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First time sub seeking advice - 6/4/2005 7:00:43 PM

SeekingMastery

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/30/2005
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I am new to this but am a submissive seeking a dom for the first time. Does anyone have any advice or willing to share their first experience as a sub?

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/4/2005 7:13:05 PM

RagnarSardar

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/16/2005
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having realised you have submissive tendencies is the first step on your journey to find your true self...My advice is find a Dominant who has the skills to be patient, caring and safe..there is much for you to learn , so choose wisely, and always ask to speak with others He/She may have trained or used..if He/She is as good as they tell you, there will be many who can testify to Their abilities, even if He/She is a very private person. The fist few meetings should be friendly, discussion periods, where you choose the place and in a public area, that way you will feel safer on Home ground and less intimidated. Ask questions, and keep asking till you have the answers you seek, and along the way enjoy the pleassure and sexuality you will feel..I wish you well, and a safe journey....of course anyone can Dominate....few can Master..!!!

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/4/2005 7:19:00 PM

SeekingMastery

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/30/2005
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what is the ultimate difference between a dom and a master?

(in reply to RagnarSardar)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/4/2005 9:16:14 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
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try this:
http://www.fetishalliance.net/Stories/stories.htm

The Difference Between A Dominant & A Master
Author: TorqueDom © 2000

< Message edited by kc692 -- 6/4/2005 9:17:33 PM >

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 1:10:06 AM

SadistDave

Posts: 801
Joined: 3/11/2005
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How about a less politically correct response here...

Don't read any more damn stories! Your profile states that you want to stop fantasizing and actually fulfill your desires. Great, wonderful, insert your favorite interjection here. So stop reading stories, or whatever it is that you do to feed into the fantasy end of it. Living out your fantasies through other peoples reality is going to do more harm than good. Haven't you done that enough already?

Stop living in your head, and take action. You're a beautiful woman. There is absolutely no reason for you to remain in your fantasy world except by your own choice. If you continue to read and fantasize about it, you are taking your efforts in the wrong direction.

If you don't see anyone on CollarMe that appeals to you, then look on ALT or Bondage and find someone that piques your interest. Go to munches and club events. Meet real live people. Find someone, anyone thats acceptable to you and see how things work out.

I could fill up a page for you about what links to look at, where to find great pics and resources. None of those are worth a whooping fundt if you choose to continue dreaming about it, instead of doing it. The only thing standing in the way of your experiencing it for yourself is you.

Get involved m'dear... After all, it is your life, don't you think you should be involved in it?

-SD-

(in reply to kc692)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 1:35:13 AM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
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I have to almost completely disagree with ole sadistdave there.

Yes, of course, you should make it real when you have the chance.

But don't kid yourself, most of the guys here, on alt, etc. are just looking to bang you and carve a notch somewhere. And that sort of 'experience' is not necessarily going to be a positive thing for you.

Public groups, 'play parties' and the like can be a good thing, by giving you more useful experience in a more controlled environment.

Ultimately, though, finding a good D/s relationship is just like finding a good vanilla relationship - except it's even more difficult.

And even more rewarding when you finally make it.

(in reply to SadistDave)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 2:37:55 AM

SadistDave

Posts: 801
Joined: 3/11/2005
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While Raphael claims to completely disagree with my post, he goes on to give you even more suggestions on my overall theme, which is to go out and just meet some people. Meet real live people. Thats all you have to do to start. Now, you're a big girl, and I'm sure you know enough about life to get you moving down your own personal path to happiness. If you don't, then you need to start educating yourself about safety, not reading about the perfect scene anyway.

I have to agree with Raph about Alt. However, there are a lot of guys on every system that will just want to nail you... Even here. Yeah, you may become just another notch on someones belt, but that could happen just as easily by straying too far from the crowd at a church picnic. You're a hottie. You know how that works by now, right? Good.

