Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they are monogamous to me?

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Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they are mo... - 6/18/2007 8:22:07 PM

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Im a submissive girl, and I found out I can love more than 1 person at the same time. But I also found it very hard to accept a relationship if they are not monogamous to me.
and Being true poly I believe thats multiple VS multiple, not 1 VS multiple.
So am I poly?
also, thats kind of hard for a sub, isnt it? I dont cheat by any means, which makes it even harder, heehee...

< Message edited by yuyu777 -- 6/18/2007 8:25:39 PM >

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/18/2007 9:49:07 PM

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Yes, you are poly. They are monogamous.

It is interesting for a sub, but certainly not impossible. Many doms ORDER their slaves to go fuck or have relationships with other people, and do not partake themselves.

I find it curious that you accept poly for yourself but not for your partners, but then a majority of doms want free poly for themselves and limited poly for their partners so it's really not that rare.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/18/2007 10:14:06 PM

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I am the exact same way.

I am happiest when allowed to see more than one person in the clear, and do indeed love more than one person. However, the idea of my partner seeing anyone else bugs the hell out of me and I just can't handle it! I get horribly jealous and start comparing and competing to be "the best"....a big mess. So, I quash the urges and do monogamous relationships.

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RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 5:33:04 AM

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but I dont like the idea of being loaned out to other doms, thats not poly.
and its hard enough to find a monogamous dom, alth I can stay in monogamous relationships and feel just as happy.
but I dont believe there is monogamous dom who can allow me have more than 1 dom. if they do allow, there must be something wrong here.
so one thing cancels another.
but to share someone I love with others, hehe, thats a Big challenge for me

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 6:36:13 AM

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It's never easy, is it.

(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 7:22:55 AM

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Yup, me too, and I have to say, one thing I got out of this thread (since everyone who has responded is female) is that women can have the same feelings about this as men. I've always assumed that what I call the harem-model--in other words "I am poly but all the partners are mono to me"--was an ideal pretty much for males only.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic

I am the exact same way.

(in reply to MissOchistic)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 7:34:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777
but I dont like the idea of being loaned out to other doms, thats not poly.

That's why I said "fucked OR have relationships with"

quote:

and its hard enough to find a monogamous dom, alth I can stay in monogamous relationships and feel just as happy.
but I dont believe there is monogamous dom who can allow me have more than 1 dom. if they do allow, there must be something wrong here.

Well then you're just shooting yourself before you even get started. You've set life up so that you can only be happy in monogamy.

Here I am telling you that there ARE actually some great doms who would be fine with and even encourage you to have relationships with others while being happily monogamous with you.

You then say "No, you're wrong, and if there are any, they can't be good people."

So why bother asking about it? You've already decided you can't have it and that it's impossible.
so one thing cancels another.

quote:

but to share someone I love with others, hehe, thats a Big challenge for me

Well it's up to you whether you want to embark upon that Big Challenge or not. But I can say that whichever path you choose, there are great possible matches for you- whether you choose to see them or not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 8:20:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yup, me too, and I have to say, one thing I got out of this thread (since everyone who has responded is female) is that women can have the same feelings about this as men. I've always assumed that what I call the harem-model--in other words "I am poly but all the partners are mono to me"--was an ideal pretty much for males only.

yeah... "Harem Model" as you call it is indeed preceived to be Male centre point by most. However, there is no reason such a model should be gender specific. ... I wonder thou... are females that live this model seen as greedy sex pigs like their male counterparts?

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 9:50:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic
However, the idea of my partner seeing anyone else bugs the hell out of me and I just can't handle it! I get horribly jealous and start comparing and competing to be "the best"....a big mess.

I've found that what I'm jealous of isn't so much sharing my partner, but that they are getting to do some activity while I'm stuck at home. If I have another partner that i can focus on, I'm much, much happier.

Master Fire

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(in reply to MissOchistic)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/19/2007 11:55:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

Im a submissive girl, and I found out I can love more than 1 person at the same time. But I also found it very hard to accept a relationship if they are not monogamous to me.
and Being true poly I believe thats multiple VS multiple, not 1 VS multiple.
So am I poly?
also, thats kind of hard for a sub, isnt it? I dont cheat by any means, which makes it even harder, heehee...

The previous poly triad I was involved with was somewhat like that. I was poly with 2 men, one of which was mono with me, while the other was a 'swinger' (meaning that he had sex with others, but there was no emotional attachment to it). This ended up not working, but hey.. not all relationships work. The triad I am currently in is with my Master and our flower. We are poly with each other, though we are a closed triad. Meaning that we do not have sex with anyone outside our triad. There are many types of poly. And yes, there are Doms out there that would allow you to be in more than one relationship at a time. It just might take you a while to find one that you click with.

1st girl Phoenix

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(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 12:08:27 AM

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my Master calls me a "greedy sex pig" but for different reasons.
____________
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"..and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
-- F. Nietzsche

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

yeah... "Harem Model" as you call it is indeed preceived to be Male centre point by most. However, there is no reason such a model should be gender specific. ... I wonder thou... are females that live this model seen as greedy sex pigs like their male counterparts?

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 2:27:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

Im a submissive girl, and I found out I can love more than 1 person at the same time. But I also found it very hard to accept a relationship if they are not monogamous to me.

