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Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/19/2007 3:46:58 PM

curvyslavegirl

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Greetings everyone!

As some of you know I did my Masters thesis on Guidelines for working with BDSM clients in psychotherapy.
Its finally done...yey! Now I'm onto a new project!

A group of therapists and I are seeking stories about BDSM participants experiences in therapy to help us put together a case book. Have you had a great therapist? a horrible therapist? someone who told you that BDSM was evil/wrong/sick/etc? Did you tell your therapist about your lifestyle? How did it go? What are your fears/needs from your therapist? How has that worked out for you thus far?

Your input can be totally anonymous or not.

Our goal is to get as complete a picture as possible of the different experiences that people have had with therapy.

We're looking to hear everyone's worst and best experiences. You can either reply here or email bdsmresearch AT gmail.com

Repost this wherever you feel its useful. The more we get back from people the better!
Thanks in advance

< Message edited by curvyslavegirl -- 6/19/2007 3:47:37 PM >

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 12:01:37 PM

dincubus

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From: South Dakota
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I know personally that my therapist is very kink friendly. he is cool with things when i come in and talk about something that happened or the inherent desires. and i am safe in confiding in him with that information. i know he wont go off half cocked and flip out if i tell him something that seems a bit out there

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 12:06:57 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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I had a therapist in NY, way back when, who believed that my lifestyle was integral to my happiness. He said that it was perfectly healthy fr me to indulge my interest in the lifestyle as long as my partners were consenting, and as long as we kept in mind the repercussions. He would as me about my "playmates" and check to make sure I was having safe sex if I were having sex. HE was perfectly comfortable asking me about what I did with them, and what it made me feel. I had not been open for long when I met him, and he helped me realize there was nothing wrong with what I wanted as long as it was with other people who wanted the same. Thanks to him, I also know that I have no interest in submitting, he and I talked about that as well. I also understand the interest I have in the Mommy role, and what sort of men and women I attract and do best with. He was an amazing therapist, and I would never have left his care had i not moved.

DV

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 12:15:36 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I had a great therapist, but she was an intern, and when it came time for her to get fully liscenced, I got a new one, and she sucked. She tried very hard to convince me bdsm was my way of remaining a victom and getting away with it, that it as unhealthy, and on and on, and when I told her about the concept of reparenting she insisted only trained professionals could reparent someone, any one not a trained professional would just make a reparentee even more messed up and blah blah blah. She also wouldn't respect the fact that she had only been my therapist for a couple of weeks, and there for I didn't wish to speak to her about my sexual abuse. She kept pushin me to talk about it an one day I finally lost my cool and started shouting at her. her attitude and actions finally caused me to quit going to therapy.

Also one time my x and I ere in the aiting room and I leaned over and whispered in his ear, and one of the receptionists told Chris were kissin and, she came at me all nasty an shit like don't be kissing in the lobby, if I have another report of you doin that your bf can't come any more. I told her that e were not kissing and she's like yes you were people saw you, and I said again, no we were not, if I had messed up and I got in trouble I would say ok sorry yes we kissed, we won't do it again, however we ere not kissing, and her attitude was like uh huh yeah right, I belive you like I believe pigs fly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl

Greetings everyone!

Have you had a great therapist? a horrible therapist? someone who told you that BDSM was evil/wrong/sick/etc? Did you tell your therapist about your lifestyle? How did it go?
Your input can be totally anonymous or not.

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 1:21:37 PM

Aneirin

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Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
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When in therapy,it helps the person involved to be totally honest,keep something hidden is only denying yourself the help you need.I was honest,and the therapist was unfamiliar,I explained.The reaction was approval on the desire to explore what could be called our darker side in a consenting enviroment.Them not knowing that much went away and researched,and came back with the understanding that my honest thoughts were not wrong,sick or evil and they commended me on that understanding.So all in all,a positive experience on what could be thought of as a deeply personal part of myself.

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 2:54:23 PM

slaverosebeauty

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I have seen the same councelor off and on for a few years, I actually met him on bondage, so I knew he was 'kink friendly.' He has kept me 'sane' for a few years and helped me through some things in this lifestyle that I could not get through on my own an I did not know who else to talk too. Considering that I had driven 4 councelors aka therapists away before him due to my 'past' I think I have found a good one. I went from seeing him 3 or 4 times a week to once a month or as needed.