As Raphael states,

quote:

Ultimately, though, finding a good D/s relationship is just like finding a good vanilla relationship - except it's even more difficult.

which is precisely what I'm talking about here. You need to actually go out and do it if you want the rewards that come with it. If you are unwilling to experience things, no one can experience them for you.

In spite of what people would have you believe, there are very few success stories on the internet for people who didn't tear themselves away from chat rooms long enough to interact in a meaningful way with an actual carbon-based lifeform. Eventually, someone had to get tired of typing with one hand and make a phone call. The phone call led to dinner. Casual social relations ensued, etc., etc.

Munches are largely useless for the purposes of gaining experience. You will not become more experienced as a Dominant or a submissive by ordering the salad instead of the steak while you gossip about the local drama. However, they are extremely useful for people as a social platform. They are a mediocre learning tool. You can meet people (read "prospects") and more importantly get other peoples opinions of them.

Play parties are definately what you should seek out, or events held by established R/T fetish clubs. Most private parties are monitored by the homeowners so no one does something that will get him/her/them shipped off to Sing Sing for 20-life. Public events usually have Dungeon Monitors for much the same reason.

With all respect to Raphael, I'm not convinced that he disagrees with me as much as he claims to. He also suggests that you find a way to actually involve yourself in your interests, and specifically re-states some from my post. Food for thought.

-SD-

(in reply to Raphael)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 2:51:32 AM

Raphael

Posts: 263
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I disagree far less with sadistdaves second post than his first one. ;)

Perhaps he intended the first post to be more in the vein of the second. Perhaps he just wasn't very clear. Perhaps I'm just reading the first one strangely.

I still don't necessarily agree with the extent of the emphasis I'm reading on RL interaction. Internet based interaction with people too far away to physically affect you can be a nice way to dip your toes in the water in certain respects, and should be respected for that. It has its place, and going a little too slow is better than going a little too fast.

Still, taking the second post as a clarification, I guess we disagree less than I thought we did.

(in reply to SadistDave)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 3:12:30 AM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
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Welcome to collarme, SeekingMastery

I'd also suggest you read and post in the Submissives section of the Boards. There are lots of posts there about safety and advice for newbies :)

(she said, hanging around the 'Ask A Master' section...)

~ Elektra

(in reply to Raphael)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 7:16:35 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RagnarSardar

...My advice is find a Dominant who has the skills to be patient, caring and safe..there is much for you to learn , so choose wisely, and always ask to speak with others He/She may have trained or used..

Though the overall advice is good generally speaking, I disagree with the idea that you should find a Dominant at this time. You say you are new and therefore, I feel it's best to read, talk to others, and learn all you can about yourself before engaging with a Dominant. I have also found other submissives to be a wonderful source of information and support for beginners. I see so often where new submissives feel they must, or get told to find a Dominant to teach them the lifestyle. Knowledge is power! (I wish I'd heeded this advice when I was new! LOL)

(in reply to RagnarSardar)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 1:21:42 PM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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Greetings seeking and welcome to one of the better D/s sites.

Having read all the comments to your post, my recommended one to follow the closest is from FuriousAngel // smart gal.

CP

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 3:55:28 PM

SirMike1954

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/21/2004
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Hello Seeking,

