only duplicitous, but also potentially exposing me to fatal disease. fatal diseases can KILL you.

as for getting in to his drama? you are not, you are simply telling the truth and then turning your back.

he made the choice this was an acceptable, foreseeable risk when he put his penis in you.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 9:56:54 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
Maybe it is because 'we' (generic use here) hold trust and honesty as a very important part of WIITWD.  Just my thoughts on it.

Yes!  That makes sense and could very well be the explanation for many who find cheating so offensive and unacceptable.  Because, in WIITWD specifically, honesty and trust are so vital.  People who have been involved long-term and are used to expecting those traits in another would almost certainly be especially angered to hear about a violation of them.  Ok....good answer and one I hadn't specifically hit on before sending the post......thanks alot.........luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 9:58:05 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
I am simply very curious as to why the topic of cheaters brings forth such a fervor when every other thing that adults do together is supposed to be cool?
luci


Why? In a word it's consent. In all of the other activities that, as you put it, adults do together, there is knowledgeable consent by the parties involved. But I have my doubts that this man's wife consented to a marriage where her husband engages in intimate activities with other women. Also, what about the fact that his cheating behind his wife's back will bring her emotional pain when she finds out? In any situation where there are lies or some form of deceit, it's definitely not cool.

That's my take on it! :)



(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:02:53 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD
Why? In a word it's consent. In all of the other activities that, as you put it, adults do together, there is knowledgeable consent by the parties involved. But I have my doubts that this man's wife consented to a marriage where her husband engages in intimate activities with other women.

Excellent point and I think you've probably summed up most people's thoughts on this.

quote:

Also, what about the fact that his cheating behind his wife's back will bring her emotional pain when she finds out? In any situation where there are lies or some form of deceit, it's definitely not cool.

Yes, I said something similar earlier.  I don't condone deceit.  I was just curious as to the level of anger cheating brings out here.  I think what you said about there being a lack of consent by the third party may very well be the explanation I was looking for.  Thank you.........luci



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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:06:25 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Has any one considered yet telling his wife and this other submissive would just be dismissed as her being a loony person who he rejected and now she's on the war path? Just because she warns them, if she does won't mean she'll be believed, most likely the opisit story.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD


Trust me, his unsuspecting girlfriend will want to know.





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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:13:12 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why? In a word it's consent. In all of the other activities that, as you put it, adults do together, there is knowledgeable consent by the parties involved. But I have my doubts that this man's wife consented to a marriage where her husband engages in intimate activities with other women. Also, what about the fact that his cheating behind his wife's back will bring her emotional pain when she finds out? In any situation where there are lies or some form of deceit, it's definitely not cool.


It's not just the wife who stands to be hurt here.  The sub is equally at risk.
 
In late 1999, I fell in love with a married man.  I was head-over-heels, hopelessly in love with this man.  He lived a state away from me, and we met online.  He was a police officer.  He wrote the most incredible poetry for me.  He sent me pics of himself and his children.  We met for dinner halfway across the state.  We made plans for me to move.  We designed my collar, and one night at dinner he took it out and showed it to me, telling me that one day soon it would be around my neck forever.   The only thing we didn't do was sleep together.
 
Then, I discovered he was married.  Many tears were shed on both sides before all was said and done.  I cried every night for months - over the betrayal, over the loss, over my own inability to see what should have been right in front of my face.  It's been almost eight years, and I'm happily married to the Kaptin now, yet there is still a small part of me that mourns that relationship. 

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:16:26 PM   
TinkerHell


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Isn't it obvious?  It's because they've been cheated on.


 
In the case of the OP... I think it was the whole "wife at home with the kids" thing that set people off especially when the whole I know he's married should I warn the other subbie thing gets added into the mix.    
 
I've never actually had someone cheat on me, my disgust for the situation begins and ends with the lying. 

quote:


Also, you have to remember that something between two consenting adults is between two consenting adults, but cheating is between two consenting adults and some other adult who doesn't know what's going on.  It's not comparable.  Look, I'm also turned off by all the self-righteous condemnation; it's human nature at its worst.  