I don't call that polyamorous. I call that selfish and insecure - not because you're a sub or a woman (and not to single you out specifically for any reason other than you ventured the question), but because it means that there's a double-standard allowing you to do whatever you want while only allowing others to pay attention to you. It suggests that you have to be the only person in somebody's life in order to be convinced that they care about you, but you don't feel as though you should have to show the same commitment in return.

I'm a confident, but not very promiscuous person, so most of my relationships (both mono and poly) have ultimately ended up functioning similarly to your ideal scenario. However, the double-standard isn't a condition of the arrangement and I wouldn't consider a relationship that required one.

Polyamory requires trust and confidence to work. The way you describe your realization doesn't indicate either of those are present in this case. What you're talking about is, in fact, a "harem model" arrangement, which I would imagine could be difficult to pull off as a sub. Any Dom that would agree to that would most likely do so from lack of self respect, but not enough that they felt the need to overcompensate. (which leaves you with a pretty narrow window)

You may find it works best for you to just go for a strictly monogamous relationship with only one person.

(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 5:59:27 AM

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yuyu,

Of course you and I have already had some of this discussion, so let me put in a few comments.

I personally tend to think of poly in terms of a single relationship with more than two people in it. Depending on the scenerio, you could be discussing poly where your partners are not playing with one another, or you could be discussing what amounts to a mixed open (for you) closed (for them) relationship.

I can understand the position. Certianly I'm not fond of sharing my toys (except with other toys). It poses particular problems for a sub in a LTR as it creates an issue of dom heairachy. How can you give up power to two individuals whose deisres may come into conflict and who have no heiarchy of their own. It would work well for a bedroom submissive; but I'm not sure how well it works in a PE relationship.

There's a reason that most of the relationships in my life have been monogomous. Sometimes the right third never came along, but more often it's because the people who wanted closed relationships (my preference) didn't want to share either. As a relationship must meet the needs of all involved, those were the terms.

If multiple partners is something you *need*, then you must find a way to get it. You can learn to accept them having more than one partner, or you can hunt until you find an exact match.

If, like me, multiple partners is something you *enjoy* then you need to look at relationships and potential relationships as a whole package. The mixed-poly dynamic becomes a selling point, but not a neccessity.

(in reply to Tenebrious)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 6:02:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

yeah... "Harem Model" as you call it is indeed preceived to be Male centre point by most. However, there is no reason such a model should be gender specific. ... I wonder thou... are females that live this model seen as greedy sex pigs like their male counterparts?

I disagree and assert that it's dominant-centric.

I think there are several reasons for that, and that at least some are pragmatic... the problem of "too many chiefs".

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 7:47:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JerryInTampa
I can understand the position. Certianly I'm not fond of sharing my toys (except with other toys). It poses particular problems for a sub in a LTR as it creates an issue of dom heairachy. How can you give up power to two individuals whose deisres may come into conflict and who have no heiarchy of their own. It would work well for a bedroom submissive; but I'm not sure how well it works in a PE relationship.

You choose mature respectful people who accept what is there. Their desires do NOT come into conflict- and if they do, well the master wins and the other person loses. I made it really clear when I got involved with other partners on how my priorities were in life with my owner. Their choice was to accept it or not.

Of course, my owner encouraged me to be in other relationships and placed them in priority in MY life, so obviously his expectations for me included the energy and freedom to grow those relationships well. I'm not sure how it would work with a master who first tells their slave to go have other relationships and then deliberately places blocks towards having those relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to JerryInTampa)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 11:10:55 AM

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You raise a point I should have been more specific on... how it would work with two dominants in a PE relationship.

I have any number of friends who are submissive to someone and have subs of their own. In at least one case, she's married to her primary sub and her owner's have come and gone over they years.

You are correct in calling me out on havingg been somewhat assumptive. I'll spank a subbie as punishment. :D

< Message edited by JerryInTampa -- 6/20/2007 11:12:29 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 2:07:27 PM

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From my persepective, the idea of holding a lover (dominant, submissive, vanilla, etc) to a standard of commitment that I exempt myself from is unacceptable. I refuse to get into the semantic debate about if I'm polyamorous, a swinger, single, or whatever, so I'll merely say what I do, and whoever feels like he or she needs to can ponder what I am. However much I care about someone, I will never ask her to be monogamous to me, because I value the freedom to interact with whoever I like, and would not surrender it. My take is that relationships, at any level, should be between two people: if I'm friends with someone, it's not because they have the approval of all of my other friends, but that the two of us get along, etc.

Poly : Poly or Mono : Mono relationships seem to me the more ideal forms, because only when both (or all) parties involved are afforded the same choices and freedoms equally can any argument have meaning. Otherwise, with the Mono : Poly structure, when Mr. M asks Mrs. P why it's ok that she see others, and he not, she doesn't have a logical leg to stand on.

(in reply to JerryInTampa)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/20/2007 4:49:07 PM

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i think you can, its a triad, i do the same thing

(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/22/2007 2:23:46 AM

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Sure, if everybody involved in the relationship agrees to the dynamic you want to base the relationship on, then you can be anything you want to be, and more power to everybody involved.

Ann

(in reply to yuyu777)

RE: Am I poly if I can love more than 1 only if they ar... - 6/22/2007 7:04:11 AM

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From a guy's point of view....We like the "harem model," and I don't mind if my haremettes are not monogamous to me...They can lick and fuck each other at will...I just don't like the idea of another guys dick contaminating my harem.

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