I am going to tell you a little story which is all true. When I first got a computer, which was a long long time ago (IBM with a 40 megabyte hard drive) I quickly learned the use of it to find all sorts of things people didn’t talk about in public. I am not talking about your every day porn no these were things which I was ashamed to admit I liked. I found chat rooms, video chat rooms and BBS’s where I saw people in bondage and people living a life style which turned me on a lot. I thought to myself “what kind of sicko are you Mike? This is wrong isn’t it?” Well I quickly met and chatted with people from all around the world who were just like me. There was something about seeing a women tied and bound which caught me and I got completely engrossed in the fantasy of it all. There came a time when I knew I needed more, I needed to find a place to experience this for real, no more just reading stories and looking at pictures. I wanted to tie women up and use her for my pleasure. Well it wasn’t as simple as going out and grabbing the first peace of ass I could find. But I needed to get out, get away from my computer and do something. I found and went to a private party where I met people who did what I had only dreamed of. These people treated me with respect and I learned over time to be quick to listen and slow to speak and I learned some very important lessons. Slowly and may I admit not without a few major mistakes I found myself accepted in the scene and found many people who today are my friends. They don’t think I am sick and they don’t try to change me, and today I do not feel shame about my desires. That never would have happened if I had not taken a risk and went into this with my whole heart and soul.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if you are at that point, the point where you need this badly in your life, move into it by going out and meeting people who think like you. Not just submissives, get out and meet Doms and subs at a munch. I know a lot of women from Canada online and I am sure something is in your area. Just get up the balls and go get what you want. Take your time, forgive yourself if you make a mistake and learn from others in the scene who know better and you will find what you are looking for.

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 5:50:16 PM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
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I agree with the majority of the advice you have gotten so far. There certainly is merit in meeting other like minded folks at munches &/or sloshes. Frequenting a play party or large event can also be beneficial as mentioned, but could also be somewhat intimidating at first. My suggestion would be to get to know a few people first and attend a play party accompanied by another sub perhaps. As mentioned, yes there are many predators with only sex on their mind, but do not discount the possiblility of meeting someone sincere on-line as well. There really are real people on CollarMe as well as some of the other similar sites. It may take some sifting through the muck to find them, but they are there. If you look through previous posts in the forums, there is a substantial amount of advice as to how to safeguard yourself during a first meeting, as well as how to "weed" out some potential wanna-bes. The best advise I could give, if I had to sum it up to one comment; Be careful and be patient.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 7:34:21 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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You have picked a very interesting place in the message boards to ask pp to share there first times being a submissive. After all this is "Ask a Master"

I'm a Dom and have never been a sub so I can't tell you what my first time being submissive was like.
I think you'll have more replies if you had this relocated to "Ask a Sub"

Best of luck finding what you are looking for.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/5/2005 7:37:46 PM

FuriousAngel

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Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Greetings seeking and welcome to one of the better D/s sites.

Having read all the comments to your post, my recommended one to follow the closest is from FuriousAngel // smart gal.

CP

Thank you for the kind words.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/6/2005 7:27:14 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
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When I was first introduced into the world of D/s by being told I was a Dom, I was overwhelmed to say the absolute least. I had so many things running through My head all at once. So much in fact that I thought My head was going to explode. There was absolutely no way I was ready for munches, play parties or meeting up with a sub (although it was the sub I later collared that finally convinced Me that the people were right, that I did have the inate characteristics to be a Dom).

What I did, then, was started reading. I read everything on the net that I could get My hands on. I tried IRC, but that was just retarded, filled with a bunch of losers. I took all the information that I had and started gleaning the common points. Then I started applying them to Me to see where I fit into this new world. After that I started asking questions and more questions of people in the lifestyle. I finally ended up tripping across this site and started absorbing even more.

What I did as a Dom I recommend you do as a sub. I remember feeling how you must be feeling right now, it was not that long ago.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/8/2005 12:32:41 AM

SeekingMastery

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Joined: 1/30/2005
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Thanks to everyone for their advice....I have also posted on ask a sub, just trying to get all points of view. I am very excited yet am willing to be patient and wait for the right dom for me.

I thank you for sharing and making me feel welcome....I thought I was in the right place....now I know.

Be safe and take care as I will.

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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RE: First time sub seeking advice - 6/8/2005 6:07:03 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
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Take your time in finding someone for you. Its just like the vanilla world, use your common sense, and be careful wherever you go or whoever you are with.
I did a lot of research on the lifestyle before I actually started playing, just so I knew some of what may go on and so I knew some of the wording that is used.

perfection

(in reply to SeekingMastery)

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