I think that we can put our heads together and come up with better examples of human nature at its worse... righteous indignation and condemnation are pretty low on the scale of the worst things that human beings are capable of. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

There's nothing I can list here that someone won't defend as totally fine between consenting adults....unless perhaps it happens to be "cheating" and then the low-down, dirty dog, pond scum sunzabitches need to be schooled on just how to act.  Why is that and just what is it about cheating that makes people so angry and self-righteous when none of the other acts discussed here seem to have the same effect?





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"My land is bare of chattering folk; the clouds
are low along the ridges, and sweet's the air
with curling smoke from all my burning bridges." ~ Dorothy Parker

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:18:58 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		feline,

who cares how she is thought of? she is Audi anyway....and if she is not believed...so what?

it will not effect her one bit one way or the other, and hardly of consequence.... unlike the alternative of her not telling, that, she will have to justify for the rest of her life...and because what comes around goes around, she may find herself in a situation where she is betrayed in busness, life or love, and finds herself saying to her friend, coworker or aquaintence...."you knew but did not tell me? how could you?????????"



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:32:07 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
Maybe it is because 'we' (generic use here) hold trust and honesty as a very important part of WIITWD.  Just my thoughts on it.

Yes!  That makes sense and could very well be the explanation for many who find cheating so offensive and unacceptable.  Because, in WIITWD specifically, honesty and trust are so vital.  People who have been involved long-term and are used to expecting those traits in another would almost certainly be especially angered to hear about a violation of them.  Ok....good answer and one I hadn't specifically hit on before sending the post......thanks alot.........luci


I'm going to ditto that it's about honesty and trust. What happens between consenting adults is their own business....but when it requires lying and breaking vows and harming an innocent third party, then to me that is a horrible, heinous thing to do.


_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:42:26 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think self-righteousness explains most of the loathsome things people do.  People will steal if they think they can get away with it, and will usually kill if they feel they have to--but self-righteousness is necessary for the really large-scale deadly stuff.  When people are convinced that they're right, head for cover.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TinkerHell

quote:


Also, you have to remember that something between two consenting adults is between two consenting adults, but cheating is between two consenting adults and some other adult who doesn't know what's going on.  It's not comparable.  Look, I'm also turned off by all the self-righteous condemnation; it's human nature at its worst.  


I think that we can put our heads together and come up with better examples of human nature at its worse... righteous indignation and condemnation are pretty low on the scale of the worst things that human beings are capable of. 

(in reply to TinkerHell)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 10:53:58 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why? In a word it's consent. In all of the other activities that, as you put it, adults do together, there is knowledgeable consent by the parties involved. But I have my doubts that this man's wife consented to a marriage where her husband engages in intimate activities with other women. Also, what about the fact that his cheating behind his wife's back will bring her emotional pain when she finds out? In any situation where there are lies or some form of deceit, it's definitely not cool.


Wait a minute.  Clarification, please.   Do you think that it is impossible for a married woman to consent to her husband having "intimate activities" with others?  Is that concept per se impossible in your mind?  Or are you merely saying in the case outlined by the OP, you don't think this guy had been honest with his wife?

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 11:28:27 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		um E, (aloha btw) i am guessing she said that because of the whole "dont tell this new girl i am married" thing.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 11:46:11 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		To the OP - Were you practising safe sex throughout this 'relationship' with the cheat?  Will he do so with this new girl?  And how many others have there been that you didn't know about?

Been tested lately?  And what about his wife, thinking she's safe - while her husband cheats on her with anything that'll stand still long enough.  She needs to be told, so that she can protect herself.

And that's not even getting into the emotional side of it all.

He's a cheat.  Don't expect any honour or decency from him, and don't expect any consideration.  You're just a convenience to him.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: what would you do - 6/18/2007 2:25:58 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		*Dons flame retardant suit*. OK, I've read the whole thread. It seems everyone was very quick to assume the OP had sex with this man and therefore both of them were cheaters. She never actually said they had sex ... "fun and scening" ... fun doesn't necessarily equate to sex in My dictionary! Now, she may have, in which case most of the aforementioned comments apply. And I agree, that generally sneaking around behind a spouse's back isn't a worthy thing to do and that this guy was being selectively honest with different people and had a damned nerve asking her to lie for him.