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 3:19:33 PM

BlindDescent

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As with all patient/therapists, it is the establishment of the relationship and what it is based on that is just as important as the depth of experience they may or may not have. Kink aware still is no guarantee of a positive experience if the goals arent clear, or there are too many hidden agendas (regardless of whose side they may be on). Being honest to yourself and to them about what you are there for is crucial. So is therapist honesty. They need to be upfront and tell you what they can and can't do for you/with you. Therapy is an evolution of self...and as an old quote went something like; "Change rarely occurs without stress and/or pressure." That's why I told my patients that they should be prepared to work hard, as if they were athletes. Therapy and life is not a passive event; it is a mind, body and soul experience. Someone does not 'fix' you; either in therapy nor here. It and life is a series of possibilities that one can respond to or not.
My appologies for this sounding like a public service announcement; but it is important for those who are considering therapy to not only understand what it can and can't do, but what is involved. I hope to hear not just more positive stories; but outcomes as well.
T.

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/20/2007 4:34:35 PM

curvyslavegirl

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Thank you all for posting. Every bit of info you share helps us a lot!
We're hoping to create a video series for therapists that will include composites from the stories we recieve.

Blind- Kink friendly does not mean kink trained. Community awareness alone doesn't qualify a professional to be a good therapist for any population, including kinky folks! Its much harder to stay unbiased when you're working with a member of your own community. There is a much greater risk of making assumptions about what behavior means. Then again, thats true of any population! If you'd like I'll forward you my thesis on clinical guidelines for working with BDSM clients.

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 6/21/2007 12:19:40 AM

wandersalone

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Just a reminder to people - if you are feeling uncomfortable with your therapist and/or unable to disclose information that is relevant to why you started counselling then either let the therapist know this or if this is not an option go and see someone else. You are the driving force in the process and often therapy is not about giving you answers but more about providing you with tools/strategies to investigate these questions more fully.

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 7/3/2007 12:14:26 AM

Serenitydorn

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I had a therapist from 18-20 who consistantly told me that not only was my interests in bdsm wrong but had everything to do with my "bad childhood" by the time i quite therapy i felt so bad about my desires and interests that developed a complex about being a bad person I even tried to change my interests and desires to no avail

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 7/5/2007 2:17:44 PM

Termyn8or

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I think if you need a therapist you need better friends. Us armchair therapists can do alot more than you think. Also realize that going to a big building for a few years and reading about Freud and Jung does not make one a therapist.

And the one that claims that BDSM is a way to perpetuate victim status may well be right. May well be wrong too, but that is one person's opinion. I don't care how many letters they have after their name, it is still one person's opinion and in some cases the opinions of that person's former instructors, who each one could be wrong.

I have explored this subject from a slightly different angle ; what causes kink ? I got it, you got it, I don't think it is unhealthy in and of itself, but there is still a reason. I think it begins in early childhood. I am sure such strong influences will be found there, in the distant past. What I lack is the mechanism by which it happens.

I have posted a treatise on the subject on the LMU forum. It's lockmeup.com and the title is "Why would anyone want to wear a CB ?". It explores more if anyone is interested. Like why does anyone want to be tied up or tied down ? I ADMIT that it is totally illogical on it's face, but it is reality that some people derive pleasure this way.

So what happenings cause it, ANY kink ? Is it simply that a crossdresser would've preferred the treatment his sisters got when growing up ? Or is there more ? Of course this is from a male perspective. Was a homosexual closer to the Parent of the same sex than the other ? Is a bottom one who had enjoyed being restrained as an infant ? And is a top someone who enjoys the responsibility of that, that they are totally responsible for another and it gives their mind something to chew on so to speak ?

There are many possibilities, we will never know them all.

But then to explore the subject is IMO a good thing.

T

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RE: Seeking stories about BDSM in therapy - 7/8/2007 1:50:32 PM

curvyslavegirl

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Thankyou to everyone who has posted. It has been very helpful.
I'm going to compile everything into one document and forward it to the rest of the people in my group within a few weeks.
HUGS!