However, *deep breath here*, I know a number of males who have a strong submissive streak who are very happily and faithfully married to their vanilla wives. Some of them have bravely discussed their kinks with their wives, who have said NO WAY to doing any of the things these men desire. Others have known from knowing their wives' attitude to things, that discussing it with them would be akin to death! (Parallel situation: Master knows His mother could never be told about O/our relationship - she deals in books and they have had occasion to discuss the Beauty trilogy. Her comments leaves Him in no doubt that she would never tolerate WIITWD!). These sub men have absolutely no wish to damage their life relationships, but have this persistent subby itch that needs an outlet. I have scened with some men in that situation. They are play subs only to Me, I seek no long term emotional relationship, although I like to establish a friendship, and the scene is strictly NON-sexual. They get to be under My temporary control, do some domestic service, get some impact play/bondage/mummification or whatever I choose to do to them ... then they go home, the itch satisfied, happier men for their wives to be with. And I get some domestic work done and to enjoy some play as a Domme, which, in the absence of a 24/7 sub/slave, is important to My wellbeing also. Am I a cheater? Not in My eyes (which are really the only ones that matter to Me, other than Masters!). I admit I am much happier with the rare one whose wife has cleared them to pursue these interests (and to whom I have been able to speak to confirm that), but I accept that isn't always possible. Not every one can afford to go to a pro-Domme, and I accept no money, so at least I'm not taking funds from a man's wife/family either. It's definitely not ideal, but it doesn't keep Me awake at night in mental torment either.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: what would you do - 6/18/2007 2:31:34 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Since I've already gone out on a limb and spoke my thoughts here. 
I have a question for all you who point fingers.
Although I understand the mind set of a lack of honesty,
a lack of honor all equaling a liar and a cheat.  If we pick this apart the common
dominator those words land on is due to a legal contract formed by our society
and accepted by the state.  When one lacks that contract those words fail to fit
or be tossed around, then it's ok, we accept it and or tolerate the same damn things
in a totally different light. 

All too often we see sub's come on here who have been told they have something
exclusive only to find out those words were bull shit, or someone changed their mind. 
We then blame the sub for a poor choice in their belief. 
Please people, tell me where the difference is other then the legal aspect! 
And I would also like to know the history of that particular legality, somehow
I have thoughts that it was mingled with the legal system once the world gained
enough Christians that pushed the idea into our governing bodies. 

What happened to the worth of a persons word, when did legalities and their
narrow view take precedence? 

And why do we tolerate liars and cheats when they have avoided those legal
ties many times to suit no one more then themselves?

The heart and soul is the only truth there is....






_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: what would you do - 6/18/2007 3:56:10 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Isn't it obvious?  It's because they've been cheated on.

Also, you have to remember that something between two consenting adults is between two consenting adults, but cheating is between two consenting adults and some other adult who doesn't know what's going on.  It's not comparable.  Look, I'm also turned off by all the self-righteous condemnation; it's human nature at its worst.  But you can at least understood why people feel the way they do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

There's nothing I can list here that someone won't defend as totally fine between consenting adults....unless perhaps it happens to be "cheating" and then the low-down, dirty dog, pond scum sunzabitches need to be schooled on just how to act.  Why is that and just what is it about cheating that makes people so angry and self-righteous when none of the other acts discussed here seem to have the same effect?


Yes,I know...its that feeling of 'betrayal'...been there done that....my exhusband had a g/f and if I ran into her today I would buy her a drink, or lunch or something...because after 20 years I had no real interest in being intimate with him...and thankyou SLaveLuci for pointing out the double-standard here...I used to feel the same way about married cheaters, and could not ever imagine getting involved with one...but things do change...I am no longer involved with him..lesson learned


_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: what would you do - 6/18/2007 4:44:36 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		stop seeing him, tell the other sub and, more importantly, tell his wife. this guy is headed for a divorce and discovery sooner than he thinks.

i have a gf, i let everyone know i have her in my life, and she knows of my participation in the lifestyle...has even gone to munches with me. i do not hide anything from anyone. for anyone that cannot except this, then we (me and any possible Mistress) are not compatible.

why hide things when, eventually, discovery will bite you in the ass...big time.


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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 80
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